Wife has left me after 12 years of marriage

[derthballs]

Well, first post, and its a doozy

 

Last monday, the 1st, my wife told me that she wasnt sure if she loved me any more. We have two daughters aged 10 and 11, she cited the following reasons.

 

The main one was that i isolated myself, spending too much time on the pc and not enough time with her and the girls, she claimed that she felt like she was raising them herself. She said i was lazy and didnt help her enough, she was ran down by me having a bit of debt which put her under pressure and all my illnesses ran her down (i was seriously overweight last year, had problems with my ankles and knees, and was depressed from the job i was in.)

 

To be fair, most of these are valid, however last june/july, i set about changing my life, this was on the back of her doing it, she started going to the gym, and has turned herself from a size 16 to a size 8, she goes to the gym 4 times a week, and in the last couple of months started going clubbing, staying out late every 2 or 3 weekends (just one night at a time). I sort of felt she was slipping away, but never did anything about it till it was too late.

 

Anyway, we had a big argument, i waited for her coming home one night and asked if she was feeling sexy (she looks awesome now after all her work) and she said she would in the morning, when morning came she rejected me saying she was tired, and we sort of fell out. That evening she said down and i asked her what was wrong, she wouldnt reply, and for 10 minutes just sat there, obviously building up the courage. I asked her if she still loved me and she said she didnt know We talked and she said she needed time apart, so we started out on a 3 months trial seperation, but ive just not handled it well.

 

At first i did because i felt we could sort it out, i was supposed to be staying at our house, Tuesday, Thursdays and every second weekend for this kids, after the weekend i saw her leave on Friday, she was going to her friends that night, and then her mums the next, but she said she was just going over to her friends house, i took the kids out but the place we were going was shut, so we got videos and came back, and she was all dolled up and ready to go out, so this upset me and i started crying before she went, it was hard seeing her go.

 

The weekend i totally punished myself by working for about 20 hours solid in the house, i bought new chest of drawers, built them, new kitchen table, getting rid of the pc table as a sign i wouldnt go back to that way of life, i tidied every room and every cupboard, did every bit of washing and ironing, and just ran myself ragged in an attempt to impress her.

 

When she came back on Sunday it was tough when it was time for me to go, i started crying again and pleading with her for a second chance, that i knew we were right for each other and she stood firm, it felt so cold, and i couldnt believe some of the noises that were coming out from me, it was like listening to a moose being killed, i spoke with her again on sunday night, thinking that we needed no contact, but the last few days have just been brutal, and i went to our house today to find her there, she has taken the week off work, she has a very stressful job (councilling). So again i was telling her things would change and that i know she still loves me and that i can make it work, but she was just saying "dont do this, i cant handle it im so tired" etc.

 

I then notice that she has taken off her wedding ring and it was a total shock to my system, i left with her agreeing that we would wipe the slate clean and that she wouldnt hold it against me what i had been doing, that we would start afresh (that i wouldnt pester her anymore to try and change her mind).

 

Tonight was my night with the kids, at the weekend i had changed plans to stay at the house and have some distance, so the kids are with me at my mum and dads tonight, but i think i do need to keep them at our house, i feel i need to be able to speak ot her without breaking down every time, and the only way i can do that is to let her go, but its been very difficult to do so as it all came as a bolt out of the blue really. The hardest thing was hearing that she had been unhappy for years, and i just dont know that that is true.

 

As for myself, last year i changed jobs, the depression went, i started to diet and get fit, and although i had a spell between november and march when i stopped going to the gym for work reasons (probably an excuse but i sell heaters) ive been back at the gym since we got back from holiday at the start of april. Ive now lost nearly 3 stone in weight, im starting to look pretty decent, i have been trying to do this since i saw her doing it, in all honestly i probably knew that i was losing her and was trying everything to stop that.

 

My wife has been insistant that the kids are fine and that they arent affected by it, but tonight my daughter (my youngest) has told me that she hates my wife and wants to live with me and my mum, strangely, this seems to have found me a bit of strength that i had been lacking, today was tough after seeing her without the ring on, i felt i had a breakdown, i was totally exhausted, came to my mums after going back into work, just driving home on autopilot, not caring if i hit a lampost or crashed into another car. After a little sleep and speaking to my daughter, probably really the first time ive really had a open conversation with her as a person, i realised that ive got to make the kids my priority and let my wife do what it is she is doing.

