Mom Does TOo Much For Me

[Mistaken Identity]

First, let me say I'm 45. I'm currently separated from my husband. My unmarried, non-dating mom lives across the street. She's multi-talented; she can rebuild a car, roof a house, bake a quiche, etc. And she does all these things for me. I've asked her not to but she insists. In fact, her feelings are hurt if I don't let her. But she won't let me do anything for her. She rarely eats any of the food I cook or lets me pay for lunch, etc. Here's the problem: I feel obligated to her in every way. And this is stressing me out right now because I'm considering reconciling with my husband. She hates him. And, granted, he has acted irresponsibly throughout our marriage (losing jobs and disappearing for days at a time), but we've been separated for five months. He claims he has had a lot of time to think, and he believes he has changed. We have a five year-old together who really misses her dad. I'd like to try to make the marriage work. My mother was thrilled when I filed for divorce. She also confiscated my husband's truck and told me to ask for it in the divorce. It's sitting in her backyard, and she has said he won't get it back until he pays her for driving it down here. Okay--I know this is long, but I need to clarify that last bit of information. This past Christmas, my husband and daughters and I relocated to a house my mom owns in another state. Meanwhile, I put my house up for sale. While in the other state, my husband quit a job, and ended up disappearing right before Christmas. He claimed he had intense anxiety and couldn't face me (he does take medication). After he came home, my mother who was flying in for the holiday, said she would not get off the plane if he was there. I didn't know how to handle everything, so I agreed my husband should leave. My mom found him an airline ticket and I took him to the airport that afternoon. Coincidentally, one of my Christmas presents from her was the book, "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken." After Christmas, I moved back to my house and my husband stayed in his home state. I had to leave his truck behind because I couldn't move it along with my own car, a U-Haul, etc. So, she decided to drive it back here to her house because she didn't want it sitting in the driveway at the other house. That's where we now stand.

Okay, enough said. I'm just consumed by all of this and need some words of wisdom. Get back with the husband? Move away? What??!! Thanks!

[whichwayisup]

She needs to not be so "into" your life. Part of the problem is the distancea nd the fact that no boundries have been set up.

 

What goes on in your marriage is between you and your husband. Not her. You don't have to run anything by her, ask for her approval (even though I think she wants you to ask for it), nor live your life for her.

 

If you want your husband, then go get him back. Tell her you love her, but it's time she lets you make your own decisions and choices and also lets you BE on your own without her supplying you meals, etc.