i think my sister is an alcoholic

[mishy]

My sister drinks everyday starting anywhere between 12 midday and 3pm and drinks until she goes to bed (drunk). She still manages to get up at 7am and go to work- monday to friday from about 8am until 12 or at the latest 3. She never seems to get a hangover - but maybe thats because her body never gets the chance to have withdrawal.

 

She starts drinking whenever she finsihed work. She drinks beer only. I recently went home for a month because my father became very ill and died (see my other post).

 

She had moved in with mum and dad because she left her husband. He couldn't put up with her drinking. So after my month at home I have seen exactly how bad she is.

 

When she is drunk you can talk to her about it and she agrees to get help , then in the morning she can't remember the conversation, and if you bring up anything when she is sober she gets really stroppy and defensive.

 

We have already noticed that her short term memory is affected and her hands and nose are purple. she is 32. She just seems to think she is invincible and that she is ok. She drink drives because they live in the country and no one gets breathalyzed. She is sooo stupid. How can we help her??? She has to want to help herself doesn't she?? What is going to happen from here?

 

My mother is at her wits end. She's totally anti drinking and smoking and all of it. Sh'e also really passive and doesn't want to confront her.

[Guitar Wizard]

*Sigh* Okey, now Im not going to try to be rude or anything, but you can't help her unless she wants to help herself.

 

I should know, both my parents were drunkies. My father would come home after his night job, pound down some whisky, pass out, wake up, eat, watch TV and go to work. He would never get out of the house at all, unless he really really needed to. My mother was the same way, except she would buy food and stuff while she was out replenishing the booze.

 

They drank together whenever the could, and basicly were the worst role-models a kid could have, but me and my siblings lived through it, thankfully.

 

Anyway, to this day they still drink, they have been drinking for over 40 years, and sooner or later it's gonna catch up to them. I've tried to pleed with both of them to get help for as long as I could remember, and if a red-eyed little boy crying his eyes out because both of his parents tip too much of the sause wont get someone to a AA meeting, nothing will.

 

So, she has to come to a point where she thinks the booze is bad for her. Without that, she'll continue to think it's okey and she will stay the way she is. She has to accept that she has a problem, that is the first step. You can find out more about local AA meetings and try to con her into going, after you lay a big fat guilt trip on her.

 

Anyway, good luck. I hope it works out.

[mishy]

thanks for your comment . I know that she has to realise she has a problem but its hard for us to watch her get to that point because its ugly. She's started seeing this guy she has been friends with for a while- they were drinking buddies , and i don't think this development is going to help her at all. I don't know, I spose I can't help her. I have directed her over the past year toward getting help and she kind of knows she has a problem. the bad thing about alchololism is just that you have to watch them get a whole lot worse before they get better.

[Outcast]

She drink drives because they live in the country and no one gets breathalyzed

.

 

I don't believe that. You owe it to every potential accident victim to call the police on her when you know she's driving drunk.

 

As for your mother, she should make her move out. Your mother is enabling her out of a misguided idea that that's helping her. It's not. Alcoholics change their ways when they hit bottom - meaning, often, being in the ditch homeless. As long as she's got a home and food and is allowed to shirk all responsibility, she will continue to drink. This is definitely a situation where 'tough love' - i.e. being cruel to be kind - applies.

 

All the pleading and begging on the planet won't stop her. She has to drop to her lowest low in order to wise up and you and your mother can speed that along by tossing her out on her butt.

[mishy]

I know, it makes me really angry that they don't do any breathalyzing there, and I have wanted to call the police. My mum is staying with me at the moment and has been for a month. I live in the city. She wants to leave her town but is waiting to see what my sister does, because my sisters husband is still living in the house they own and has to get a lawyer to get him out probably. Its all a real mess. Mums kind of dreading going home in a few days. You're right she does need kicking out, she needs a good shake, and she needs tough love - but my mum is not that kind of person - she is not one to rock the boat or deal with issues. My mum wants to move to this beautiful island off the coast here, but has to get my sister to get her s*** together so she can sell the house. I dread to find out what state my sister is in since mum has been away. I've told mum exactly how my sister needs to leave and that she is making it easy for her to drink, but i guess mum has to see it get really bad before she takes a stand.

