been7077 Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 My ex-girlfriend, whom I had a long relationship with, has left her "fling" that lasted almost 2 years and wants to instantly jump back into a relationship and work to put things back together and go on to marriage. I was devistated after she announced that she was seeing someone else, on New Year's Day, and in the 1.5 years I have struggled to rebuild my life and confidence. I found that I had disappeared into the relationship with her, and as a consequence had neglected friends and had little of a social life. I had to rebuild all of this and strive to make new friends and rebuild everything. Though I'm not dating anyone else I find that I am defensive about what I have rebuilt and somewhat angry that she thinks she can come back and start things right up again. After all, she dumped me and was not there (obviously) during some of my darkest hours. I just don't think things can be repaired instantly, if at all, and I don't want to feel pressured to make things happen. I really don't know how she can jump from one to the other, as obviously feelings were involved to keep them together for almost two years. Is is normal need a kind of decompression time? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I could see it if she had "tried on" the other guy for a month or two and realized the grass wasn't greener but she was with him for a long time! I think you'd be better off finding someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 I would be ticked off too if my ex showed up and did the same things your ex is doing right now. It's her loss. As difficult as it was, you have been able to rebuild your life. Keep on trekking. You don't need her drama to trip all over on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author been7077 Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 Thanks for replies. Moving on seems to be the vote. After having been through the dating mill for awhile I think I need a break from it all. What will be will play out naturally. Time speaks. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 My ex-girlfriend, whom I had a long relationship with, has left her "fling" that lasted almost 2 years and wants to instantly jump back into a relationship and work to put things back together and go on to marriage.. Sorry dude, 2 years isn't a "fling" thats a long-term serious relationship, most people get engaged after 2 or 3 years. I'd be very wary, history has a funny way of repeating itself if you don't learn lessons from it!! Good luck buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Big_A Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 BEWARE! This should not be a reconciliation it would be a new relationship. Think about it, are you the same person you were when she left. Is she the same person? The answer is no. If you have any chance of having things work out, you have to approach it as a new relationship. A relationship that requires time and energy to build trust. If her falling out with the other guy is recent then she is looking for a rebound. Don’t do it. Be friendly if you like, but make her wait before getting yourself hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author been7077 Posted May 13, 2006 Author Share Posted May 13, 2006 Big A and Chocolate Boy, good points both. I was being sarcastic about the "fling" mention. Of course I know that it was a full blown relationship with her new ex. Am I the same person, is she? No. I have to decide if I even want to start any type of relationship with her, not matter how it is defined. Even deciding that will take a long time. I appreciate the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author been7077 Posted May 14, 2006 Author Share Posted May 14, 2006 Well it all played out to a bad ending. In the one week since the ex broke up with her current we went to church, had one date out and I invited her back to the house and we had dinner. Last night (Saturday) she had insisted earlier in the week that we go out. Okay, fine. So Friday night she came over, ate, visited with my uncle who had stopped over, and then we were supposed to go out last night. So (surprise, right?) I get this call asking if I would mind if she went out with her girlfriends instead. BS, I say. I have know her half my life, so I know when she is lying. She was lying as it turns out. Yep, back out with the new ex (still the new ex?). Why? Because I was not immediately warm and fuzzy and had talked honestly about the fact that we were different people in two years time since the break up. Yes, she said, I was very nice on Friday, like my old self, and that was because I thought she was being honest this time. I let my guard down. Stupid, I guess, to think that there was any reality to it. The nerve though to sit in my house, eat my food, visit with my uncle, and all the while she knew that she had no intention of keeping the date she insisted we make for Saturday. I taped a note to her garage door last night, right where she and her current could see it, basically saying all things had to end and now this did. I suppose it made her gambling, stalker of a honey happy, but she has become all the bad things she complained to me about his being, including the prior but also a world class liar. They diserve each other. I knew this would happen again. She cheated on me for months prior to our break up, tried briefly 5 months ago to reconcile and broke a date with me for him, and now the same thing. So the lesson for those out there: you cannot make somebody like, love or want to be with you. Sometimes you find love, sometimes you lose it, and sometimes it never comes. I was lucky enough once to have had it. Maybe someday I will find it again. Thanks to all who made comments. They were right on most of them. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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