Is this considered child abuse/neglect?

[cutegirl]

I didn't say what you did was prostitution, did I? I said ONE STEP away. Whatever...again, why are you ignoring the more pertinent facts in my posts? The ones that actually relate to your question?

 

It's hardly a step a way from prostitution because prostitution involves selling YOURSELF. I am selling a PRODUCT which is memberships to websites. And yes, I did address your facts in my post above.

[cutegirl]

And as to your points Touche, yes perhaps I am spoiled and I'm sure my mother did care about me, I never said she didn't. I felt that the way she went around it was not appropiate and she could have gotten her message across more subtle instead of always in a discouraging way and putting me down.

 

I feel that my mother was not very supportive of me. She didn't say it in a way that would actually PREPARE me for the world, she said it in a matter which implied "You will never be able to do it, and you will life with me for the rest of your life."

 

Yea I made a typo here :

 

"You will never be able to do it, and you will life with me for the rest of your life."

 

should be

 

"You will never be able to do it, and you will liVe with me for the rest of your life."

 

It was too late to edit my post.

[Touche]

And as to your points Touche, yes perhaps I am spoiled and I'm sure my mother did care about me, I never said she didn't. I felt that the way she went around it was not appropiate and she could have gotten her message across more subtle instead of always in a discouraging way and putting me down.

 

I feel that my mother was not very supportive of me. She didn't say it in a way that would actually PREPARE me for the world, she said it in a matter which implied "You will never be able to do it, and you will life with me for the rest of your life."

 

Well maybe her style of parenting wasn't exactly right for you. I hope you can do better with your own kids, if you ever have them. Whatever she did though, must have worked since you're so succesful, right?

 

Forget all the rest of this ancient BS. Like I said you're an adult now. Talk to her. You might be VERY surprised to learn some things about her that you didn't know.

[cutegirl]

Well maybe her style of parenting wasn't exactly right for you. I hope you can do better with your own kids, if you ever have them. Whatever she did though, must have worked since you're so succesful, right?

 

Forget all the rest of this ancient BS. Like I said you're an adult now. Talk to her. You might be VERY surprised to learn some things about her that you didn't know.

 

Ok, point taken.

 

The thing is that it's very awkward to start talking to someone you haven't spoken to for a long time. The first step is always the hardest and I just don't think it would be a very comfortable/easy situation. If you've had constant communication with someone throughout the years it's easier to bring up grievances or things that have bothered you in the past which you would like to discuss, but when there hasn't been communication for awhile it gets really difficult to make that first step. Even if I felt like talking to her, it would be hard for me pick up the phone and make that first step.

[Touche]

Ok, point taken.

 

The thing is that it's very awkward to start talking to someone you haven't spoken to for a long time. The first step is always the hardest and I just don't think it would be a very comfortable/easy situation. If you've had constant communication with someone throughout the years it's easier to bring up grievances or things that have bothered you in the past which you would like to discuss, but when there hasn't been communication for awhile it gets really difficult to make that first step. Even if I felt like talking to her, it would be hard for me pick up the phone and make that first step.

 

Cutegirl, I know what you're saying but you know what? I talk to my mom ALL the time and it's STILL hard for me to bring up grievances and difficult topics like that. It really is, trust me.

 

I prefer a letter or email to start. Can you do that? Tell her that you've had friends with in the past that you've had disagreements with but that you were able to start over with them and you'd like to do the same with her. Believe me, she loves you more than life itself. You're her daughter.

 

Give her a chance. She might surprise you. And if you're really lucky, she might be a better friend/mother to you NOW than she was then...after all, parents grow up too.

[Citizen Erased]

Stop complaining because your mother actually WANTED you to stay living with her, and she was protective. I craved for my mothers attention and I never got it. The last time she hugged me was at my brothers funeral when I was 4 years old!

 

Just because she didnt take you to the hair dressers means s*** all. Either did mine. Because I got up off my bum and made an appointment, rather then spend the time wallowing in misery, because we both figured I was old enough to do so. Did she stop you from having a job? I bet not.

 

My mother was like one of those tv mums you mentioned. Cooking and cleaning etc etc. She was also f***ing the gardener (in this case, TAFE Teacher) in case you watch Desperate House hussies She also is a dried up none emotional bitch who couldnt give a s*** for any of her 3 children except for the one who died because that means she gets attention.

 

Oh yeah, I dont have my licence and Im almost 20, but thats just because I dont need one in this point in time. Because my mommy didnt take me by the hand and lead me everywhere doesnt make me not speak to her. The fact she could look me dead straight in the eye and tell me she wishes I was never born, she never loved my father and had sex with her ugly feral ass boyfriend in my bed makes me want to never speak to her again.

