Help!!!

[Screw Up]

Alright, here is my predicament... My friend and I got together one night,and invited two girls over. One of them, we'll call her X, has a boyfriend, the other doesn't. Now, the other is essentially irrelevent to my story, so... Anyways... AS we were talking, we had a little to drink, but nothing serious, No one was really drunk. Well, me and X started... doing stuff. I mean, nothing serious... She kissed me... we spent the night in the same bed, talking and just holding each other, and kissing. Nothing beyond that. Now,i know that I really like this girl, but she has a boyfriend, and I don't know what to do. She already professed that she really liked me also, but she had said earlier that she still loves her boyfriend(whome she's been having trouble with, because he has been avoiding her, and not really treating her the way a boyfriend should) and she's isn't sure she wants to break up with him, and I know she said that I made her happy, and I know she reall ylikes me, but I don't know what to do.... Help me, please...

[Messa]

There is nothing you can do in this situation, it is all up to her. She's the one who has to make the decision on whether to dump her no-good boyfriend and go with you, or stay with him. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and get rid of him, and you can step in. Otherwise, step away and respect her decision to remain in this unhappy relationship. If you put the hard word on her or try and take things further, this can only result in two things:

 

a) her getting scared and backing way off

 

b) her going with it, cheating on her boyfriend, then feeling horrible about it and resentful of you for it

 

So be patient and let her choose.

[Tony T]

Tell her when she makes up her mind about whether or not she wants to stay with her boyfriend...at such time as she resolves her current situation...if at that time she has terminated her relationship, then it would very nice if she calls you.

 

Many women will not leave one guy until they have another in their pocket. But they will jerk both of them around big time until they make up their minds. Don't let that happen to you because there's less than a 50/50 chance she'll be with you.

 

Usually, women do stuff like this as a grudge thing or to see if they're attractive to other men (to boost their ego) but they really want their current relationship to work if that's possible.

[Cess]

I wouldn't get too worked up over this. If she has a boyfriend, chances are that this will not go much farther. Another thing is that if X is doing this with a boyfriend now, don't you fear that she could do the same to you? If I were you I would relax and see how it goes. You wrote that she really likes you, but she loves her boyfriend. I have been guilty of doing something like this, but I always returned to the one I love. Plus alcohol makes you a little more free to do things you normally wouldn't do.

Alright, here is my predicament... My friend and I got together one night,and invited two girls over. One of them, we'll call her X, has a boyfriend, the other doesn't. Now, the other is essentially irrelevent to my story, so... Anyways... AS we were talking, we had a little to drink, but nothing serious, No one was really drunk. Well, me and X started... doing stuff. I mean, nothing serious... She kissed me... we spent the night in the same bed, talking and just holding each other, and kissing. Nothing beyond that. Now,i know that I really like this girl, but she has a boyfriend, and I don't know what to do. She already professed that she really liked me also, but she had said earlier that she still loves her boyfriend(whome she's been having trouble with, because he has been avoiding her, and not really treating her the way a boyfriend should) and she's isn't sure she wants to break up with him, and I know she said that I made her happy, and I know she reall ylikes me, but I don't know what to do.... Help me, please...

[Samantha]

Being a girl who's going through the exact thing that you are going through at this moment, I should be able to enlighten you. I have a boyfriend of 2-1/2 years (we're long distance for 1 year so far). When he visits me, he's wonderful and treats me like gold, when he's back home (very far away) he treats me horribly.

 

I met another guy about 4 weeks ago. He cute, he's sweet and boy do we click. He wants to be with me, but not while I have a boyfriend. He doesn't want the ups and downs. We dated for about 3 weeks and I really, really like him. For the first time in 2-1/2 yrs, I'm confused. I like this new guy, but I love my boyfriend. I'm trying to realize that I love my boyfriend, because he has time and familiarity over this new guy. I one day will grow to love this new guy and could love him just as much, if I give him a chance. The only problem is, I'm not ready to let go of my boyfriend, yet I don't want to lose this new guy. What was I to do? I didn't know, so I did nothing. Kind of put them both on a wait and see thing. It's not that I was trying to be mean or jerk them around. I really care for both. I don't want to hurt anybody and yet I'm the bad guy. I don't want to be the bad guy or the decision maker, but I need to figure out which one I want. I don't want to hurt the long term guy (no matter what he's done to me) and this new guy is so sweet, he doesn't deserve to be jerked around. Well the new guy felt that way and ended it with me a week ago. He told me to figure out what I wanted. I was so hurt, I ended it with my boyfriend. I was totally alone. It felt weird, but if I was looking at a new guy, obviously I wasn't in love with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is now trying to get me back and I'll probably take him back, because why not???? It's better than being alone -- maybe or maybe not. I guess I haven't hit my pain threshold with him yet. All I know is if this new guy calls me, I'm going to get confused again. The only problem with this new guy breaking it off with me and not talking to me, is I'm going to get over him quickly and I'm already thinking he didn't want me badly enough to stick it out with me. We didn't share enough for me to hold on to him for too long&it was new and just starting. I wished he had given me more time to get to know him -- I'd say 3 months. At that point, if he left me at 3 months. I would have been attached to him enough that when he left me, it would really have affected me. It probably would have made me finally make up my mind as to who I wanted to be with. I really wish mine had stayed.

 

In other words, stay with this girl for a couple of months and get to know her as a friend and a person. Let her know that she can trust you and that you won't just get bored with her once she leaves her boyfriend. She needs to be familiar with you and know that you are serious about her. Get to know her, don't push her and let her feel that you want to be serious with her. Don't worry, if this guy is as bad as you say he is, she'll ditch him for you, she really will. Just stop pushing her, she has a hard enough decision to make without pressure from you. She'll resent you if you push too hard. If you feel that you're having too many ups and downs with her and it starts to effect you, you need to take care of yourself and walk away, but just get to know her for now and be there. If it's meant to be, it will. If you're too anxious to jump into a relationship with her and you do push her, then obviously you're not as crazy about her as you think you are. If you care for her, be her friend and don't just walk away cause you're not getting what you want right away. BE PATIENT. Love grows very slowly.