The Promiscuous Girlfriend

[blind_otter]

It almost hurts to see how little compassion and love there is in the world. unsubscribe.

[RecordProducer]

Being faithful isn't just about sexual fidelity. It's also about honesty, trust, respect (you're free to disagree). And having standards and preferences in a partner isn't being judgemental, it's being selective (and smart, in my opinion). Some people prefer not to jump from one relationship to the next (casual or otherwise), they'd like to find one special person to settle down and spend the rest of their lives with. Dishonesty and lying makes this process very difficult. Maybe knowing about someone's past before you get too emotionally involved can help avoid a lot of future heartache. I wouldn't want to just stick my head in the sand, rely on blind faith, and hope for the best.

So after two years of knowing someone (which is probably really well), you suddenly are bothered by their past and predict the future according to it? He either knows his GF well enough to not trust her or he is simply raised to see a woman as someone who has to say NO to everybody except to her "serious" partners.

 

Nowhere in the posts did the poster say how many GFs he has had in bed. And if the number is low, is it because he was really trying to stay "innocent"? I truly doubt it.

 

People who have had many partners (not at the same time), regardless of whether they are male or female are not necessarily sluts. It's a mere prejudice.

 

About the honesty issue... I find that Loveshack is a community with many people who have NEVER EVER told a lie in their lives.

 

I definitely don't belong here, eh?

[Guest3]

Record, it's scary to think how many men you'd think it would take to be called a "slut". they met when she was 21 and she was already with at least 23 guys. that is a slut. no ifs ands or buts. and this guy doesn't sound like he's been with the ballpark- religious type looking for the real deal. im surprised she didnt lose track already with all those men. how can you keep count? if a number wasn't important, a woman would never try to remember all the men she's been with. it would escape her. the number IS important and even she knew so, which is why she keeps count and why she lied about it. if you give your body to just anyone, what value do you have left? you dont even value yourself at all. why not just open up buffet and give a 2 for 1 while you are at it. if something is given away over and over again for nothing and so easily, the value of it goes down to worthless. im sorry i feel that way, but i do. she better have one hell of a personality and soul to make up for all that. and she probably doesn't if men are so quick to dump her.

[Vertex]

A man is only as faithful as his options.

 

-Chris Rock

[Cecelius]

Nowhere in the posts did the poster say how many GFs he has had in bed. And if the number is low, is it because he was really trying to stay "innocent"? I truly doubt it.

 

The above supports why so many men are conditioned to accept a double standard -- is the intent of the above to suggest that a man who has a low number is because he couldn't get laid?

 

Anyway, the point of the OPs post wasn't that she was a leper or a horrible slut or anything that bad. He's unhappy because the number shocks him (and me -- 23 dudes by age 21 is pretty significant), she knew it was something that matters to him (like physical appearance matters to some, lack of drug addiction matters to others, clothing choice matters to others, political party matters to some...) and affirmatively lied about it, he's further upset because he hears about this stuff from other people who have apparently sampled the goods, rather than from her, etc.

 

Ultimately, he's not attracted to her anymore. Plus he's 23, and they aren't married. To assert that a man cannot simply see someone differently because of this kind of information just because it relates to sexual activities (which are somehow none of his business) is silly. From now on I am going to tell my g/f that my historical gambling problem is none of her business... He could have woken up one morning and just realized he didn't like her anymore -- for no reason at all -- and that's not judgmental. Instead, he works though something that he sees as a lack of compatability (and yes, worth, to him as girlfriend material), and decides they aren't and she isn't.

 

over -- it's too bad for the both of you, but there's nothing wrong with your decision, and from my perspective, you may have saved yourself a lot of future problems.

[Cecelius]

he is simply raised to see a woman as someone who has to say NO to everybody except to her "serious" partners.

 

No, she doesn't. She can do whatever she wants. No one made her do what happened, and no one is stopping her from doing more of it.

 

That doesn't mean he is prohibited from deciding whether it's okay by him.

[prfrogkisser]

Be very careful if you make a woman cry,because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib: Not from his feet to be walked on,not from his head to be his superior,but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.

 

Jesus through his teachings always talked about unconditional love. Too bad not a lot of people know the true meaning of this.

[Tim'sAngel]

I stupidly misunderstood you having such a hard time w/your situation for sadness at the loss of someone you loved, but now I see that you are just really concieted and she does not deserve such a find ass catch as yourself!! I even went as far as apoloizing for expressing my opinion.

 

I'm really glad you broke up with her. She deserves someone who will love her unconditionally, someone who wont pry into her past and make her feel like a whore because of stupid decisions she made. I'm convinced now you did the right thing.