 

Get over yourself.

[Touche]

WOW! See, Cutegirl, your mom looks positively SAINTLY next to Coco's!

 

(Sorry, Coco...don't really mean anything by that but you sure did drive the point home!)

[Citizen Erased]

Its cool, I just get so pissed when I hear ppl like the OP whine about crap like that.

 

Believe me, I havent mentioned the half of how horrible my mother is. But I'm sure plenty of others were worse off then me!

[erika2610]

Yea I made a typo here :

 

"You will never be able to do it, and you will life with me for the rest of your life."

 

should be

 

"You will never be able to do it, and you will liVe with me for the rest of your life."

 

It was too late to edit my post.

 

You haven't replied to alot of the good points made here my posters. You just keep arguing your point.. but I don't think you're listening to anything any of us have to say.

[erika2610]

Ok, point taken.

 

The thing is that it's very awkward to start talking to someone you haven't spoken to for a long time. The first step is always the hardest and I just don't think it would be a very comfortable/easy situation. If you've had constant communication with someone throughout the years it's easier to bring up grievances or things that have bothered you in the past which you would like to discuss, but when there hasn't been communication for awhile it gets really difficult to make that first step. Even if I felt like talking to her, it would be hard for me pick up the phone and make that first step.

 

It IS hard, but you have got to be a big person here. I have had problems with my dad in the past, and we didn't have alot of communication for a while, seeing as how he lives in another state. I had alot of issues from my childhood that I felt I needed to talk to him about and just get out. I mustered up the strength to call him and talk about it. Getting it all out just made me feel a ton better.. and he even told me that when I had issues like that, to just talk to him and not just keep them all in. If I hadn't told him, he wouldn't have known these problems, and we couldn't work on them. it might be hard at first, but I guarantee that you'll feel better for it afterwards.

[cutegirl]

WOW! See, Cutegirl, your mom looks positively SAINTLY next to Coco's!

 

(Sorry, Coco...don't really mean anything by that but you sure did drive the point home!)

 

Yea her mom does sound worse...

 

I know you saw me posting in that "class" thread and I do have fond memories of my mother growing up when I was a child. For example we did do things like going to museums and went to France and things like that. Even though I was bored out of my mind going to museums when I was a child, I still kind of liked it in a weird way... It's only when I was a teenager that things got really bad, I don't really know why they got as bad ad they did, but it got very hostile on our household.

 

I do get sad sometimes when I think about it, I was happy when I was a young child, under the age of 12, 13... When I got older all hell just broke loose and it never got back to normal again.

[erika2610]

Am I invisible here? Cutegirl.. did you block me for some reason??

[suga]

Just know that you dont trust your moms intentions and she probably has tried to conciously manipulate your choices in life to her own benifit...I mean your not going to get any sympathy for it...everybody is looking for sympathy...just know your mom pisses you off because she is mabey a bit dishonest with you at times...I think you are really wondering why you dont like her so much more than trying to make her look bad or look for cookies from people...I mean alot of people were abused and thats just gross for anyone to think about but they have to deal with it...then some use it to guilt trip for the rest of there lives where the victim role comes in and that is a real drag ya know.

[hotgurl]

maybe it got hostile because you turned into a teenage brat. did you ever help your mom around the house? Do things without being asked?

 

 

How else did she put you down besides telling you it was hard to make a living.

[erika2610]

Just know that you dont trust your moms intentions and she probably has tried to conciously manipulate your choices in life to her own benifit...I mean your not going to get any sympathy for it...everybody is looking for sympathy...just know your mom pisses you off because she is mabey a bit dishonest with you at times...I think you are really wondering why you dont like her so much more than trying to make her look bad or look for cookies from people...I mean alot of people were abused and thats just gross for anyone to think about but they have to deal with it...then some use it to guilt trip for the rest of there lives where the victim role comes in and that is a real drag ya know.

 

Where do you get this stuff? Where at all do you get that she conciously tried to manipulate her choices for her own benefit?

[suga]

LOL

 

I dont have to explain myself to you.

[erika2610]

LOL

 

I dont have to explain myself to you.

 

 

Whoa.. calm down there. It was just a question. I never did anything to you.

[Mz. Pixie]

Its cool, I just get so pissed when I hear ppl like the OP whine about crap like that.

 

Believe me, I havent mentioned the half of how horrible my mother is. But I'm sure plenty of others were worse off then me!

 

Ditto that!! I know several people who post on here that have had s***ty moms- B_Ot- Becoming- Catgirl-Confused Gal- and yourself. No matter how bad I had it, I know that there are others who had it worse than me.

