konfuzd Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I'm not sure if the OP is still reading this, but I have so much to say about this, because it absolutely disgusts me that someone would even fatham this to be anywhere close to child abuse/neglect. I can only feel sorry for her poor mother who lost contact with her daughter because she is a whiny little brat at age 28. Grow up! I'm assuming that this was a single parent home. Do you have any idea how much of a challenge it is to be completely financially, emotionally and physically responsible for another life? Have you ever taken a moment to think that she might have been doing so much in order to keep you alive, that your vanity wasn't #1 on her list? This woman carried you in her belly for 9 months, pushed you through her birth canal, and offered you everything it took to keep you alive for 28 years. Don't be so self centered and so naive to think you would be where you are without your mother. If you chose to despise her for this, you live with the responsibility that after all of that, you are tearing the poor woman's heart out. You like to brag about your big 6 figures without going to college, yet you fail to mention how you obtain these 6 figures... I know strippers, prostitutes and drug dealers who make that kind of money. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 OH you are trying to prove Im not smart...well ok you win...I hope you feal better now. No, no.....I think that it was just confusing on who it was when you posted. That's all. No one is thinking you're stupid-keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 now i'm confused...... Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Well, I don't think any one of us will be able to sway your opinion on the subject one bit, and I just want to say I'm sorry you've been hurt in any way, and that when you were growing up there were many things that should have been said that were never said, apparently, and other things that were said that would have been better unsaid. I only hope you realize at some point that often times in life we misinterpret what has been said to us. For instance when your mom stated that it can be hard to make it in the world, you for some reason took that as a slam. as in, YOU CAN'T DO IT! I doubt that was her meaning. I think she was concerned about you. You know, we're not all wired in exactly the same way. Some people have trouble showing love, expressing love. It's a hard thing for them to do, for some reason, and unfortunately often becomes something they will avoid. This may have been the case with your mom. I think you're still that child on the inside, the hurt little girl, kind of throwing a fit because you never got to live the childhood you feel you had every right to have. But if you could finally see yourself as the adult, and just take it on the chin, if you will, and respond to your mom as an adult, face her as an adult, with respect and dignity, expecting the same in return, I just think your heart would change. You'd feel better about life, about yourself, because you're not clinging to the past. Anyway, it was my intention to drop the subject, but as you can see...it's just that it does make me sad. I'm sad for you and for your mom. God Bless.... Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 OH you are trying to prove Im not smart...well ok you win...I hope you feal better now. Do you have some kind of chip on your shoulder? Nobody said you weren't smart. I never read that anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cutegirl Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 Wow this thread got big... thanks everyone for your opinions... In the future I will probably get therapy, I think this will probably help me a lot to deal with childhood problems and things of that nature since obviously it still does affect me a lot.. Since I haven't been very sucessful dealing with it on my own... So I guess that's what I'll do to learn to deal/get over these things... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cutegirl Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 For instance when your mom stated that it can be hard to make it in the world, you for some reason took that as a slam. as in, YOU CAN'T DO IT! I doubt that was her meaning. I think she was concerned about you. This is true, I did take this as a direct slam, because she was talking to me and it was in response to me telling her that I wanted to move out once I was older, so she was just saying rent cost this and that, and the bills are this and that it would be difficult to make ends meet. At that time I took it as she was saying it to me, she was probably concerned about me, but I also feel like she underestimates me and thinks that I can't take care of myself. I always got that vibe from her. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Wow this thread got big... thanks everyone for your opinions... In the future I will probably get therapy, I think this will probably help me a lot to deal with childhood problems and things of that nature since obviously it still does affect me a lot.. Since I haven't been very sucessful dealing with it on my own... So I guess that's what I'll do to learn to deal/get over these things... I think that may be your best route. I also hope for your sake that one day you can get past these feelings of resenment, and have a normal relationship with your mother again - one day. Like I said earlier, god forbid something were to happen to one of you, and you never got to say what you wanted to say all these years. Like LittleKitty said, adult parent/child relationships are different for the most part than when we were kids. (I know that's not exactly what she said, but I couldn't remember it exactly - sorry LittleKitty:)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author cutegirl Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 This is mental abuse??? OP quoting her mother..... "it's so hard to live on your own... do you know how much rent is? and electricity and the phone bill? do you know that you have to earn blah blah to make it? How do you think you can earn this? It's so hard even for me" When you grow up with a mom telling you this all the time, of course I have to compensate when I'm grown by bragging, because if I don't people (she) will think I am to stupid to support myself! lol She made it seem like it's so hard and like I'm too stupid to support myself. I am viewing this from both sides............as a child and as a mother. The thread title is about abuse and neglect, not "Do I have a right to be upset with my mother?". I would not minimize the OP's pain had she not chosen to label her mother as abusive/neglectful. Those words are pretty strong accusations. Yes you are right, so I probably did word the thread too "strong". I know abuse is more severe, like getting hit often (I got slapped once in awhile but not like really abused), or sexual abuse or whatever... No I can't say that I got abused I guess... I mainly wanted other people's opinions in general. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 This is true, I did take this as a direct slam, because she was talking to me and it was in response to me telling her that I wanted to move out once I was older, so she was just saying rent cost this and that, and the bills are this and that it would be difficult to make ends meet. At that time I took it as she was saying it to me, she was probably concerned about me, but I also feel like she underestimates me and thinks that I can't take care of myself. I always got that vibe from her. My mom was like that to me when I wanted to move out.. I didn't take it as a personal slam. I did at first, but then I realized she was just trying to prepare me.. it IS tough to live on your own. Sometimes you just gotta take a step back and think about things differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cutegirl Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 You like to brag about your big 6 figures without going to college, yet you fail to mention how you obtain these 6 figures... I know strippers, prostitutes and drug dealers who make that kind of money. Internet advertising, marketing/selling affiliate programs on line. There's nothing wrong with being a stripper either It's legal. I wouldn't strip only because it's too much work, I get to work from home and don't have to deal with rude/perverted people in real life so therefore I would never strip because I make the same amount but don't have to do any dirty work. You just made it seem like stripping was wrong when I'm liberal so I don't think anything is wrong with it. I just sit in front of the pc all day at home and market for certain sites/products. Also, the part that could be psychologically damaging is her not allowing to let me go. That's why she didn't allow me to have a boyfriend when I was over the age of 18, I think it's because she wanted to keep me all to herself. She didn't have much of a social life, no husband/significant other, so she didn't let me be my own person! That's cruel to not allow your child to have their own life once their over 18, just so you can keep them forever. She would always tell me I would live with her forever!! When I told her I wanted to move out she would say "You're not going anywhere, you're going to live with me forever". Perhaps it was in a sort of joking way, but it was kind of scary as well. That is my main gripe I think. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I think that may be your best route. I also hope for your sake that one day you can get past these feelings of resenment, and have a normal relationship with your mother again - one day. Like I said earlier, god forbid something were to happen to one of you, and you never got to say what you wanted to say all these years. Like LittleKitty said, adult parent/child relationships are different for the most part than when we were kids. (I know that's not exactly what she said, but I couldn't remember it exactly - sorry LittleKitty:)) I'll let you off this time erika!!! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 That's cruel to not allow your child to have their own life once their over 18, just so you can keep them forever. She would always tell me I would live with her forever!! When I told her I wanted to move out she would say "You're not going anywhere, you're going to live with me forever". Perhaps it was in a sort of joking way, but it was kind of scary as well. That is my main gripe I think. Since you've never mentioned a father, I'll assume there wasn't one in the picture. Have you considered that part of this behaviour was because your Mum was scared? Perhaps she was scared to be alone. Although she shouldn't have projected that onto you, it's more than possible? I think you need to try to think about her side. I'm not saying all her actions are correct, just that there were likely reasons, and that you should try to understand them. I think the thread title is the reason you've been bashed a bit here. It was a little strong for what you were actually wanting to discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I