Is this considered child abuse/neglect?

[littlekitty]

Also maybe if she asked me what my interests were when I was younger instead of pushing me to do whatever, perhaps I could have honed my talents in those fields and become successful... I'm talking about when I was younger I always enjoyed singing, but she never thought to give me singing lessons, she forced flute lessons on me. She never asked me what I was interested in.

 

Oh pleeeeeeeease! Some of us had no lessons in anything, because our mothers were too poor to pay for it.

 

Your wining and moaning because you didn't get enough support and attention from your mother. It's quite pitiful to read and quite frankly, it's pissing me off. I ought to stop posting here, because this isn't the helpful advice I'd prefer to give.

 

But you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. See your mum or don't, who cares. It's not like there's a physco on your case. Don't wanna talk to her? Shut the door in her face, or tell her to f*** off.

 

But stop whining like you had such a hard life, because you didn't. You had the same life as a million other people.

 

Oh and mentioning she hit you round the face once, doesn't make it suddenly turn into child abuse either!

[Guest]

Your mom sounds like she is not very considerate of your fealings.

 

Although she did not abuse you...still she was not very nice to you...you dont have to speak to her if you dont want to.

 

Sorry she was not a nice mom and you feal like you missed out on things because of her...unfortunately many parents do the same thing to their children...more abuse of power than anything...take care of yourself.

[blind_otter]

On mother's day I went to my mom's house to see my Dad. He was asleep so she told me to leave. Then I called her later to wish her happy mother's day and she was so f***ed up on pain pills that her voice was slurring and she probably forgot that I called.

 

Anyways, I guess it's relative. The way my mother was, I wish my mom had been like yours. My biggest issue in therapy dealing with my past was that I always felt like it wasn't as bad as other people. I mean, I read about one girl who was tied to a potty chair for 12 years and never allowed to walk. She lived in a crib that looked like a cage, and she wasn't allowed to speak either, so when the authorities found her she never did learn how to speak. She walked all hunched over for the rest of her life. The room they kept her in was all boarded up, even the windows, so she never saw sunlight the first 12 years of her life.

 

I still cry about what happened to me when I was younger. I still have the stick my mother used to beat me with. I have it in my porch. If my mom hadn't been that way, all f***ed up and unable to love me openly, maybe I wouldn't have spent the last 7 years in f***ed up on drugs, and drunk. Maybe I wouldn't have put myself in abusive relationships, maybe I wouldn't have risked my life and my health.

 

But I don't blame what I am today on her, not any more. Ultimately it's my choice to be who I am. I used to blame her but... I still love her. i see her as the flawed human being she is. I see her pain, I hear it when she is slurring on the phone, even. I see it in the way she holds herself. I have pity and compassion for her.

 

That's the way to heal, I learned that in therapy. I forgave her. I love her. She is a human being, like me, and I'm f***ed up because of my past, well she's f***ed up because of her past.

 

It seems like you see yourself as a victim, but you have to change your own attitude. You were hurt by what happned to you. Nothing will change the past. The only thing that can change is the way you think about what happened to you. Accept it. Grow from it. Love your mother for the flawed person that she is. You will be better for it.

[climbergirl]

I didn't /don't expect my mother to put me in college, I am just saying the environment I grew up was not conducive to me going to college because she was very unsupportive of me. I don't really have a "need" to go to college anymore because I am already doing fine and even though I didn't attend college I already feel I am knowledgeable about many different things, the point is that my life could have turned out a bit "better" or "different" if she wasn't so overbearing. Going to college now would not be helpful to me because I have my own business and going to school would be interfering with that.

 

And this is how I really am, I have A LOT of bitterness and anger inside, I know that. I can't help it, I cannot even have a normal conversation with her.

 

The thing is that she didn't think I could make it on my own so why does she deserve reconciliation? She didn't think I could make it on my own and I did, so now I feel like being spiteful and showing her that I did make it without her help and don't need her for anything. I feel like that's what she deserves for putting me down and thinking I am stupid.

