About to Cheat

[Guest]

Guys,

 

Just curious about this. A little background on myself. I met my wife in 12th grade, 13 years ago. We've been together ever since, save 1 years in college. We eventually moved in together in Boston (a town with zero passion). I am now 29.

 

Since then we've had a very successful life. I've started a successful business, she's a VP at a huge pharmaceutical company.....we own a nice house, have nice cars etc. The ideal marriage, no financial worries.......no stress. I really don't even work any longer, my company runs itself and is extremely profitable. This has left me a lot of spare time.

 

Recently my wife and I moved to Miami. We both grew up in South America, and I'm happy to be back around a more latino vibe. More bars, more fun, more clubs etc. I go out 2 or 3 times a month with my friend to drink, and I've done my best to ignore the continuous strong advances I receive from women. Initially I was repulsed, I could never cheat etc.

 

Here's my problem. I have really only had sexual relations with one woman, my wife. I have always been very curious about experiencing sex with another woman just once. I feel like I would die without fully experiencing life, I don't even know if sex with my wife is good (I have a good time, we always both finish etc...but still).

 

This past weekend my wife went to visit her parents out of the area. I went out for an innocent night at a club/bar (all bars are essentially clubs in Miami) to watch the NBA playoffs. At some point, a gorgeous woman approached me.....this lady is stunningly beautiful. One thing led to another and too many drinks later and we made out in the club. After 4 or 5 hours of talking, we went our separate ways even though we both wanted to head to a hotel next door. I mentioned we should consider this sober and went home.

 

Another aspect of this, my father died very recently at a young age.....very suddenly. I have begun to realize how short life is, and my inexperience with other women before marrying my wife has really been on my mind for years now, it bothers me greatly. Especially since I can go get a lady pretty much anytime I want, and I know it (not boasting, it's just the truth esp in Miami).

 

Now, even with my wife home I really want to experience just one night with this woman. She is absolutely gorgeous, and I'm not going to be able to attract the ladies like I can now. I am the embodiment of a good husband, I have been unbelievably supportive of my wife and have never cheated once, or even kissed another woman prior to this.

 

However, I really feel a strong need to follow through. I feel like I'll die not knowing if I was missing anything in life. If I have sex with her, and it's not some overwhelming experience (and just hot sex) I know I'm missing nothing in life and will be forever happy with my wife. I am 95% positive it's true. 5% of me says maybe I don't love my wife. Personally I think it's just the nagging reality of her being the "only one" I've "done it" with.

 

My thinking is I have a one nighter with this new woman, and if it's just sex I can get this nagging thought of having had just "one woman" off my mind. If it's a bigger problem than that, I'll recognize it after the deed is done.

 

Best case scenario, I get that extra notch on my belt and my alpha male is satisfied. Worst case scenario, I find out I want to live a singles life. In that case I will never do that to my wife, but tell her I may need to separate/divorce. I don't see that happening, but my friend says it is possible since I am approached so much I may find the approaches too tempting to turn away after actually following through.

 

Please help/advice/etc. Slap me with reality, but seriously how do I get over having just one woman? I'll never know what I've missed......

[jonesgirly]

Guest:

 

I understand the 'alpha male' thing........I just wish that you could feel a sense of "pride" for being with just one woman. For not being the guy who screws around and gets an std, for not being the guy who has to live with the guilt of cheating on his loving and faithful wife.

 

Integrity is a far more valuable virtue than any 'notch on the belt' could be. Think about a time when you would have to face your wife with the knowledge that she 'knows' what you've done. Whether you confess or she finds out, its ugly.

 

Right now, both of you have chosen to be with the other. Your loyalty should be commended and respected, not thought of as a 'sacrifice'.

 

I really don't think its worth it. Maybe you could 'protect' the investment you've made, as opposed to wondering what the return might be on 'other' assets .

