Engaged and confused

[Sue]

I've been dating Ted for about 2 1/2 years and a few months ago we got engaged. Ted is a fantastic guy, he's sweet and nice and fun. He not very talkative and communication is non-existant. When I feel we are having problems and bring them up, he just says sorry and things might improve for a few weeks. About 3 months before we got engaged, I was having second thoughts about the relationship. We don't fight and he's very good to me, but I've lost all interest in him sexually. I enjoy hanging out with him and doing stuff with him, but I don't want to have sex with him and any electricity that I used to feel is completely gone. I'm a big believer in soulmates and I believe that you can have a relationship were you are just comfortable with someone and things go okay, but you are not really swept off of your feet, or you can have the type of relationship where the thought of that person will always make your stomach do flips. We have the first kind of relationship and I'm afraid that if we settle for comfortable, then we both might be missing out on something so much better for us or we will be divorced in a few years because the lack of passion is just too much to handle. When I discuss this with him, he says he thinks comfortable is okay and he likes the way things are. I've had many shorter realtionships and a few that were about 7 months, but this is by far my most serious relationship. Ted has had only one other realtionship, lasting 10 months, and I was his first sexual partner.

 

On the other side of the coin, I have met someone who I really think may be my soulmate. We have an incredible connection. We've known each other for about 3 months and have become the best of friends who tell each other everything. The sparks are definitely there between us as well and it's almost painful not to be able to touch him when we are together. We live several hours apart right now. I'm trying my hardest not to let my feelings for this new person interfere with my relationship with Ted, but it's very difficult. This new person and I have decided that even if I end my engagement with Ted, that we will not immediatly jump into a relationship. We will continue to be friends and see how things progress.

 

So, my question is, are my feelings out my relationship with Ted on the money and should I end the relationship? I'm really fearful of hurting him but I really think that there is someone out there who is probably so much better suited for him. I'm not giving him all that he deserves. We are setting up appointments for a relationship councelor, but I just wanted some feedback from some impartial people.

 

Thanks.

[C]

I've been dating Ted for about 2 1/2 years and a few months ago we got engaged. Ted is a fantastic guy, he's sweet and nice and fun. He not very talkative and communication is non-existant. When I feel we are having problems and bring them up, he just says sorry and things might improve for a few weeks. About 3 months before we got engaged, I was having second thoughts about the relationship. We don't fight and he's very good to me, but I've lost all interest in him sexually. I enjoy hanging out with him and doing stuff with him, but I don't want to have sex with him and any electricity that I used to feel is completely gone. I'm a big believer in soulmates and I believe that you can have a relationship were you are just comfortable with someone and things go okay, but you are not really swept off of your feet, or you can have the type of relationship where the thought of that person will always make your stomach do flips. We have the first kind of relationship and I'm afraid that if we settle for comfortable, then we both might be missing out on something so much better for us or we will be divorced in a few years because the lack of passion is just too much to handle. When I discuss this with him, he says he thinks comfortable is okay and he likes the way things are. I've had many shorter realtionships and a few that were about 7 months, but this is by far my most serious relationship. Ted has had only one other realtionship, lasting 10 months, and I was his first sexual partner. On the other side of the coin, I have met someone who I really think may be my soulmate. We have an incredible connection. We've known each other for about 3 months and have become the best of friends who tell each other everything. The sparks are definitely there between us as well and it's almost painful not to be able to touch him when we are together. We live several hours apart right now. I'm trying my hardest not to let my feelings for this new person interfere with my relationship with Ted, but it's very difficult. This new person and I have decided that even if I end my engagement with Ted, that we will not immediatly jump into a relationship. We will continue to be friends and see how things progress. So, my question is, are my feelings out my relationship with Ted on the money and should I end the relationship? I'm really fearful of hurting him but I really think that there is someone out there who is probably so much better suited for him. I'm not giving him all that he deserves. We are setting up appointments for a relationship councelor, but I just wanted some feedback from some impartial people. Thanks.

Sue,

 

I think you should end the relationship with Ted. Sounds like Ted don't give a crap about your feelings. I just have one question for you. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with him? I know divorce is always an option. But why go through the process. I am the person who believes love is the most important element of a marriage. And right now I don't think you love him.

 

As your relationship with this other guy. He can flirt with you as much as he wants because deep down he knows he cannot have you right now. Not that he is doing it on purpose but that is the nature of a male friend.

 

Sue, I just found out you exist five minutes ago and I have no idea who you really are and if you are telling the truth. But if you are, better to feel bad now than for the next how many years of your life with Ted. Good luck with everything.

 

C