 

One time I also remember her slapping me in the face because I broke a jade bracelet that my deceased grandfather gave her. It meant a lot to her, I understand that, but I dropped it on accident, and she hit me in a way that gave me a bloody nose... She didn't know I had one though cause I never told/showed her... I think I'm resentful about this too plus the other things... This happened when I was around 8 or 9 I think, I don't remember the exact age but somewhere around there...

 

It's true my mom could have history that made her the way she is, I don't know it in detail but she did divorce from my dad and they used to argue a lot, he was verbally abusive, I don't know if he hit her, I never saw anything... But I still feel like she fell short a lot as a mom like you said...

 

On some days I'm not so mad and think nothing of it, but sometimes I also get very bitter about it as well.

 

So I don't get the whole point of starting this thread if you have no plans to reconcile. Was it to get a general concensus that she was abusive just so you could throw THAT in her face? BTW-none of your posts have painted a picture of an abusive/neglectful mother.

 

You're 28......you gotta stop blaming your mother for everything (including being born) and it's time to own up to your own s***. I bet when you have a child your tune will change.

 

And someone mentioned to Jen-Jen that this wasn't a competition on who had the hardest childhood .........what BS! There's a huge difference between being pissed because you didn't get a haircut versus being scared to be in your own home.

[suga]

The worse part of any abuse is the mental part...and mental abuse can cause damage...so now she has a bit of catch up to play.

 

No this is not a contest of whos problem is worse...she has her problem and others have theirs...no need to come here and say her problem means nothing because somebody had it worse...s*** we should all be glad our mom didnt cut our arms off when we were children...cause that did happen to one and the child died...doesnt mean the only person who has fealings is the one with the worste luck.

[climbergirl]

This is mental abuse???

 

OP quoting her mother.....

 

"it's so hard to live on your own... do you know how much rent is? and electricity and the phone bill? do you know that you have to earn blah blah to make it? How do you think you can earn this? It's so hard even for me"

When you grow up with a mom telling you this all the time, of course I have to compensate when I'm grown by bragging, because if I don't people (she) will think I am to stupid to support myself! lol She made it seem like it's so hard and like I'm too stupid to support myself.

 

 

I am viewing this from both sides............as a child and as a mother. The thread title is about abuse and neglect, not "Do I have a right to be upset with my mother?". I would not minimize the OP's pain had she not chosen to label her mother as abusive/neglectful. Those words are pretty strong accusations.

[tinktronik]

The worse part of any abuse is the mental part...and mental abuse can cause damage...so now she has a bit of catch up to play.

 

No this is not a contest of whos problem is worse...she has her problem and others have theirs...no need to come here and say her problem means nothing because somebody had it worse...s*** we should all be glad our mom didnt cut our arms off when we were children...cause that did happen to one and the child died...doesnt mean the only person who has fealings is the one with the worste luck.

I'm sorry , but not getting singing lessons or a professional haircut is NOT abuse.

[suga]

Well I really doubt anyone would want a mother who was so controlling...I dont remember anyone in high school saying I sure wish my mom wouldnt let me go out...but there were alot of kids whos parents were very paranoid and controlling.

 

No she was not what you would call abusive just kind of inconsiderate I think.

[tinktronik]

Well I really doubt anyone would want a mother who was so controlling...I dont remember anyone in high school saying I sure wish my mom wouldnt let me go out...but there were alot of kids whos parents were very paranoid and controlling.

 

No she was not what you would call abusive just kind of inconsiderate I think.

Inconsiderate ???HOW ? The OP has never mentioned a father growing up , so was there one , hmm. Perhaps Mom could'nt afford to get professional haircuts .The OP got piano lessons so she did have some Care and feeding .She went to a decent school?

[erika2610]

Well I really doubt anyone would want a mother who was so controlling...I dont remember anyone in high school saying I sure wish my mom wouldnt let me go out...but there were alot of kids whos parents were very paranoid and controlling.

 

No she was not what you would call abusive just kind of inconsiderate I think.

 

The mother was neither abusive nor inconsiderate. Maybe she made do with what she had. I wore crappy clothes when I was in elementary school.. I didn't get professional haircuts either. I don't blame that on my problems today. My mother was also nosy, and she spanked me at times. Her mother really doesn't sound that different from alot of other mothers. I didn't blame my mom because I didn't get everything I wanted, or because she was at times nosy. She made do with what she had. She was also a product of her upbringing. Her family was stict & old fashioned. What I think is crappy is when you blame your mother for everything. Nobody said her problems were nothing, just that she wasn't abused or neglected. Which is what she asked.