[Brittanyjean06]

You don't have to be with other woman to " experience life "

 

I don't think your wife is the one for you than, if you feel that way ? I think you didn't get a chance to explore your options, but if you really truely head over heels for your wife, than you really could care less about " living life with other women in it"

 

I really like a man who knows what he wants, and is not confused, in all it makes you more of a man

 

but you already cheated on your wife, how do you feel about that??

You could explore your options and than realize the one you love is the one you should stick with...and your life could be ruined forever

[catgirl1927]

Why don't you just tell your wife you want an open marriage? Then she can experience all she has missed too.

 

Of course, she might learn what "alpha male" really means and kick you to the curb, but hey, think of all the sex you could experience then?

 

I hate that men like you exist. You make it SO hard for us to trust the decent men.

[tikigods]

If you want to experience life then divorce your wife and live the care free life, that way she can experience everything she missed while being with you.

[Butterflying]

Since you love your wife, and the two of you have a great relationship, you should tell her these things. Tell you how you feel about her being your only one.

 

I've never been married. But if I ever get married, I want it to last forever. I believe that's possible if married couples embrace change. I believe the most important thing is honesty and communication.

 

Sounds like you two have been together for a very long time. If I were in a situation like this, I would like my husband to tell me what he's considering. I would try to understand. And I would probably approve after careful planning and discussions about it.

 

I'd rather have my husband include me in what he's doing by informing me, rather than have him betray me, and lie to me. If you're both involved with the decision, it's less likely that anyone will get hurt. But everyone must be honest. Even the OW.

[BeFree]

So you want to risk the wonderful life you have, your wife, your life style, your wifes trust on and on Just becuase you think some chick is really hot and you MIGHT be missing out on something.

 

geeze, this makes me want to throw up!

[Tim'sAngel]

OH, so you want to go out and live the life eh? That is understandable. Afterall, sex is the most important thing in life right? Especially good sex, the kind you can't have unless you've been w/at least 10 or more people.

 

You have no idea how immature u sound do you? Almost like you want us to feel sorry for you, and sympathise with you about your poor sex deprived life. You know it's men like you that make girls like me feel like dirt. I went out and had that life you were talking about, and you know where it got me? A baby whose father doesn't give a s*** about him, and alot of lost self-respect. It took a few years of heartache and a whole lot of other issues to realize what i really wanted was what you've got, someone that loved me.

 

So go ahead, leave your wife and go have ur one night stands and wild crazy sex w/all those women that are just soooo attracted to you, u insensitive boyish prick, and one day your gonna be sitting w/ur notched up belt hanging from ur waist with that inexplainable emptiness wishing you would have stayed w/the one who really loved you.

[whichwayisup]

If you decide to go through with this selfish and STUPID idea, you're taking a big chance of losing everything that you love for a hot f*** with another woman.

 

Just remember, the grass isn't greener on the otherside of the fence. And, there are always consquences to actions...One day this awful choice of yours will come back and bite you in the ass and you'll regret it so much.

 

Is having sex with another woman WORTH it? Come on! Wake up and realize that you have a good thing going!

 

I just hope you don't have any children in the picture right now because if you do, I think this is a pretty s***ty thing to do to your wife, let alone your kids.

[Guest]

If you decide to go through with this selfish and STUPID idea, you're taking a big chance of losing everything that you love for a hot f*** with another woman.

 

Just remember, the grass isn't greener on the otherside of the fence. And, there are always consquences to actions...One day this awful choice of yours will come back and bite you in the ass and you'll regret it so much.

 

Is having sex with another woman WORTH it? Come on! Wake up and realize that you have a good thing going!

 

I just hope you don't have any children in the picture right now because if you do, I think this is a pretty s***ty thing to do to your wife, let alone your kids.

 

I understand everything people are saying, and no kids are not in the picture. I have never felt secure/mature enough to raise a child (and I understand why now). I talked with my wife about this urge a bit tonight. She was actually very understanding, and said she wasn't shocked for a few reasons.

