Obsessive Calling

[Bohdi10]

I just got dumped after a 9 month relationship on the phone on Monday. I need help understanding what I'm doing and why am I doing it? We had a nice relationship where we had alot of fun together but there were two occasions where she was worried that we were not in love yet and that she was wondering how long it should take to be in love. On both those occasions I told her that we just need to let the relationship be fun and develop and not worry about the serious relationship. Beyond those two times we had alot of fun together and never fought about anything. On another note I work as a teacher and have been having a rough year with my class and the stress of that is taking a toll on me. Then she broke up with me on Monday on the phone. She said she was interested in other guys and that she loved me but not in love with me. So we played the hang up and call back game for awhile. I called obsessively knowing that I wanted to be able to talk things out and figure out what happened. It was a shock on a school night for this to be happening and I knew that I had a full week of stress from school to deal with. I wanted at least to have ended it in person and felt some kind of appreciation that I was a worthwhile guy. She hung up on me that night and she texted me the next morning telling me that I need to relax and calm down and give her a month of space. After that we could try dating again. She said she would call me later. So of course impatient and feeling empty I called her again and again until she shut her phone off. Then I waited the whole day and was feeling that it wasn't resolved. I wanted to know why? Why was she breaking up with me. I called her again that night and she picked up and was like what are you doing? This isn't helping anything. She said that I was a great guy that did nothing wrong. Just that we were not deeply connected. She just knew deep down that we weren't meant to be. She said she was going to a concert the next day so she said she would call me on Thursday. I said for her to be honest with me if there was another guy that she was with and she said no. She also said that there were no guys going to the concert with her. So for me not to worry. Then of course paranoid me called her in the afternoon of Wednesday and said that there had to be another guy and that she should just be honest with me to let me know that it was completely done. That I could just accept it and never talk to her again. She answered and was like I'm late to the concert and that there was no guy and that she was not going with any guys. So we hung up and she called me on Thursday. She told me that she was happy that she had breaken up with me finally and that I wanted her to be honest and that she was going on a date on Friday. She said that I didn't challenge her enough and that this new guy treats her nice and is a gentlemen. I was like so your with him? And she said that no she was just going on a date with him. So we got off the phone Thursday by her telling me that she wanted to still talk to me and that she wanted to be my friend. I told her that I couldn't be her friend because it just would be hard to hear that she was happy and that I was not. I also said that she stringed me along into wanting a serious relationship and that now that I finally I commited that she dropped me in a second. It hurt worse because it was like the relationship was pushed by her and then she was the one telling me that she didn't want it months after. She also told me she lied to me about how she felt about some things. This is the same girl who cried to me in Dec. and Jan that she didn't want me to leave her and that she didn't want me to think she was crazy. I again of course called her last night at 11:00 because I felt alone because no one was around to hang out with anymore. All my friends are married and happy and when I was with her, alot of the times was hanging out with her or with couples. So we talked and she told me that I had to move on that it was over and that I was acting like a child about the whole thing. I told her that is because I never got the chance to understand why it fell apart and that I still was having trouble dealing with all this. That a week ago she was telling me that I was not alone and that she felt safe with me and now we are arguing over and over about how she doesn't want me and how I want her to just be there for me. What is wrong with me that I have let this girl tear me down? I had trouble sleeping and worried all week about this girl. I didn't want to eat alot because my stomach was hurting. Why do I obsessively call? and why can't I just except that this girl doesn't care about me? Did this girl break my heart in a harsh way or am I just taking it to heart? I realize by calling her I am only hurting myself, but why do I still do it? I know this is a long write up but please help me out. I would appreciate it so I can figure out what to do from here.

[whichwayisup]

You need to listen to her words and take them to heart.

 

Then she broke up with me on Monday on the phone. She said she was interested in other guys and that she loved me but not in love with me.

 

Ofcourse you're in pain and not ready to accept the fact it's over. Your actions are showing this, that neediness and desparate reactions by calling her too much. Sadly, she isn't going to change her mind. Once one person in the relationship decides it's over, there isn't much more you can do to change that. Yeh it sucks and hurts like hell - But you must pull yourself together and leave her alone.

 

Reach out and talk to your friends, post here and in the coping section so you don't call her anymore. If you keep on calling her, she is going to be pissed off even more and possibly call the Police on you for harrassing her. I know you don't want that to happen.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, you didn't do anything wrong. She isn't inlove with you, that is what the issue at hand is. It's HER, not you. When one isn't feeling that love for someone else, it isn't fair to stick around in the relationship and lead the other person on. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to dump you, hense the break-up over the phone! s***, I know that hurts! When I was younger, my first boyfriend dumped me on the phone, the night before my final exams! WTF! So, she has NO balls, she took the easier way out so she didn't have to deal with your reaction face to face.

 

Take it day by day, hour by hour...Don't worry about tomorrow or next week, just try your best to keep busy, distract yourself when you start thinking about her too much and make sure that you try your best NOT to call her. You're right, you're only hurting yourself more by calling her, setting yourself up for the fall, the rejection all over again.

 

Hang in there and keep posting.