maroon22 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Um , where to start really. I am currently engaged to a man I have been seeing on and off for four years and am expecting my first baby in two months time. Unfortunately, although I care for him and really don't want to hurt him, I fell in love with someone else about a year and a half ago. Nothing happened for quite some time as we were both with partners, even though we knew how we felt about each other, but in the meantime we became so close that he became my best friend too and we helped each other through so much, anyway we broke the rules and slept with each other, as a result this baby I am carrying could be either his or my fiances, but needless to say my fiance does not know this. The other man has been saying for a while that he is leaving his partner, and would love to be with me,but doesn't expect me to wait for him. However his partner recently found some texts from me on his mobile.I dont know if his relationship is over, or even if I want it to be, as that then means that I have to either break my fiances heart or give up the chance to be with the love of my life. I havent heard from him yet and I am worried, I dont know what to do, I really want to be with this man but I cannot face hurting my fiance, I feel like if I was to leave him I would be disowned by my friends and family and I cannot face being a new mum on my own.Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 You need to come clean with the fiance. Do you really think you are being fair to him? If your other man does not step up to the plate are you going to let your F raise a child, pay for, and care for a child that may not be his? You need to get a paternity test for the child asap, you need to quit cheating on your F or drop him immediatley, and you need to stop being so selfish. Your wants and desires are soon to become secondary if you like it or not. You seem more worried about yourself and how people will see you than the actual effect your decisions will have on the 3 other people you have involved in this. Not to mention your other mans SO and family if he has one. (suspicious of new posters with such a drama packed post: to troll or not to troll....... but took a stab at it ) Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 No matter what you do someone is going to get hurt. You need to know who is the father . Being honest with your F is the best thing to do. He may forgive you and he may not. He needs to know what you have been doing. If you love your F why do you want this other man? You know that the OM isn't going to give his wife up so choose the F . Link to post Share on other sites
Author maroon22 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 thanks for your input, its stupid I know because if it was a friend of mine I would be telling them exactly the same thing, its just difficult when its you, I care about my fiance and really don't want to hurt him, he wants so badly to have a wife and family that he can be proud of, I know I am hurting him anyway by having these feelings for someone else, and I know it seems like this other man is never going to leave his current partner, but I just don't know what I am going to do if he does,if I don't try to make a go of it with him am I always going to be thinking what if, I am trying to make the best decision for my baby too as I came from a broken family and I knew my parents were unhappy a long time before they split and it did affect me, I don't want my child goig through that if that is where me and my fiance are heading. My fiance makes me feel secure and safe, but I am just his fiance and the mother of his child as far as he is concerned, I only actually feel like myself when I am with this other man. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 thanks for your input, its stupid I know because if it was a friend of mine I would be telling them exactly the same thing, its just difficult when its you, I care about my fiance and really don't want to hurt him, he wants so badly to have a wife and family that he can be proud of, I know I am hurting him anyway by having these feelings for someone else, and I know it seems like this other man is never going to leave his current partner, but I just don't know what I am going to do if he does,if I don't try to make a go of it with him am I always going to be thinking what if, I am trying to make the best decision for my baby too as I came from a broken family and I knew my parents were unhappy a long time before they split and it did affect me, I don't want my child goig through that if that is where me and my fiance are heading. My fiance makes me feel secure and safe, but I am just his fiance and the mother of his child as far as he is concerned, I only actually feel like myself when I am with this other man. well you are not going to give him a wife and family he can be proud of if this child turns out to be the other mans and if marriage is entered into on compounded lies.........it will not work. From your 2nd comment it would seem that the relationship with your F is already doomed. End it then for his sake. You are screwing around with too many peoples futures here. You need to come clean, and read the MM/MW threads here you will realize that most don't leave the spouse. Throw a child in the mix of unknown parent and double that mess up..... If it is your F's will your OM take the child as his own.... guess what tho the F will always be in your life as well. Which name is going on the birth certificate? Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I have to agree with a4a, you are being selfish. When it comes down to it, noone is going to be more affected by this than your child. I can speak because I was also unsure of my babys father when I was pregnant, however, I came clean w/both of them, and what do you know, they both blamed it on the other guy. Pfft.. men are pigs... Anywho, you need to step up girl. You got yourself into this, now be an adult. Do you want your child to suffer? TRUST ME!! Your F will be way more hurt when he finds out after your married and he thinks everything is fine. You don't want to end up on the Maury show!! And this other guy your involved w/sounds like a dud. He tells you he loves you but is married or involved w/someone else?? ???? No offence but it seems like you could pick better people to be involved with. Sorry if I sound too harsh, but like I said, I had to do it. I went through tons of drama, but at least I have a clean concience today Link to post Share on other sites
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