tallbrunettmom Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 My husband has a list of bad behaviors that I would like to know if constitute a sex addiction. He has spent hundreds of dollars on internet porn. He constantly grabs my chest and butt in public, even in front of our 6 year old. He only holds interest in tv shows that have sexual scenes or women dressed scantily. He does things like hit my head with his penis while i'm sick in bed. About 70% of what he says is sexual in nature. At night, while asleep he plays with himself. He asks me to sex talk on the phone. The list could go on. Is this normal or does he have some issues? Thanks for any help. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Men look at porn and other women its true and part of human nature. HOWEVER, when it gets to the point where money is being spent on it alot, or its all he thinks/talks about then yeah theres probably a problem there. As far as him hitting you in the head with his penis while you're sick is just plain immature. If you come right out and ask him he will deny he has a problem becasue he feels what he is doing is ok. Unforunatly he will have to see that theres a problem and truly belive it before he will probably seek help. JMO. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 He does things like hit my head with his penis while i'm sick in bed. :lmao: :lmao: Holy cow, that is hilarious! I think sex addiction is something very different from just really being obsessed with everything sexual in nature. It almost sounds like he's a teenager who's discovering the joys his penis can bring him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyybug Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 What you listed so far doesn't sound so much as a sex addict, but is still very lewd behavior! From what I believe, sex addicts are adulterous and promiscuous. They are labeled addicts because they can't control themselves when it comes to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I agree with everyone else. He doesn't sound like a sex addict, just a very immature and inappropriate child who is WAY to excited about his penis. I mean, how long has it been there? Get over it already. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Not all sex addicts are adultrous. Someone can sit on the computer and view porn for hours on end spend tons of money looking. They might start out looking at what I would call "normal porn" then go from there looking at more hardcore things. Kind of like someone who likes to smoke pot. they might start off with just pot, but pot no longer feeds their need so, they move to something more hard or powerful to get a longer/better fix. No not all people that smoke pot do that, nor do all people look at porn esculate to hardcore porn etc, Bottom line is. they don't have to go out here nessicarliy and have sex with other people to be defined as a sex addcit. I smoke cigs, and thats all I do. But I have an addiction just the same. I log on LS everyday as well, do I have an addiction? Yes! LOL, He does sound immature but wheather this is a true addcition or he is just immature, you might want to get a bettter perspective from a professional. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 My husband has a list of bad behaviors that I would like to know if constitute a sex addiction. He has spent hundreds of dollars on internet porn. He constantly grabs my chest and butt in public, even in front of our 6 year old. He only holds interest in tv shows that have sexual scenes or women dressed scantily. He does things like hit my head with his penis while i'm sick in bed. About 70% of what he says is sexual in nature. At night, while asleep he plays with himself. He asks me to sex talk on the phone. The list could go on. Is this normal or does he have some issues? Thanks for any help. As i have mentioned before a sex addict is somone with a compulsive sexual behavior that makes life unmanageble while its a progressive process.They have no control over anything so they feel powerless against the addiction. A great example is Ex President Clinton. If you feel his behavior is uncontrolable i suggest you seek help.I recommend http://www.webmd.com and sexaholics anonymous:cool: toll free 1-866-424-8777. Their website also offers answers.They can give u more insight on the specific answer you are looking for. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author tallbrunettmom Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 Thank you all so much for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 There can be many opinons on wheather we think he is a sex addict or if he just seems to be displaying some immature behavior, but as some others said its probably best if this bothers you to consult someone that specailizes in this field. Perhaps log on a site that deals with sex addicts and tell them what you have told here, and see what they tell you. Or maybe a counslor in your area that specailizes in this and ask them what they think. Just out of curiosty, when he has hit you in the head with his penis while you were sick, what did you say to him? Did you ask him why he felt the need to do that, if so what did he say? If you asked him to stop did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tallbrunettmom Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 I've asked him numerous times to stop with the lewd comments he makes all day long. I've asked him to stop grabbing at me in public. I freaked when he did the penis thing and he laughed at me. He's very disrespectful. He once told me the world is his art gallery...just because he married t he mona lisa doesn't mean that he can't stare at other paintings. It's really hurtful to my feelings. I just don't know what to do. This is my second marriage. My first husband was a physical abuser and I feel like this hubby is a verbal one. I have a daughter whom I don't want to devastate by getting divorced yet again. I'm kinda between a rock and a hard place. He refuses to seek counseling. I don't kniow what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Seek counseling for yourself then. You can't make him seek counseling if he doesn't want too. Maybe someone can help you and guide you in the right direction as to what to do in this situation. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I I've asked him numerous times to stop with the lewd comments he makes all day long. I've asked him to stop grabbing at me in public. I freaked when he did the penis thing and he laughed at me. He's very disrespectful. He once told me the world is his art gallery...just because he married t he mona lisa doesn't mean that he can't stare at other paintings. It's really hurtful to my feelings. I just don't know what to do. This is my second marriage. My first husband was a physical abuser and I feel like this hubby is a verbal one. I have a daughter whom I don't want to devastate by getting divorced yet again. I'm kinda between a rock and a hard place. He refuses to seek counseling. I don't kniow what to do. It seems as if you both need counseling and he doesn't sound like he'd be susceptible to going. Get counseling for yourself at the very least. His behavior is unhealthy and abusive and even if you think you are doing right by your daughter, what influence do you think he has on her (if she is a witness to this)? Link to post Share on other sites
visotech Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 It sounds like your husband is a porn addict more then anything. I guarantee you the "penis to the head" trick is something hes seen in porn (its quite common in porn). Out of curiosity, are you two having enough sex? He might be super sexual because he feels like hes not getting enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tallbrunettmom Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 For those of you who think maybe its my fault...I've never said no to anything. I'm pretty open minded minus other people being involved. That's what I dont understand. We have a drawer full of clothes and toys...lol...maybe it is my fault. Anyway, I've cried, begged pleaded and done things i was uncomfotable with. I really don't know what to do. I don't think he'll change or get help. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I don't think anyone thinks its your fault. And btw, its not. So just know that. He has to want to be helped, and he probably does not see that he has a problem. I agree with the fact him hitting you while sick is just plain immature. Another concern here as well, is the fact you told him how you feel about him doing that to you, and he dismisses your feelings and does it anyway. So not only does it seem he possibly has a addcition problem, he is immature and disrespectful as well. I agree too, you might want to seek some counseling for yourself. Someone that can give you some better advice as to what to do. Remember there is a child involved. I hope you seek some help for this issue soon. I doubt right now he will change or get help. So you will have to be the one to get into some counseling on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Why would your h hit you with his penis? That is very childish and stupid. He is a sex addict and needs some help. He has no respect for you at all. Hitting you with his penis is abuse. Your h needs help bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tallbrunettmom Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 I have no idea why he does the things he does. What finally prompted me to come o n here for advice is that lately when I pass out either from going out drinking or just being plain tired he hops on top of me and does his thing. When I'm sleeping! I would wake up and would realize that the act had taken place by the obvious signs...and so a couple of nights ago I pretended to be passed out and he basically waited a few minutes and then started his act. I was horrified. I think there is something wrong with someone who will have sex with someone who absolutely does not respond. Am I right? Or maybe it's a guy thing. We are married so its not like he's a date. There are so many things I'm just writing the ones I can think of at the time I write. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I have no idea why he does the things he does. What finally prompted me to come o n here for advice is that lately when I pass out either from going out drinking or just being plain tired he hops on top of me and does his thing. When I'm sleeping! I would wake up and would realize that the act had taken place by the obvious signs...and so a couple of nights ago I pretended to be passed out and he basically waited a few minutes and then started his act. I was horrified. I think there is something wrong with someone who will have sex with someone who absolutely does not respond. Am I right? Or maybe it's a guy thing. We are married so its not like he's a date. There are so many things I'm just writing the ones I can think of at the time I write. Wow ! Why do you continue to stay with him? He is a sicko and needs help. He is raping you . You aren't aware what is going on till you wake up. H or not it is still rape . He is taking advantage of you when you aren't coherent. You aren't telling him he can when you are passed out. Get out ! Hugs to you . Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Oh hun sorry to hear this. He does need some help. Get yourself some too. You're going to need it on how to deal with this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 He has NO respect for you!! That's an overall reason to leave no matter what his problems are. Sex addict or not, I'd get the hell away from him PRONTO! Sounds like he has no respect for women in general, so dont take it personal. It's not your fault unless you allow it! For the child's sake, get some help. As I said before, especially if it's a younger child. You are responsible for her. You may be surprised of the effects he's had on your daughter already. No matter what age she is. Please don't subject her to this any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
