are these signs of cheating?

[sadgirll]

My boyfriend and I live in different states and we don't see each other often. Lately we have been fighting a lot about stupid stuff and it is tearing us apart. We usually talk every nite then one nite we didn't talk as we were angry. I called the next morning and his phone was off, went straight to his voicemail. I left a message and he called me a couple hours later and said that it was dead or it was off or something...really fishy but I let it go.

 

Also, he's been complaining about how I've been "bashing" him, this and that, and I told him that I was sorry and I am under a lot of stress and all he could say to me is "stop apologizing it's annoying" in this tone, he's been kind of cold to me lately. We are suppossed to move in together in a month and he still wants me to but still I feel like something is up. I did ask him if he was cheating once and he said no, that if there was someone else he would just tell me. I just don't know what to believe anymore or what to do, lately I have been so sad and depressed and I feel like we are on a "rollercoaster" of happy and upsetting, mostly upsetting. I told him this and he just said well then you're free to get off the roller coaster.

 

I later went on to ask him if he is pushing me away and if we break up would that make him happy he said no he doesn't want to break up? Then what is with this I don't know what to do anymore???

[CharlotteLouise]

I don't know if they are signs of cheeting or not. But it sonds like you're having a pretty crummy time in this realtionship. The voice mail thing, his phone might just have been dead, it might be a sign of cheeting, it might be a sign he didn't want to talk to you.

 

If you told him you're feeling depressed and all he said was you could leave if you wanted to, it doens't sound like he cares about you all that much. I think you should ask yourself, if you're feeling this crap and he doesn't seem to care, then should you be in this raltionship..Forget about the fact that you think he might be cheeting and look at your realationship, are you happy with it? If you think it's worth fighting for, try and talk to him more, express clearly how you feel and don't make it about him and the things you think he might be doing, make it about you and how you're feeling. If he cared about you he'd want you to feel happy and confident. You don't seem to be feeling those things atm.

[MadDog]

I agree. It's almost irrelevant whether he's cheating or not because he's not treating you very well. Don't you want a boyfriend who will be concerned and try to make you feel better if you are feeling badly as opposed to just telling you, "Oh well. You can always just leave"?

 

I would definately wait to move in with this guy. You really need to make sure you have a good amount of stability in your relationship before making such a big jump. Just wait until he's no longer long distance and continue to see him. Evaluate objectively whether he's really the guy you want to live with.

[Alexandra-Girl]

Not one of the *flags* you have raised are concrete enough to be classified as cheating. I would not accuse him of this action until you have concrete proof. Once you do this, you can't go back. Also, he will be driven to feel that you don't trust him any longer. However, there are still flags. Clearly your communication has taken a down wind spiral. I suggest taking a couple days break with little contact (1 text, or email a day -- if that). Allow him to miss your voice, and you. It sounds to me that he is acting like many do when they are about to commit more seriously. Right now, he could be putting the bickering that is occurring as sign of what is to come. You need to illustrate that this is not the case. Get back on the lighter side of things. He also could be getting lip from his single friends as well, or, if he has another friend who is in a relationship that is going sour. If the things you are arguing about aren't significant, let them roll off. I don't think that he doesn't care about you. He does. He may have stated that you can get off the rollercoaster. But, he is pointing out that it would be your choice and not his. Don't question him on his feelings for you -- be the confident women that knows she is enough for him (the one he fell in love with).

 

All relationship's have there ups and downs. You're moving in together, so this is serious enough to try and smooth out. The rollercoaster doesn't equate to cheating.

 

Good luck,

Alexandra