Thank You Miss Ringo and Mojo

[velvet]

It was three months after they seperated that he and I started dating. I did not take into consideration that I was making moves on him too fast because I felt we had always had a strong connection. And my Father, I love so much, has told me that this guy will take 15 years before he gets serious with a women and that I should just take what I can get from him now. Well I have let him cry on my shoulder through his divorce. He claims it was because she had an affair with someone she works with and to this very day she is still seeing the guy she left her marriage for.

 

Being that it is so close to Halloween I have a memory that is hounting. The night of Halloween 2000 I left a party late to visit him and we had sex. Afterwards he was raging for me to leave and had to physically remove me from his property. Well two days later he comes up behind me at work wraps his arms around me and asks if I was okay. I said "what do you think, I guess I have to be okay." Well he started seeing another girl after that and I didnt know about it until my father told me on New Years, 10 minutes before the count down. I left and went after him. I told him how I felt about it and he stopped seeing the other girl. Since than I continue to let him cry on my shoulder about his life. He said that he was still in love with his wife about six months ago. Than last week he said he was over her. She has put him through hell and back and she makes him angry 24/7.

 

I cant imagine having to see him in the future finding someone he falls in love, and marries. I have pleaded with my father not to let this guy in my fathers home for holidays and dinners, partys ect. because I cant escape him. (By the way he has been fired from the company) I dont want to avoid my family to avoid seeing him. His presence keeps me tempted for more but than again I dont want to be his whore. Even if he really did love me and is afraid to commit, Im afraid I wouldnt be any more than a trasition for him to fall in love with someone eles. I have considerd what to do to our relationship so that I will have no choice but to let him go forever. That is when the thought of a restraining order came to me. That way he has no choice but to stay away from me and my family. What do you think. Thank you for any replys.

[Miss Mojo]

hi velvet,

 

yes. DEFINITELY get him out of your life!!

 

i wouldn't be at all surprised to know that this guy is quite happy to have you around for all the wrong reasons....you are a shoulder to cry on for him, when he wants sex you are there.

 

but this guy is not capable of an emotional connection with ANYONE. and your father is probably right on the mark - it will take him a hell of a long time before he even considers having a proper relationship with anyone.

 

try not to worry yourself about him being with another woman. for starters, when you say you feel like the transitional woman, you must understand that ANY woman will be a transitional woman with him. this will probably be the case for many years to come. i have an ex who had a child, broke up with the child's mother, then started seeing me 18 MONTHS after they split up. for nearly FIVE YEARS i stayed with this man, while he treated me like a piece of crap. he had so many issues regarding "family life", his children, his ex and himself. in a nutshell, 6.5 years after they split up, he was still wallowing and screwing around with other people's feelings. i made a decision to walk in the end because like you, i felt like his emotional crutch and his whore. he only wanted me when he felt like it, and was distant and aloof and uncaring when he didn't feel like having me around. as long as i was with him i would always be on an emotional rollercoaster.

 

but that was his problem, not mine. i chose to leave him. it was the best decision i ever made. sure, it hurt walking away, but the pain of walking away was NOTHING compared to the pain of being with him. it wasn't until i walked away that i had a very clear picture of just how screwed up he was and how i was letting that affect me.

 

contrary to what he says, i feel that for him to be angry with her 24/7 is an obvious sign that he is NOT over her. if he was over her, he wouldn't have such intense feelings towards her so frequently.

 

you also have a major hurdle out of the way now - he has been fired from your dad's company. now there's even less of a chance of you seeing him. it's even quite likely he won't be invited to family functions and gatherings. what did your father say about this? you could even suggest that if he wants to see this man, to meet up with him somewhere other than your house so you don't have to see him.

 

you have definitely made the best decision about breaking it off with him. i hope you stick to it because if you don't, you will be screwing up your life. he is a mess this guy and you shouldn't feel obliged to stay with him because he is messed up. he doesn't give a fiddlers fart about your emotions, does he?

 

i hope for your sake, you can stick to your guns because no one will be able to help this guy except himself. aside from that, you don't need his crap piled on you when he doesn't even care about how it makes you feel.

 

best wishes and good luck