 

The last week has been horrible, and while i feel not too bad right just now, i cant stop thinking about my wife, she is on my mind constantly, and its very frustrating that i cant get her to come round to my way of thinking.

 

How can i let her go when i absolutely love and adore her, i feel without her id be lost.

[Mistaken Identity]

Hi. Until someone wiser comes along, I'll post. You're doing the right thing by working out at the gym. No matter how sad you get, you've got to keep exercising. It will help your emotional state. Okay, now this is just my opinion, of course, but I don't feel a bit of pity for a crying man. I know that sounds cruel. But I think the worst advice ever given to men was to let women see them weak. I depend on a man to be stronger than me. (I'm in my 40s, so I may be old-fashioned on this.) You can cry if you have to, but do it in private. If you cry in front of your wife you're just going to reinforce her belief that you're weak. Pretend to be strong and you'll appear more attractive.

[mysticflea]

Buddy, I feel for you , I am going through almost the same thing. I am getting nothing from her, no emotion, no hope. I also have two kids, 5 and 2. Its the most difficult time in my life. If you are like me you will be thinking of the good times and the good times you had in mind for the future. I think we just dont have a good grasp on dealing with things as they are actually happening. For me it took this for me to realise that i loved her so much and would struggle to live without her.

I dont want to give you false hope but there are abunch of plans and suggestions as to what to do in a seperation. Plan A, Divorcebusters, Marriagebuilders.com, they can be uplifting but really hardly ever work i think. You know you will always be a part of her life and no matter if she meets someone else, you will be the one that has been there throughout and when she is old and looks back that is what you want her to feel good about. Show her you are strong,(i know its impossible) but try. I cant give you advice really because none of it is working for me. Keep working out and stay involved with your kids. Plan a trip with them or something, camping or whatever. If you honestly believe there is achance of getting her back then look at marriagebuilders.com, they have some good points.

Keep posting it helps...trust me, there are alot of great people going through the same thing as us.

[Guest]

Have you folks ever considered praying? God said He hates divorce (Malachi 2:15, 16). In that statement is a promise: if you commit the problems to Him, He will help (without force).

 

Things to do:

1) Do not apply force. It makes matters worse.

2) Listen, listen, listen. Your spouse may still have something to say in a hint that will provide the key.

3) Change your bad ways. If a spouse wants to leave you, that spouse must have become fed-up with some of your ways. Find them and change them.

4) Try to be neat, clean, responsible, punctual and positive. Good images lead to good feelings.

5) Apologise for things that you know you are wrong about. It will not cure things, but it is a start. Promise to do better and take the initiative. You may have to work through family members or friends who are aware of the situation.

6) Never take your spouse for granted. Marriage is a LIFE-LONG work. Do not believe that because you have been together and have children, all the effort is wasted.

7) Remember the things your spouse admired about you. Where possible, resurrect them.

8) Lose weight, get fit, be attractive, dress well, pay attention to hygiene: toes, teeth, change of clothes, hair, etc. Act like you are just falling in love.

9) Divorce is dreadful and only if adultery has taken root should that route be considered.

10) Again, I say pray!

8) Talk to an experienced marriage councillor. Such a person must have ideas that work.

[Ladyjane14]

If your wife's biggest problem with you was depression, I think your best bet might be to refrain from showing her more depressed behavior. While it's normal to feel sad and overwhelmed when you're newly separated, it might be a good idea to "fake it 'til you make it" in terms of optimism.

 

I'll post the list of 180's for you. Personally, I think they ought to be used with honesty, but that's just me. IMO, the relationship isn't a game...and there's nothing less attractive than game-playing. So, consider the information carefully and use the ones that feel right to you. You said your wife is a counsellor. I can't imagine she's going to be fooled by psychological jargon.

 

Michele Weiner-Davis, re: DivorceBusting

 

 

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore!

2. No frequent phone calls

3. Do not point out good points in marriage

4. Do not follow him around the house

5. Do not encourage talk about the future

6. Do not ask for help from family members

7. Do not ask for reassurances

8. Do not buy gifts

9. Do not schedule dates together

10. Do not spy on spouse

11. Do not say "I Love You"

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get

busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,

etc.