steelydan1967 Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 has some serious issues. I agree totally with buttaflyy, if you don't appreciate the over excessive sexual inuendos, and he knows you don't like it, he should stop it completely. It shouldn't happen that often in the first place so if he respected you at all, he would just not do it. If he is doing it in front of your daughter than it borders child abuse. What do you think she will think is acceptible in her relationships when she see's how her father degrades her own mother. He must be gods gift to women the times he's not being a pig for you to stay with him. Do you have a history of being with men like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tallbrunettmom Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 LOL...no he's not what you'd say gods gift to women. And yes my history is such that I do stay with men who abuse me in one sense or the other...I've analyzed myself to death being that I actually have a psych degree...lol. I have a couple of questions though that somewhat pertain to my original post...is it normal for a husband to forget he has condoms tucked into his car compartment...I mean is it possible or am I being naive? And second...is it wrong when we originally got together and I told him my feelings on porn and he said he wasn't into it and yet months later I find him paying money for it? I know many of you feel that porn is ok but if I told him initially shouldn't he have given me the option of leaving then instead of hiding it from me? I just am curious, maybe a man's perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
inertia_creeps Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 LOL...no he's not what you'd say gods gift to women. And yes my history is such that I do stay with men who abuse me in one sense or the other...I've analyzed myself to death being that I actually have a psych degree...lol. I have a couple of questions though that somewhat pertain to my original post...is it normal for a husband to forget he has condoms tucked into his car compartment...I mean is it possible or am I being naive? And second...is it wrong when we originally got together and I told him my feelings on porn and he said he wasn't into it and yet months later I find him paying money for it? I know many of you feel that porn is ok but if I told him initially shouldn't he have given me the option of leaving then instead of hiding it from me? I just am curious, maybe a man's perspective? Hi - sorry the condom thing is a tell tale sign he is into something that you are not aware of. I would say you are probably being a little naieve there - i dont really want to say what i would hazard a guess at - you can probably work that one out for yourself. The porn thing opens up a whole new debate, but right now i am concerned for you being with this person. I dont think its right for someone to have sex with you whilst you are incoherent or unaware, that is just not right. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Tallbrunette, none of this is your fault (except maybe marrying him in the first place). Looks like you got the marital "bait and switch". His behavior is definitely not normal and not acceptable. I definitely recommend that you get into individual counselling immediately. MC is pointless since he won't go. Your daughter should probably also be in some sort of therapy. And I don't usually push that much therapy. It's just that you do have a pattern of hooking up with men who treat you badly. Not only are you (and your daughter) suffering now, but she is also learning behavior patterns between men and women. When she grows up, she may end up seeking a man just like her stepdad because that was really the only view of a father figure she had. The father/daughter r/s is key in a girl's life, and it needs to be with a man who is 100% trustworthy. Your H is not. Sure, your daughter doesn't know about the weird stuff in the bedroom (probably), but she sees the public behavior. I have no idea whether "sex addict" is the correct "diagnosis". He could just be a rude, selfish man who watches way too much porn and doesn't give a rat's @ss about your feelings or preferences. I have to say, the behavior described doesn't sound like just a phase. It sounds deeply entrenched. I am not as concerned about the high level of interest in sex. Many or most men have that interest. It's how he expresses it - like a bulldozer. Running right over your preferences. I hope one of the things you will get early on from counselling is the decision never to participate in any sexual act that makes you uncomfortable. Your body is not for that twerp to use at his whim, it is for you to share with a loving male partner to the pleasure of both of you. I understand the worries about a second divorce. I'm sure the harsh phrase "two time loser" has come to your mind. But in reality, you may come to the conclusion that you're more of a winner for you and your daughter if you end a marriage that is not founded on mutual respect and love. You may want to take a look at His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It's the clearest, most sensible description I have come across of what lasting love actually consists of. Short version: If a man and a woman each do a great job of meeting each other's most important emotional needs (EN), they will feel "in love" as long as they continue meeting the needs, and avoid "love busters". Men do usually put sex at the top of their EN lists, whereas lots of women put affection. Sex is not the problem here. It sounds like you are willing and able to be a very good sex partner to (a) husband. Good luck, keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
cutegirl Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 He does things like hit my head with his penis while i'm sick in bed. Lol my bf does that too! My bf is not a sex addict though, he's just very immature and thinks it's funny. To be honest I think it's funny too. I just do nasty things back... I just had to laugh when I read about the penis hitting thing... Link to post Share on other sites
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