The Promiscuous Girlfriend

[SmoochieFace]

Maybe your right there' date=' but when it hits a fresh, sore wound sometimes its just a little to hard to ignore.[/quote']

 

Yes it can be hard to ignore. But it's not impossible.

 

Concentrate on YOUR life and who you are now. Remember that you are here for you and your child(ren) - I'm sorry, I don't know how many you have - and make that a priority. The people on these anonymous forums really shouldn't be a big priority anyway, right? Especially the negative ones.

[Tim'sAngel]

Yes it can be hard to ignore. But it's not impossible.

 

Concentrate on YOUR life and who you are now. Remember that you are here for you and your child(ren) - I'm sorry, I don't know how many you have - and make that a priority. The people on these anonymous forums really shouldn't be a big priority anyway, right? Especially the negative ones.

 

I only have one son.

 

I guess the reason I let things get to me on here is because this is really the only outside contact I get since i stay at home w/my son and I just recently moved in w/my SO in a different city so I don't know many people here

 

LS is kind of my outlet

[SmoochieFace]

I only have one son.

 

I guess the reason I let things get to me on here is because this is really the only outside contact I get since i stay at home w/my son and I just recently moved in w/my SO in a different city so I don't know many people here

 

LS is kind of my outlet

 

He's a real cutie. He seems very happy to have the... looks like one of those rocket pops (?)... in his hand. I have a seven year-old son myself.

 

I can understand that. I am here during the day only - no weekends though! - so this is my only contact with people for the most part. I also e-mail my GF in between jobs here.

 

I used to let things *get to me* here as well but I have learned that this really IS an anonymous site and that, when all is said and done, the strangers here do not have any impact on me and their judgments of me do not affect me since they really don't *know* me for real.

[Tim'sAngel]

He's a real cutie. He seems very happy to have the... looks like one of those rocket pops (?)... in his hand. I have a seven year-old son myself.

 

I can understand that. I am here during the day only - no weekends though! - so this is my only contact with people for the most part. I also e-mail my GF in between jobs here.

 

I used to let things *get to me* here as well but I have learned that this really IS an anonymous site and that, when all is said and done, the strangers here do not have any impact on me and their judgments of me do not affect me since they really don't *know* me for real.

 

Thanks IT was a juice pop. Boys rock!!

 

I have seriously been thinking getting off LS. I find that I am becoming paranoid reading about men cheating on there wives/gf's and even my SO has noticed it. Plus I suffer from depression and other personal issues, and getting slammed by other ppl doesn't help at all. I've also noticed I get so upset and say rude comments (yes, I admit it) and I'm not generally a mean person. I just hate being at home alone w/noone to talk to so I'm stumped on what to do about that

[SmoochieFace]

Thanks IT was a juice pop. Boys rock!!

 

I have seriously been thinking getting off LS. I find that I am becoming peranoid reading about men cheating on there wives/gf's and even my SO has noticed it. Plus I suffer from depression and other personal issues, and getting slammed by other ppl doesn't help at all. I just hate being at home alone w/noone to talk to so I'm stumped on what to do about that

 

All kids rock!

 

Y'know something... I can understand why you would want to leave. I've been toying with it myself. I can also relate to the fact that this place can have a negative effect on people. My GF was a member here and she left for the same reasons - she got tired of all the slamming and she REALLY got tired of seeing me getting slammed as well. Then again... you have to look at who's doing the slamming too - and the more I think about it the more determined I get. I have a very thick skin and I know it frustrates some people.

 

I'm sure there are plenty of other forums out there. Maybe you could find one that is geared more to your interests? I post on a couple of others and they are not relationship-oriented. Perhaps that's why this place is so contentious - any place that deals with such a contentious subject like relationships HAS to be contentious!

[Tim'sAngel]

All kids rock!

 

Y'know something... I can understand why you would want to leave. I've been toying with it myself. I can also relate to the fact that this place can have a negative effect on people. My GF was a member here and she left for the same reasons - she got tired of all the slamming and she REALLY got tired of seeing me getting slammed as well. Then again... you have to look at who's doing the slamming too - and the more I think about it the more determined I get. I have a very thick skin and I know it frustrates some people.

 

I'm sure there are plenty of other forums out there. Maybe you could find one that is geared more to your interests? I post on a couple of others and they are not relationship-oriented. Perhaps that's why this place is so contentious - any place that deals with such a contentious subject like relationships HAS to be contentious!