 

You didn't have the perfect mother I'm sure Cutegirl, but it's offensive to those of us who had much worse and have flourished despite that.

 

And as a side note, it's cool that you make six figures, but you do realize that you're profiting off other people pimping themselves out right?? If that's what you want to do, then great, but that would simply not be for me, no matter how much money I could make.

[cutegirl]

Ditto that!! I know several people who post on here that have had s***ty moms- B_Ot- Becoming- Catgirl-Confused Gal- and yourself. No matter how bad I had it, I know that there are others who had it worse than me.

 

You didn't have the perfect mother I'm sure Cutegirl, but it's offensive to those of us who had much worse and have flourished despite that.

 

And as a side note, it's cool that you make six figures, but you do realize that you're profiting off other people pimping themselves out right?? If that's what you want to do, then great, but that would simply not be for me, no matter how much money I could make.

 

 

I have to ask what is OP??

 

Also, I consider myself a feminist, therefore I believe all women have the CHOICE of being in porn if they want. Who are you to judge if they are being pimped? Perhaps they enjoy their career? If they don't enjoy it, that's also not a travesty. Most people in general don't LOVE their jobs, but it's a way to support themselves.

 

If you feel that the only women show their bodies are naked "must" be exploited then your indirectly saying that women are not intelligent and capable enough of making that decision for themselves. And that is also inferring that somehow women are more "pure" and "virginal" then men are and thus somehow need to be protected form sex. Perhaps some women actually like it? A lot of them probably choose that job because it pays a lot more than flipping burgers, some make 10-20k a month. Just as I choose internet marketing because it's easy for me and I would probably never make the same amount in a regular 9-5 job, even if I HAD a university degree. I have no illusions about myself, I know if I got a normal job I'd barely be making 40k a year at best, perhaps I could make more if I went into lucrative sales such as home loans/mortgages. pharmaceutical sales, but those jobs are really stressful. I get to work from home and work on the pc, I don't have to deal with any people/customers at all, just make web pages all day long, it's kind of relaxing.

 

If you are for women's rights then I feel it's important to respect women to make their own CHOICES, and not impose your morals and values on others. Not everyone is religious, and not everyone think its immoral.

 

I can tell you I sleep fine at night, I have no qualms. This is way off topic though, and has nothing even to do witht the topic at hand.

[erika2610]

Whenever any of us have tried to help you out with the topic.. you've blown right over most of the responses to talk about your job.

[Guest]

Cutegirl-

 

I must say that this topic has been an interesting read. At first I just rolled my eyes at you. But now, I can see that your feelings are deep-rooted and that you are suffering.

 

You say you have no feelings towards your mother, but from the way you are talking about things that happened 10 years ago, it would lead someone to think that these things just happened yesterday! Yes, you have become successful, but you have still led the last 10 years of your life in anger and bitterness towards your mother.

 

It seems that you and your mother had your specific roles. She was controlling and/or invasive, and you were aquiescent. You could have very well gotten yourself to a salon and gotten your own haircuts as a teenager. I hardly know any teenagers who go to the salons with their mothers these days! You could have gotten to the DMV on your own, as many teens do nowadays. You could have taken the reigns and refused to be a victim- but you were stuck in a role that was encouraged by your mother. In this sense, you were to blame for some of what went on.

 

I have never talked to a single teenager who thought their parents were perfect. There will ALWAYS be something to think back on with sadness or regret. You would be doing yourself a favor by getting therapy, as you said. There has been damage done that probably goes beyond what your original post stated. It isn't just your mom to blame here. It's also a little bit of you, in that you let it happen. The teenage years are tough enough, and I'm sure your mom had something to do with your self-esteem back then. However, it is 10 years later now, and you should have picked up better coping skills along the way. Therapy would definately help you with this.

 

Thinking back on so many friends and colleagues who have lost their mothers prematurely, I think it's a cruel game that you are currently palying with your mother. I understand that she caused you pain and embarassment...however, based on what you have written, it certainly doesn't warrant an estrangement like this. You are independent now. You are living your own life. What is there to fear from her? Why are you afraid to have a relationship with her again? If you are trying to punish her for all that she wasn't, you are mostly just punishing yourself. As many posters before have said, your relationship to your mother changes as you get older. When you are out of your teens and have a different perspective, it could possibly be the most rewarding relationship of your life. As you said yourself, your mother had no social life outside of you. Don't you see the sadness in this? Yes, it's not right to expect your child to fill that void. However, you are not a child anymore. And you haven't filled that void for 10 years. So perhaps your mother is in a better place and ready to be a different kind of parent towards you. You are right when you say it's awkward to talk to somebody who has been estranged from you. But think of it as one more goal you can accomplish!