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start

the conversation) be scarce or short on words

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his

whereabouts, ASK NOTHING

17. You need to make your partner think that you have

had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you

are going to move on with your life, with or without

your spouse

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull

back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more

important, realize what he will be missing

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show

your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him

someone he would want to be around.

20. All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which

may be a while)

21. Never lose your cool

22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic

23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes

their feelings stronger)

24. Be patient

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really

saying to you

26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you

want to speak out

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &

focus on all the other parts of your life that are not

in turmoil)

28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any

words you can say or write

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you

are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with

your spouse

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than

50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in

absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad

you feel

34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes

 

You might also read a copy of The Five Love Languages by Chapman. I think it'll help you to identify what some of the problems might've been within the relationship.

[Guitar Wizard]

Damn. I've actually heard a moose being killed before, it's not a pretty sound.

 

uhh... anyway...

 

Im very sorry for you man, and I understand that you can't stop thinking about her. I mean, married for 12 years you can't just POOF and forget.

 

But...

 

I think right now you should focus on two things: Your life, and the lives of your childeren. Sure, I know you love your wife still, and you can't seem to think of a life without her, but your kids need you as a father. They look to you for support. Your kids will absorb morality from eather one of you guys now, and you have to be the "Good guy" and give them a nice upbringing. So just focus on making sure your little girls have the best childhood no-matter what. Your prime duty in life right now is as a father, not a husband. If you truly fight on improving yourself, and do an OUTSTANDING job as daddy, your wife might realize what she's missing, and come back. Surly she hasn't forgotten you eather.

 

So... good luck. These next few months are going to be tough. But, if you have the heart and will to push on, you'll be fine.

 

I hope everything works out for you bro.

[scobro]

I then notice that she has taken off her wedding ring

 

Damn that is not a good sign.I feel for you bro this happened to me last summer and I was a friggin mess.All you can do is get on with your life and be there for your kids but I know it's tough.You got to realise you won't change your wifes mind by begging and pleading.Let her go and be prepared she may not return to your life just your kids lives.

My advice is get into fitness and nutrition because if you do this now 1 year from now you will be a different person not only physically but mentally.I remember about 10 years ago I was dumped by my fiance (and we had a 1 year old) and ended up sleeping on my friends floor the only thing that made me feel better was going on a tread mill.I started lifting weights and just kept with the attitude of "just keep going to the gym"well 10 years later I am a fitness trainer and bodybuilder and it was the best thing I ever did to change my life around.Plus I date women I would never have had a chance with if I looked like I did when I was with my fiance.It sounds shallow but it's the truth exercising will change you for the better maybe not to the extent it changed my life but it will better yours right now.Good luck bro

[DesperateDad]

I really feel your pain, man. I'm going through a similar type situation and the advice I've gotten on this board has changed my life. I'm in the early stages of things, but we aren't currently separated and my wife isn't going out. Check out my thread if you're curious.

 

The advice you're getting is pretty good. I would definitely check out marriagebuilders and most specifically search for Plan A and Plan B and try to follow them. Drop the whole crying game. I broke down myself early on when she told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I couldn't stop thinking about the good times we'd had and about our six kids. It tears me in two to think about my family being broken up.

 

Don't make any demands on her at all and avoid not just angry outbursts, but the sorrowful begging sessions. Don't display any behavior around her that would bother her at all. She needs to see you as the best choice in her life.

 

Absolutely work on yourself. If you haven't been in therapy for the depression, do it now. I can't stress that enough. You realize all ready that you need to change and these changes need to be permanent. A therapist will help with that.

 

Work on making yourself the best dad and best person you can be. You can't control your wife. You have absolutely no control over what she does or what she thinks. Just accept that and focus on what you CAN change --YOU. It took me a little bit to realize that myself. Remember that your wife has got a lot going on in her head right now and your neediness won't be helping with it.

 

This may take time. Just hang in there and don't be discouraged. A lot of people go through stuff like this and there are surely a significant number of them who get back together and stay together.

[derthballs]

Thanks for the comments guys, its been really appreciated.

 

Last night my daughter told me that she hated my wife for making me leave, she had heard me break down in front of the wife on sunday, pleading for another chance.

