mike1514 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 ok here it goes... ive got this friend who's a girl,, im a guy we have been friends for like 15 or so years {good friends} we talk on average 4-5 times a week and in the past year prob almost every day 2 or more tiems a day , she calls em every morning etc.etc. we are in our mid 20's been there for each other thru everything we are now bolth single at the same time for once... she had a nasty break up with her ex which is pretty much over now ,, basically no ties anymore.. i started hanging out with her alot right after,, to make sure she was ok ,, she also had a family member die in the past year and she broke up with her fiance lik a month before the wedding ,, so i knew she was in rough shape...... I just wanted to make sure she was ok then i grew feelings for her ,, and i belive she has done the same back it's been said so many times between family, friends etc. when are you 2 going to get togethor and get it over with..... and we have hooked up a handfull of times,, mostly her making the moves,,i havent let it go to the point of us sleeping togethor because i actually do care about this girl and didnt want s*** to get weird in the morning,she has given me more than a handfull of opertunities to hook up.... it's mostly her making any of the comments about us being togethor,,im in a pickle here ,, i kinda feel im in the friend zone but... its basically like we are togethor but im not sleeping with her...I take her out for food {i pay} she is kinda tight with money now.. Here is the thing,, ive got to really know her in the past 8 months as to having spent so much time,, this girl is a HUGE drama queen,, she is sooo needy ive never seen anything like it,,, she seems like she is the first person to bash someone about something {me} then be the next to do it,, she says what she wants in life etc.etc. but then her actions show totally different,, i have heard [ she screws everything up good in her life ] it from a ex bestfriend whom i hooked up with while she was with her ex and now they dont talk because of it? also heard the same words out of her ex fiances mouth... she constantly needs attention from other guys and will act needy so they do things for her,,she is the biggest daddy's girl i have ever met she gets her DADDY to handle everything for her,, she still talks to some of her exe's which makes absolutely no sense to me i think she needs the attention...its all about attention its so disguisting.. it seems like she has no values,, and the only time her head seems like it is on straight is when when she is upset or down in the dumps or holidays are near ,, thats when she realizes what is important to her ,, i do know she is majorly insecure ,, is most of this behavior from that? And no i havent talked to her about any thing ,, but i will this week ive already told her that we need to have a serious talk,, she hates confrontations and will do anything possible to make it disapear or be forgotten,, ive messed up chances to get to know other people better that were intrested because she was my main priority,,and she has always been there for me.. just doesnt seem to feel that she understands what ive done for her,, and NO it wasnt to come across like a good guy or to get in her pants.. i do have feelings for her but im disguisted by her behavior,, ive honestly waited around to see if she can get her head on straight and give her the time to get over her ex i didnt want to be a rebound .... sorry so long im just ranting and disapointed at someone who i thaught i knew oh so well Link to post Share on other sites
fraidycat Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 You sound like you've developed a good case of the classic "who I want you to be syndrome".I think you equally share the boat of not knowing what you want. In one hand your talking about how you really care about her and have developed feelings for her and then on the other how she's soo needy and all these negative things.Maybe she's insecure (probably) and it sounds she has a LOT of growing up to do. But some people don't ever grow up they just grow older, so it boils down to one thing "what can YOU handle?" No, not what can you put up with, I mean what can you have in your life and be at peace of mind with and be OK with. What kind of relationship or behavior can be a part of your life without you feeling so resentful,let down, dissapointed and blatantly UNSATISFIED. I'm not even sure what your asking for in your post.You don't want to end up resenting the girl because you can't handle who she is right now.If you can look at her through the eyes of love then wonderful! But we can't always do that in which case it might be a good idea for you to back away from the chalupa Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 im sorry my post was kind of "bland" and didnt really ask much... basically i agree neither of us know exactly what we want it just seems easy to fall on one another - i suppose,, what i guess that im trying to say that bugs me the most is -- I have been there for her as she has been there for me and i personally would do her no wrong - i respect her because of the time ive known her,, the past 2 days i havent spoken to her is prob the longest in the last year or so.. the things i do for her arent for brownie points are to make her want me ,, i have good values and what not but im not your typical nice guy that gets walked all over.... but that is what i feel like at the moment.. the problem is the way she acts with me,, she acts like something is going to happen with us with comments and gestures and flirting -- but on the other hand i sense she is doing the same thing to a handfull of other guys at the moment ,, ill agree she has a {lot of growing up to do} - that was part of what i meant to get at writing this and asking if alot of her actions are due to insecurities?,, i just dont understand how she can pull that with me,if she truly means what she is doing ,, and