 

I hope one day you will be ready to give up the anger and bitterness. You sound very introspective. Even though you are independent, by the tone of your postings, you sound like you might still like to have a mother around. Please don't close the door on that. You can take whatever your mother has to give you, and leave the rest. But you shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[jasmine3407]

Cutegirl-

 

I must say that this topic has been an interesting read. At first I just rolled my eyes at you. But now, I can see that your feelings are deep-rooted and that you are suffering.

 

You say you have no feelings towards your mother, but from the way you are talking about things that happened 10 years ago, it would lead someone to think that these things just happened yesterday! Yes, you have become successful, but you have still led the last 10 years of your life in anger and bitterness towards your mother.

 

It seems that you and your mother had your specific roles. She was controlling and/or invasive, and you were aquiescent. You could have very well gotten yourself to a salon and gotten your own haircuts as a teenager. I hardly know any teenagers who go to the salons with their mothers these days! You could have gotten to the DMV on your own, as many teens do nowadays. You could have taken the reigns and refused to be a victim- but you were stuck in a role that was encouraged by your mother. In this sense, you were to blame for some of what went on.

 

I have never talked to a single teenager who thought their parents were perfect. There will ALWAYS be something to think back on with sadness or regret. You would be doing yourself a favor by getting therapy, as you said. There has been damage done that probably goes beyond what your original post stated. It isn't just your mom to blame here. It's also a little bit of you, in that you let it happen. The teenage years are tough enough, and I'm sure your mom had something to do with your self-esteem back then. However, it is 10 years later now, and you should have picked up better coping skills along the way. Therapy would definately help you with this.

 

Thinking back on so many friends and colleagues who have lost their mothers prematurely, I think it's a cruel game that you are currently palying with your mother. I understand that she caused you pain and embarassment...however, based on what you have written, it certainly doesn't warrant an estrangement like this. You are independent now. You are living your own life. What is there to fear from her? Why are you afraid to have a relationship with her again? If you are trying to punish her for all that she wasn't, you are mostly just punishing yourself. As many posters before have said, your relationship to your mother changes as you get older. When you are out of your teens and have a different perspective, it could possibly be the most rewarding relationship of your life. As you said yourself, your mother had no social life outside of you. Don't you see the sadness in this? Yes, it's not right to expect your child to fill that void. You had a right to be angry. However, you are not a child anymore. And you haven't filled that void for 10 years. So perhaps your mother is in a better place and ready to be a different kind of parent towards you. You are right when you say it's awkward to talk to somebody who has been estranged from you. But think of it as one more goal you can accomplish!

 

I hope one day you will be ready to give up the anger and bitterness. You sound very introspective. Even though you are independent, by the tone of your postings, you sound like you might still like to have a mother around. Please don't close the door on that. You can take whatever your mother has to give you, and leave the rest. But you shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[cutegirl]

Cutegirl-

 

I must say that this topic has been an interesting read. At first I just rolled my eyes at you. But now, I can see that your feelings are deep-rooted and that you are suffering.

 

You say you have no feelings towards your mother, but from the way you are talking about things that happened 10 years ago, it would lead someone to think that these things just happened yesterday! Yes, you have become successful, but you have still led the last 10 years of your life in anger and bitterness towards your mother.

 

It seems that you and your mother had your specific roles. She was controlling and/or invasive, and you were aquiescent. You could have very well gotten yourself to a salon and gotten your own haircuts as a teenager. I hardly know any teenagers who go to the salons with their mothers these days! You could have gotten to the DMV on your own, as many teens do nowadays. You could have taken the reigns and refused to be a victim- but you were stuck in a role that was encouraged by your mother. In this sense, you were to blame for some of what went on.

 

I have never talked to a single teenager who thought their parents were perfect. There will ALWAYS be something to think back on with sadness or regret. You would be doing yourself a favor by getting therapy, as you said. There has been damage done that probably goes beyond what your original post stated. It isn't just your mom to blame here. It's also a little bit of you, in that you let it happen. The teenage years are tough enough, and I'm sure your mom had something to do with your self-esteem back then. However, it is 10 years later now, and you should have picked up better coping skills along the way. Therapy would definately help you with this.