 

My father died recently at a very young age, and ever since I've been wanting to do a lot of ultra male things I've never done. I never really grieved for him at all. Recently I've started going to gun ranges, taking Kendo classes, boxing, bought a motorcycle, and even got into an idiotic brawl in a bar and could have hurt a guy pretty badly. She thinks I am purposely self destructing and we should see a therapist. I'm not acting like myself in a lot of areas etc for the past few months.

 

Obviously no one should feel bad for me, simply nothing to feel bad about. I'm happy many of you called me scum etc......said my wife should dump me etc etc. I also appreciate the few who told me to talk it over with my wife. I hope a therapist can sort this out for me, I'm out looking for bizarre dangerous "pleasure" for some reason.

 

For what it's worth, just thought I'd say thanks for the responses.

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry for your loss, I know how that hurts as I lost my father back in '93 and I was 23 years old, so I DO know what the death of a parent brings... I think it's a good thing to seek counselling, either (or both) together and separately. A therapist will help you cope with the feelings, and rid of any fears, thoughts, or 'actions' you are going through.

 

Sorry I was real harsh, but it's stuff you needed to hear! You're real lucky to have a wife who understands and hasn't felt threatened by what you told her.

 

Good luck and give us an update on how things go with the therapy.

[glittergurl]

Between your heart(/mind) and your hormones, guess which of the two would ruin your life.

 

I don't think there's any deep meaning behind your lust for other women. We're all human, and guys especially, tend get lost in their own sex drive. Sometimes you just have to be strict with yourself, to keep your life on the right track. That's what marriage is all about: efforts; because in the end they're much more worth it than banging random chicks.

[Jessie61]

I understand everything people are saying, and no kids are not in the picture. I have never felt secure/mature enough to raise a child (and I understand why now). I talked with my wife about this urge a bit tonight. She was actually very understanding, and said she wasn't shocked for a few reasons.

 

My father died recently at a very young age, and ever since I've been wanting to do a lot of ultra male things I've never done. I never really grieved for him at all. Recently I've started going to gun ranges, taking Kendo classes, boxing, bought a motorcycle, and even got into an idiotic brawl in a bar and could have hurt a guy pretty badly. She thinks I am purposely self destructing and we should see a therapist. I'm not acting like myself in a lot of areas etc for the past few months.

 

Obviously no one should feel bad for me, simply nothing to feel bad about. I'm happy many of you called me scum etc......said my wife should dump me etc etc. I also appreciate the few who told me to talk it over with my wife. I hope a therapist can sort this out for me, I'm out looking for bizarre dangerous "pleasure" for some reason.

 

For what it's worth, just thought I'd say thanks for the responses.

 

Guest,

 

I think you are a lucky guy to have such a wonderful and understanding wife! Not all wives would have been quite as generous as your after your talk with her.

 

And she probably knows you and loves you more than you realise, so why don't you take her up on the suggestion to see a therapist together? It is much better to do it NOW when you are still close, than in 5 years time when the rot may already have set in!

 

Good luck!

[michaelk]

Apparently many people are not reading the rules of the forum, as many of the responses I see are not what I would call respectful or helpful.

 

To the OP: I understand your situation from personal experience. I'm in an 18-year marriage and have been on the verge of cheating. My reasons are a bit more complicated than yours, but part of it is definitely the desire to have some varied and exciting sexual experiences before I leave this life. You have my sympathy and understanding, and I think your feelings are probably experienced by all men at some point.

 

As for whether to have an affair or not, the only advice I can give is that you should decide how much you value your marriage. If you've reached a point where you're thinking of leaving anyway, maybe you don't have much to lose. But if you want to stay married, know that if you cheat you're running an extreme risk.

[Tim'sAngel]

Aw you poor little deprived men.