 

I phoned my wife this morning and told her we needed to talk about rosie, she told me to come up and i did that, we then talked about a few things.

 

I had been set to have the kids 5 days out of 14, but i told her i wanted equal access, so now we have an agreement of 14 days, i will stay at our house while she goes to her parents/friend house when its my turn with them, and ill come to my mums while she is having them.

 

I told her that the last week ive been a mess but just hearing my daughter say those things about my wife, that she was able to confide in me and not in my wife, it gave me amazing strength and ive really been able to pull myself together today, today has been much better, and ive not sat thinking about her all the time (just some of the time). So we had an amicable chat about things, and I asked her if we could just start afresh today as I felt i was able to deal with things a bit better, and she agreed, so we have started our 3 month trial seperation fresh from today.

 

I really want to be friends with her, but i know im hiding my true feelings, i want to see her as much as I can, touch her, hold her, talk to her, as I feel better when im around her, but i know its probably not very constructive, but for the kids sake i have to do it. I told her i wouldnt hassle her any more about getting back together, because she says she needs time to decide what she wants in life, that she dosent want to get to 65 and look back on her life as a what if scenario. She knows how much i want her back, and no amount of asking is going to make her change her mind until she has the time to decide what she wants.

 

I know im sort of in limbo, but i dont think i can deal with it any other way right now, so im going to play the friend, talk to her normally, we even said we would take the kids out together on sundays, and when she told me she has booked 2 weeks off work because of stress, i suggested i could take her out for lunch next week and she said she would like that.

 

I am worried about her, she has gone from about 12 stone to 7 and a half stone in the last year, and she cant afford to lose any more weight, but she wont give up any of her gym sessions, needs to eat more since she's burning up too many calories.

 

I dont know whether we will get back together or not, i dont know if she feels she wants to go and meet some new guys and have some fun, or whether she does just need some time and space to think about things, i know i have to show her im the best option she has - because at the moment, when i think about the future and us not being together, it really cripples me.

 

Ill read through the posts above again for some inspiration, she's asked me round tonight to watch my eldest daughter while the younger one goes out for a haircut, I guess i just have to act normally and friendly like i was doing last week till i saw her going out looking amazing.

 

I think its the only way i can go on at the moment.

[Tim'sAngel]

Hello Derthballs

I read your post and ur story is almost exactly the same as a friend of mine. He is in his late 30's, has 3 beautiful daughters from ages 8-13, and has just recently divorced his wife. He also had a weight problem, but lost a good amount of it. He had bouts of depression and got on medication for it, which helped alot. His wife also told him that she thought the divorce wouldn't affect the girls. He would cry and beg and plead and try to get her to see his side of things and it would drive her farther away.

 

That was about a year ago, and I can report that he is doing very well. He finally realized w/much counseling that he just needed to accept the relationship was over and move on. He drew strength from his daughters (they were very supportive of him) I dont' think he is dating yet, but is very open to the idea of it.

 

My parents divorced after 21 yrs of marriage. I was 18 at the time. I watched my mom go through hell and back. My dad told her one day that he no longer was in love w/her and that he wanted to leave. She was heartbroken and for 3 years she like a zombie. Finally, she accepted it, picked herself up, and moved on. She will be remarried June 2nd.

 

Just letting you know that you are not alone, and it can be done!! I think for starters, you need to not cry/beg to your wife, especialy in front of your kids!!!! I can't stress that enough. I've been the child of divorce and I can't tell you enough how many things I saw and heard that I didn't want to. Even though you feel your wife is being unfair you don't want your children hating or resenting her!! This will only hurt them. Just a word of advice, if you see later that she does not want to reconsile, don't try to find ways of getting her back, it will be in vane. I watched my mother do this, and it only pushed my father away faster and hurt her deeper. I think when someone cries and begs they're SO to reconsile, they feel they have to say things like "I do still love you" and "yes, I'll give it some thought" just to shut you the hell up. This is exactly what my dad did. He never had any intentions of coming back to her, and it only started a horrible cycle over and over and put my mom through unecessary pain where if he would have just been honest and if she just would have accepted it, that would have cut out alot of agony.

 

I hope the best for you and your family, whatever that may be!! Keep us posted!!

