4231 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 I have checked out this forum and see that many people have been helped substantially. So I want to pour it all out and maybe my time will come, and this huge problem of mine just might have hope after all. I have been married for four years, I knew my husband for two years prior to our marriage – we broke off and on many times during our dating, for several different reasons, I then became pregnant with our first son, we had been talking about marriage prior to the pregnancy, but that defiantly sped the process, I wanted to marry him, but then he was showing signs of abuse – I was in an abusive relationship, prior to dating my now husband – so the signs were quite clear to me!!!! But it subsided during my pregnancy – and he was very supportive and nurturing while I was pregnant and he was by my side - but then the abusive behavior rose again, but it was toward objects and things around the house, then it was directed toward me and the dog and I left – and stayed with my parents – then my husband set up a weekend counseling retreat for us to attend – it helped a little, though we got into a brawl at the retreat, but then cooled off and we were fine, not so much communicating but we were not fighting either. My husband does not communicate what he needs or desires – I am left guessing, and I never get it right!!!! We then became pregnant with our second child, my husbands’ abuse toward me arose again and this time he kicked my pregnant belly, back to my mothers’ house across the country. And of course I do not have a car so he had to drive me and my son across the country, that was the longest trip I ever had to experience. Any way we “patched” things up and “back to the drawing board we went” This time the abuse was toward my son and I was beyond angry with him – I hated him at this point on……. I called the cops, and he went to jail – but he claims he did not hurt our son but there were red marks on his back –and the cops seen the marks and I took a picture of the marks….and he still claims there are no marks in the picture…..he says I am crazy and sick that I need help!!!!! That may be – but I know what I saw and I went into defense like an angry mother bear, and I threw what ever I could at him, to get him to stop. So this time it is court ordered to leave the house with my children…..so again to my mothers’ house I go. and my mother is a religious lady and believes that divorce is evil…… and of course I feel pressured to come back to this hell, and try to make things work – I have no friends, no where to go – I have had it up to here, and it is overflowing. The last straw has come my husband pinched my youngest son on the leg, because he wouldn’t stop throwing his ball in the house –I was up stairs when it happened –lucky for him my husband, I really don’t see any hope anymore – nothing I do is right, nothing I say is right, I am becoming what I hate, because I am starting to hate my husband, and if anyone ever got the chance to know me they would know that I am a free lover – now I don’t have any desire no love no fire toward my husband what so ever, and I have nothing, no job, no car no friends – just my boys and they are all I need. I don’t even care if it feels to me that my husband shut me off to the world because I allowed it, but I will not allow the abuse – but when I say divorce, my husband just fumes, but then sometimes he tells me to leave – and I say gladly “give me the keys” and he just gets more mad and screams,and now I am confused - we have tried church, parents, counseling online this is my last attempt, and after this I dont know what to do – so any advise will be so greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I really don’t see any hope anymore – nothing I do is right, nothing I say is right, I am becoming what I hate, because I am starting to hate my husband, and if anyone ever got the chance to know me they would know that I am a free lover – now I don’t have any desire no love no fire toward my husband what so ever, and I have nothing, no job, no car no friends – just my boys and they are all I need. I don’t even care if it feels to me that my husband shut me off to the world because I allowed it, but I will not allow the abuse – but when I say divorce, my husband just fumes, but then sometimes he tells me to leave – and I say gladly “give me the keys” and he just gets more mad and screams,and now I am confused - we have tried church, parents, counseling online this is my last attempt, and after this I dont know what to do – so any advise will be so greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hi! I have been married 10 years and I am also contemplating divorce. Ok, you know what you need to do - divorce him!! He is abusive to you and the kids. Why are you still staying? Are you asking for approval? You have mine!He's not going to change. It will only get worse - you know that! Find a shelter if you have to. The first step will be the hardest. But the rest will be easier. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
feistybutloving Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 You've been trough enough, how much more can you take? You can't stay in that hostle enviroment. How many chances are you going to give him. I think he's chanced out he won't change atleast not any time soon. You,re kids are your main pryority your job is to protect them don't let them down you all deserve better than that. Also, your mom should understand. Everyone deserves love and happiness. Bye Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 im in a similar situation. there are no kids involved, but there has been abuse, police, arguments, shouting, hurt and tears over the last 3 years - all coaxed on by his religious family whilst im left in silence with my oblivious one. ive lost my voice. its time to end it - for you and me both! i feel really scared at the moment and i dont want to move out and leave him, but i know its the most intelligent thing i could do right now. its like living with jekyl and hyde. its killing me to contemplate leaving the side of him i love but i feel there is just.no.other.way im clinging for dear life to the wreckage of our marriage right now and i am trying to find the heart to let it go. take a deep breath... thinking of you at this horrible time. no doubt; its a terrible situation and i wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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