 

Thinking back on so many friends and colleagues who have lost their mothers prematurely, I think it's a cruel game that you are currently palying with your mother. I understand that she caused you pain and embarassment...however, based on what you have written, it certainly doesn't warrant an estrangement like this. You are independent now. You are living your own life. What is there to fear from her? Why are you afraid to have a relationship with her again? If you are trying to punish her for all that she wasn't, you are mostly just punishing yourself. As many posters before have said, your relationship to your mother changes as you get older. When you are out of your teens and have a different perspective, it could possibly be the most rewarding relationship of your life. As you said yourself, your mother had no social life outside of you. Don't you see the sadness in this? Yes, it's not right to expect your child to fill that void. You had a right to be angry. However, you are not a child anymore. And you haven't filled that void for 10 years. So perhaps your mother is in a better place and ready to be a different kind of parent towards you. You are right when you say it's awkward to talk to somebody who has been estranged from you. But think of it as one more goal you can accomplish!

 

I hope one day you will be ready to give up the anger and bitterness. You sound very introspective. Even though you are independent, by the tone of your postings, you sound like you might still like to have a mother around. Please don't close the door on that. You can take whatever your mother has to give you, and leave the rest. But you shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

 

 

Yes, you are very correct in saying that I was angry because I let it happen. It is true, it is my fault that I didn't take matters into my own hands and played the victim. I am upset because sometimes I am still like this today with other people.

 

I feel really passive. For example if someone is rude to me or says something that bothers me, I won't say anything back but I'll hold it in, and later I think back and think darn, I should have spoken up and said so and so.

 

And then I get angry at myself because I feel like I can't really stand up for myself and be assertive and sometimes I wonder if it because it had to do with my childhood? Perhaps it does, perhaps not, but I do know that a lot of it is my fault as well. I somehow got used to playing the role of a victim and I can't get out of it.

 

Even though I want to be agressive and take certain decisions, I can't. Sometimes I feel really weak in life like I can't make things happen, and it kind of mirrors how I used to feel living at home I guess.

 

But yea, I will go to therapy for sure, I also need it because I fight with my bf a lot and I don't know if that also has something to do with my parents fighting a lot when I was young, I think I got so used to it that I don't really know what's "normal" and what not sometimes.

 

That was a very good post though, I think you really summed up what I was feeling, and perhaps didn't even consciously realize that I was feeling those things.

[jasmine3407]

Cutegirl-

 

I'm glad you opened up a little more about your current relationships. You are absoultely right- your troubles with your bf and the way you relate to other people in general no doubt have to do with your childhood and what you were taught. You will not be able to get over this by yourself. You are stuck in the same emotional place you were in 10 years ago, although your lifestyle has since changed. Many people get stuck like this. I'm glad you are still relatively young and have the time to get unstuck.

 

However, since you and your mom were probably close during your early childhood (ok, despite the unwanted flute lessons), I'm sure you were also taught how to love. A mother's love can be fierce- and can manifest itself in weird ways. Your mother is a prime example of this. After all, why would she even be looking for you now? It's not because she wants to control you or to have you live with her again. She probably knows you are successful and independent. She probably knows you don't need her financially anymore. So her motives must be something else. Perhaps love and worry. Perhaps to congratulate you on a job well done.

 

It seems from your previous posts that you have already thrown in the towel when it comes to your mother. I wonder if you ever doubted that she loved you? Sure, she seemed inconsiderate of your feelings years ago, but that is different than be unloving. Maybe if you had no doubts about that, your feelings would change. If you truly want this situation to change, it will be a long struggle yet very rewarding. If you don't want the situation to change, that is also your choice. You will have to just weigh the pros and cons of being stuck like you are, and possibly being angry with yourself, as well.

 

Take care

[Mz. Pixie]

If you are for women's rights then I feel it's important to respect women to make their own CHOICES, and not impose your morals and values on others. Not everyone is religious, and not everyone think its immoral.

 

I can tell you I sleep fine at night, I have no qualms. This is way off topic though, and has nothing even to do witht the topic at hand.

 

Actually it's not way off topic, as you have mentioned numerous times in this thread yourself how much money you make, what you do, yada yada. You brought it up not me, so I feel free to discuss it.

 

Also, I believe I said, it's not right for ME, but that if you choose to do so then that's cool too. I don't believe I was imposing my morals and values upon you. It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it.

 

Yeah, there are plenty of women that probably like it, but most of them are probably addicted to how much money they can make. Also, I'm sure statistics would show that those women are much more prone to alcoholism, drug addiction, and depression than those who do not have those same types of occupations. Of course, I don't have statistics on that at the moment, but I'm pretty well read and I've watched news shows on topics like this before. As a sexual abuse survivor and knowing what that does to you I can totally see how that would make you feel degraded and devalued.

 

I bet B_ot can come up with some stats on those type of things.

 

No one gives a damn about those women's emotional well being as long as they are making money off of them, and that's sad. What do you think the cut is out of those things for the women? It's sure as hell not as much as the producers and the people who sell those things make.