[derthballs]

Hello Derthballs

I read your post and ur story is almost exactly the same as a friend of mine. He is in his late 30's, has 3 beautiful daughters from ages 8-13, and has just recently divorced his wife. He also had a weight problem, but lost a good amount of it. He had bouts of depression and got on medication for it, which helped alot. His wife also told him that she thought the divorce wouldn't affect the girls. He would cry and beg and plead and try to get her to see his side of things and it would drive her farther away.

 

That was about a year ago, and I can report that he is doing very well. He finally realized w/much counseling that he just needed to accept the relationship was over and move on. He drew strength from his daughters (they were very supportive of him) I dont' think he is dating yet, but is very open to the idea of it.

 

My parents divorced after 21 yrs of marriage. I was 18 at the time. I watched my mom go through hell and back. My dad told her one day that he no longer was in love w/her and that he wanted to leave. She was heartbroken and for 3 years she like a zombie. Finally, she accepted it, picked herself up, and moved on. She will be remarried June 2nd.

 

Just letting you know that you are not alone, and it can be done!! I think for starters, you need to not cry/beg to your wife, especialy in front of your kids!!!! I can't stress that enough. I've been the child of divorce and I can't tell you enough how many things I saw and heard that I didn't want to. Even though you feel your wife is being unfair you don't want your children hating or resenting her!! This will only hurt them. Just a word of advice, if you see later that she does not want to reconsile, don't try to find ways of getting her back, it will be in vane. I watched my mother do this, and it only pushed my father away faster and hurt her deeper. I think when someone cries and begs they're SO to reconsile, they feel they have to say things like "I do still love you" and "yes, I'll give it some thought" just to shut you the hell up. This is exactly what my dad did. He never had any intentions of coming back to her, and it only started a horrible cycle over and over and put my mom through unecessary pain where if he would have just been honest and if she just would have accepted it, that would have cut out alot of agony.

 

I hope the best for you and your family, whatever that may be!! Keep us posted!!

 

Well i had a weird night tonight, i was due to go round at 6.30 to look after the girls while my wife went to get her haircut, and duly did so.

 

So i do the homework with the kids etc, get them ready for bed and she comes home just before 9, we have been on friendly terms since this morning since i told her about my daughter saying she hated her and stuff, so she could sort that out with her. The apprentice was supposed to start at nine, and she asked what i was doing, i said just going round to watch it, and she suggested we watch it together, and opened a bottle of wine. Because of my training and stuff the wine went to my head, to both our heads probably, but we ended up not really watching the program and just talking about a good hour and a half.

 

We both sort of admitted that we would have trouble getting through the whole thing without the support of each other (daft eh?) and the difference in her today from yesterday was marked, she looked worn out, drawn and tired yesterday, today she seemed much like her old self, although she has lost another 5 pounds, which im concerned about, as she's now only about 102 lbs.

 

We had sort of agreed on spending sundays together with the girls, and she had told them that we would take them to the local fair on sunday together, but also says "why dont you come round on sunday morning and we will goto ikea and buy some new dining room chairs" (i bought a new dining table last week after getting rid of my pc table which i saw as a problem).

 

So now we are going to be spending as a family the best part of sunday together. I read the rules above, never mentioned anything about getting back together, she said i must get on with my life regardless, and she seemed pleased when i told her i had the next 4 weekends of stuff already organised that i dont have the kids.

 

So im a lot more positive, we even talked about taking the kids away for a weekend together, we had a great talk and a good few laughs, i just dont know if im setting myself up for a fall, we get on brilliantly as friends, and i really dont want to lose that, more than anything i dont, but i couldnt help thinking the whole time we were talking that i really wanted to bang her too

[dgiirl]

but i couldnt help thinking the whole time we were talking that i really wanted to bang her too

 

Everyone gave you excellent advice. I just wanted to comment on the following, and say i HATE when that happens. lol You really have to push those thoughts OUT of your head! No sex with an ex! I've been separated from the ex for over a year, and I havent had any since then, so when he came over to do the yard work the other day i was REALLY frustrated

[derthballs]

Well had another strange day today. Was at my house this morning fixing the boiler, and earlier in the week, my wife had said she was taking 2 weeks off work (she couldnt cope listening to other peoples problems with the problems we were having) but since we have become amicable, she felt she was able to go back to work.