 

I don't get you men at all. Michaelk, since your so hung up on respect, how about respecting your wife instead of sitting around saying "Hmm.. I've been thinking about cheating lately". Why is it that sex is the answer to mans every problem. "Well shes gained some weight, so I'm gonna cheat"... "Well, Shes too involved w/the kids, think I'll cheat" Why do people stay in relationships when they are unhappy? All you are doing is making the both of you unhappy

[glittergurl]

But if you want to stay married, know that if you cheat you're running an extreme risk.

Well MichaelK, I'm sure glad I'm not your wife!

A man who's only concern about cheating is that it would be "an extreme risk", seriously lacks morals. Cheating while you're married = WRONG. And that's all there is to say.

 

And since some men obviously don't care, I guess STDs would be another interesting point to think about.

[rossi]

I met this girl when I was 17. She was almost 16 at the time. I wasn't really looking for any sort of serious relationship since I had just gotten dumped almost a year earlier by a girl that I was in love with for 3 years. So I was a little hesitant to get into anything with anyone else. But this girl I met was pretty cool. We seemed to connect really well and we felt comfortable being around each other as if we'd always known each other. We spent some time together and then I felt that I had to tell her of my fear of the relationship developing further and that I would have to probably stop seeing her so that I could experience other people. She was very upset about it. She cried and begged for answers and all the other things that we all tend to do in those types of situations. But, I have a tender heart and I couldn't be cold to her like I have been treated so many times when I was in similar situations. I loved her persistence, her admiration of me, her wonderful company, her wonderful friendship and I decided to get back with her.

 

I ended up moving in with her about a year after we met. We were going through some of the most transitional periods and new experiences of our lives together -- after all, we were teenagers. It was a time in our lives when things were chaotic. We were trying to get organized, to figure things out, etc. It seemed that there were constantly stressors (mostly financial) all around us that we couldn't always cope with in a positive way and would resort to verbal altercations with one another (usually initiated by me). Things were sometimes stressful and there were plenty of disagreements and arguments. But there were hundreds of hours of good times and intimate and magical moments -- things that can never be forgotten. We shared the same beliefs, ideas, and values, and believe me, they are very atypical. I could never imagine finding a person that would share my strange philosophies in the way that she did. We spent 8 years together, living together for almost 7 of those years.

 

The biggest curse of our relationship was the way that it started, I suppose. I sort of always had this "Call of the Wild" feeling that would never really dissipate. I had never really dated around like most people normally do. In the back of my mind, I always wondered what it would be like to interact and have sex with other women. I felt like I would always wonder my whole life and that if I didn't act on it, I would die never having experienced that. These feelings began to surface in our interactions with one another. I would make inappropriate comments about other women. I would say, "Hey, let's have a threesome with that girl" and other such insensitivities. The truth is, I loved her so much, that I felt so torn about what to do about my inner struggle and rather than giver her up, I felt that I could somehow talk her into some sort of a compromise that would allow me to fulfill my primal desires without ending the relationship. I see now, what a jerk I was. I was young, stupid and insensitive, and didn't realize what a special thing I had. Maybe you could say I was greedy.

 

We ended up really building our lives and our futures around one another. We had several animals that would be regarded to us as what children are to people that have kids. The animals have been through a lot with us. 2 of them are siblings. The two of us have a house that is in both of our names. We had plans for a future, though we decided marriage and children would not be a necessity.

 

But the fact remained that I felt like I was missing out on something in life. So gradually it began to surface. She could tell what was going on in my head through my behaviors and my remarks. So, about a year ago, I decided that it was time to be a man and stop being such a crummy boyfriend. I told her that I felt like I needed to see other people. She was devastated. I was also. We held each other and cried for many hours many days. I felt like my mission was important. I told her that if there was on person in my life that I would want to spend the rest of it with, that person would be her.

