Sex after pregnancy

[Guest]

My husband is wanting us to get pregnant again, and I don't know that I want to. Not only does the idea of a 2nd child not exactly thrill me, I am even more worried about what will happen to my body (I know, some will say it's vain, and I'm really not looking for their input anyway). After our first child, I refused to have sex with my husband until I got my body back to the way it was, so we abstained for a loooong time. I have this fear that I'll have to have a C-section or something and then be all scarred up and then we'll really have some issues. I guess I'm looking for someone who maybe has the same feelings as I do, so that I don't feel like such a horribly shallow person. I just have a problem "getting in the mood" when I feel like a fat, disgusting cow covered with battle wounds and sagging skin, and want to know if anyone else feels the same.

[Tim'sAngel]

OH hunny, you are SOOO not alone!! My son is 16 months and I still have not shed all my baby weight!! Not to mention the battle scars!! I had a very good body before I got pregnant, and I look nothing like I used to which has taken my self esteem to an all time low. I was single when I had my son so I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing my body, but then met the love of my life, and if it wasnt for him making me feel beautiful and sexy, then I would have never been able to be intimate w/him. It took me like 4 or 5 months of being together before I would fully become naked in front of him, and i still ask him to turn the lights off. I hate living like this. I used to be very proud of my body, and wanted a spot light on me while naked!

 

So yes, I know exactly what you mean and I am not having anymore children. (not necessarily for that reason but it counts) I dont' know why people today think you gotta have like 10 kids in a lifetime. I am very happy w/my one child. He is all I want. Just tell hubby that you want to be a wife just as much as you want to be a mother, and it is important to you that you feel adequate in both areas.

[Vega]

if you don't want another child it doesn't matter the reason. Not wanting one is enough.

[carmaenforcer]

OMG, I was so glad to see a thread on sex after pregnancy because my Wife is newly pregnant and already we are not having sex, at all. She has a good reason and I agree so I haven't been making too much of a big deal about it.

She had one possibly two miscarriages since we've been together and she is afraid that she is prone to them and read somewhere that sex is not good for someone prone to miscarrying. I don't want to go through that again so I backed off for a minute or two, but I can't keep it up for ever.

I will be risking sounding like an ass, but I don't really care at this point so here goes. Sex with my Wife was already boring to begin with; she will only do it in missionary, blaming pain she feels in other positions since the first miscarriage, so I have to be understanding, right. To make things worse she got in this weird habit of expecting me to finish at the exact same time as she does, I accommodated a couple of times but she sometimes goes too fast and I want to continue enjoying myself and she got furious. I put a stop to this really quick. I told her that she is not going to dictate when I have my orgasms.

On top of this she refuses to go down on me (give me head, BJ, whatever) EVER, because "she doesn't like it" this I am not so understanding about, but don't bitch too much because it doesn't help. She won't let me have porno in the house and for the longest time she was completely against me taking care of business (masturbating), for those that got lost. Now, since she doesn't want to have sex at all for a while, she told me to just go ahead and take care of myself. I told her I'd be glad to but I need a visual to do so, at first I suggested her giving me some pictures of herself, or pose for me, things she has done in the past, but she said no. I told her ok then I will be buying porno then. She suggested I just do it in the shower without no visual stimuli but I will not compromise on how I take care of myself, I'm sorry but that's going too far. Her input in how I get please sexually ends when her participation ends. If she doesn't take care of me then it's none of her business how or where I get mine.

 

I swear I am at the end of my rope with this issue, if you look at some of my past posts this is an issue I have been dealing with for some time now and I can't handle it getting any worse.

[blind_otter]

OMG, I was so glad to see a thread on sex after pregnancy because my Wife is newly pregnant and already we are not having sex, at all. She has a good reason and I agree so I haven't been making too much of a big deal about it.

She had one possibly two miscarriages since we've been together and she is afraid that she is prone to them and read somewhere that sex is not good for someone prone to miscarrying. I don't want to go through that again so I backed off for a minute or two, but I can't keep it up for ever.

