I ruined my only shot at true happiness...

[kaZZim]

I had been dating (also engaged) to a woman now for almost 2.5 years. Until last month when that all changed. We were involved in a long distance relationship and I really think that was one of the problems. But anyway, for the past 2 years I have been making myself miserable by letting her run my life. Letting her get mad at me when I wanted to do things with my frieds instead of talk to her on the phone. (We would talk probably 5-6 times a day even when I went out with my friends) Well I got tired of this and I ended everything. For the past few weeks ive been fine, and pretty happy. I havnt talked to her in any way. Then early today, I find out from a mutual friend, that she has been dating another guy for the past month. Less than 2 weeks after we broke up. At first I didnt think too much of this, but as the day got longer, it just started eating at my heart.

 

About an hour ago, I was so upset coming home from work, I almost drove off a cliff, mainly from crying so hard. Im safe at home now, but I cant escape a single thought. Why is it that after everything, after me ending this and being happy since then, why do I now feel so dead? I know that I love her, and I probably always will. Heck, I thought I was going to marry her, but how could she move on so quickly and not even think twice about it. Ill never understand that. I want to talk to her now, just to settle things, but im afraid ill go running back to her, when in my head, I dont want to do that, but in my heart I do. What do I do??? Im sorry this is so cluttered and im sorry if you cannot understand this completely, im very upset right now, and im not even sure what im doing. Nothing makes any sense to me anymore. Please help me.

 

kaZZim

[Cynthia]

I think it was a wise decision for you to end the relationship. Unfortunately, breaking up in any long term relationship causes emotional trauma. You are challenging yourself to change and grow. That is a very, very good thing!

 

From what I understand, your relationship was not necessarily functional. Often, we allow ourselves to only dwell on and recall the best times in a relationship, regarless of whether the majority of the time we were miserable or happy. I can't really tell you to look at the situation objectively. Matters of the heart don't allow for this.

 

I can tell you that I understand you are hurting and the pain you feel right now can almost at times be overwhelming. I recommend, from personal experience, that you do not contat her. If you want to resolve any issue, wait a few weeks, if not a few months. You're too vulnerable right now to allow any progress to be made if you did speak with her. Spend time with your friends, find someone you are close to to talk things out with. Often, especially after severe emotional trauma, the best way to work through problems is just to talk it to death.

 

Good luck, I wish you all the best. I sympathize with you completely because I was in the same situation last June. Just know that you will get over it and in the end probably find someone infinately more suited to you! (that's such a cliche, but it's so true)

 

C

I had been dating (also engaged) to a woman now for almost 2.5 years. Until last month when that all changed. We were involved in a long distance relationship and I really think that was one of the problems. But anyway, for the past 2 years I have been making myself miserable by letting her run my life. Letting her get mad at me when I wanted to do things with my frieds instead of talk to her on the phone. (We would talk probably 5-6 times a day even when I went out with my friends) Well I got tired of this and I ended everything. For the past few weeks ive been fine, and pretty happy. I havnt talked to her in any way. Then early today, I find out from a mutual friend, that she has been dating another guy for the past month. Less than 2 weeks after we broke up. At first I didnt think too much of this, but as the day got longer, it just started eating at my heart.

 

About an hour ago, I was so upset coming home from work, I almost drove off a cliff, mainly from crying so hard. Im safe at home now, but I cant escape a single thought. Why is it that after everything, after me ending this and being happy since then, why do I now feel so dead? I know that I love her, and I probably always will. Heck, I thought I was going to marry her, but how could she move on so quickly and not even think twice about it. Ill never understand that. I want to talk to her now, just to settle things, but im afraid ill go running back to her, when in my head, I dont want to do that, but in my heart I do. What do I do??? Im sorry this is so cluttered and im sorry if you cannot understand this completely, im very upset right now, and im not even sure what im doing. Nothing makes any sense to me anymore. Please help me. kaZZim

[J.P.]

It may hurt, and it may not seem like the logical thing to do, but if your heart tells you to do something, I've learned from experience you listen. If you love this woman as much as you say you do, then this may be your only shot at true happiness as you said. Whatever me or anyone else says doesn't matter; this is something you need to do on your own. You have to decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman.

[stac's]

I had been dating (also engaged) to a woman now for almost 2.5 years. Until last month when that all changed. We were involved in a long distance relationship and I really think that was one of the problems. But anyway, for the past 2 years I have been making myself miserable by letting her run my life. Letting her get mad at me when I wanted to do things with my frieds instead of talk to her on the phone. (We would talk probably 5-6 times a day even when I went out with my friends) Well I got tired of this and I ended everything. For the past few weeks ive been fine, and pretty happy. I havnt talked to her in any way. Then early today, I find out from a mutual friend, that she has been dating another guy for the past month. Less than 2 weeks after we broke up. At first I didnt think too much of this, but as the day got longer, it just started eating at my heart.

hey,icna't say that i've been where you are now,but i can say that if she's moved on in before you even broke it off that means that she was being unfaithful. if there is one reason why i would turn away from a heart felt relationship,it would be that. i know you love her, but she doesn't deserve you. you don't even know how many nice oyung ladies deserving andyoung man like you are out there. i know it'll take some time,brey your eyes out if you want to but promise me that you will move on.m=alway remeber that no one is ever all alone. there's always two people who will remain when everyone else seems to be sofar away, they are you and God.talk tohimhe understands everything believe i know.