rossi Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I would like to know what men think about anal sex with their wives, it is normal or it is practice with women from outside the marriage?
Ladylay Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I would like to know what men think about anal sex with their wives, it is normal or it is practice with women from outside the marriage? I am not male, "BUTT" I am married. I engage in this activity, periodicaly. I am not really a drinker, but find that when I drink My inhabitions fall down. I remember the first time, It hurt like hell,but it gets better . It is not for me pleasurable, but bareable after a bottle of wine, and plenty of lube[sorry to be graphic] for me anyhows. My Oh and I have devised a code when I am happy to accomadate I say "F**K the enemy" Jeeze I cant believe I am writing this .. Dont know if you are planning to do this. Tip here, "dont do it unless you know you are going to be close to a loo for the next day" It's cheaper than a colonic
Alexandra Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I would like to know what men think about anal sex with their wives, it is normal or it is practice with women from outside the marriage? Ummm pardon me? I must be getting your question wrong, could you clarify? Are you asking if it's normal and if not should you let him get it somewhere else?
Curmudgeon Posted May 16, 2006 Posted May 16, 2006 I think he's asking if wives participate or only those notorious other women. Funny! I thought a woman was a woman was a woman. I didn't realize that a wedding ring turned them into something else. Oh! Wait! I get it. There are women and there are wives, right? I don't think so.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 If your intent was to find out if a man will stray b/c a wife won't do it, but an OW will, I don't think there is an answer to your question. Because .... A WOMAN will either do it, or she won't. It doesn't matter if she is a girlfriend, a wife, an ex, a fiance', or an other woman. It really is that simple. Engaging in anal sex is very risky behaviour OUTSIDE of a committed relationship. For any man, or woman, to participate when they know the other person is with other people, in my book, is not just asking for their own death warrant, but isn't someone that is looking out for the well-being of any of their partners. Which, if that were the case, not someone I think ANY other man or woman would want to be with.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 In looking at a past thread of yours, same topic it seems as if you are questioning the activity b/c you think your H might have done this with OW? If you have decided to forgive your husband and you both are doing everything it takes to make your marriage work then you have to be open enough with him to question him if he did in fact, engage in anal sex. Was it protected, or un-protected. This is YOUR health and for your well-being you have to find that out. If he is indeed doing everything he can, then he shouldn't hesitate to answer your question. It is a fair question and something you need to know. Other than that, I don't think you want a lot of details. If you are staying in the marriage, it will only polute your mind and instead of guessing about what all happened, your mind will begin replaying all the details in your mind and drive you crazy. You can't get those thoughts out of your mind once they are there. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. If you are considering engaging in it yourself with him, you need to ask yourself if you are only doing it to make him happy, or to keep him "home" with you. If that is the case, you will never enjoy it and it will probably always be painful. It can be very pleasurable for a woman, but only if she is in the right frame of mind. A good man can get her there if he really wants to. He also has to have a lot of patience. I engage in it frequently with my H. Probably not as frequently as HE would like, but sometimes I am in the mood, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes he has the energy to get me in the mood, sometimes he doesn't. But, it has to be up to YOU whether you want to, or not. Not him.