 

As far as what material I am, that really isn't for anyone to judge except for my SO and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My SO is the only person I've been with in almost 3 years so I'm living proof that just because you made mistakes in your past, that doesn't necessarily predict what you will be in your future. I have to come to realize those who judge are just bitter people with nothing better to do. Whew, I sure am glad I have more of a life than that.

[burning 4 revenge]

try she slept with about 80 by 35

[shoedevil]

Jesus through his teachings always talked about unconditional love. Too bad not a lot of people know the true meaning of this.

This is a great excuse for those people looking to justify unethical behavior. I guess you're supposed to say "thanks" when someones lies to you, spits in your face, and stabs you in the back. Might as well wear a sign around your neck that says "Will forgive anything - do your worst". As I recall, didn't Jesus refuse to defend himself when others came people came to kill him? I guess we're all supposed to do that, too. Not everyone is willing to be that saintly.

[Tim'sAngel]

This is a great excuse for those people looking to justify unethical behavior. I guess you're supposed to say "thanks" when someones lies to you, spits in your face, and stabs you in the back. Might as well wear a sign around your neck that says "Will forgive anything - do your worst". As I recall, didn't Jesus refuse to defend himself when others came people came to kill him? I guess we're all supposed to do that, too. Not everyone is willing to be that saintly.

 

LOL thats funny. So, we don't have to be all the way religious, just half religious whenever we need it to benefit us.

[overwhelmed]

Yes, my numbers aren't as high as hers because I cannot get laid. How intuitive. Did you figure that out all by yourself RecordProducer? (insert oozing sarcasm here). Or could it be that I have standards. What a novel idea.

 

Notice from previous posts, that I didn't get too worked up with the original number of 13 (altough I'm still not a huge fan of). That's because I know we all come with a sexual past, so after 13 I didn't break up with her, didn't rush right out the door. But 23 partners is completely excessive. It is a lot of people. Way more than I think is normal for a person at 23 years old and way more than I want in a girlfriend.

 

Plus, it's not like I was "suddenly" bothered by her past. You act as if this information was available to me from the start and I just decided to let it bother me now. This all came to light a little over a month ago and it's something that I was trying to work through. It's been a personal hell where I've tried my best to find a way to be OK with her. I told her I needed a few weeks off to clear my head. I thought that was better than consistenly persecuting her for something she cannot change. During that time, I've come to the hard conclusion that I will never be OK with that kind of person. And I shouldn't have to be. It's not like I'm walking away because she's slept with more people than me. I'm walking away because her behavior is so far out of the ordinary that it would be impossible for me to look at her the way I used to. She's not taking it well, but hey neither am I.

[overwhelmed]

And for the record, I use humor because it helps me get through difficult times. Not because I'm insensitive or a conceited prick. This has been by far the most difficult thing for me to do. Hell, I've never posted on any sort of forum before this relationships. Oh and to reply to the Chris Rock quote:

 

"If pussy was a stock, that s*** would plummet!"

-Chris Rock

[shoedevil]

Nowhere in the posts did the poster say how many GFs he has had in bed. And if the number is low, is it because he was really trying to stay "innocent"? I truly doubt it.

Yeah, I've heard this line of thinking from a few women. Maybe you just don't think there are any men left who are sexually modest and don't separate sex from intimacy? I wouldn't say wanting a partner who has practiced monogamy means you're prejudiced - it's called having standards. Just because you don't like other people's standards doesn't make them narrow-minded.

About the honesty issue... I find that Loveshack is a community with many people who have NEVER EVER told a lie in their lives.

Well, I guess if everybody's doing it, it must be o.k.? I was actually referring to honesty within one's commited relationship. I guess you don't mind being lied to by someone who claims to love you? I've noticed that the men who express these kinds of concerns (and aren't hypocrites) get hammered pretty hard on these boards, harder than women with the same concerns are treated. I think it just confirms that there's more than one double standard floating around these days.

[MrsHellFire]

Overwhelmed, remember that is coming from someone"recordproducer" who has a hubby who's slept with the triple digits!

[overwhelmed]

Correction: I wrongly attributed the quote on my previous post to Chris Rock. Actually its Dave Chappelle. My sincerest apologies Dave. Hope we're still cool.

[RecordProducer]

My husband has never asked me how many men I've had. I told him myself when he was already in love with me. I don't think he would have asked me otherwise. He can estimate my personality without counting my past affairs.

 

Many partners in the past doesn't guarantee infidelity and vice versa. If he is faithful to me, why would I care how many women he screwed between age 20 and 40? He was honest about it and the three-digit number has never bothered me.

[overwhelmed]

where have all the decent women gone? it may pain them to hear this, but being promiscuous in the past may prevent them from being the Mrs. they want to be in the future...There's a lot of fathers out there that would be sick with grief if they knew what their daughters were doing.