feel bad for your mom. She was a single mother tried her best. She loved you and you were all that she had and yes she held on to tight but you at 18 an adult could have tried to talk to her about it moved out and keep contact. I don't know if she wasa young mother but if she was that's maybe why she didn't want you to date. So you wouldn't get in trouble. It is so hard raising a child by yourself. Really about the haircut you could have asked her to take you or saved money and taken yourself. And the clothes most people I knew growin up bougth thier own clothes once they became a teenager. As for the DMV did you ask her to take you of just assume. And for the living at home maybe she didn't want to let you go but it is also very had to live by yourself and I think she just wanted to protect you. Also if you stayed at home you could have gone to college. All these things seem loke huge issues but they are not why can't you try to see your mom her heart must just be breaking. Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Do you have some kind of chip on your shoulder? Nobody said you weren't smart. I never read that anywhere. This thread is not about my spelling or my tendencey to run with things or how I forget to log in as was the three things pointed out to me in this same thread by another poster. It also is not about weather I have a chip on my shoulder. Im sure you can find lots of spelling errors and typos...finding work as a magazine editor would be a great place to use those skills...and you are not my therapist...thanks but no thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 This thread is not about my spelling or my tendencey to run with things or how I forget to log in as was the three things pointed out to me in this same thread by another poster. It also is not about weather I have a chip on my shoulder. Im sure you can find lots of spelling errors and typos...finding work as a magazine editor would be a great place to use those skills...and you are not my therapist...thanks but no thanks.A magazine editor , I don't know sounds a bit to "advertizingish" for my personal tastes , but I thank you none the less , superb suggestion.As for being your therapist , no, that's definitly not the job for me and should be left to the professionals. Good day and Tally Ho! Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 A magazine editor , I don't know sounds a bit to "advertizingish" for my personal tastes , but I thank you none the less , superb suggestion.As for being your therapist , no, that's definitly not the job for me and should be left to the professionals. Good day and Tally Ho! Good day to you I hope you enjoyed riding me... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Good day to you I hope you enjoyed riding me...A good day , sigh...I suppose , I've got a bit of a runny nose though that kind of chaps the good day right away .Not completely though .So I suppose it may be a good day . Riding you? Are you now suggesting that I apply as some sort of dom fetishist? Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 A good day , sigh...I suppose , I've got a bit of a runny nose though that kind of chaps the good day right away .Not completely though .So I suppose it may be a good day . Riding you? Are you now suggesting that I apply as some sort of dom fetishist? Well maybe...you know I think doms make even more than 6 figures...and its not advertisingish...not really my thing though...I have allergies too so dont feal bad... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Well maybe...you know I think doms make even more than 6 figures...and its not advertisingish...not really my thing though...I have allergies too so dont feal bad...MMM , I have a friend that used to do dom , he claimed that guys used to ask him to wear a garbage bag and fist them in the ass .I don't know, 6 figures is nice and all , but fisting someone in the ass sounds almost as bad as advertizing , almost, however not quite . I think this minght be your best suggestion yet , you should get a job making suggestions on what others should do for a living , you seem to enjoy it and it comes so naturaly from you , perhaps that or some sort of nose specialist. Really , keep up the good work. Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 No Im going to take spelling classes...then come here and we can have a spelling bee...how about that? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 No Im going to take spelling classes...then come here and we can have a spelling bee...how about that?Many schools give litteracy classes for adults at no cost , so if you really are interested in taking one you should call around an see what is offered .Better yet , you obviously have the internet , there are lots of tools around to help with spelling and understanding the big words . I think its great that you want to better yourself, though I'm not sure why you decided to chose spelling as your particular forum for improvement .But hey, one step at a time , right. Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 No I can read just not good at spelling thanks for your suggestion though. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 We have now entered. The twilight zone. doo doo doo dooooo. Link to post Share on other sites
suga Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Hey tinki can you tell me how to cancel my membership please...I want to find more fun things to do with my time...thanks...Im sure you would love to help. Link to post Share on other sites
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