am I paranoid? input appreciated

[fluffy0]

Okay: here's my story

 

my boyfriend is moving to another city to live with me, we are going to be living together. No it isn't one of those online, nevermet in person before relationships, we have been going out for a year and ahalf, it's jsut that I go to college in another city, so he is moving here and we are going to live here permanently.

We usually don't fight much, but we kind of a big fight recelty about the rent for the apt. we re going to be living in. SInce I live here, I rented the apartment, he just signed the lease and faxed it to the rental office. So I paid the deposit and am paying for first month's rent. We agree he would pay me back half of the deposit and half of the rent.

 

We had this huge argument, because i asked him to mail me a check or money order for the money, and he wanted to pay me back when he got there, or deposit the money in my account since that would be easier.Well, I said would prefer to ge the money before I paid the actual rent and that I don't feel comfortable sharing my account # for my bank account where he could deposit the money just yet. He got mad that I was accusing him of being dishonest and that he would share all his info w/me why can't I share mine. I stood my ground, and he finally begrudgingly agreed to send a money order.he called me last monday saying that he just put it in the mail.

 

Well, it is now Tues. and I still haven't gotten it in the mail. I live in a dorm, so I know it can sometimes take a while for mail to get here, and he lives half a country away, but 8 days? That seems way to long if he mailed last monday. And i really don't buy the excuse, "oh maybe it got lost in the mail." This is the U.S. not a Third World country, things don't just dissapear in the mail.

 

Everytime I bring it up we end up bickering because he keeps saying I don't trust him and we should have done it his way that way it would have gotten into my account without problems he did mail it monday, he doesn't know why it hasn't gotten tehre yet. I asked him to cancel the money order, but he says he wants to wait a few days to see if it gets there, b/c it costs money to cancel it. That means I will have to pay rent before getting his part of the money. He is coming this Sat. so he says he will pay me back then if it doesn't get here.

 

i feel like I am being deceived somehow. We have always had a good replationship, and he is has taken me out on dates alot and many times paid for it. So i just don't understand, what would he have to gain from teh relatively measely amount of money Iam afraid he is not going to pay me back. I mean, he will have to pay rent when he gets here anyways, for the next month. i just have these kind of wild fears that he wants my account number and other stuff so he can have my money and then not move hear and dump me the last day or leave me waiting on the curb of our new aprtment building.

 

i know all these fears are a bit irrational considering he has always treated me well. it's just that I was betrayed really horribly my the guy i lost my virginity to when I was younger. He totally used me and then dumped me in a really cruel way, making me feel humiliated and almost suicidal. Now that i am older i realize all the warning signs were there: he pressured me into having sex when I didn't want to, was obviously seeing other girls and couldn't care less about me. i was 18 and stupid and blinded by what i thought was love. i had a very safe, loving home when I grew up, so I was totally naive that there could be such cruel people out there. After that experience i became a totally different person, very suspicious and untrusting. i met my current boyfriend very quickly after the all this happened, so it was kind of like sort of forgot about the feelings of betrayal until now. Now I am really scared that the same thing will somehow happen again, that I am being used and will be cruelly dumped and humiliated without an explanation. I was so exited about my boyfriend coming, but now these thought of betrayal are haunting me and I am afraid of being deceived again. Sorry this was such a long post, it jsut feels so good to get my feelings out. please post, i would appreciate advice and sympathy right now.Do you think I am just being paranoid or I have a right ot be concerned? How long does mail usually take to get halfway across the U.S.? Do you really have to pay to get a refund on a money order?