SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Congratulations on your first post! Already judgmental! I predict you will have more than 23 enemies on this web site if you continue like this. Or are you somebody we already know and love? He has an ally in me. Welcome aboard, EIE. Don't mind the friggin' *justifiers* and *excuse-mongers* here in this thread. You seem to have higher standards than most here and I congratulate you for them. We need more like you in here so don't let the small but very vocal clique here force you out. And those so-called *enemies* you would be making by standing true to your values are people you wouldn't want as friends anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 He has an ally in me. Welcome aboard, EIE. Don't mind the friggin' *justifiers* and *excuse-mongers* here in this thread. You seem to have higher standards than most here and I congratulate you for them. We need more like you in here so don't let the small but very vocal clique here force you out. And those so-called *enemies* you would be making by standing true to your values are people you wouldn't want as friends anyway. There is a difference between "high standards" and being judgemental. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 There is a difference between "high standards" and being judgemental. Like it was said earlier... EVERYONE is judgmental. You cannot deny it. The only time *being judgmental* stings is when the judgment is about something you have done. We are ALL guilty of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Like it was said earlier... EVERYONE is judgmental. You cannot deny it. The only time *being judgmental* stings is when the judgment is about something you have done. We are ALL guilty of that. I am not denying that we have been judgemental at one point or another. I just hope you don't mistaken ones "high standards" for just an opportunity to place judgement on someone else. Funny, I see these kinds of post about women being whores and promiscuous. Why don't I ever see any about men having too much sex??? If I have looked over any posts about promiscuous men, please send me a link to the post. I'd have to see it for myself to beleive it!! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I am not denying that we have been judgemental at one point or another. I just hope you don't mistaken ones "high standards" for just an opportunity to place judgement on someone else. So if we are all judgmental then why the vitriol in this thread over those judgments that have been made? Does that sound hypocritical to you? We are ALL guilty of it so why the anger over it? Just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Funny' date=' I see these kinds of post about women being whores and promiscuous. Why don't I ever see any about men having too much sex??? If I have looked over any posts about promiscuous men, please send me a link to the post. I'd have to see it for myself to beleive it!![/quote'] Hey, I take issue with that as well. See, I don't believe in double standards. Culpability isn't gender-specific. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 So if we are all judgmental then why the vitriol in this thread over those judgments that have been made? Does that sound hypocritical to you? We are ALL guilty of it so why the anger over it? Just sayin. Because I was being judged for something in my freakin past!! Something I no longer have any control over!! Don't you think if I could change my past I would? My GOd, I think about it all the time, the mistakes I've made, cry over it, stress over it, and then I get mofo's like EIE telling me I"m just a slut!!!! I already stress ever single day of my life that I'm a bad mother because of the mistakes I've made and the position I have put my son in. Noone on LS will ever know how many tears I've cried and how many times I have kicked myself in the a$$ and all the efforts I've made to make a better life for my son and better myself as a person, and I get called a slut... wow Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 How many men a woman has slept with anymore than it means anything how many women a man has slept with. All that matters is that you treat the person you are with now with respect and shared values of what it means to be intimate with that person - now. We all have a past. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Because I was being judged for something in my freakin past!! Something I no longer have any control over!! Don't you think if I could change my past I would? My GOd' date=' I think about it all the time, the mistakes I've made, cry over it, stress over it, and then I get mofo's like EIE telling me I"m just a slut!!!! I already stress [b']ever single day of my life [/b]that I'm a bad mother because of the mistakes I've made and the position I have put my son in. Noone on LS will ever know how many tears I've cried and how many times I have kicked myself in the a$$ and all the efforts I've made to make a better life for my son and better myself as a person, and I get called a slut... wow Calm down... Why are you allowing other people's judgments of you to affect you so deeply? Where is your inner strength? Why are you beating yourself up so much? Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Calm down... Why are you allowing other people's judgments of you to affect you so deeply? Where is your inner strength? Why are you beating yourself up so much? Why would you care. I've just been misjudged on a very touchy subject for me thats all Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 We all have a past. ... we bring that past into our current relationships and make the same mistakes UNLESS we acknowledge and deal with the issues that led to the past behaviours. The onlt time the past won't matter is when there are no consequences of it and the past behaviours have ceased. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Why would you care. I've just been misjudged on a very touchy subject for me thats all Why wouldn't I or anyone else care? Do you not want anyone to care? If so, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 How many men a woman has slept with anymore than it means anything how many women a man has slept with. All that matters is that you treat the person you are with now with respect and shared values of what it means to be intimate with that person - now. We all have a past. I agree but seems some people like to hold that eterenally over someones head Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 ... we bring that past into our current relationships and make the same mistakes UNLESS we acknowledge and deal with the issues that led to the past behaviours. The onlt time the past won't matter is when there are no consequences of it and the past behaviours have ceased. So then how can you be on the same side as someone who said such vile things about a women he doesn't know (the ex gf in refured to in this thread) Who is to say she didn't learn from her mistakes? Why doesn't she deserve a chance? Whoever said that jsut because someone had a sketchy past means they will be a slut the rest of their lives is ignorant. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Why wouldn't I or anyone else care? Do you not want anyone to care? If so, why? Why would you care? You don't know me or anyone else on LS (that I aware of, maybe I'm wrong) I have learned from others on here to keep my mouth shut about my past because everythign I say will be held over my head Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 So then how can you be on the same side as someone who said such vile things about a women he doesn't know (the ex gf in refured to in this thread) Who is to say she didn't learn from her mistakes? Why doesn't she deserve a chance? I'm playing Devil's Advocate here... Thing is in reality... most people have not learned from their past mistakes. Just look around here. We have had many posters come on here and post things, get advice, and then they turn right around and do the same things again. Does that sound like *learning from the past*? Or... how about those who actually have acknowledged their issues but have refused to deal with them? Those who are content to go through life making the same mistakes and then come on here and wonder why their lives are so lousy? What about them? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Why would you care? You don't know me or anyone else on LS (that I aware of' date=' maybe I'm wrong) I have learned from others on here to keep my mouth shut about my past because everythign I say will be held over my head[/quote'] So why are you here? Are you looking for advice? Are you looking for a sympathetic/empathetic ear? Think about it... it doesn't make too much sense to come to an advice site if you question why anyone would care about you and your issues. Why are you seemingly dismissing people here as uncaring without even giving them a chance? Is THAT a *judgment* too? See what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I'm playing Devil's Advocate here... Thing is in reality... most people have not learned from their past mistakes. Just look around here. We have had many posters come on here and post things, get advice, and then they turn right around and do the same things again. Does that sound like *learning from the past*? Or... how about those who actually have acknowledged their issues but have refused to deal with them? Those who are content to go through life making the same mistakes and then come on here and wonder why their lives are so lousy? What about them? I agree with both of those statements. Problem is the OP didn't even consider that his gf learned from her mistakes. In fact, he went as far to say the 2 yr relationship was in all other areas, good. The ONLY thing he seemed to have a problem with was the fact that she had more past lovers than he thought she coudl have. then all the sudden she was a whore, she woudl cheat, she wasn't worth loving... I mean damn, I admit that is a bit much for her age, but now she has lost someone she obviously cared about because of something in her past. Funny, men jump to say "oh shes a slut, she will never change.. bla bla bla" but couldn't even consider the fact that 2 years and no cheating (that he was aware of) might be an indication that she learned her lesson Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 So why are you here? Are you looking for advice? Are you looking for a sympathetic/empathetic ear? Think about it... it doesn't make too much sense to come to an advice site if you question why anyone would care about you and your issues. Why are you seemingly dismissing people here as uncaring without even giving them a chance? Is THAT a *judgment* too? See what I mean? If I was looking