 

I suggested last week that we go out for lunch next week, since she was going back on monday, i asked if she would like to go out for lunch today, so that we did.

 

We had a really nice lunch, no animosity or arguing, just talking about day to day stuff, how our families were, how my fitness regeime and such like was going, we were both able to laugh and joke, and I know i shouldnt but there was even a little bit of flirting on both sides.

 

After lunch she asked if i wanted to come to the sports shop with her to buy some new weights, so we did that, and I walked her to her car before going back to mine. I wont see her now again till sunday when we have our first family day since the split, something we agreed to do every Sunday for the kids.

 

So im confused and puzzled, i didnt bring up us getting back together or anything, i would have said at the start of the week, that the chances of us getting back toghether were maybe 10-15%, now i feel like it might be more like 40-50%, she obviously enjoys my company, so im just working away, getting on with things and not talking about getting back together.

 

Ill let you know how we get on on the Sunday day out, i feel these could be critical to us getting back together or not.

 

I certainly feel a lot better, but i dont know if spending time with her is just delaying the inevitable, I dont know if i would have the strength to get back up from being as low as I was earlier in the week, it just felt like a total physical and mental breakdown.

[Tim'sAngel]

You know your last post made me think of something. You guys should start dating again. I remember that from a movie, Unbreakable I think. Sometimes people just need to reconnect. I think it's good what you guys are doing, but I still would advice saving your feeling!! I know it seems things are going really good and the chances seem to be risining, in your opinion, for reconciliation. But keep a clear mind, that it could go either way. You don't want to be crushed again!

 

I think what you guys are doing is great!! I think you should go out every now and then, not all the time, allow some space!! You both need time to think away from each other. SPend time w/the kids. Be friends!! If you can rekindle the friendship, then if you guys do get back together you will be stronger and more in tune with each other. And if you decide on divorce, there will be no animosity between you 2 and you can have a good relationship wich will make the kids feel more secure!!

[scobro]

just dont know if im setting myself up for a fall, we get on brilliantly as friends, and i really dont want to lose that, more than anything i dont, but i couldnt help thinking the whole time we were talking that i really wanted to bang her too

 

 

I hope she is not being nice because she doeasn't want to rock the boat and have you upset or angry.Look at her point of view if she doesn't want to reconsiliate then she is thinking you are getting along fine so she is being extra nice right now.............Maybe not but I would be reAl careful do not get your hopes up too much because it will hurt like hell later.Trust me I know.My wife dumped me a coupleof years ago then 3 weeks later changed her mind I was happier than pig in s*** we went to coucelling and started church and even tried for a baby then one night a year later as we were still trying for a baby she dumped me again both times I had no idea it was coming. ........So be carefull brother it really hurts.

[derthballs]

I dont really know whats going on, but the overall climate is a lot better. I was round at the house before i went out last night to give my daughters some pizza bases and stuff they had asked for to make dinner.

 

I was at the local football teams dinner of the year, so i had my new suit on, and she actually complimented me, which were few and far between while we were together.

 

Im really trying not to set myself up for a fall, im still proceeding with the idea that we wont be together, but the last two or three days has seen a ray of hope, one things for sure if we did get back together this wouldnt happen again, (her words) which is why she wants the time to know what she does want, she dosent want to put anyone through this again.

 

Im quite worried about her too, after she lost her weight last year, she looked great , but this last 2 weeks she has lost another 5 lbs, i cant really afford to give her any stress at all or she could well drop under 100lbs, so im being careful not to.

[derthballs]

Well im getting it together at last you will be pleased to know

 

Ive got the kids the next 3 nights, and today is our family day, we took them to a funfair (well i did, she decided to goto Asda and do the shopping) but were going out for dinner in an hour. I left them round at the house, so she can spend an hour with them on their own before she goes away.

 

Ive stopped all the needy s***, ive not been asking anything about her, just being friendly without overstepping the mark.

 

I had a brilliant time at the fair with the girls, seeing their little faces so happy, i just realised how i had taken them for granted before, i was nearly crying with happyness (its funny how once the floodgates open, they open very easily now).

 

I think i am now starting to let go of her, i still love her, but i dont really hold any resentment because this thing has really brought me and the kids closer together.

 

Im gonna let her pay for dinner too when we go out later