 

I moved out of my house and in with a friend of mine. I got to work right away and found this girl that wanted to have sex like a week after I met her. I was pretty excited that my journey was progressing so well already. When it came down to doing it, though, I was uninterested, unaroused. We were both naked and everything. I realized that what really turned me on was the girl that I loved. I kept talking to my ex all the while. We were still seeing each other regularly, talking on the phone, going out, having sex. Not much changed except we were less confined as far as our responsibilities being imposed on one another.

 

But I still didn't realize the beauty of what I had. I thought I still needed to pursue my "journey" with other women. I thought maybe it's just that the first girl didn't go so well because I didn't feel much of a connection with her, etc. So I kept my eyes open for another opportunity. And I got another one. I felt the same way with this second girl. I knew that girl that I really wanted to be with was the one that I had loved all along. I realized that my "journey" was over.

 

In my absence, my ex had met a new friend (female) and began hanging out with her more and more. The new friend was becoming her confidant. I suppose my ex was trying to fulfill what I was no longer providing to her wholeheartedly. While she was with her new friend one day, a guy introduced himself to her and she said she was single. This was a few months ago -- maybe 4 months. I continued to see her during this time, but I never really made clear the fact that I thought she was "the one" for me. It's like my timing was off by a few days. She latched onto this guy almost immediately after meeting him. She goes out with him all the time now, has sex with him, spends the night with him, is failing college courses because she is spending time with him. For the past month, I have been trying to tell her to stop, to come back and be with me, whom she called her soulmate only a month ago. I have told her that I have learned many things and that the relationship could be better this second time. In all sincerity I said these things. I brought tears to her eyes and made her smile at the same time. She said I said things that were "the nicest things anyone has ever said" about her (to quote her own words).

 

Within the past 2 weeks, things have been surreal. Everything that I thought she stood for has been ditched. Everything that I thought that we had in common is no longer there. She spends increasingly more time with this guy (who has undoubtedly never had a girl as beautiful or as special as her) and I am like nothing to her. She has stopped answering my calls. She has stopped responding to emails. If I do get in touch with her, I am shooed away. Her relationship with this guy is accelerating rapidly. I feel like she is just trying to find a quick fix for the loss of our own relationship. I have even told her that and she said "maybe."

 

Yesterday, I was at the house by myself getting my few remaining things that I was informed needed to be removed.

 

I came across a note to this guy. Just when I thought I couldn't be further devastated, I came across some painful revelations. The letter starts out "My Love," and goes on to say that he is basically a god. He is the best thing that has ever happened to her, that she wants to get married to him, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him and that she hopes they will be best friends forever. My heart sank when I read this. I never ever thought she could feel this way for someone else, someone that she seems to have nothing in common with, someone that she hardly even knows, someone that (literally) hardly speaks the same language. I thought maybe he was persuading her, manipulating her to feel this way, but shockingly the letter says "I hope I'm not moving too fast for you." WHAT IS THE DEAL? This guy she nearly knows is more significant to her than the guy she has spent 1/3 of her life with?

 

I have always felt like I was her best friend and she told me the same thing less than a month ago. I told her I felt like we were soulmates and she agreed. But now this. I am utterly crushed. I have apologized to her several times and told her how enlightened I am now about us. I told her of my optimism for our "new" love and she even seemed inspired by it. I have been telling her for weeks that she is the girl for me and I have no second thoughts. I truly mean these things. All the while, I have been getting pushed further and further away and my offers of commitment have been continuously rejected.

 

I am in agony. I love this girl so much. I talked to her last night on the phone. I told her that I wanted her to know that I am not interested in any other girls and that I only want to experience life with her from now on and for the rest of my life. I told her all I learned in our time apart and that I think we could have a wonderful future together. She seemed unaffected, more likely annoyed by my pleas. She said she needed to get off the phone and take care of some things, presumably getting ready for her usual Friday night date with the new guy. I really want her back. I want her to stop this craziness.

 

I'm really devastated. I am heartbroken. I hardly eat or sleep anymore. I have no goals anymore. I just do the minimal to survive to the next day.