 

I think I am kind of fragile right now. I am usually a very strong person, but I have personal issues going on right now, not to mention I'm raising a toddler and that can work on anyones nerves!!

 

I didn't think about it that way, but this being relationship oriented could be a reason why there are so many emotionally driven people who lose their tempers and are already to their wits end. Too bad, because there really are some nice people on here.

[SmoochieFace]

I think I am kind of fragile right now. I am usually a very strong person, but I have personal issues going on right now, not to mention I'm raising a toddler and that can work on anyones nerves!!

 

I didn't think about it that way, but this being relationship oriented could be a reason why there are so many emotionally driven people who lose their tempers and are already to their wits end. Too bad, because there really are some nice people on here.

 

I agree and unfortunately we don't always see the *niceness* in them.

[Tim'sAngel]

I agree and unfortunately we don't always see the *niceness* in them.

 

yup, and I'm guilty as well!

 

Thanks for the nice chat. You and a few others have been the only ones to not only not be rude, but actually nice!!

[SmoochieFace]

yup, and I'm guilty as well!

 

Thanks for the nice chat. You and a few others have been the only ones to not only not be rude, but actually nice!!

 

You're welcome. Anytime.

 

I think most of us are capable of being nice... some of us are nice by nature... some of us need to work harder at it though and others... well... what can I say?

 

Take care.

[shoedevil]

Funny' date=' I see these kinds of post about women being whores and promiscuous. Why don't I ever see any about men having too much sex??? If I have looked over any posts about promiscuous men, please send me a link to the post. I'd have to see it for myself to beleive it![/quote']

You missed this one - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87853/

The woman who posted her concerns didn't get slammed nearly as badly as the OP did in this discussion. I admit, I haven't heard women bring this up as often, but I'm sure they have to deal with it, as well. I don't think the sexual double standard really exists in society to the extent that most people believe it does. I've found several studies on the topic (notably Michael Marks at the University of Illinois). Just my opinion, that's all.

I am not denying that we have been judgemental at one point or another.

It's kind of hard not to be judgemental when you have been lied to (and maybe cheated on) by a supposed loved one. I agree with everything you've said in regards to childhood abuse, judgementalism, etc. Nobody can walk in your shoes and understand what you had to go through. However, from what we've been told, can we really assume the OP's ex was abused? She hasn't shown any regret for lying or given any reasons why she's done the things she's done. For all we know, she may have enjoyed everything (her right to do so), using and losing men left and right, and now she wants to settle down with a stable (and sexually modest) guy. She may just be going through the typical recovering party girl phase. Shouldn't the OP have the option of not wanting to settle for someone like that?

[Tim'sAngel]

You missed this one - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87853/

The woman who posted her concerns didn't get slammed nearly as badly as the OP did in this discussion. I admit, I haven't heard women bring this up as often, but I'm sure they have to deal with it, as well. I don't think the sexual double standard really exists in society to the extent that most people believe it does. I've found several studies on the topic (notably Michael Marks at the University of Illinois). Just my opinion, that's all.

 

It's kind of hard not to be judgemental when you have been lied to (and maybe cheated on) by a supposed loved one. I agree with everything you've said in regards to childhood abuse, judgementalism, etc. Nobody can walk in your shoes and understand what you had to go through. However, from what we've been told, can we really assume the OP's ex was abused? She hasn't shown any regret for lying or given any reasons why she's done the things she's done. For all we know, she may have enjoyed everything (her right to do so), using and losing men left and right, and now she wants to settle down with a stable (and sexually modest) guy. She may just be going through the typical recovering party girl phase. Shouldn't the OP have the option of not wanting to settle for someone like that?

 

Ok look, I don't think your really getting what I've been trying to say. Or maybe I just haven't been clear enough... so here it is in black and white (litterally )

 

Yes, i agree she could be a lying, cheating, dick sucking whore who will never settle down w/one person and is just using this guy for a cover up for the slut that she is.

