zarathustra Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I know this for a fact about H. I left him before and he didn't fight for me until the very moment I was out the door (after finding a place to stay). He suddenly became emotional on me. It was too late but it stuck with me and within two months I was back...despite all the crap he did in those two months. I cannot imagine a future with him. We aren't intimate (for the last 4 months) due to problems from the past and recently and which he's getting therapy for. But aside of that it's been 7 years together, 6 married and I've yet to really feel happy in any of them. It's been a rocky marriage and it was a rocky dating relationship so I should have known it wouldn't change after marriage. I'm so sorry to hear it. I think that you need to do what you need for own happiness. You really aren't doing yourself any favours if you stay. He may not see it right now, but your staying isn't doing your H any favours either. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Well for one, you can thank God there are no children involved. All the other annoying things can fall into place. What's the point in staying in a M and being unhappy for so long. Even if its without OM, which you will never know until you're done with the M. People (such as I and others) have done with much less after the M or A is over and still make it. You've got too many years left to stay in this miserable existence. JMHO Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I hate to say it, but most men don't subscribe into their mind what is at stake until the woman packs and leaves. Only then do they figure out... hmmm... I need to work on this thing called marriage. Sometimes by the time the woman leaves, its too late. Very true! My husband thought he wanted to be with someone else and that it would all be a happy ever ending with him and me still doing things with the kids together every weekend, and him living with her. His stuff still being at OUR house, him still maintaining everything at OUR house, but nothing at her house, or maintaining anything of hers, because after-all, they would be HERS, not OURS. Didn't understand his point-of-view there, but realize that he couldn't think clearly during that time. And all this because of a short-term EA!!! This went on for about one/two weeks. The moment I said "I'm done" is the moment it all changed. I hung up on him when I said this. He called me within two hours wanting to have lunch to let me know that he wanted to work on it and stay together. After all this he told me that when I said that and hung up on him, he had to lay down on his desk. He was shaking so bad and thought he was going to pass out. All he could think about was life without me wouldn't be worth living for. So for two weeks, I'm trying to be understanding and work through the issues with him ... when all it took to make a change was for me to say "I'm done!" Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I honestly have no clue WHAT I would do if given a chance to have an affair. I doubt I would unless I knew there was a future. That's what I thought too. But because I was SOOO unhappy, the attention I was receiving I viewed as them being my knight in shining armor. That was my view, not theirs. So, I slept with them .... only to my horror I found out that I felt so guilty afterwards for actually cheating on my abusive, drug-addicted, alcoholic husband, so ended up staying. They COULD have been my knight ... but I never gave them the chance. Then I would give my M my all until my unhappiness made another knight appear. Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I cannot imagine a future with him. We aren't intimate (for the last 4 months) due to problems from the past and recently and which he's getting therapy for. But aside of that it's been 7 years together, 6 married and I've yet to really feel happy in any of them. It's been a rocky marriage and it was a rocky dating relationship so I should have known it wouldn't change after marriage. My ex was my highschool sweetheart. We got married right out of highschool. I stayed in the marriage for 10 years. Knew right from the beginning I had made a mistake, but I stayed. Two children later, several affairs later, and a lot of abuse later, I finally left ... for good. Yes, it is hard. But you can do it. It will be the hardest thing you have had to do, but you will come to realize it was the best thing for you to do. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Very true! My husband thought he wanted to be with someone else and that it would all be a happy ever ending with him and me still doing things with the kids together every weekend, and him living with her. His stuff still being at OUR house, him still maintaining everything at OUR house, but nothing at her house, or maintaining anything of hers, because after-all, they would be HERS, not OURS. Didn't understand his point-of-view there, but realize that he couldn't think clearly during that time. And all this because of a short-term EA!!! This went on for about one/two weeks. The moment I said "I'm done" is the moment it all changed. I hung up on him when I said this. He called me within two hours wanting to have lunch to let me know that he wanted to work on it and stay together. After all this he told me that when I said that and hung up on him, he had to lay down on his desk. He was shaking so bad and thought he was going to pass out. All he could think about was life without me wouldn't be worth living for. So for two weeks, I'm trying to be understanding and work through the issues with him ... when all it took to make a change was for me to say "I'm done!" Was I dating your hubby? nope... mine lived with me but its like they're cut from the same cloth. Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Z LOL! Ahh, I lucked out though ... he never moved in with her and they never had sex. I wouldn't be living with him if that had happened. But then again, never say never. Funny thing is sometimes I think they didn't have an EA ... but then realize that it did in fact become one the day she let him know the door was open and he started thinking about her differently. Even though the EA only last less than a month, and I knew about it within one week, sometimes I think I am crazy and it never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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