only she can tell me that,,, I just dont understand how she needs so much attention from others to feel good about herself..... and part of me thinks she will never grow up,, and i do love her because i know there is good in her its just the lies, and the bs she is pulling with me right now ,, if she truly wants to count on me for being there when you need me dont screw with me,and lie to me about plans ,,or breaking plans, if she wants to be with someone else thats fine to but this is our 1 and only time to make this work - we had our chance , and if she choose's someone else then i will take that as me being second best , and will never be able to look at her the same way thats my outlook thats why i havent dated anyone or hung out with anyone , and she isnt dating either but i believe she has an fwb which isnt any better,,,because months ago she asked me to stop seeing my fwb because i knew she was insecure about it.... and she still gets jelious of other girls calling me,, i dont tell her about friends that are girls because i know how she acts about it ,, but she has no problem telling me about other guy "friends" which she pretty much has all recently met... it all seems like a big game... but what do i know thats why im here babbling...she is so insecure about so many thigns with me... for all i know she feels the same way i do , and honeslty i wouldnt consider dating her unless she could cut her crap out and grow up... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 I think you are just a punching board. This girl has everyone and everything dancing to what she wants. In all fairness to her and to YOU , I think you should have a * talk * about how you are going to give her some time alone and YOU are going to get on with your LIFE ! Don't * wait * for her to straighten out ! She is talking to you about other guys . She is * mind fu**ing * you in the biggest way. I would start not being available. Stop being there for her. She is A FRIEND ! She is not your girlfriend . So therefore, you are free to DATE and DO whatever you want to Don't let her whiney guilts trips get you down. Don't let her try to change your mind. Move on . Keep her distant but under control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike1514 Posted May 14, 2006 Author Share Posted May 14, 2006 thanks mary 3,, your are pretty much on the money - she def has some issues that are VERY ugly...,, and i also believe,, this is a case of you dont know what you ahve untill its gone,, even as a friend scenario- it does suck because ive know her for 15 years we have ALWAYS been close in the last year there has prob been at most 10 days we havent talked... I havent talked to her the past 3 days thats the longest in a row its been in a long long time, and min you its 80% of the time her calling me...this is becasue i tried talking to her a caouple of days ago....she is one of those manipulators,, ive never yelled at her or put her down like all her wonderfull ex's but a conversation is next to impossible ,,she will not open up and she will attack me verbally to the point where it makes me not be able to talk to her,, tries to turn eveythign around and make me look like the bad guy! so ive writeen her a letter that says everything i could possibly want her to say ,, so hopefully she can read that and let it soak in and eb able to think as she is reading,, instead of screaming and yelling back at me in a conversation.... she actually doesnt talk to me about other guys,, thats the weird thing, we always used to talk about other guys and girls we were messing with but that all stopped 1 day ,, she talk to me about her "friends but not hanging out with other guys ... its funny though when a girl calls me or i tell her something about 1 of my friends she cant handle it and becomes jelious in 1 way or another.....when i am "not" available she will call after call ..etc.etc. i cant tell is she just feels she is single and can do what she wants ,,, but has feelings for me and get jelious,, honestly ive never stepped up the plate and told her how ive felt, we bolth agreed things were diff with us ,,and we were looking at each other differently,, but i never moved on with it for obvious reasons.. and i am going to do what i want from now on,, i need to start thinking about myself ive been the best friend to her ,, she is selfish and wants everyone to think about her ,, she creates so much drama for herself with the attention she sucks out of other guys,, stemming from her insecurities,, but withint the next couple of days something will happen hopefull she get's a wake up call for her own sake,, but she will prob just take her whinynees about me to these other assh@les that just want to get her in pants and they will tell her what she wants to hear......... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 thanks mary 3,, your are pretty much on the money - she def has some issues that are VERY ugly...,, and i also believe,, this is a case of you dont know what you ahve untill its gone,, even as a friend scenario- it does suck because ive know her for 15 years we have ALWAYS been close in the last year there has prob been at most 10 days we havent talked... I havent talked to her the past 3 days thats the longest in a row its been in a long long time, and min you its 80% of the time her calling me...this is becasue i tried talking to her a caouple of days ago....she is one of those manipulators,, ive never yelled at her or put her down like all her wonderfull ex's but a conversation is next to impossible ,,she will not open up and she will attack me verbally to the point where it makes me not be able to talk to her,, tries to turn eveythign around and make me look like the bad guy! so ive writeen her a letter that says everything i could possibly want her to say ,, so hopefully she can read that and let it soak in and eb able to think as she is reading,, instead of screaming and yelling back at me in a conversation.... she actually doesnt talk to me about