I will be risking sounding like an ass, but I don't really care at this point so here goes. Sex with my Wife was already boring to begin with; she will only do it in missionary, blaming pain she feels in other positions since the first miscarriage, so I have to be understanding, right. To make things worse she got in this weird habit of expecting me to finish at the exact same time as she does, I accommodated a couple of times but she sometimes goes too fast and I want to continue enjoying myself and she got furious. I put a stop to this really quick. I told her that she is not going to dictate when I have my orgasms.

On top of this she refuses to go down on me (give me head, BJ, whatever) EVER, because "she doesn't like it" this I am not so understanding about, but don't bitch too much because it doesn't help. She won't let me have porno in the house and for the longest time she was completely against me taking care of business (masturbating), for those that got lost. Now, since she doesn't want to have sex at all for a while, she told me to just go ahead and take care of myself. I told her I'd be glad to but I need a visual to do so, at first I suggested her giving me some pictures of herself, or pose for me, things she has done in the past, but she said no. I told her ok then I will be buying porno then. She suggested I just do it in the shower without no visual stimuli but I will not compromise on how I take care of myself, I'm sorry but that's going too far. Her input in how I get please sexually ends when her participation ends. If she doesn't take care of me then it's none of her business how or where I get mine.

 

I swear I am at the end of my rope with this issue, if you look at some of my past posts this is an issue I have been dealing with for some time now and I can't handle it getting any worse.

 

 

I've had two miscarriages and I have no pain with intercourse. If she still has pain from the miscarriage then she should see an OBGYN -- there must be something wrong! And the OB should tell her whether she needs to be on pelvic rest or not. Have you gone with her to the doctor? If not you should, and ask your own questions. Don't ask her to ask for you.

 

Personally it sounds like she has personal issues with sex, because if she still has pain from her first miscarriage (was it traumatic? My second one was bad, I was 4 months along and labored in the waiting room of the ER, and I delivered the baby by myself in the emergency room bathroom.) -- she may have an anatomical issue?

[Buttaflyy]

I will not compromise on how I take care of myself, I'm sorry but that's going too far. Her input in how I get please sexually ends when her participation ends. If she doesn't take care of me then it's none of her business how or where I get mine.

 

I swear I am at the end of my rope with this issue, if you look at some of my past posts this is an issue I have been dealing with for some time now and I can't handle it getting any worse.

 

I feel for you! You are right to feel this way and ur wife sounds very selfish and demanding. Don't let her control you that way.

[carmaenforcer]

blind_otter, first off thank you so much for your input. I really enjoy reading your stuff and think you have a good insight as to the guys side.

Yeah, she had her first miscarriage when she was about three + months along, the baby didn't develop right so probably wasn't as big as yours must have been, but she still did go through labor in passing it. I call it labor like because she was going through contractions and having to push it out and all that. I've been in the delivery room with both my children from my first Wife and know that what my current Wife went through was labor. I think she did hurt herself because she also had bladder control problems after that. She seems genuine in her not being able to do certain positions because of pain but she is also very selfish in bed and so I can't help but be wary of the true severity of her ailment and her willingness to be there for me above her wants. Like the not liking to give me a BJ has never sat well with me but I could let it go when I was at least getting something but now I think she better get over herself and just do it or at least look the other way with the whole masturbation issue. I think I have been more that understanding all this time and now she needs to realize that I also have needs that need to be met.

Get this, I have always given her massages on a daily, after work while relaxing on the sofa a nice foot and leg massage to unwind after a hard day and before going to bed a full body 45min to an hour to help her go to sleep, I didn't mind because I am all about making sure my woman is pleased. Now, it makes my skin crawl when she asks me to massage her and I make it known. She claims that I'm not being supportive, but I think she is just spoiled and expects too much without having to do anything.

I'm done. I’ve been pushed to my limit.

 

Buttaflyy, Thank you. Trust me, I won't. I've reached my limit and she knows it. Just last night she tried sneaking a "massage me to sleep" request and I quickly reminder about my needs. I told her, I love you and will be there to pamper you like never before through out this pregnancy as I always have, but I need my needs met as well or you better never ask me for a dam thing. She just whispered, ok then go, go out to the living room then. I asked, for what? She said go take care of your self.

OMG, this pissed me off so bad because we have had this discussion so many times in the past, especially lately.

I blew up and told her, how exactly you expect me to do that without visual aids, I told you I will not. You know what, I will not have this conversation with you again, don’t even talk to me right now.

