In Love but so Confused

[Cynth]

If there is anyone out there who can offer me some advice, I would greatly appreciate it for I am so confused.

 

I have been seeing this man, off and on for over a year now. He is 5 years younger than me, he's 28 and I am 33. He is a Leo, if that tells you anything. He is very good looking, very outgoing and a real charmer (silver tongue devil) when he wants to be but at the same time I'm no plain Jane either. Anyway, we are both truly in love with each other but there is no trust there. I can't trust him because I know he has already cheated on me and he says he can't truat me, although I've never cheated on him. He is extremely jealous of me. He feels that it is ok for him to go and do things with other females (friends) and leave me sitting at home but it's not ok for me to do the same, when I do, he thinks I am just trying to get back at him. I have tried to break it off with him many times and he has done the same but we just can't seem to do it. We just can't stay away from each other for more than a couple of days. I have always been at his beck and call when he needed me but when I need him to do something for me he has something better to do. He has told me months ago, about an ex girl friend he had and he said that everyone knows if he ever had the chance to get back with her he would drop who ever he is with to be with her but she is married now. I know this girl and she and I have become semi-friends and I really don't think she would ever go back with him but as I said he is a real charmer and now I just found out (through my boyfriend) that she has filed for Divorce from that point on, he has treated me like crap. He's been distant and not as enthusiastic about seeing me and spending time with me. I told him for a week we needed to get together and talk but he is still putting me off and I know he just went out to Dinner with this other girl last night after I asked him to do something with me. I just don't know what to do. I really love this man and I know deep down he loves me too but I just can't deal with this. How can I get him to make me a priority in his life? Like I said I know I should end it with him but I just can't seem to do that, so any suggestions?

[MIMI]

If there is anyone out there who can offer me some advice, I would greatly appreciate it for I am so confused. I have been seeing this man, off and on for over a year now. He is 5 years younger than me, he's 28 and I am 33. He is a Leo, if that tells you anything. He is very good looking, very outgoing and a real charmer (silver tongue devil) when he wants to be but at the same time I'm no plain Jane either. Anyway, we are both truly in love with each other but there is no trust there. I can't trust him because I know he has already cheated on me and he says he can't truat me, although I've never cheated on him. He is extremely jealous of me. He feels that it is ok for him to go and do things with other females (friends) and leave me sitting at home but it's not ok for me to do the same, when I do, he thinks I am just trying to get back at him. I have tried to break it off with him many times and he has done the same but we just can't seem to do it. We just can't stay away from each other for more than a couple of days. I have always been at his beck and call when he needed me but when I need him to do something for me he has something better to do. He has told me months ago, about an ex girl friend he had and he said that everyone knows if he ever had the chance to get back with her he would drop who ever he is with to be with her but she is married now. I know this girl and she and I have become semi-friends and I really don't think she would ever go back with him but as I said he is a real charmer and now I just found out (through my boyfriend) that she has filed for Divorce from that point on, he has treated me like crap. He's been distant and not as enthusiastic about seeing me and spending time with me. I told him for a week we needed to get together and talk but he is still putting me off and I know he just went out to Dinner with this other girl last night after I asked him to do something with me. I just don't know what to do. I really love this man and I know deep down he loves me too but I just can't deal with this. How can I get him to make me a priority in his life? Like I said I know I should end it with him but I just can't seem to do that, so any suggestions?

 

I think that you should just leave him. It seems that he doesn't really love you if he really does treat you like crap. Nobody wants to be treated like crap, right?

[David]

In response to your question, I would have to say that you need to pay more attention to WHY he is doing these things rather than WHAT he is doing.

 

For instance, if he grew up in an abusive or unstable home with alchohol, this may mean that he needs help on being able to cope with a stable relationship. This may sound weird, but if he grew up in an unstable environment, it may be a norm for him, it may be very hard for him to keep in a very stable relationship. You may notice that he will be with you exclusively for a long time, then when things get good, or stable, he may step away.

 

On the other hand, if he grew up in a descent home and has no reason to act the way he does, you have to show respect for yourself or YOU may be the one that gets used to an unstable relationship.

[Cynth]

In response to your question, I would have to say that you need to pay more attention to WHY he is doing these things rather than WHAT he is doing. For instance, if he grew up in an abusive or unstable home with alchohol, this may mean that he needs help on being able to cope with a stable relationship. This may sound weird, but if he grew up in an unstable environment, it may be a norm for him, it may be very hard for him to keep in a very stable relationship. You may notice that he will be with you exclusively for a long time, then when things get good, or stable, he may step away. On the other hand, if he grew up in a descent home and has no reason to act the way he does, you have to show respect for yourself or YOU may be the one that gets used to an unstable relationship.

[Cynth]

 

David,

 

You made some valid points because as a matter of fact this man was brought up in a very unstable enviroment and I agree with what you said but I am still at a loss as to what to do about it. I really love this man and my love is unconditional. I am willing to stand by him and help him in any way I can but I can't keep going throught his either. You were right it seems like when things are going really good between us and we are getting closer he backs off until he thinks he' lost me and then he works his way back. I just can't handle the roller coaster ride. I've tried to talk to him but I get no where. If you or anyone reading this has any suggestions, please let me know.

 

Thank you.

[stac's]

I think that you should just leave him. It seems that he doesn't really love you if he really does treat you like crap. Nobody wants to be treated like crap, right? Itoo feel like if he's not treating you with the respect that you deserve. kick him to the curb and find somebody new. i know it's easier said than done but you can do it. the truth is once you do it,you'll feel like you've just made the biggest mistake of your life. stick with your first reaction and don't go back. it' will hurt and you will cry. you will think about him day and night,but then you will begin to think about yourself and how you feel and don't want to feel, and you'll realize that only you can make yourself as happy as you want to be.