 

What do you think is going on here? Do you think she's doing some sort of rebound thing? I know this guy will marry her if she really wants to. He has already told her he wants to get married and have kids -- things that she told me she was sincerely uninterested in when I was with her.

 

I can't believe I have totally screwed up on the most wonderful opportunity in my life. I have lost the most valuable gift I have ever beheld. Do you think there is anything I can do win her back or have I damaged things too much?

 

I tried the no contact thing for a week, per her suggestion. She said she was really confused (whereas, before she was pretty much done with me) and needed time to think about things. I felt like the day that she suggested it was a really pivotal point. I felt like she realized that *I* was indeed the man for her and that she would ditch this other guy. I thought when I talked to her and made her happy she was getting ready to give me another chance.

 

But during that week, she was still having contact with the other person and apparently falling more and more for him. It's almost like he is the one that she leans on when she is upset about what has happened with us. At the end of the week, I ended up being the one to make contact, but by then, it seemed that she was wrapped around his finger and I was now a stranger, even an enemy. A week has passed since then. Communication has dwindled by her refusal to respond. I guess "no contact" is the only option I really have anymore.

 

Sometimes, she contacts me, but I am not allowed to talk about our relationship. What should I do if she tries to contact me? Should I answer and be positive and try to steer away from becoming an emotional basketcase or should I just refuse contact entirely? If I should refuse contact, when should I resume it? Who should initiate it? What if in the meantime she marries this guy she hardly knows?

 

She says she still wants to be my friend and that I am very important in her life (although her actions show otherwise). She says that she is not trying to replace me. Anyway, I think being friends is impossible because I love her in a romantic way and to see her with other people in that way makes me always feel enraged and devastated.

 

I continue to hang on to the dream that I could be back with her and we could walk off in the sunset together leaving all of our hurt and resentment behind. I hope that we could start over. It's the only thing I fantasize about. I have no other aspirations.

 

Everywhere I go, I see happy couples or I see guys talking about how they need to get laid. It all disgusts me. I even start to despise guys in general, thinking of how they are potential mates for my ex.

 

Thanks for reading.

[MrsHellFire]

Why not let her experience the things she hasn't as well?

 

 

"If I have sex with her, and it's not some overwhelming experience (and just hot sex) I know I'm missing nothing in life and will be forever happy with my wife. "

 

And if it is overwhelming, you won't be able to stop.

 

Worst scenario I see is that if you TRULY LOVE YOUR WIFE, that is IF, then the guilt will eat you alive and it will NEVER leave your mind and it will cause problems in daily life.

 

 

This poster is so egotistical and the conditions in his life are so supreme(looks-wise, money-wise, realationship-wise, material-wise, girl-wise), I really think this is all a fake.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm in an 18-year marriage and have been on the verge of cheating. My reasons are a bit more complicated than yours, but part of it is definitely the desire to have some varied and exciting sexual experiences before I leave this life. You have my sympathy and understanding, and I think your feelings are probably experienced by all men at some point.

 

This is just one woman's opinion....but it sounds to me like you're letting your midlife crisis determine the course of your future.

 

If you're unhappy with your marriage, there's nothing to stop you from getting a divorce. But after reading a few of your previous posts, I don't think the marriage is necessarily the thing you're unhappy with. I think maybe it's YOU.

 

Just from the few posts that I read, it seems fairly obvious that you're bent on finding somebody to cheat with. I think maybe you might want to read through the OW/OM forum a bit and see what using somebody to meet your 'need to cheat' does to them emotionally. These are REAL people. They aren't objects.

 

When you say "part of it is definitely the desire to have some varied and exciting sexual experiences before I leave this life", I have to wonder if you aren't objectifying others to fit a very specific purpose in your life. I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to be on the receiving end of that kind of treatment. It reduces your potential partner's humanity to the sum of their body parts.