Please know, I'm not a total ass hole and since my woman is pregnant

After a few seconds and I gave her a little rub down to help her sleep, after a few minutes I stopped (when “I” wanted to) and she tried whining for me to continue and I just turned and went to sleep. Today she is all puppydog-ish, calling me at work to tell me something was on the radio that she thought I might like, I thanked her and told her I'm busy is that it? She told me, I love you so much, all wounded duck sounding and I said I love you to.

 

I hope to god she gets it before she pushes me away sexually, because I am all about myself now and if she don't join in or help she will be cut out of the loop.

[blind_otter]

Get this, I have always given her massages on a daily, after work while relaxing on the sofa a nice foot and leg massage to unwind after a hard day and before going to bed a full body 45min to an hour to help her go to sleep, I didn't mind because I am all about making sure my woman is pleased. Now, it makes my skin crawl when she asks me to massage her and I make it known. She claims that I'm not being supportive, but I think she is just spoiled and expects too much without having to do anything.

I'm done. I’ve been pushed to my limit.

 

 

Well I guess my point was, she should see a doc to see what's the matter if she wants to get better so you guys can have sex! It sounds like she's not motivated to explore her options, either because of depression (I had bad post partum depression), or because she is spoiled.

 

My exH used to massage me all the time. After we split up, I was on my own and I ended up going to massage school because I realized what I was missing! I was spoiled, in retrospect. I am growing up a lot, now, but I am on my own....no one spoils me anymore!! She sounds like she does need a bit of a push.

[carmaenforcer]

My apologies to the Original Poster (Guest) I didn't mean to just in with my problems, I think I will just start my own thread later.

 

On your first, I know that no amount of anyone telling you not to worry about your looks and just enjoy yourself with your husband is going to help, so I won’t even try. As for your other issue, I have to agree with Vega if you don't want to have anymore children or at least don't even want to consider it right now, that's good enough and your husband should understand. Now, if you and he had talked about your expectations on how many children you both wanted and you got into a relationship with him knowing he wanted a large family and now just changed your mind, that's not right. You do still have the right to not want anymore kids if you don't want them or are not ready, but know that the relationship may suffer irreparable damaged.

 

blind_otter, sorry I forgot to respond on the seeking a doctors help thing. That was one of the, if not "the" first thing I suggested but the response I got was, "if there is nothing they can do I don't want to go in and get poked for no reason." Can't argue with that logic. She avoids going to the GYNO at all costs because she hates them fingering her or using that duck looking spreader thing on her. I do go to her appointments with her and I'm right there in the room, at her request. I don't tend to bud in to much because that's still her thing and I don't want to seem like I'm all up in her business but I have politely asked stuff to the Dr. in the past. In this first meeting for the Baby I didn't ask anything sex related because I was more concerned with the health of the embryo/egg what ever it is at this early stage, but next time in 4 weeks you know I'm going to ask all.

I know how you feel, sometimes we don't realize how good we hade it till it's no long there to be had. My ex used to take care of me, sexually, all the time, in every way and god I miss that now. You know, I have had girl friends ask me in the past why do guys cheat and I have always been that guy that didn't really know the answer to that because I wasn't a cheater but after what I have been dealing with myself, stories I have read on LS and heard from some guy friends I see why some of us do it. Some guys are just ass holes that will do it no matter what. Some like a guy friend of mine who's girl takes care of him "well" and he still cheats, does it because his woman leaves too much to the imagination in her personal life outside their relationship and he thinks she might be doing the same. She is a friend of mine too and I know she isn't but he doesn't know that and she works too much in the shadows (she's shady in her dealings) with other guy friends and doesn't respect his feeling enough, so he cheats as a tooth for a tooth type thing. Some guys just get tired of their women using sex as a weapon or a precious commodity that they have full control over. Like the OP leaving her man without for months, OH HELL NO, I'd be in somewhere else right quick if that was me, as it looks like I will be forced to do soon. That's one thing some women don't get, if we are treated right in that respect we could be some of the most loyal devoted appreciative creatures in the world but when we are teased and tortured with it, we soon realize how special the woman we are with is not and quickly find someone else to play head games with us that actually gives it up more. I will try a couple more times before I do my own thing, but it doesn’t look good.