New Break Up

[AllyM]

My boyfriend and I just broke up yesterday morning after almost a year relationship. We had been arguing alot lately and that "in love" feeling is gone. I still love him and care about him alot, he says the same about me but he does not think we will get back what we had. What happened was after 2 months of dating we moved in together and started talking about marriage, I think we got wrapped up too fast. We never spent anytime without each other, we were always together so we never got a chance to miss one another. I am moving out tomorrow, he is out of town visiting his parents. We are suppose to talk tomorrow, not about getting back together but just to talk. This is going to be so hard for me because I still do love him alot. We did not have any major problems in our relationship, we have bad communication, I confront everything and he would rather not talk about it and hope it goes away. He has lost contact with his best friends and is not as close with his family, he says these are the things he wants to work on right now. I think he is afraid he lost hisself in our relationship. I feel like he is being selfish right now and not thinking about me at all, it is hard but I need to do the same thing.

 

I just feel like what we had was too special to not try again. I would like to move out and see if we can get our friendship back (we use to be bestfriends) and then build off of that. I am not sure that is what he wants. I defiently don't want to pressure him into anything. I told him that we can no contact if he wants that, he said that he wants to still have contact with me and that he does not want to rule out the possibility of us in the future. He said that he thinks we both just need time to sort things out and have time and space. He said he does not want to date anyone else and that he would be jealous if I did, but he can't say anything because I am not his girlfriend anymore. I really would want things to work out because he is a great guy, I can trust him completely, he would do anything in the world for me and he loved me so deeply before. I never felt this way before about anyone. I want to hold on to the possiblility of things working out once I move out. I don't know if that is the right thing to do. Please help!!!!!!

[darcy071]

I agree that sometime away from each other would be best at this time. There is also the possibility that remaining friends may give your relationship a fresh start, be aware that this could be the beginning of the end. If you give each other time and space maybe your love for each other will blossom. Best wishes Darcy.

[MercyRose]

Trust me...no contact is best. If he misses you and wants you so much he won't let the no contact get in the way when he is ready to be with you.

 

However in the meantime you should try to move on without him, stick to the no contact rule, because he may not want you back...

 

He sounds like he is giving you false hopes to keep you hanging on in case he changes his mind or worse, in case he doesn't find anyone better...

 

Don't let him have this power over you. My ex did this to me too, he wouldn't commit and when i said no contact he wouldn't let me. He said its not good to burn bridges and he sees me in his life forever.

 

And I agreed and went through the most painful 8 months of my life...Imagining if he had a girlfriend and wasn't telling me, hoping for a positive word to give me hope he changed his mind...don't put yourself that...please

 

I finally ended the contact when i had the strength for my own sake...I accepted it and tried to move on. It was tough but I am over him.

 

And now I have the power and he cannot hurt me, we have contact again. Now I can accept his friendship and hear about his girlfriends whereas before he knew he'd hurt me if he told me.

 

I don't even want him anymore, which is hard to believe even for myself cos I only know what pain I went through...I even found someone better ) But thats another story, after all...he is male

 

Sorry guys! I know You are not all like that )

[AllyM]

Trust me...no contact is best. If he misses you and wants you so much he won't let the no contact get in the way when he is ready to be with you. However in the meantime you should try to move on without him, stick to the no contact rule, because he may not want you back... He sounds like he is giving you false hopes to keep you hanging on in case he changes his mind or worse, in case he doesn't find anyone better... Don't let him have this power over you. My ex did this to me too, he wouldn't commit and when i said no contact he wouldn't let me. He said its not good to burn bridges and he sees me in his life forever. And I agreed and went through the most painful 8 months of my life...Imagining if he had a girlfriend and wasn't telling me, hoping for a positive word to give me hope he changed his mind...don't put yourself that...please I finally ended the contact when i had the strength for my own sake...I accepted it and tried to move on. It was tough but I am over him. And now I have the power and he cannot hurt me, we have contact again. Now I can accept his friendship and hear about his girlfriends whereas before he knew he'd hurt me if he told me. I don't even want him anymore, which is hard to believe even for myself cos I only know what pain I went through...I even found someone better ) But thats another story, after all...he is male Sorry guys! I know You are not all like that )

[AllyM]

I know alot of guys like to keep the girl holding on, but I really don't think that is the case here. I already met a girl that I am moving in with on November 6th and I am going out with my friends everyday this weekend. I am not sitting around waiting for him. Things went so fast for us and we were planning to get married only 3 months after we met and we were living together. We never did anything with our friends by ourselves, we lost everything for each other. I think we both realize that we made mistakes. He is not a mean guy and he does not want to give me false hope. Also he is not the kind of guy that dates alot of girls, he has only had a few girlfriends in his life. He still loves me and does not want to be with anyone else right now and neither do I. I realize this could be the beginning of the end but then it could be a great new start for us. For me taking the inicitive to move out and start my new life without him is bonus points for me. I think we both need to reestablish our friendships with our friends and have a life besides just having each other. We had something very special, even his guy friends would say they had never seen two people made for each other like we were. I think we got wrapped up in pressures about marriage and feeling like we needed to rush everything. I think time will tell. If nothing else I will always have a great friend in him, he does everything in the world for me even right now. I am not going to sit and twidle my thumbs and wait for him but I am not ruling out the possibility that things could not work out with me moving out. It could be the beginning of the end or the beginning of a new start, time will only tell.