The Promiscuous Girlfriend

[Tim'sAngel]

Maybe people should be more careful and more selective about who they give their bodies too. Yeah, my previous post was full of pissy insults but I'm just trying to find a way to vent without making her feel like s***.

 

Whatever happened to making someone wait before you sleep with them? Or actually getting to know the person before you engage in such a special act. I keep getting these responses by people basically saying that we're all just a bunch of animals out there screwing whoever and that's OK. I was led to believe that my girlfriend was not one of those people and yes, now i'm very hurt to find out that I was wrong.

 

I waited to sleep with this girl out of respect so please excuse me if I feel kinda screwed over about being tricked into a long term relationship. I don't mean to piss on the people responding, but most of you like to trivialize something that is causing me a great deal of heartache.

 

You come on to a public forum, vent your frustration, ask if we agree, and then get mad when we don't. WTF?? Sorry if the whole world doesn't think like you. I am glad that you are at least venting on here and not on your g/f. I can at least say that for you.

 

(and btw, my bf isn't with the bike of the town. I havn't slept with enough men to fill up a town, even a small one, and neither has your g/f)

 

I agree w/some of the things that celcius said. Did you ever stop to think maybe she had self esteem issues or insecurities that made her feel like she had to use her body to make up for something she wasn't getting? Maybe if you would get over the fact that she isn't a virgin saving herself you u and u only and talk to her about it and get her to open up I bet you would find that she isn't the raging whore you have her out to be.

 

How is the relationship otherwise? Is this the only deal breaker? Are you realling gonna cut off an other-wise good relationship just because you partner has a less than perfect past?

[blind_otter]

Hell, I've lied to people before when I knew they would have a spaz attack.

 

But I agree that this isn't the most compatible match up and you should either challenge yourself to be more accepting, or if you're not comfortable with that, find someone who has a past that is more acceptible to you.

 

I'm kinda religious myself, but Jesus hung out with the prostitutes and all that. I remember one BF, it was really touching, he was holding me and said, all your past transgressions are forgiven. It's your love that has saved you. I guess that's what Jesus said to Mary of Bethany, who washed his feet with her tears:

Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.

 

40And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.

 

41There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.

 

42And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

 

43Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

 

44And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

 

45Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.

 

46My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.

 

47Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

 

48And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

 

Luke 7:39-48

[Cecelius]

Mind you, I happen to think the low self esteem thing is highly unattractive, and where I smell it, I run away. Friend material perhaps, but not girlfriend material.

 

Lastly, I don't care how you slice it, 23 guys by a then-21 year old girl is a lot of guys.

[Tim'sAngel]

It's good that you were able to find someone to settle down and start a family with. And I agree that you shouldn’t hold someone’s past against them, maybe just take it into consideration (however, I’d hold someone’s dishonesty against them). But are you really glad you treated people as sex objects in order to find out what you want in life? I'm just wondering if you’ll teach your son that the ends justify the means?

 

Did I ever say I slept w/a bunch of people in order to find what I wanted for my life?? Nope. I said I had a permiscuous past and now that I have straightened my life out I see where I have learned from it. Isn't that what half our lives are anyways? Learning from our mistakes? And I never said i was "glad" I had to learn the hard way. You took words out of my mouth.

 

And as for what I teach my son, that is strictly noones business (kinda like how many people one has slept with) But I will say that at least now if my son has the same issues in his life as I had in mine, I will understand what he is going through, and I will know how to help him understand how unhealthy a permiscuous life can be.

[shoedevil]

Did I ever say I slept w/a bunch of people in order to find what I wanted for my life?? Nope. I said I had a permiscuous past and now that I have straightened my life out I see where I have learned from it. Isn't that what half our lives are anyways? Learning from our mistakes? And I never said i was "glad" I had to learn the hard way. You took words out of my mouth.