 

What I don't understand is why is that the first conclusion the men on here seem to jump to? Like I've said before, I understand the lying part isn't very forgivable. I hate lyers. But just for the sake of the argument, lets put that fact aside. I'm talkin about the past lovers. It could go either way. SHe could jsut be a whore, or she could be like me, a girl who recognizes how harmful and unhealthy her past was and just wants to find someone to settle down with and discover what real love is. When it comes down to it, we are just people wanting companionship am I wrong? Noone should be denied that. Not even the criminals, drug addicts and sluts... (excluding people like rapists and murderers as many of those people are ill) Of those people recognize there mistakes and either put them behind them, or get get professional help, then they deserve love just like everyone else because people make mistakes. It's human!!!

 

So, having said all of that, the op has to make up his mind, which he did, if he wanted to go through w/the relationship or not. What I had a problem with is him not being open minded enough to see that this girl was with him for 2 years and if he would not have known about the number of her past lovers, then everything looked like it was going just fine. Thats why I dont suggest to anyone to have the "numbers" talk because A) it is really noones business and B) it will only make the other person in the relationships mind start to wonder (ex. were her ex lovers better in bed than me? does she ever think about them?)

 

PS I never assumed the ex was abused, although that could very well be the case

[shoedevil]

Ok look, I don't think your really getting what I've been trying to say. Or maybe I just haven't been clear enough... so here it is in black and white (litterally )

What I don't understand is why is that the first conclusion the men on here seem to jump to? Like I've said before, I understand the lying part isn't very forgivable. I hate lyers. But just for the sake of the argument, lets put that fact aside. I'm talkin about the past lovers.

I've understood what you've been saying. And even if she is the kind of person who just likes to sleep around, I wouldn't use the words you have to describe her. She just has different sexual standards, that's all. Due to your own experiences, maybe you can't understand why a man who hasn't slept around would like to find a similar kind of woman to be with. It's a special feeling when you know that both of you are on the "same page" so to speak. You're entitled to your own standards, and no one should question them. You and the other ladies may think men who have these standards are ridiculous or superficial, but that doesn't mean they are.

Thats why I dont suggest to anyone to have the "numbers" talk because A) it is really noones business and B) it will only make the other person in the relationships mind start to wonder (ex. were her ex lovers better in bed than me? does she ever think about them?)

I couldn't be in a committed relationship in which certain topics were off-limits. Communication and honesty are ways you can avoid the OP's situation. I'd never tell my fiance that something I had done in the past (sexual or otherwise) was none of her business. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. It makes no sense for us to get defensive with each other. Of course, she and I don't judge each other either.

PS I never assumed the ex was abused' date=' although that could very well be the case[/quote']

The abuse issue was brought up and speculated on, that's the only reason I mentioned it.

[Tim'sAngel]

Well that is your opinion and your entitled to it. I don't agree w/you on everything but thats ok. If how you feel works for you, then go on with ya bad self

 

Maybe you can't understand where I'm coming from if you havn't been in my situation. I'm starting to see that people are on different levels in life so to speak so we can't possibly come to the same conclusions because what works for me won't work for you and vice versa.

[shoedevil]

Well that is your opinion and your entitled to it. I don't agree w/you on everything but thats ok. If how you feel works for you' date=' then go on with ya bad self [/quote']

Well, I think it'd get pretty boring if everyone always agreed on everything. And I'd recommend ignoring those posters who attack you personally. There's no sense in getting offended by anonymous people who don't respect you as a human being.

Maybe you can't understand where I'm coming from if you havn't been in my situation. I'm starting to see that people are on different levels in life so to speak so we can't possibly come to the same conclusions because what works for me won't work for you and vice versa.

Everyone has different experiences growing up which ultimately shape his or her outlook on life, ethics, morality, whatever. I just get a bit irritated when people like blind_otter and RecordProducer look down on those of us who aren't on "their level" or "open-minded enough". Condescension (sexual or religious) doesn't really help the OP with his situation.

[Tim'sAngel]

Well, I think it'd get pretty boring if everyone always agreed on everything. And I'd recommend ignoring those posters who attack you personally. There's no sense in getting offended by anonymous people who don't respect you as a human being.

 

Everyone has different experiences growing up which ultimately shape his or her outlook on life, ethics, morality, whatever. I just get a bit irritated when people like blind_otter and RecordProducer look down on those of us who aren't on "their level" or "open-minded enough". Condescension (sexual or religious) doesn't really help the OP with his situation.

