Counting Down

[francis]

I wanted to start this thread as a way of channeling my tension and frustrations, and also as a diary of events that lead up to my undergraduate degree completion which is happening next Thursday.

 

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a year ago. We were LDR and he ended it citing that the distance was too great.

 

I joined Loveshack soon after, and ignored all warnings for NC. Somehow I thought if I remained in contact with him, I could gain his love back.

 

The difficulty through the past year has been getting my head around understanding his words and actions. He has insisted that we remain in touch, sent me gifts, birthday presents, financial help etc. Basically, he's been in a relationship with me without any of the commitment or demands of a relationship.

 

Whenever I would bring up the idea of reconciliation, he would always say things like, 'the most important thing for me is for you to finish your degree'.

 

That is why this time is such a crucial turning point. In a week, he won't have that excuse. I will be free from my ties here and will be able to relocate and we will BE ABLE to be together.

 

I asked him for an honest answer about a week ago regarding a reconciliation, he said he wasnt sure, but that he had found it hard to move on, and then went on to say that he did not see our break-up as permanent and that our love was irreplacable.

 

But since then, I have had no word on anything concrete. I am going insane with confusion over what will happen or whether anything will happen.

 

I guess the truth of the situation will out next week. The real test. Whether he has been stringing me along all this time, or whether the love is real.

 

I'm scared of falling flat on my face. I'm scared that he has subtley built this up and in reality, it will amount to nothing.

 

We are still in contact, he emails me now with regular updates on what he is doing day to day. But no more reconciliation talk.

 

I am scared to push it or place demands on him. But i think i deserve a reality check. Next week, will be the time for that.

 

I hate myself for allowing him to dangle me on a thread. I read about people's experiences, and know that men like to know that their ex's still pine for them.

 

I've put all my faith in him and hope that he really does care for me, to show myself and the people here, that it actually can happen.

 

Hands up who thinks i am completely fooling myself?!

[Just Visiting]

You are not going to like this, but this guy has been stringing you along. It is best to face the reality that he does not want to reconcile on a romantic level. One thing I have learned is not to put so much faith into a relationship, because it can rip the rug from underneath you in any minute. Put that faith into yourself and so no matter what happens, you will always be alright. If this guy really wanted to be with you, nothing would stop him from doing it. He would have been helping you pack up to move in with him, or help searching an apartment for the both of you. And from what you have posted, he is not doing these things. Just doing enough to keep you hooked in. I think as a human being, YOU DESERVE MUCH MORE THAN HE IS GIVING.

 

I would cut my losses, and I know how hard that it is. I left my ex about 8 months ago and it still hurts. But I have faith one day that it won't bother me anymore. Today, I am doing sooo much better. I have become more spiritual, wiser, made a swap of new friends. I have been offered to go to Taiwan for a month this summer. This would have not been possible if I stayed with my ex. I lived my life through him which was a huge mistake...but a lesson learned nevertheless.

 

((HUGS)) Best of luck to you.

[francis]

Thanks JV

I need to hear this

 

I am considering closing my email account. I am sick to death of living day to day, checking my emails constantly.

 

<aside>does anyone know how long a gmail account stays 'active' for retrieval once it is closed? i know hotmail accounts stay 'active' for a month after you close them. i dont want to be able to retrieve it, i want to know whether he will get any emails he sends rejected straight away.

[Just Visiting]

If I am not mistaken, if you block their email addy on hotmail, they will get it back saying that the account is no longer active or something along that line. I am not familiar with gmail's protocol. But I think it is best to block his email addy. You can do it.

[francis]

I deleted my gmail email account. This is the account we use to communicate.

 

I also deleted him as an msn contact.

 

I got a message this morning that he had invited me to be one of his contacts again. Does that mean he realised I deleted him? How does msn work? Would he have physically had to invite me or is it an auto thing?

 

I havent spoken with him on msn since last August so we never use that.

 

I'm trying my best to zone him out now. I really am.

[swissair]

About MSN: Yes, it means he checked and saw you deleted him.

 

In MSN, you can go to Tools > Options > Privacy then click the "view" button to see who has you on their msn list at that second.

 

He would have had to re-add you to his list for you to get an invite.

[francis]

So it's been a few days and I feel like I've erased the burden that was hanging over me for so long.

 

By actually making the move to cut him off, I feel liberated and empowered. I know now that the regular contact with him was keeping him in my life indefinately.

 

He was offering me flaky scraps of hope and at last I decided to be the one who finally put it to bed.

 

I let go in the end because I felt like I was worth more than that. How degrading and disrespectful to be kept waiting.

 

I guess I know now that any attempt of contact by him will have to be damn straight. Either all or nothing. Any lame attempt is not acceptable.

 

But so far, it's peace and quiet and I am focussed on my life, my goals and my career.

Here's to the future!