Well, I'm sorry if I misunderstood you. It sounded like you were saying you were glad you went through what you did because then you learned about yourself in the process. I don't think everyone really needs to go through some kind of "trial by fire" in order to discover who they really are. I've made mistakes, sure, anybody has, but I didn't have to make them repeatedly to get the message that I was hurting myself in the long-run. From the tone of this discussion, it almost sounds like people who repeatedly screw up (and then say they've learned from their mistakes) are seen as more noble than people who have tried to lead decent lives to begin with. I think forgiving people is a very noble thing to do provided they turn over a new leaf, but I can't say I'd forgive someone (especially a loved one) who lied to me or deceived me for their own selfish reasons.

[shoedevil]

Hell, I've lied to people before when I knew they would have a spaz attack.

 

But I agree that this isn't the most compatible match up and you should either challenge yourself to be more accepting, or if you're not comfortable with that, find someone who has a past that is more acceptible to you.

Whatever happened to "thou shalt not bear false witness" or "do unto others"? I've known quite a few religious people over the years, but there's always a few who selectively quote scripture to justify their positions. I don't understand, sometimes. Doesn't showing unlimited forgiveness just encourage people to continue doing what they're doing? I've had close friends who were burned pretty badly in relationships because they were too forgiving, too willing to put up with being lied to, cheated on, even physically abused.

[overwhelmed]

Wow, Tims Angel, you are really angry with me. I respect everyone's opinion here but I can't stand people putting words in my mouth or calling me a baby for having the opinion that I have. What's with this obsession with saying I'm looking for a virgin? I've never said that. All I ever wanted was someone who tries to reserve sex for loving relationships. Yes, we're all going to have a few one night stands or a couple people that we would love to forget about. My problem is that yes, I think 23 guys is ridiculously high for someone of that age. And I'm really hurt because I had a very different opinion of her (her self esteem, values etc) prior to this awful revelation.

 

To answer another question, the relationship was absolutely wonderful other than this. If there were problems prior to this, then it would be an easy situation to walk away from. I originally posted because I definitely wanted to hear different opinions on the matter. Not because I wanted to be belittled over having difficulties with this. I wanted to (and still want to) hear everyone's opinions. Thanks to everyone that's posted (even you Tims Angel). Please keep dropping these pearls of wisdom, it helps. I haven't been able to really talk to my friends about this (mostly because I don't want to besmirch her image or betray things told to me in confidence) so you guys are really helping quite a bit. Thanks all. Keep em coming.

[Tim'sAngel]

Wow, Tims Angel, you are really angry with me. I respect everyone's opinion here but I can't stand people putting words in my mouth or calling me a baby for having the opinion that I have. What's with this obsession with saying I'm looking for a virgin? I've never said that. All I ever wanted was someone who tries to reserve sex for loving relationships. Yes, we're all going to have a few one night stands or a couple people that we would love to forget about. My problem is that yes, I think 23 guys is ridiculously high for someone of that age. And I'm really hurt because I had a very different opinion of her (her self esteem, values etc) prior to this awful revelation.

 

To answer another question, the relationship was absolutely wonderful other than this. If there were problems prior to this, then it would be an easy situation to walk away from. I originally posted because I definitely wanted to hear different opinions on the matter. Not because I wanted to be belittled over having difficulties with this. I wanted to (and still want to) hear everyone's opinions. Thanks to everyone that's posted (even you Tims Angel). Please keep dropping these pearls of wisdom, it helps. I haven't been able to really talk to my friends about this (mostly because I don't want to besmirch her image or betray things told to me in confidence) so you guys are really helping quite a bit. Thanks all. Keep em coming.

 

Ok your right. I have been a little judgemental and sarcastic. It's a very sensitive subject for me because I did lots of stupid things and if my SO would come up to me and tell me he didn't want to be w/me because of my past, I think I would die. Seriously. I would die.

 

If the relationship is good then whats the problem? Maybe she's changed now! I'm beggin you to give this more thought before you might lose something good.

 

Are you saying your hurt about her low self esteem because you thought it was higher and now your dissapointed or hurt because you hate that she has to feel so low about herself?

