Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Is it cheating if you are conversing w/someone online that you never met before? Your SO knows nothing about it, but the online "buddy" is flirting with you. He knows that you are in a current relationship and you have no plans of meeting him personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Is it cheating if you are conversing w/someone online that you never met before? Your SO knows nothing about it, but the online "buddy" is flirting with you. He knows that you are in a current relationship and you have no plans of meeting him personally. In very short and an opinion I've been long flamed for, yes. Anything outside of the boundaries two partners have set for their relationship, anything one would need to hide from their SO and more importantly anything the respective SO would label as cheating IS cheating. That definition aside I'm a firm believer in emotional cheating, at least to my mind it's a very real problem many times more devastating in effects than getting drunk at a party and having a one night stand. Again, to MY mind and I can fully understand that others have different agreed-on boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 In very short and an opinion I've been long flamed for, yes. Anything outside of the boundaries two partners have set for their relationship, anything one would need to hide from their SO and more importantly anything the respective SO would label as cheating IS cheating. That definition aside I'm a firm believer in emotional cheating, at least to my mind it's a very real problem many times more devastating in effects than getting drunk at a party and having a one night stand. Again, to MY mind and I can fully understand that others have different agreed-on boundaries. But what qualifies this as cheating? Is it cheating period end of story? Or does the content of emails, IM's etc. matter? Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Online Cheating... I think that if they are having cyber sex, talking about things they want to do to each other. If they have talked about meeting sometime in the near future then that is totally cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 AMEN! My guy was 'cheating' on the net ALL THE TIME. I, too, termed it 'emotional cheating.' I would call him out on his behavior, he'd apologize and say he wasn't going to act on anything, then I'd catch him doing it again, over and over. Well, after way too much time and energy spent on that relationship, it finally culminated in him calling gals on his cell phone while I was at work, and he admitted to kissing this gal AFTER I told him he had to move out. Kissing only. Yeah, right. After 2 1/2 months of long phone calls day after day. He's gone, and I no longer feel compelled to play private investigator. Thank goodness THAT'S over!! It's very clear that, that situation was actual cheating. But what if there is no extra time spent chatting with the other person and absolutely no phone contact. What if this "buddy" is only to pass time while you're at work?? Does this matter at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 Online Cheating... I think that if they are having cyber sex, talking about things they want to do to each other. If they have talked about meeting sometime in the near future then that is totally cheating. But w/o any of that on you're (the one with the SO) part, do you say that it's innocent? Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 It's very clear that, that situation was actual cheating. But what if there is no extra time spent chatting with the other person and absolutely no phone contact. What if this "buddy" is only to pass time while you're at work?? Does this matter at all? Look.... let me be blunt. You already know or rather feel it IS cheating otherwise what you describe would be only labled as "I am having a new friend, I talk to him online, no biggie" and you could tell your SO about it too, possibly. For one reason or another -most probably because you feel subconsciently romantically attracted- you are having doubts and an issue with it. You answered your own question... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 In very short and an opinion I've been long flamed for, yes. Anything outside of the boundaries two partners have set for their relationship, anything one would need to hide from their SO and more importantly anything the respective SO would label as cheating IS cheating. That definition aside I'm a firm believer in emotional cheating, at least to my mind it's a very real problem many times more devastating in effects than getting drunk at a party and having a one night stand. Again, to MY mind and I can fully understand that others have different agreed-on boundaries. I have to agree whole heartedly with this post. I say this because I've done it, and IMO it was cheating. The relationship suffered for it. Eventually it ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 Here's the thing: Are you just talking like friends would talk? No. You said there was flirting going on. One thing can lead to another, and it usually does. Steer clear if you care about your relationship. thanks! The consensus is that yes, it is cheating. Normally I would think so, but the flirting is one sided. Our friendship consists of me putting him in place quite often. Yet, we do have plenty of general conversations. He's the one who posed the question by saying that me talking to him at all (even though I always refuse his advances) is cheating. I originally disagreed w/him because I'm not interested in him and to me it's just passing time. Overall, it's time to end this. I've blocked him from my IM. My conscience was getting to me. Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Delectable Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 If you are doing something with another person that you would not do with your SO's acceptance it is cheating. I am sure there are many people who have SO's that have put on the table that online flirting and sexual talk is no big deal...if you are one of those people GO FOR IT. But if your SO would be hurt to read some of the things you have written or be hurt to find out you are doing this than yes..this is a form of infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 But what qualifies this as cheating? Is it cheating period end of story? Or does the content of emails, IM's etc. matter? Hmm, first of all not stopping the guy from flirting with you and letting him know you have a bf, thats a sign. Flirting back to him, another sign. Talking about sexual encounters/what you'd wanna do with each other. I'd say even sending revealing photos..talking on the phone a lot, making up excuses so you can spend more time online with this net guy and causing you to spend less time with your s/o. I'd view those as cheating. I mean, it takes two to tango, and the guy/girl isn't gonna continuously flirt with someone who doesn't show interest back, and if you are showing interest back, you dont belong in a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 thanks! The consensus is that yes, it is cheating. Normally I would think so, but the flirting is one sided. Our friendship consists of me putting him in place quite often. Yet, we do have plenty of general conversations. He's the one who posed the question by saying that me talking to him at all (even though I always refuse his advances) is cheating. I originally disagreed w/him because I'm not interested in him and to me it's just passing time. Overall, it's time to end this. I've blocked him from my IM. My conscience was getting to me. Thanks everyone! I'd say convincing yourself this guy is no harm to your relationship is a sign its cheating. If he was a true friend, then he would stop flirting with you once you told him you had a bf, only a scumbag would continue. And if you havent told him you have a bf well, then..i guess youre the scumbag in the scenario, no offense. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 If you are doing something with another person that you would not do with your SO's acceptance it is cheating. This sums up the answer to your thread quite nicely!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 I'd say convincing yourself this guy is no harm to your relationship is a sign its cheating. If he was a true friend, then he would stop flirting with you once you told him you had a bf, only a scumbag would continue. And if you havent told him you have a bf well, then..i guess youre the scumbag in the scenario, no offense. It seems that some of you have missed the point!!! There is NO FLIRTING ON MY PART! That means zero exchange of pictures of any sort! No extra time spent on the net with this person. For me it was someone that I met in a chatroom while I was talking to others (who are actual friends of mine) to pass time. On this site my page states that I am in a relationship! I have repeatedly reminded him of this. Seeing as he is not an actual friend, it doesn't matter to me if I never speak to him again. I have never met this person!! He can very well be a scumbag as you've described. I don't know him!! He has no reason to care about my relationship! I posted the question about cheating online as a whole. "Is it cheating period-end-of-story??" What are the boundaries etc... is what I wanted to know!! And I've come to the conclusion that the consensus was that it is, in fact cheating. Because I do care about my current relationship, and don't want to be cheating on my so. I posted this question here. Hope this clears up you're misconception. No offense taken Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I think cheating is like pornography. People have varying definitions of what constitutes porn, but most people know it when they see it. However you define cheating (and you can split hairs forever) you know it when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I'll be honest, I wouldn't be happy if I found out my SO was having internet relations with another guy, met him or not. If he still persists to hassle you & send inappropriate emails, even though you've informed him you have a bf, surely it's bordering on harassment.... If you're not going out of your way to discourage it, IMO yes, it's unfair on your B/F & he wouldn't be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 I'll be honest, I wouldn't be happy if I found out my SO was having internet relations with another guy, met him or not. If he still persists to hassle you & send inappropriate emails, even though you've informed him you have a bf, surely it's bordering on harassment.... If you're not going out of your way to discourage it, IMO yes, it's unfair on your B/F & he wouldn't be happy. Exactly! I told him to stop sending me notes and IM's he said, "it's not like your cheating on you're bf." So I posted here to get a general opinion. I had to block him from yahoo and he created another name and msgd me again this morning. It is harrassment as you said!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Exactly! I told him to stop sending me notes and IM's he said, "it's not like your cheating on you're bf." So I posted here to get a general opinion. I had to block him from yahoo and he created another name and msgd me again this morning. It is harrassment as you said!! Unfortunately you're always going to encounter losers like this online. IMO - Just don't reply to any of his mails, he'll soon get fed up, leave you alone & go off hassling some other poor unsuspecting female! Oh to be irresistible hey!! Good luck - Keep us informed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 Unfortunately you're always going to encounter losers like this online. IMO - Just don't reply to any of his mails, he'll soon get fed up, leave you alone & go off hassling some other poor unsuspecting female! Oh to be irresistible hey!! Good luck - Keep us informed. Thanks Spidey! I'll take heed! Being irresistable aint so great all the time, but what can I do? We gotta take the good with the bad. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Thanks Spidey! I'll take heed! Being irresistable aint so great all the time, but what can I do? We gotta take the good with the bad. LOL! Unfortunately that's something you're just going to have to live with I can sympathise, I have the same problem! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 Unfortunately that's something you're just going to have to live with I can sympathise, I have the same problem! do tell...pls:D Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 do tell...pls:D Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spiderman. C'mon, you can't tell me you're not impressed with my red/blue lycra pants!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buttaflyy Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spiderman. C'mon, you can't tell me you're not impressed with my red/blue lycra pants!?! okay! silly me. of course Spidey has to beat em off w/a stick! Link to post Share on other sites
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