Frustration - Will it break me?

[simpleman]

Hi everyone,

The problem for today is frustration. Normally, I am not the type of guy who gets frustrated, and to be like this makes me feel, or not feel, like the normal me that loves and cares for my gf. About our relationship, this is our first LDR, and it will be our one year anniversary in July. We have spent several times together in real life. A total of two weeks of RL time; however, we have talked to each other at least once a day since we've been together. For me, I know I love her as I am able to act like I have never acted before around anyone else. She brings out a side of me that lets me enjoy myself. She says I make her laugh, feel safe and secure. IMPORTANT: She wants to move her in June after her graduation from highschool (her - 19; me - 20). She has never been to where I live, nor even in this state. This might add to our high stress levels... but back to the frustration explanation.

 

Frustration - It is the things that once never frustrated me, but now they do. The thing that drove me to writing this thread was the continuous text messages I get. Small beans in my mind, but it upsets me so much. Everyday even before the frustration she would send me these text messages when I was not online. Normally, I can be found online as I am a student of Computer Science so it really doesn't matter if I'm at home or school, I can be found online... UNLESS, it is a lecture or I'm driving home. It has always been my goal to give her as much of my time as humanly possible.

Now let me explain these text messages. She sends them through our cellphone providers webpage, which costs me but more importantly I'm unable to respond to any text messages she sends me. In the past, it never really bothered me as much as it does today. Maybe it's what the text messages say... Here are some excerpts from today,

"im on and ur not u said u wudd be [my name] i luv ya."

First message, it's sweet. I said I would be on, but my class ended early and I was driving home. It takes from ten to fifteen minutes to get home.

"im on. [my name] where r u i need u plzzz"

One minute later. I have let her know how long it takes to drive from house to school. She has even been on the phone with me when I was driving from school to home.

"im on. fine then bye bye"

Another minute later. I'm driving in the car reading all these... unable to respond

"u said u wudd be on i guess thats not tru. ill call u when i get home i guess bye bye"

Eight minutes later, she waited a little bit... but I got this message right when I was arriving at home. Normally I would see the logic behind it all... But it happens so often in this tone. It feels like a terrible guilt trip. The text messages can be worse as well.

 

Other things that cause me to get frustrated are just minor due to other events like her moving here, family, work, and my own studies. I love her, and I will not blame her for the frustration. There has to be a better way to deal with this as I feel like the frustration is stopping me from feeling her love. Should I talk to her? But I don't want to upset her even more so.

 

Ideas, suggestions?

[Keen]

Dear simpleton,

 

I understand what you mean. This is because I previously acted the same way as your gf, to one of my ex's. While it may be frustrating and especially defeating for you, being a guy they feel this way when they fail to meet the needs of their beloved girl, you should also bear in mind how she feels.

 

I'm sure that given how close you both seem to be (I'm assuming this), your girl should be given, as closely as possible, details of your regular school schedule. If you haven't, then type it out and send it to her so that she can keep it, look at it and remember that you too have things to do in your time.

This way, she might think twice about sending you all these text messages demanding where the hell you are.

 

Also, if you haven't already done so, try to sit down with her and tell her gently that you never mean to not be online, just that during which you're driving or occupied with work, etc. Also, explain to her that it is costly for you to read(?) or send(?) the messages you mentioned. Tell her that although it's not the money you mind, but that you also have bills to pay and it's not making it any easier on your budget.

 

As a female, and we are given to our little moods and over-analyzing, she will naturally need some time to accept this. I'm not saying it's easy nor will she take it right away (judging from all the texts she sends you), so give her lots of time and lots of your loving patience.

 

However, if, in the end, you feel as if it's seriously taking a toll, or if she seems not to try to understand and improve on what she's doing to you, you have the option of ending it with her.

 

Keep in mind that relationships are give and take, and if it starts to really damage your emotional well-being, you need to back off, because...well, how can you love someone else if you're not in good shape, yourself?