[scarlyjones]

Im a recovering alcoholic. Last drink was on March 27, 2004. She has to WANT to stop drinking. Until that happens, you can do nothing to help her. What you CAN do right now, though, is stop helping her with anything. No money, no food, no roof over her head,....no nothing. Alcoholics need to reap the consequences of their actions. If they are constantly bailed out of things,.....they never hit their bottom. No consequences = no problem. So if they go to jail,...you dont bail them out. If they need money,...you give them none. If they need a place to live or crash......send them away. I know this all sounds harsh, and it is....but, you really ARE helping them by doing this. They MUST see what their behavior gets them. They MUST see that this sh*t storm is brought on by THEM. Until that happens, they will USE and USE and take advantage, and lie, and steal, and cheat, and USE some more. Its like a dog with food. Put a never ending pile of food in front of a dog, and he will eat until his stomach rips open. The same goes for addicts and friends or family. They will use them until they ruin the relationship. You ARENT helping them by "helping" them.

[mishy]

thanks for your advice, i think that trying to 'help' is just a natural response. I will do nothing.

[amaysngrace]

When she is drunk you can talk to her about it and she agrees to get help , then in the morning she can't remember the conversation, and if you bring up anything when she is sober she gets really stroppy and defensive.

 

 

 

I'm sorry for what your family is going through (your sister included)

 

Could you video-tape her when she's drunk and show it to her while she's sober? Do you think that would help her see what a problem this has become?

[j.carsey]

If she drinks that much beer she is going to get very fat. Any alcohol actually. Maybe point that out to her in case it has an impact on her desire to quit drinking? Nobody wants to get fat

[scarlyjones]

If she drinks that much beer she is going to get very fat. Any alcohol actually. Maybe point that out to her in case it has an impact on her desire to quit drinking? Nobody wants to get fat

 

 

Addicts dont care if they get fat. Besides,....alcoholics get thin. VERY thin. Alcoholics stop eating almost entirely. They deprive their bodies of nutrients in doing so. They get pale white, thin, sickly...and very frail.

[mishy]

thats exactly what has happened. she has been very thin probably about 50kgs . I don't know what that is in pounds for all the americans. But its thin. thats what my mother says, "But where does it all GO??" and i say "Well its her food isn't it?"

 

Found out yesterday that her new boyfriend who is 52 (she;s 32) has moved in with her and mum, and while mum has been staying with me, he has managed to put 3kgs (that would be about half a dress size) on her , cooks her breakfast every morning (previously she would only have a coffee and cig) and he tells mum that she has cut down her drinking. So thats good isn't it? Lets hope it gets better.

[scarlyjones]

thats exactly what has happened. she has been very thin probably about 50kgs . I don't know what that is in pounds for all the americans. But its thin. thats what my mother says, "But where does it all GO??" and i say "Well its her food isn't it?"

 

Found out yesterday that her new boyfriend who is 52 (she;s 32) has moved in with her and mum, and while mum has been staying with me, he has managed to put 3kgs (that would be about half a dress size) on her , cooks her breakfast every morning (previously she would only have a coffee and cig) and he tells mum that she has cut down her drinking. So thats good isn't it? Lets hope it gets better.

 

 

Well if she is truely an alcoholic,.....cutting down will never work. It may SEEM to be working for the time being,...but alcoholics who dont quit altogether ALWAYS go back and that disease is progressive which means after every relapse, it gets 5 times worse than before. Alcoholics dont ever quit and get to start over as if its the first time they are drinking. What I mean is,....an alcoholic cannot assume that if they quit for 6 months, and it took them 10 years to get as bad as they got, that they have another 10 years before it gets that bad again. They pick up exactly where they left off.

[Becoming]

Since when did we think that saying nothing/not confronting is the best thing to do for someone when there's a problem? Saying/doing nothing in the face of destruction is not love; it's a form of abuse and neglect. Ignoring problems and hoping for the best isn't going to make things better.

 

The only thing it sounds like you can do is convince your mother to Kick her butt out and not take her in when she comes knocking on your door, and she will.

 

When she drives drunk, call the police to pick her up or live with the knowledge that when she does kill someone you will be an accessory to vehicular homicide by doing nothing.

 

I don't mean to go off on you; you're doing the right thing to put this out on LS, and I appreciate it. This is a touchy subject for me, whose life has been drastically curtailed by the chronic pain I live in because of a drunk driver no one wanted to say anything to.