ConfusedGal Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Hi All, So need to vent about my mom. Firstly, on Friday, on the phone, she kept giving me examples of my female cousin who "did so much for her parents. She spent 60k on them in the last three years." and other examples of "great daughters." I just sucked it up and listened, and tried to change the topic. Then for mothers day, my husband and I took my parents to dinner and a concert. So for mom EVERYTHING is about HER. EVERYTYHING!!! ANd she has TRAINED Dad as well. He keep s going on about "YOur mother is SOOO great. She cares SOOO much for EVERYBODY. There is NO ONE Like her in the world.." ALL THE TIME!!! Somehow EVERYTHING leads to HER!! And its SOOO obvious!!! So we are eating at this restaurant and Dad goes "THis is OK, but no one can cook these like Mom!" So my husband suddenly goes "Well, sandy (me) makes the greatest meat dish! Its fantastic!" (Just to see the reaction) and MY MOM actually goes "Well, I am sure she cooks good. Because I am a great cook. Everything I cook is the best." AGAIN about HER. So my husband tries again. Dad goes on about "Oh, Mom is SO great! She is so wonderful blah blah!" and my husband goes "You know, Sandy is SUCH a wonderful person. She is nice to everyone and cares about everyone." And DAD GOES "Well, yes, because she takes after her mother. There is no one in the world like her mother." And this is where my husband calmly and jokingly said "Well, people DO have their own identities. I mean, I hgave good qualities which are not like either of my parents." And my Dad goes "No, its all genetic". GOOD GOD!!! HER ENTIRE WORLD IS ABOUT HER!! AND SHE HAS TRAINED MY DAD TO DO THE SAME!!!!! Its like I am an extension of her...And a poor one at that!! EVERYTHING leads to HER!!! She makes SURE of it!!! I mean, how can someone just NOT understand that you shouldnt compliment yourself ALL THE TIME?? And I mean, most moms would be happy if their daughter's husband was complimenting her daughter. But NO. Even THAT is HER credit!!! Its INSANE!! ANd I KNOW she is BPD (At least thats what I and my psychiatrist think from her traits.) BUT SHE IS SOOOO ANNOYING! There is NOOO winning with her!!! She is SOOO self centered!! She always says "Oh I want my daughter to be better than me. And prettier than me etc etc." CRAP! You know once a few years ago (when I was about 21) She ACTUALLY ASKED her best friend (with me sitting there) "Who do you think is prettier? Me or Sandy?" CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?? And later on, I asked her "Mom, why did you ask her that??" And she said "Because I wanted her to say YOu were." ARGHHHH! I WISH I liked her more! I really do! BUT I DONT!!!! And tomorrow I HAVE TO GO visit her! My psych says I should write her this great card saying I love her but I need boundaries. She said, she knows the reaction would be bad. But I need to do it. I said, MAYBE later but right NOW I DO NOT have the capacity to deal with more drama. I have had anough with her faking illness and ending up in the ER cause I stood up for myself. I cant deal with that crap again...At least until I recover from that trauma... Just needed to vent Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Sounds like my ex-MIL - total narcissist. Trying to compete with her will make you crazy, trying to please her all the time will make you crazy. Just agree and move on. Limit your contact with her. Thank goodness it sounds like you have a supportive husband! Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I never really heard of a mom competing with a daughter! the only thing I really can tell you to is yes write a letter, but she seems like someone who will take one thing and it will go out the ear.. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I would write a sitcom pilot based on her character... may as well cash in on the misery she provides. Next time just agree...... I mean really agree! When Dad says mom is the best...... say: of course she is! Someday I hope to be just like her....... smile really big! Compliment the hell out of her....... s*** have your H ask her for her recipes so you can learn how to cook as good as her... ... hell have him ask her sex advice even! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 Lol. yeah, he is trying that...I mean WE are trying to compliment the hell out of her, but at one point it GETS ON YOUR NERVES big time!! And I actually AM writing a humerous book, and she is a BIG part of it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Cgal- I hear ya. Her and my mom would make a awesome book! My mom used to always say that she wanted me to do better than her- which is all lip service. I bought my first house as a foreclosure we fixed it up and sold it for alot more than we paid for it. Then we built a house that was double the size of hers- because my exhusband made more money than my stepfather but who cares, right? The building and selling of the house was mega stressful and she never saw it being built (she was a invalid on oxygen and didn't drive). Once we were in, I got some new furniture. She got new furniture too. I invited them all over for Thanksgiving right after we moved in. She came in the house and walked around and didn't say she liked it or anything. NOT A DAMN THING! The only thing she said was "I like your new couch better than mine" WTF??? That's what I mean by you gotta laugh at them sometimes because it's so ridiculous! She was jealous because I was able to live in a nicer house than her! What mother does that?? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I never really heard of a mom competing with a daughter! oh, they exist, believe me, and they're wonderful about doling out back-handed compliments and shifting things around to focus completely on themselves. as much as it drives you nuts, you need to get yourself to a happy place as you blithely tell your mom, "Yes, you are … how wonderful for you … that's great …" then ignore her. Because the only way she CAN continue hurting you is for you to pay attention to her. Remember, it's like using reverse psychology with a child that's pitching a fit to get your attention. Beat her at her own game, if you will – once she starts going on and on with the attention-getting crap, agree with her. At some point I imagine she's going to shut up because she has no idea why you're not responding like you normally do. then blow it off. Otherwise you're going to lose grip on your sanity. And NO ONE is worth giving that kind of power to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedGal Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 Agreed. I am trying this method, through gritted teeth!! Will take a lot of practice!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 The best thing is when you figure out what works with them- and it throws them completely off balance. They are so shocked they don't know how to react. Priceless! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 true. However, as time passes, you're going to get a perverse kick at seeing your mom continually make a jackass (no offense) out of herself with braying she does about herself. I've got an older sister whom I love to death who can be this way, so this is my way of working through those annoying times. Link to post Share on other sites
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