Why is it so hard to let go!

[Stressed]

I just recently posted a message and I thank the people who answered my question. But this question I'm asking now is something I don't want to do because I love my ex tremendously and it going to hurt me so much to tell her it's time to let her go. She's asking me to wait till she decides if she wants to get back into the relationship but she is also telling me if I can't then I should do what's best for me. To start, our three year relationship ended about a month ago. We still talk everyday( though only for a couple of minutes) and see each other a couple of times a week. I know in my mind that she was the one for me but I think she doesn't feel the same. She 4 years younger than myself but she's more mature about the whole situation. What really hurts me is that she hides her pain ( if she has any ) better than I do. Maybe it's because she's in school and works everyday that she doesn't have any time to think about what happened. I wonder if she's hurting at all! I'm trying to cope with it the best I can but it's truly difficult because the break up was my fault (no I didn't cheat on her). I was reading into certain situations too much and she couldn't take it anymore. Anyways I think I'm going to have to do it this weekend when we're suppose to see each other. It's going to be very emotionally and I'm very scared that I

 

might be doing something wrong but how do I know when she's coming back? I really need some advice on this one please.

[darcy071]

It is so hard to let go the pain and feeling of empiness is horrible. I believe we feel so bad because no what has happened we still love the person, you were with her for three year and in that amount of time she become part of you. I know she is feeling pain just repressing her feelings, but they will at some point surface. It is going to be rough time for you for the next while, try and keep busy cry a lot that really helps, stay away from booze as this intensify your sorrow! Talk it out with someone when ever you get the chance. I know you dont believe this now but your feelings will subside and you will in time feel better. Be patient and take care.

[midori]

That's the thing -- you can't know when and if she's coming back. The hardest part may well be that she'll never come back unless you've really let go. Believe me, believe me I KNOW how hard that is. I've been going through the same thing myself with my ex. We were together for 3 years. He couldn't figure out what he wanted, and kept asking me to wait. The longer I waited, the more time he needed. Six months after our last break-up the games continue. Or rather, they would if I were willing to tolerate them.

 

It's not that she's deliberately playing games with you. But she doesn't have her act together vis a vis her relationship with you -- and until she gets it together it looks like you are going to be the one to suffer. She might well be very busy with school, etc., but if those things conveniently prevent her from giving your relationship the attention and thought it deserves, that ought to tell you that she's not ready to deal with it. She's not going to confront her issues and she's not going to let go of you. She'll hide behind the other things she's got going on, there will always be an excuse. She's not taking responsibility for herself by defining what it is that SHE wants with you and then sticking to it, so you'd better not expect her to be responsible toward you and your need for clarity. You've got to take responsibility for yourself. Which you should anyway.

 

I think you have to decide if you want to continue to facilitate her avoidant, immature approach to love by staying in connection with her, or if you can't take the pain anymore. You're right, cutting contact will be so hard and cause more pain in the short term. But in my experience that's the only way to break the cycle with someone like that.

 

Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

[Amber]

I just recently posted a message and I thank the people who answered my question. But this question I'm asking now is something I don't want to do because I love my ex tremendously and it going to hurt me so much to tell her it's time to let her go. She's asking me to wait till she decides if she wants to get back into the relationship but she is also telling me if I can't then I should do what's best for me. To start, our three year relationship ended about a month ago. We still talk everyday( though only for a couple of minutes) and see each other a couple of times a week. I know in my mind that she was the one for me but I think she doesn't feel the same. She 4 years younger than myself but she's more mature about the whole situation. What really hurts me is that she hides her pain ( if she has any ) better than I do. Maybe it's because she's in school and works everyday that she doesn't have any time to think about what happened. I wonder if she's hurting at all! I'm trying to cope with it the best I can but it's truly difficult because the break up was my fault (no I didn't cheat on her). I was reading into certain situations too much and she couldn't take it anymore. Anyways I think I'm going to have to do it this weekend when we're suppose to see each other. It's going to be very emotionally and I'm very scared that I might be doing something wrong but how do I know when she's coming back? I really need some advice on this one please.

First of all comming from a females point of view I can tell you right now that there isnt a second in the day when she dosnt think about it. You have to realize that its hard for women to let the man she loves, who has hurt her, see that it tears her up inside. And if you think that after 3 years that she just dosnt love you then you sure all hell dont know how to read women. Dont take that the wrong way or anything but someones gotta say it. It sounds to me that you guys dont have very good communication. You need to talk to her on a deeper level instead of "Hey, How ya doin." Ask her how she really feels. If you really love this women then you wouldnt just drop everthing youve worked so hard for just because your a little confused. So go get her before its too late.....Now!