 

You have to give it to them though for what they have been through and how they were able to overcome. I think all they are trying to do is shed a new light on the situation as are the men who claim "shes just a slut, dump her"

[SmoochieFace]

You have to give it to them though for what they have been through and how they were able to overcome. I think all they are trying to do is shed a new light on the situation as are the men who claim "shes just a slut' date=' dump her"[/b']

 

And if you don't see their *light* they get mad and either *unsubscribe* the thread or go for the el cheapo namecalling and insults OR, god forbid, stick you on ignore.

 

Blah... been there... have had that done to me... nothing to lose sleep over.

[Tim'sAngel]

And if you don't see their *light* they get mad and either *unsubscribe* the thread or go for the el cheapo namecalling and insults OR, god forbid, stick you on ignore.

 

Blah... been there... have had that done to me... nothing to lose sleep over.

 

So I take it your on a few people's ignore list lol

 

Oh yea, i remember there was even a thread made just for smoochie!!

[SmoochieFace]

So I take it your on a few people's ignore list lol

 

Oh yea, i remember there was even a thread made just for smoochie!!

 

f***in A!

 

Yeah, the one and only Ignore Smoochie Thread! What a hit! I wonder why it petered out so quickly.

 

I think it's dumb. Really. This *ignore* garbage brings back memories of elementary school... *eeewww, he's WEIRD so let's all IGNORE him!*

 

Speaking of weird elementary school crap... did you ever see those kids who, if they were touched by an *undesirable*, would *spray* themselves clean with some imaginary aerosol s***?

[shoedevil]

You have to give it to them though for what they have been through and how they were able to overcome. I think all they are trying to do is shed a new light on the situation as are the men who claim "shes just a slut' date=' dump her"[/quote']

Well, I feel sorry for them, that they had to go through such abuse. I've had to endure abuse in the past as well, but not to that extent. However, I can reject their arguments without passing judgement on them or making ad hominem attacks. The same goes for any man who would disparage a woman he doesn't even know.

[Tim'sAngel]

f***in A!

 

Yeah, the one and only Ignore Smoochie Thread! What a hit! I wonder why it petered out so quickly.

 

I think it's dumb. Really. This *ignore* garbage brings back memories of elementary school... *eeewww, he's WEIRD so let's all IGNORE him!*

 

Speaking of weird elementary school crap... did you ever see those kids who, if they were touched by an *undesirable*, would *spray* themselves clean with some imaginary aerosol s***?

 

Where did that thread go?? All I know is I was reading it and then all the sudden it dissapeared!

[SmoochieFace]

Where did that thread go?? All I know is I was reading it and then all the sudden it dissapeared!

 

I think the Mod Squad deleted it. Just when things were getting interesting.

 

Oh well... I'm sure someone else will crank out another one!

[Tim'sAngel]

Wouldn't be the first time. You have a very maternal glow in your avatar. I'm glad you were able persevere and get your life on the right track. I had to do it alone, but some things are worth struggling for.

 

Thanks. I love my son to death, he completely changed my life for the better!! Turning your life around is hard but well worth the effort. Any kids?

[shoedevil]

Thanks. I love my son to death' date=' he completely changed my life for the better!! Turning your life around is hard but well worth the effort. Any kids?[/quote']

No. My lady and I have talked about it, but we both agree - if we have kids it won't be here in the U.S. We don't think the environment is the best for child-rearing. Ireland, on the other hand...

[Tim'sAngel]

No. My lady and I have talked about it, but we both agree - if we have kids it won't be here in the U.S. We don't think the environment is the best for child-rearing. Ireland, on the other hand...

 

SOme of my ancestors are Irish! I've always wanted to visit!

[overwhelmed]

Thanks guys. marvelously insightful. wow. i guess i was looking for something to sway my decision either way. the more i know, the more i realize that this girl was not for me.

 

I'm too jealous and my standards are apparently set way to high to be with someone who will sleep with anyone who lends a kind word. Don't get me wrong, most of her f*** buddies were people she barely knew and the ones she knew were friends of friends. i guess i was just trying to find someone to tell me that i was being irrational. luckily, this is not the case.

 

the love of my life was slutty. that's more than i can deal with. it breaks my heart. i wish it wasn't so, but i deserve better. i can't be with someone who thinks so lowly of themselves that they need constant sex as reassurance. i also can't be with a nymphomaniac that can't go without sex for a few weeks. either way, it kills me that this girl turned out as such. i just wish i hadn't wasted two years of my life on this girl. i wish i didn't love her, but i do...