 

PS Sorry for being so rude, like I said, its just a sensitive area for me. I prolly should have never posted anything in the first place

[Guest2]

Hey, guys and girls. I wish I could relate to have something useful to share. She's been played more than Elton Johns piano. And I find a hard enough time accepting my boyfriends few prior lovers. So I cannot even imagine how hard it to be for a man to accept such sluttiness with a girl. Kinda gross. Better off not to discuss the past, rather than thinking of all these revolting things that go along with the number 23. And it's probably even much higher than that. LOL

[RecordProducer]

Fact is: you are prejudging her according to your own prejudices and DESPITE of the fact that you've known her for two years. If she's been faithful to you, why would you care how many she's had in the past? They are in the past and will always stay there. Or is she giving you reasons to believe that she is still promiscuous?

 

After all, her sexual experience is none of your business. She was stupid for discussing it with you.

[enoughisenough]

Human nature. If anyone has been in that situation before, they'll defend it to their death, regardless of other peoples opinions. Most of the negative posts against you are from present or prior promiscuous people.

 

Let's face it though, this girl will sleep with anything! She's 23 now, so 21 when you both started dating. At 21, she has slept with 23 or MORE men? 23 is just the number she told you bud. But that is just outrageous. Many men haven't even slept with that many.

How special are you? Not much at all. It's not like this girl was "waiting" for that special somebody. She'll screw anything that comes her way.

She was only 21 when you started dating and all of a sudden "turned over a new leaf".. lol, I doubt that too.

 

She LIED to you and will continue to lie to keep HER interests met. She can care less about your stance or feelings on the subject. It's all for her personal gain.

 

If I wanted a hooker, I'd go to the street for one. No offense, but I'm guessing she has slept with much more than she is saying as well. Kind of disgusting for a boyfriend to think about. Maybe she shouldn't have lied in the first place and that would prevent her boyfriend or "ex" to feel anything negative about it, mostly her deceit and him now thinking about her in a TOTALLY new LIGHT!!!

[RecordProducer]

Human nature. If anyone has been in that situation before, they'll defend it to their death, regardless of other peoples opinions. Most of the negative posts against you are from present or prior promiscuous people.

 

Let's face it though, this girl will sleep with anything! She's 23 now, so 21 when you both started dating. At 21, she has slept with 23 or MORE men? 23 is just the number she told you bud. But that is just outrageous. Many men haven't even slept with that many.

How special are you? Not much at all. It's not like this girl was "waiting" for that special somebody. She'll screw anything that comes her way.

She was only 21 when you started dating and all of a sudden "turned over a new leaf".. lol, I doubt that too.

 

She LIED to you and will continue to lie to keep HER interests met. She can care less about your stance or feelings on the subject. It's all for her personal gain.

 

If I wanted a hooker, I'd go to the street for one. No offense, but I'm guessing she has slept with much more than she is saying as well. Kind of disgusting for a boyfriend to think about. Maybe she shouldn't have lied in the first place and that would prevent her boyfriend or "ex" to feel anything negative about it, mostly her deceit and him now thinking about her in a TOTALLY new LIGHT!!!

Congratulations on your first post! Already judgmental!

 

I predict you will have more than 23 enemies on this web site if you continue like this.

 

Or are you somebody we already know and love?

[enoughisenough]

I can care less how many "enemies" I have on the internet. EVERYONE is judgmental to a certain extent, just on different topics. And I'm sure you are too. I would not marry a girl who slept with more men than I have fingers and toes. TOO MUCH! I guess you and your friends love pathological liars too! Sorryy, NOT FOR ME!

[enoughisenough]

Another interesting question I'd ask is if your gf has been with dozens of men, when will she stop finding you satisfying? I mean, let's think here.. someone that promiscuous probably had threesomes and just loved the validation, excitement and lust of sex with different and odd men. How do you know she hasn't cheated?

 

And be prepared for that number to increase slowly to 30 or 40 and above. Can you handle it?