Author rossi Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 I'm asking because one night while having sex, he tried, with out asking me first, my husband finally confesed that he had his affair because he wanted, he said during our seccion with the MC, that he wanted to try things that he was worry to ask me to. The MC told him that he should ask for what he wants instead of looking for outside, I had been talking to all my female friends, and all of them tried the anal sex. I Was surprise, i did not know about this. I just want to know your opinion about it, I know that some men do things with the OW, that they don't do with their wifes. I told my husband that i could do whatever he wants if I want it. I old friend told me, that women should be everthing for their husband.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I told my husband that i could do whatever he wants if I want it. You have to be able to relax to enjoy anything sexual ... if you are doing something just to please the other partner, and don’t allow yourself to enjoy it, then you shouldn’t do it. I old friend told me, that women should be everthing for their husband. Umm, I agree and disagree. You want your marriage to have open communication and complete understanding. You should try new things as long as they are not damaging to your relationship, or to you as a person. Change is sometimes good. Growing and changing together is better. However, you shouldn’t change who you are to please another person. Please remember that. If it is something you want to try, try it. But if you don’t like it after you really have given it a fair shot, then don’t do it just to please him. And, as your husband he should appreciate that you tried, but that you don’t like it and NOT look for it elsewhere. In my experience, it isn’t something I can plan. If I think to myself that tonight I am going to surprise my husband and tell him I want it ... then I think all day about it and end up being so tense that I can’t do it. My husband knows me well enough when I am open to it and when I’m not during sex and will ask if the timing is right. IN all the times that we have engaged in this, we have only used lube twice. Both times we used the lube it was much easier for me; however, the reason why we don’t use it each and every time is because it happens in the heat of the moment ... for him to have to get out of bed, turn on the light, get the stuff from our hiding spot (we have kids), then I’m not relaxed anymore and while it is easier ... it isn’t as pleasurable for me. Yes, he has tried to plan ahead and have the lube right by the bed w/o me knowing ... but then HE knows and in his excitement doesn’t spend the time he usually does to get me there. Of course, HE thinks he is, but I know in that moment he isn’t thinking with his brain either. You can also get a desensitizer-type lube. There are probably a few, but I think the most common is Anal-eze. You have to apply it about five/ten minutes before. This would probably be the best thing for you to use for the first few times. I did use it in the beginning, but don’t prefer to use it now.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Also, remember that you must ask him if he had unprotected sex. You know, it doesn't matter if it was "normal" sex, or anal sex at this point. All you need to know right now, is if it was protected sex. If the answer is yes, then you don't need any details about what type of sex it was. If the answer is no, then you both need to go get tested asap and this should be something you insist upon. Actually, even if his answer was no, I myself would go to the doctor and get tested.
amber26 Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I am going thru the same thing with my H. He wants it and I want to give him what he wants but I don't know if I am comfortable doing it. We have tried but before it happens I pull away. I think that maybe some booze would relax me to help me get through it and try it once. But the thought is always in the back of my mind of it hurting. Sex to me should not be painful. Though I have heard that it gets better and the first time is the worse alot like the first time u have vaginal sex. It is definatly something to consider if u don't want your H looking else where for it as mine is doing right now. But in the end if u r just to uncomfortable doing it then that is the way u feel. I have always joked with my H and said I would if I could do the same to him. Try that. If he is not willing why should u be. Anal sex is anal sex. It can go both ways. Something to think about.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I have always joked with my H and said I would if I could do the same to him. Try that. Ha! I did try that. Unfortunately for me at the time he said "o.k." So, if a guy is as open-minded as mine is about sex, then that one will backfire on you. Worth a try, but expect to have to own up to it if he agrees. Though I have heard that it gets better and the first time is the worse alot like the first time u have vaginal sex. Not quite. The reason why it hurts the first time, or the few times after the first time, is because you aren't relaxed. The reason why it doesn't hurt after that is because you are more than likely over the fear of the "unknown" and are able to relax more. But, it CAN hurt even if you've done it a gazillion times if you aren't relaxed and in the right mood/frame of mind. The number one factor, if you want to try and participate in this, is that you have to be relaxed.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 It is definatly something to consider if u don't want your H looking else where for it as mine is doing right now. IMO - nothing justifies someone "finding it elsewhere" ever. Let's see, I want to remain being married to you, but since you won't give me a BJ, or swallow, or let me have your a**, or a threesome, then I'm going to have someone else do it instead. That is a load of bullcrap!
Sassy Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 . IMO - nothing justifies someone "finding it elsewhere" ever. Let's see, I want to remain being married to you, but since you won't give me a BJ, or swallow, or let me have your a**, or a threesome, then I'm going to have someone else do it instead. That is a load of bullcrap! Totally agree with you on that Striving!!
amber26 Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Though I have heard that it gets better and the first time is the worse alot like the first time u have vaginal sex. As I said I have heard. I have never tried it so would not know for sure. It is definatly something to consider if u don't want your H looking else where for it as mine is doing right now. That did not come out right. I do not think anyone should consider doing anything they are uncomfortable with just to please someone else. I meant that it is something to consider asking him if he will take the same thing he wants u to do. And yes even joking with my husband he has said he would do it.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Amber - I understood what you meant ... that you only heard that. I was just trying to clarify the "why" for the original poster because you brought up a valid point and the main reason why so many people fear trying it ... fear of the pain that at one point in time you hear about. And yes even joking with my husband he has said he would do it. So ... your H agreed you could ... did you back out? And, if you backed out ... do you think that is exactly what he expected you to do and therefore was the reason why he said yes? My H said yes because he thought I wouldn't ... I surprised him. But, a deal was a deal.
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