[RecordProducer]

Overwhelmed, I've had about 16-17 men together with my husbands. I've always refuse to remember the exact number as I was molested by a step-father and don't want to pay attention to it. I've counted them a few time but for some reason can't remember exactly.

 

I am faithful by nature. I don't care about men's bodies at all actually. I've had one-night stands but I hated them. I wanted something, someone, it's hard to explain.

 

You don't know me, but I assure you I am a good girl. OK I had maybe 15 beside my two husbands in 31 years, but the same logic goes for a young girl. Try to find her reasons rather than judge her.

 

I wish people judged me less and loved me more! Just the wine talking... ignore me.. I am not worth anything, I deserve pain...

[enoughisenough]

You are worth everything! It is not your fault that you were abused as a child and all other bad choices and experiences followed in your life as a result. You were damaged by someone else and it probably took so long to work through it and you might never get over it! Many people end up in such a bad state and aren't strong enough to get where you have gotten. Don't be so hard on yourself!

[Tim'sAngel]

You don't know me, but I assure you I am a good girl. OK I had maybe 15 beside my two husbands in 31 years, but the same logic goes for a young girl. Try to find her reasons rather than judge her.

 

Record, that is not alot at all for you being 31!! Most 30 yr. olds I know have numbers up in the 30's as well!!

 

I wish people judged me less and loved me more! Just the wine talking... ignore me.. I am not worth anything, I deserve pain...

 

I don't think the men on here realize that not all women who have a past go out and just f*** whatever walks because we're sluts. Alot of women have baggage from our pasts that have had a negitive affect on our lives. I've given up trying to convince them, but I totally respect you record!!

[Tim'sAngel]

where have all the decent women gone? it may pain them to hear this, but being promiscuous in the past may prevent them from being the Mrs. they want to be in the future.

 

Or maybe there are more forgiving men out there than you think. (obviously)

 

There's a lot of fathers out there that would be sick with grief if they knew what their daughters were doing.

 

My dad knew exactly what I was doing because I was still living in his apt. For one thing, he was never around. For another, he didn't always aprove of what I was doing, but he loved me anyways. He was also forgiving and because of his support, it helped me be a better person today!

[blind_otter]

where have all the decent women gone? it may pain them to hear this, but being promiscuous in the past may prevent them from being the Mrs. they want to be in the future...There's a lot of fathers out there that would be sick with grief if they knew what their daughters were doing.

 

A lot of fathers would be sick with grief if they knew that their daughters were sexually assaulted and molested.

 

I finally came clean and told my mother about the second time I was raped when I was 19. She already knew about the rape that occurred when I was 12. We decided not to tell my father because it would break his heart to know that this happened to me.

 

It's a horrific statistic. Every 2 1/2 min. someone is sexually assaulted in America. And IMO this is what contributes the most to promiscuity in young women, because otherwise where would they learn that their bodies are the only valuable thing?

 

I'm not talking about adult women who choose to have multiple partners, but young women who have high numbers.

 

It took a long time for me to realize that I had any value or worth beyond what was between my legs. to a certain extent I still don't believe that I am worth much, and it is a daily struggle to find value in myself as a human being. It's very hard to have a sex life, a normal one, when your introduction to sex involved so much violence and pain.

 

I didn't get a chance to have a man honor my sexuality. When I lost my virginity it was a violent, painful experience that has caused me to feel a deep self loathing and hatred. So I never realized until my adulthood, that sexuality was something that even COULD be honored and valued.

[SmoochieFace]

And if the number is low, is it because he was really trying to stay "innocent"? I truly doubt it.

 

This is highly offensive.

[Tim'sAngel]

A lot of fathers would be sick with grief if they knew that their daughters were sexually assaulted and molested.

 

I finally came clean and told my mother about the second time I was raped when I was 19. She already knew about the rape that occurred when I was 12. We decided not to tell my father because it would break his heart to know that this happened to me.

 

It's a horrific statistic. Every 2 1/2 min. someone is sexually assaulted in America. And IMO this is what contributes the most to promiscuity in young women, because otherwise where would they learn that their bodies are the only valuable thing?

 

I'm not talking about adult women who choose to have multiple partners, but young women who have high numbers.

 

It took a long time for me to realize that I had any value or worth beyond what was between my legs. to a certain extent I still don't believe that I am worth much, and it is a daily struggle to find value in myself as a human being. It's very hard to have a sex life, a normal one, when your introduction to sex involved so much violence and pain.

 

I didn't get a chance to have a man honor my sexuality. When I lost my virginity it was a violent, painful experience that has caused me to feel a deep self loathing and hatred. So I never realized until my adulthood, that sexuality was something that even COULD be honored and valued.

 

I really respect you and record for rising above your past!! I can't imagine going through what you guys did. Noone should judge you for any of your decisions in your past since they were based on a lack of self worth.