[RecordProducer]

I mean, let's think here.. someone that promiscuous probably had threesomes and just loved the validation, excitement and lust of sex with different and odd men. How do you know she hasn't cheated?

 

And be prepared for that number to increase slowly to 30 or 40 and above. Can you handle it?

And when you think about it more thoroughly, she probably murdered somebody too, cuz she doesn't value men as human beings... and be prepared that the number of her victims will increase and you're most likely the next!

 

I would not marry a girl who slept with more men than I have fingers and toes. TOO MUCH!

Well it depends on how many fingers and toes you have! (Too many partners doesn't mean too much sex though! )

 

I told hubby the exact number (it's less than the number of his toes and fingers ). I am sure he has forgotten it anway. He, on the other hand has had a three-figured number and I don't mind one bit.

[Tim'sAngel]

Out of all the ridiculous posts I've read on here, enoughisenough, yours is the winner!! Congrats!! I can't get angry at it because its so ridiculous. So because some of us have a promiscuous past means we are no longer human beings and arn't worthy of finding true love?

 

 

I don't even know why I'm responding to this post because it's so stupid. You sound really younge and immature.

[shoedevil]

Fact is: you are prejudging her according to your own prejudices and DESPITE of the fact that you've known her for two years. If she's been faithful to you, why would you care how many she's had in the past?

Being faithful isn't just about sexual fidelity. It's also about honesty, trust, respect (you're free to disagree). And having standards and preferences in a partner isn't being judgemental, it's being selective (and smart, in my opinion). Some people prefer not to jump from one relationship to the next (casual or otherwise), they'd like to find one special person to settle down and spend the rest of their lives with. Dishonesty and lying makes this process very difficult. Maybe knowing about someone's past before you get too emotionally involved can help avoid a lot of future heartache. I wouldn't want to just stick my head in the sand, rely on blind faith, and hope for the best.

Out of all the ridiculous posts I've read on here' date=' enoughisenough, yours is the winner!! Congrats!! I can't get angry at it because its so ridiculous. So because some of us have a promiscuous past means we are no longer human beings and arn't worthy of finding true love?[/quote']

Yeah, this position is ridiculous. I believe there's someone for everyone, regardless of one's past behavior. But I don't think (in general) that someone who hasn't been promiscuous would like to settle down with someone who has been, given a choice. Nobody likes to be rejected. When I was single and dating, I was rejected by women for all kinds of superficial reasons. I didn't get mad or resentful, I accepted their right to have preferences. It didn't feel good being told I wasn't attractive, but I didn't take it personally.

 

I've never subscribed to the concept of "living for the moment". It seems like a lot of young people these days aren't considering the consequences of their actions, or even thinking about the future. I mean, committing to (and eventually marrying) someone is a monumental decision in my book. Shouldn't you make sure the person is the best possible fit in all respects?

[overwhelmed]

ugh, i couldn't agree more. i wish this could have come up before two years had past -then neither one of us would be experiencing all the heartache associated with ending a relationship.

 

I do agree that there is someone for everyone -my now ex-girlfriend included. She has tried to argue that I shouldn't care...that her friend has been with "way more people" and her boyfriend doesn't care (probably because he has no idea the true extent to her promiscuous behavior). I've suggested she seek out a guy like that.

I know that there are guys that will not care. I'm almost envious of their ability in this respect. I guess I was just raised to place more of an importance on one's body and who they allow to experience that body.

 

I've also tried to be delicate in countering that if she thought it was such an inconsequential fact -why were 10 partners ommitted from her original list? I would have preferred her saying it's something she refuses to discuss rather than be dishonest. Then I could have said, "Hmmm. She won't say and she never will. Am I comfortable with that or not?" and made my decision that way.

 

 

I also wholeheartedly agree that in looking for a marital partner, it's best to seek someone with similar values. It's just depressing for me because I thought that I had found that person. Oh well, I'm only 23. The right one's still out there...

[enoughisenough]

Tim, and you sound like you've had a slutty past. Not my problem. Big difference between wife material and "lets have a good time" material.