for sympathy, wouldn't I be posting about all my problems? I have only posted once about my relationship, the others were about things not really having to do with my personal life. I came on here for no other reason than curiosity. I didn't come on here so I could cry and boo hoo about my personal problems. However, if a problem does come up, then I woudl prolly ask for opinions, but not sympathy. I'm not dismissing people, I'm dismissing people that slammed me for something I no longer have control over Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I agree with both of those statements. Problem is the OP didn't even consider that his gf learned from her mistakes. In fact' date=' he went as far to say the 2 yr relationship was in all other areas, good. The ONLY thing he seemed to have a problem with was the fact that she had more past lovers than he thought she coudl have. then all the sudden she was a whore, she woudl cheat, she wasn't worth loving... I mean damn, I admit that is a bit much for her age, but now she has lost someone she obviously cared about because of something in her past. Funny, men jump to say "oh shes a slut, she will never change.. bla bla bla" but couldn't even consider the fact that 2 years and no cheating (that he was aware of) might be an indication that she learned her lesson[/quote'] But can you see and understand his issue with her promiscuity? Wouldn't a *high* number of past partners be a red flag? Does he not have a right to concerned about that issue just as women have a right to be concerned about a man's past? Like... if he was married or has kids? Like if he has a criminal record? Like if he is abusive? Or if he is sexually promiscuous and may have a disease? Those are legitimate concerns too. The OP's concern is included as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I'm dismissing people that slammed me for something I no longer have control over But when you lash out at those people who harshly judge you you really aren't dismissing them. When you refuse to allow their judgments of you to personally affect you then you can say you have dismissed them. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 But can you see and understand his issue with her promiscuity? Wouldn't a *high* number of past partners be a red flag? Does he not have a right to concerned about that issue just as women have a right to be concerned about a man's past? Like... if he was married or has kids? Like if he has a criminal record? Like if he is abusive? Or if he is sexually promiscuous and may have a disease? Those are legitimate concerns too. The OP's concern is included as well. I never once said he shouldn't be concerned. All I said was to be a bit more open minded and consider that she has learned her lesson and that is the ONLY thing questionable in the relationship to give it a try. (which he seems to have been doing, 2 years is a long enough time to make a good judgement on ones character) I can see his concern. He just can't see anything but his own opinion. I may be terribly wrong, but I always thought a forum was to get different opinions on your situation... Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 But when you lash out at those people who harshly judge you you really aren't dismissing them. When you refuse to allow their judgments of you to personally affect you then you can say you have dismissed them. Maybe your right there, but when it hits a fresh, sore wound sometimes its just a little to hard to ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I never once said he shouldn't be concerned. All I said was to be a bit more open minded and consider that she has learned her lesson and that is the ONLY thing questionable in the relationship to give it a try. (which he seems to have been doing, 2 years is a long enough time to make a good judgement on ones character) I can see his concern. He just can't see anything but his own opinion. I may be terribly wrong, but I always thought a forum was to get different opinions on your situation... Well, the reality is that not everyone is openminded and expecting everyone to be so is unrealistic. That is something that simply needs to be accepted. And we really don't know the whole story either. He either may be omitting some details or exaggerating others or both. We also haven't heard her side so our advice and comments are obviously skewed toward him. Yes, a forum is here for different opinions. At the same time, we've also seen plenty of bashing and personal attacks based on emotion as well. Perhaps we should be more objective... Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Well, the reality is that not everyone is openminded and expecting everyone to be so is unrealistic. That is something that simply needs to be accepted. And we really don't know the whole story either. He either may be omitting some details or exaggerating others or both. We also haven't heard her side so our advice and comments are obviously skewed toward him. Yes, a forum is here for different opinions. At the same time, we've also seen plenty of bashing and personal attacks based on emotion as well. Perhaps we should be more objective... Perhaps. I just think it is rediculous and a waste of time to come on an open public forum and get upset when not everyone feels the same as you Link to post Share on other sites
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