 

I think you'd be really surprised to find out how many men are going through something similar to what you are going through. Honestly, I believe there's an physiological adjustment period at the male midlife in the body's hormonal balance. It leaves a midlife guy struggling to feel better, because he just doesn't feel like himself. It leaves him doubting his previous choices, and wondering if he's really getting all he can out of life. It's a difficult time. And alot of guy's screw up what they already have...in search of something vague and undefined.

 

There are things a midlife guy can do to help himself cope a little better. The first of which is to see his doctor and have a very frank discussion. It's possible that the available serotonin in your body isn't quite cutting it for you. That leaves you in a lurch...searching for ways to bring up your dopamine. The dopamine fix is like a little band-aid. It makes you feel a bit better for awhile.

 

So, by adjusting the serotonin levels through medication...you can put the 'dopamine search' back in perspective. It's no longer looming over you and making hectic demands on your judgement. You have more clarity in your decision-making. And you can take a better appraisal of what the true problems are in your life and marriage, without the distraction of your body's hormonal imbalance.

 

You're the only one who knows your situation of course. But I can't believe it would hurt you any to do a little more research and maybe get a depression screening....before you screw up you family dynamic beyond repair.

[whichwayisup]

If one is having a mid-life crisis, why not go seek therapy and fix the problem, instead of going and having an affair, hoping that will FIX it?? So many people, both men/women, go have affairs and even get so close to leaving their spouse - But, when it comes right down to it, they don't leave because they realize what they're about to give up and how empty and alone life would be without their spouse...Yeah, I'm sure after so many years of being married that deep intensity isn't there, but the love, the life together, is better!

 

Fix yourself, go seek therapy and if that doesn't work, then separate from your spouse. Don't just go hop into another woman's bed cuz you wanna get laid and live life a certain way before you die. If you do that, you're going to regret it sooo much.

[OzGirl]

Another aspect of this, my father died very recently at a young age.....very suddenly. I have begun to realize how short life is, and my inexperience with other women before marrying my wife has really been on my mind for years now, it bothers me greatly.

 

The death (within the last 5 years roughly) of a parent is (apparantly) often the instigator for the feelings you described above. The buffer zone between you being 'young' and 'old' is often defined by your parents' being alive or not, and makes you think of time like it's running out, in some ways. It's like a mid-life reckoning, and period that instigates reflection, too, and can sometimes make you ask yourself if you want to die like they did - unhappy (and then you identify with that) or happy (and then you look at your own marriage and believe it's not).

 

I don't know what the answers are... but just thought it might bring you some comfort that this, alone, is not an iscolated instigator for considering 'trialling' something different.

[baby_nk]

I really dont understand whats wrong with you mate. I think firstly, u should tell your wife what uv already done and also tell her what u feel. Just think how would u feel if your wife decided to sleep with another guy. Can u bear the thought of her being attracted to another man? Can u bear the thought of her wanting to touch another man? Feel another man? Would u get over it easily if your wife did the same?

[baby_nk]

I really dont understand whats wrong with you mate. I think firstly, u should tell your wife what uv already done and also tell her what u feel. Just think how would u feel if your wife decided to sleep with another guy. Can u bear the thought of her being attracted to another man? Can u bear the thought of her wanting to touch another man? Feel another man? Would u get over it easily if your wife did the same?

[CrumblingWalls]

I think that you are really going about things the wrong way. My boyfriend of over 2 years just lost his father too. He has all of these thoughts running through his head and seems to think that going out with his friends is the answer. I have tried to help him grieve but I am the one that he is taking everything out on. Though it is not fair I see that it is part of the grieving/healing process (look it up, it might put some perspective on what you are doing).

Also, who cares if this woman is beautiful, is it really worth it? Maybe you and your wife can try some new things in the bedroom to make things more exciting. I think that you should really think about this cheating because you will lose the best thing that has ever happened to you!