other guys,, thats the weird thing, we always used to talk about other guys and girls we were messing with but that all stopped 1 day ,, she talk to me about her "friends but not hanging out with other guys ... its funny though when a girl calls me or i tell her something about 1 of my friends she cant handle it and becomes jelious in 1 way or another.....when i am "not" available she will call after call ..etc.etc. i cant tell is she just feels she is single and can do what she wants ,,, but has feelings for me and get jelious,, honestly ive never stepped up the plate and told her how ive felt, we bolth agreed things were diff with us ,,and we were looking at each other differently,, but i never moved on with it for obvious reasons.. and i am going to do what i want from now on,, i need to start thinking about myself ive been the best friend to her ,, she is selfish and wants everyone to think about her ,, she creates so much drama for herself with the attention she sucks out of other guys,, stemming from her insecurities,, but withint the next couple of days something will happen hopefull she get's a wake up call for her own sake,, but she will prob just take her whinynees about me to these other assh@les that just want to get her in pants and they will tell her what she wants to hear......... Can we say emotional abuse ? I don't think she even sounds like a friend. Friends don't tear you down and attack you verbally. She sounds like a head case to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike1514 Posted May 14, 2006 Author Share Posted May 14, 2006 im afraid your right... "run for the hills" lol ,, the only time she attacks me verbally is when there is a confrontation and i need to talk to her otherwise she is somewhat normal besides all her other issues ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 im afraid your right... "run for the hills" lol ,, the only time she attacks me verbally is when there is a confrontation and i need to talk to her otherwise she is somewhat normal besides all her other issues ...... She's not the greatest communicator....I would not want to be involved with someone who can't deal with her issues... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 I used to know girls like that... fortunately, I had the good sense to dump their so-called friendship before they made my life miserable. These people will suck the life out of you. Sometimes you have to be a dick and put your foot down. They're used to it, so no need to worry about how they'll take it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 You've become her doormat, her punching bag and someone she can rely on, on HER terms. You're there waiting, 24/7 to help her, to guide her through all her s***. Westy is right, she is draining you of your energy, your kindness too. I honestly think she is incapable of 'being there' for you on an emotional level because it's always about HER and HER needs. Back off and detach yourself emotionally from her. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Back off and detach yourself emotionally from her. I would agree...but before he does the above he should break her legs Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 I would agree...but before he does the above he should break her legs Nah, that's too much drama. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Nah, that's too much drama. yeah i guess your right WWIU...no need for blood and guts and the hospital, blah blah.....he should just steal her cell phone and throw it in the pond. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 I would agree...but before he does the above he should break her legs If he breaks her legs she will be whining for him to take care of her all the time.. ....yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike1514 Posted May 14, 2006 Author Share Posted May 14, 2006 haha you guys kick ass... why is it that a big percentage of the smoking hot girls are so retarted like this,, not all but most... we arent talking at the moment and its actually nice .......ive just about realized that she wont change and her looks have only gotten her this far as it is......... the ones that are hot like this and messed up,, do you guys think its due to the fact that they get some much attention??? and the fact that they know if you wont give it to them someone else will? if I threw that cell phone off a bridge she would prob jump after it lol,, she wouldnt know what to do without 500 text messages a day and missing all her "important calls" Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 haha you guys kick ass... why is it that a big percentage of the smoking hot girls are so retarted like this,, not all but most... we arent talking at the moment and its actually nice .......ive just about realized that she wont change and her looks have only gotten her this far as it is......... the ones that are hot like this and messed up,, do you guys think its due to the fact that they get some much attention??? and the fact that they know if you wont give it to them someone else will? if I threw that cell phone off a bridge she would prob jump after it lol,, she wouldnt know what to do without 500 text messages a day and missing all her "important calls" Seriously : If she is THAT smokin Hot then there are MANY guys waiting for the opportunity to date her / sleep with her/ make a baby with her / ect. So when you are that HOT then you have an endless suppy of men....She adds you to the equation and messes up your head and you LET her ! But hey you are here and are receiving advice because she is doing something to you that does NOT feel good. Hopefully you will dump you psuedo psycho friend who is draining the life out of you, Get out there and DATE some OTHER girls for crimmies sake ! You will be fine. You might have to change your phone number, She sounds like two fruit loops short of a decent bowl of cereal.... Link to post Share on other sites
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