[a4a]

The only thing that even hints of abuse would be a constant drilling into the girl that she would never make it in the adult world.

[tinktronik]

The only thing that even hints of abuse would be a constant drilling into the girl that she would never make it in the adult world.

Was it a constant drilling ? I got the impression that the mother wanted her daughter to hang around durring college or something b/c bills were expensive. Just my impression.

[suga]

Well mabey she should have been a bit more positive...she was negative...she probably has problems with being a pesimistic person and nobody really likes that anyways.

 

I mean anyone would rather have the mom who was positive and gave the child freedom and support and did all the extras...I dont see why parents dont...to me its some form of jealousy...but thats only my opinion.

 

If I was dirt poor I would still make sure my child had the best...but thats just me.

[tinktronik]

Well mabey she should have been a bit more positive...she was negative...she probably has problems with being a pesimistic person and nobody really likes that anyways.

 

I mean anyone would rather have the mom who was positive and gave the child freedom and support and did all the extras...I dont see why parents dont...to me its some form of jealousy...but thats only my opinion.

 

If I was dirt poor I would still make sure my child had the best...but thats just me.

Thats some spectuation there , you tend to run away with an idea in your head that you form ,on some posts .Why do you do that?

[erika2610]

Well mabey she should have been a bit more positive...she was negative...she probably has problems with being a pesimistic person and nobody really likes that anyways.

 

I mean anyone would rather have the mom who was positive and gave the child freedom and support and did all the extras...I dont see why parents dont...to me its some form of jealousy...but thats only my opinion.

 

If I was dirt poor I would still make sure my child had the best...but thats just me.

 

Of course we would all rather have that mom, but not all of us did. That's still no reason to blame your mother for all your problems and call her neglectful.

[tinktronik]

Of course we would all rather have that mom, but not all of us did. That's still no reason to blame your mother for all your problems and call her neglectful.

I don't think anybody had a perfect mom.

[suga]

Thats some spectuation there , you tend to run away with an idea in your head that you form ,on some posts .Why do you do that?

 

Well since all we know is what is posted on this board then there is a tendency in human nature to fill in gaps...its psycology.

 

She seems to be saying her mother was not very supportive of her being her own person...kind of more of an extention of her mother.

 

I am only going by what is said.

[tinktronik]

Well since all we know is what is posted on this board then there is a tendency in human nature to fill in gaps...its psychology.

 

She seems to be saying her mother was not very supportive of her being her own person...kind of more of an extention of her mother.

 

I am only going by what is said.

couldn't help it.

[tinktronik]

Well since all we know is what is posted on this board then there is a tendency in human nature to fill in gaps...its psycology.

 

She seems to be saying her mother was not very supportive of her being her own person...kind of more of an extention of her mother.

 

I am only going by what is said.

Since the topic seems to be dead, I have to ask , Suga are you Smootchie's girlfriend?

[erika2610]

Since the topic seems to be dead, I have to ask , Suga are you Smootchie's girlfriend?

 

That was just so off topic, but it's funny I think his girlfriend stopped posting, got fed up with the place. But that's just my thought.. I'll let Suga answer for herself

[Guest]

couldn't help it.

 

Did I misspell something?

 

Im not a good speller...are you not liking me or something...LOL

 

I dont get the Smoochie thing either...why are you asking if Im his girlfriend?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Sounds to me like she's too stuck in the role of victim to hear what anyone is saying.

[tinktronik]

Did I misspell something?

 

Im not a good speller...are you not liking me or something...LOL

 

I dont get the Smoochie thing either...why are you asking if Im his girlfriend?

Um , why don't you try logging in.

[suga]

OH you are trying to prove Im not smart...well ok you win...I hope you feal better now.

[tinktronik]

OH you are trying to prove Im not smart...well ok you win...I hope you feel better now.

I don't dislike you , nor am I trying to make you feel stupid .