[enoughisenough]

When did you end the relationship?

And she already has a new boyfriend? THAT WOMAN WORKS FAST! Jumps from bed to bed it looks like.

[blind_otter]

Whatever happened to "thou shalt not bear false witness" or "do unto others"? I've known quite a few religious people over the years, but there's always a few who selectively quote scripture to justify their positions. I don't understand, sometimes. Doesn't showing unlimited forgiveness just encourage people to continue doing what they're doing? I've had close friends who were burned pretty badly in relationships because they were too forgiving, too willing to put up with being lied to, cheated on, even physically abused.

 

That's right my friends. Jesus said to forgive, but not all the time. And make sure to punish those who aren't righteous.

 

I'm not religious by the way, I happen to like Jesus and I think he's cool.

 

And I thought the story was sweet, because a lover of mine said the same thing to me. He said that my past is forgiven, and it was my love that saved me. It touched me because he was so open, and loving, and through his love and his forgiveness of my past transgressions he took my heart.

 

I'm sorry that you are so bitter. But it is hard to love others and be compassionate and forgiving, when they don't see the necessity to do so to others, themselves. I would ask forgiveness for being judgemental, but I doubt you would offer the compassion that I was trying to bring to consciousness with that bible passage. Sorry. I'll stop posting to you from now on.

[Guest 800]

I'm sorry your relationship ended and this girl wasted two years of your time. I really can't stand liars. When I look for a male companion, whores are off the list. Much harder to find a decent man than a decent woman. So don't worry, she'll come around. A lot of men do hope to find a more virginal type.. that's what they would rather choose over the "town bike".. that's for sure.. as long as there isn't a double standard for themselves, I don't see the problem.

I read an interesting statistic. Something around 60%!! 60% of men would leave their present mate/spouse/girlfriend for their first love! Very scary! So the innocent, virginal, real LOVE type of deal is always more appealing. And that feeling I guess is hard to find.

 

If she really loved you, she wouldn't be onto the next guy/penis already.

[overwhelmed]

enoughisenough, my ex-girlfriend isn't with anyone else...yet. I'm quite a catch and it will take her a little longer to get over me...probably at least a week. Ouch, hurts to think that way but probably true.

 

In my previous post, I was referring to my ex's friend. She has a boyfriend who seems not to care that she has slept with a lot of people. According to my ex, her friend's boyfriend knows that his girl has slept with "a lot" of people. From what I gather, he has no idea to specifics and probably has a different idea of what "a lot" really means. He's probably guessing 13 or 14 (which I still consider a lot for a 23 year old). Pales in comparison to 23 or more though.

[shoedevil]

I'm sorry that you are so bitter. But it is hard to love others and be compassionate and forgiving, when they don't see the necessity to do so to others, themselves. I would ask forgiveness for being judgemental, but I doubt you would offer the compassion that I was trying to bring to consciousness with that bible passage. Sorry. I'll stop posting to you from now on.

I'm not a bitter person, I'm happily engaged to a wonderful woman who shares my values and respects honesty and commitment. I do forgive and show compassion, when I think it's deserved. I just don't like to be taken advantage of, or see it happen to friends and loved ones. You can label me anything you want, and quote the Bible all you want, whatever makes you feel superior, that's fine. Jesus is entitled to his opinion, and so am I. It's possible to feel sorry for people and not want to date them. You can show compassion and empathy and still not want to get involved with someone. People have a right to accept or reject you for any reason, even if you don't like the reason. I've had a lot of experience in that area.

[MrsHellFire]

It's fun reading all the different opinions on this still.

I actually had a friend who slept with every single guy she met, if she could. She ended up getting a slew of stds, crabs etc. I'd get an std test just to make sure b/c sometimes you can be a carrier and have no symptoms.

Are you resolute in your decision?

It seems like it was pretty easy for you to break up with her. Maybe this wasn't "the one" or a true love anyways.

 

How is she handling it?

 

 

I guess you should just try finding someone who has been in just long-term relationships. Likely their numbers will be down.