roknrollfun Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 My fiance and I have been dating for 4 and a half years. We have always been so happy. We've had a little fights and arguments, but everything always has worked itself out. Three months ago, he decided to buy a new house and we went to pick it out together. On the day after settlement, he proposed in the kitchen of "our" new house. We started planning right away, we both decided we would like to get married in a year or so. We booked the church and reception site, he loved both of them. He seemed so very happy, he was so excited. In the past few weeks, he seemed a little stressed, but he has a lot going on in his life right now. I was using his computer about two weeks ago, and I was using a search engine and when i started typing, "cold feet" automatically filled in. I pressed enter and saw that he was reading up on cold feet. I read a little bit and decided to confront him about it. Ever since then, we've been a mess. He decided to see a counselor to investigate why he's been feeling this way. The past two weeks have been bizarre. I decided not to stay at the house for a few days and let him work things out. We went on a date and it was wonderful, it was like falling in love again. Yesterday I called him to see how the counselor appointment went and he was a mess, crying and confused. I came as soon as work was over and we laid in bed and cried together for hours. He says hes not sure whats going on... he feels like he's not ready and maybe we should cancel or postpone the wedding. But he feels like we work so well together and he loves me and I love him and if he screws this up, he may lose the best thing that has ever happened to him. I dunno what to do. I am sitting and waiting for him to make a decision. I love him so much. I can't imagine life without him. I can't make him love me, I can't make his decisions for him. I just don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I can't make him love me, I can't make his decisions for him. I just don't understand. Actually, you're very understanding. This is something HE has to come to terms with. You can't do it for him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 You know you are being understanding as I guess you should be. Maybe it's the stress of just buying a new home and now having a big wedding. For some reason planning a wedding alone can break a couple up. The guys get tired of hearing about it and the wedding seems to consume the bride's life. The guy is thinking kids are right around the corner. Perhaps he feels overwhelmed. Yesterday I called him to see how the counselor appointment went and he was a mess, crying and confused. I came as soon as work was over and we laid in bed and cried together for hours. He says hes not sure whats going on... he feels like he's not ready and maybe we should cancel or postpone the wedding. But he feels like we work so well together and he loves me and I love him and if he screws this up, he may lose the best thing that has ever I don't want to hurt you but does he 'love you' or is he 'in love' with you. If you aren't sure you need to ask him this. Sometimes you have a partner you are so compatible with as far as working together and building a life, but perhaps the passion of being 'in love' is missing. At any rate, I think you are blessed that he is voicing this now instead of after you two marry. I wish you both the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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