Two faced?

[Guest]

Just wanted some advice on a situation at work. I started work just a few months ago, in a small accounting firm (about 20 in total).

 

I'm in (let's call it Division A), there's just me and my supervisor who joined at the same time we did. We came to form Division A. An existing staff, let's call her Linda, already worked here and she was to join part of us in Division A.

 

First few weeks, Linda was really friendly, came into my office at least once a day to chat. Talked about her excitement over belonging to Division A etc, and working with us. We talked about our work, people at work, our personal interests etc. Then, I could tell she was starting to dislike my supervisor, well, dislike is a bit strong a word, but i could she didn't respect him and didn't like working with him, made some comments about him with him.

 

Towards the last few weeks, I think she's starting to do work for another division. Which doesn't bug me, the fact that she's doing other things, but what is disconcerting is that she no longer seems to want to talk. Doesn't come into my office to chitchat, and when I go to hers, she seems to rush me to go. Or even when I see her in the corridor, she doesn't seem as friendly or inclined to chat.

 

It's not a major issue cos we didn't get close, and I don't think it's anything to do with me personally, but I think that it's because she's decided she doesn't want to work in our Division and with my supervisor. Its just struck me that a possible reason that she tried to be so friendly at first was because she thought she would work with us as a team and now, having made up her mind that she doens't want to work in this team, doesn't care to put in any effort to be friendly. That just really annoys me. Should I bother to try to be friendly with her or just ignore it? She seemed nice at first, now I'm not so sure....

[whichwayisup]

She is your co-worker, a casual aquaintance, not a 'friend'. I wouldn't say anything at all. She may not be looking for a friend at work, she may be just being friendly, passing time by chitchatting. Try not to let it bother you, she's not worth it. I mean, if you were looking for a friend in her, now you know she isn't one!

[Buttaflyy]

Ignore it! Be cordial but if she tries to befriend you again, give her the same brush off. She's a co-worker not a friend.

[Tinman]

Nothing to see here move along. I think your guess was more or less on target though I personally wouldn't call it "two-faced."

 

It's not a major issue cos we didn't get close, and I don't think it's anything to do with me personally, but I think that it's because she's decided she doesn't want to work in our Division and with my supervisor. Its just struck me that a possible reason that she tried to be so friendly at first was because she thought she would work with us as a team and now, having made up her mind that she doens't want to work in this team, doesn't care to put in any effort to be friendly. That just really annoys me. Should I bother to try to be friendly with her or just ignore it? She seemed nice at first, now I'm not so sure....

 

It sounds like when she initially joined the Division she was making efforts to settle in and get to know folks. I don't see anything calculated in this however. It's natural that when you enter into a new work environment you try to find your place. After all, you're the "new guy/gal" whereas everyone else already has established roles and ties. It's all part of the settling in process and at the beginning you really have no idea who is who, what common interests you have or don't have who you get along with and who you can't stand.

 

From what you said it sounds like she didn't enjoy her work environment and is now putting her attentions towards other areas and is thus, distracted.

 

Likewise, it's not as if she were cutting off a previously existing friendship. You were both essentially strangers in the "getting to know you/putting your best foot forward" stage.

 

To use an analogy; think of it this way. She was the new neighbor. When she moved in she brought everyone cookies, invited them over for a BBQ and introduced herself to the neighborhood. After a bit she realized she really disliked two of the neighbors, didn't like the area and is planning to move out.

She's not two-faced for not trying to be bosom buddies with the neighbors she didn't mind while she shops for a new house.

 

As you said, you didn't get close. You weren't friends, you were friendly aquaintences/coworkers. Maybe you would have become friends, maybe you still will even after she moves divisions, and maybe she never liked you that much to begin with but was just trying to do the best she could with new people. Either way there's no way to tell and no reason to sweat it.

 

If you enjoy her company continue to be cordial and you may become close in time, maybe not, maybe she's just distracted because of her disatisfaction with her new division. Maybe she's going through a rough spot in her personal life. Or, once again, maybe not. Maybe as she settled in she figured out that you two really didn't have much in common after all and that's why she's backing off. Who knows, you really don't have enough information to make any reliable judgements.

 

If you don't enjoy her company, continue to be reasonably cordial anyway just because it's work and there's no reason not to be.

 

In any case, there's no reason to sweat it. You met a new co-worker who was very friendly at first and now has backed off a bit. That's it. There's no reason to read anything more into it.