Im feeling miserable, im hurt,

[baby_nk]

For 2 years I was in this wonderful relationship. When he first saw me, it was love at first sight. He was completely breath taken by me. He could literally jump off a cliff if I asked him to. I took it slowly but I could see that he was completely taken by me. 1 month into the relationship, I got a fone call from my cuz (rebecca). She was crying as she told me that shed completely broken up with her bf of 1 year. The more we talked, I realised it was the same guy I was dating. I went really mad at him but I really believe he was so in love with me at the time that he’d do anything to have me and keep me. My cuz and myself were both v.good looking girls, we always had this rivalry between us. This was the biggest moment of our rivalry. She was extremely hurt when she realised he had been cheating on her for a month and what’s worse, he had been going out with ME, her cuz. However, by this time it was too late, I had found a love id never heard of. I didn’t wana lose this feeling Id got. I was torn between my cuz and my bf. I chose my bf.

 

For 2 years, we had the best time of our lives, we had so much fun, crazy sex, visiting places, passionate love. It was like he would die without me. I started to use and abuse this love. He would spend his entire week’s wages on meeting me, buying me gifts, keeping me happy. He was extremely possessive about me, he couldn’t bare any contact I had with any other guys. I almost did break off contact with every othr guy I had known except for 1, Joe. I honestly thought th friendship I had with Joe was simply true friendship but my bf kept saying its more than that. Anyways, over time when I was asked out by other guys (and my bf doesn’t know this but I was tempted at times but didn’t do anything about it). He would shout at me, hed get angry about my past wth other guys and wed end up arguing. However, many a time, I was unreasonable and used to argue with him for no reason. I used to threaten him that I would leave him every other day. Several times, I made him cry (this was a hunky grown up strong man). But everytime, he cried, I used to feel happy to see how much he loved me.

 

Almost 2 years into the relationship, and my parents introduced me to this other guy (Davie). I had a very high opinion of myself especially from all the attention I got form other and so I could have never imagined someone not getting attracted to me. But this Davie guy just didn’t seem interested in me. It pissed me off and hurt my ego loads. So I decided in order to mend my hurt ego, I would try modelling and I did start to get quite a few modelling offers. I used to chat to this high profile photographer and I used to like talking to him but I really didn’t have any romantic intentions with him. I would never hurt my bf, I would never cheat on him even though he thought I would. My bf started getting very angry, he couldn’t stand this photographer and thought I was flirting with him which I was not. Few weeks went on and we were getting along fine, however, I suddenly started noticing this number he kept texting on his fone bill. I was supicious and couldn’t understand who else other than me he could text that much. So I decided to ring up and found a girls voice, his cousins voice (Rachel). I asked him who it was, he told me its his cuz n they were just being friendly. But my instinct was saying, there was more to these texts. I got very suspicious. As a result, I said I wanted to break up with him and after loads of arguments, he eventually gave up and sed we can break up. This was the first timein our relationship he agreed to break up. In the past, he had never agreed and I was surprised by this. He started crying loads and I felt sorry for him and thought ‘im so wrong, he loves me so much just like before, he cant be flirting with his cousin’. So we didn’t break up. Texts to that number stopped after he met me 2 days later. But the thought was still in my head and I wanted to know why he was texting that number so much in the last week. I rang the number, pretending to be his friend and asked what was going on between him and her. Rachel answered the call, she told me he’d been sending her flirty texts although nothing dirty. My heart was broken into pieces, I jst couldn’t believe it. She had no reason to lie and it all added up. She sent me a few of his texts and I couldn’t believe he could have done this to me. My world was shattered and I cant explain the extent of my pain. I cried every sec of the day. I confronted him, initially he didn’t want to talk. Eventually, he admitted he sent those texts but just as a joke to see her reaction. When he saw that she was willing, he supposedly found it funny and then stopped texting her without any notice. Rachel also had mentioned on the fone that he stoppsed texting her suddenly 2 weeks before I rang her and she didn’t understand why because she was flirting back and was willing. He asked me if he fancied her, would he have stoppsed texting her even before I knew, that too without any notice? I asked him to swear by our religion and we are extremely religious people. He made the biggest promises. But despite this Im finding it hard to accept it. Now taking everything into account, could u plz give me your opinions on wether he did ever fancy her? Wether he did this, simply to get back at me? Wether he did this because he felt left out while I was going into modelling? Or wether this really was a joke? I really don’t know. I don’t know wether this is punishement for what I did to my cuz. I just dontknow and im feeling awful. Every morning, I wish I never had to wake up. My fiends say its such a small thing but its huge for me. Please give me your advice people and I will then tell u part 2 of my dilemma.

[infromthestorm]

Sounds like you kind of got what you deserved with this guy. I’m gonna mention a few things, not to knock you, but with the hope that you’ll realize some of the things you might’ve handled differently:

 

“I made him cry… But everytime, he cried, I used to feel happy to see how much he loved me.

Doesn’t it strike you as mildly sadistic to feed your own ego with someone else’s misery?

 

“I had a very high opinion of myself especially from all the attention I got form other”

Your self worth should never depend on how other people treat you, but how you treat other people. It sounds like a cliché, but it's still the truth.

 

This thing with your guy (I’m a guy, btw), he didn’t actually fool around with the girl, right? And you admitted to ignoring him and talking on the phone with the photographer. So isn’t it possible that your boyfriend felt hurt and started flirting with this other girl as a result? Didn’t he tell you he wasn’t serious, and shouldn’t you look to the fact that he stopped texting her as proof that he was just playing for attention & not seriously working this girl?

 

You sound really down & my heart goes out to you. You should look on the bright side of things: He’s not carrying on with this girl. He didn’t sleep with her. You said that as soon as he saw the girl was “willing” to reply to his flirting, he stopped. That right there is proof that he was only looking for attention. Things could be a lot worse, believe me. It sounds like you 2 still care for each other. As long as 2 people are willing, they can get it together. You guys just need to cut the s*** and be honest with each other.

 

You need to tell him specifically why it hurt you that he was talking to the other girl. And ask him specifically what his motive for doing it was. If that goes well, you tell him that you’d like to put it behind you, but in order to do that, you need him to cut the s*** & stop talking to her. Start communicating with one another – use words, not headtrips.

 

Your situation could be a lot worse. (Like I said) I’m a guy and when I’m trying to get over a girl, I look for a new one to put under me. Your guy didn’t do that, though. Because he wasn't looking to leave you behind. He was just playing for attention because you were ignoring him. You ought to ask yourself what’s more important, feeling jealous or hurt because he flirted with another girl, or forgiving him and leaving the whole thing in the past.

 

And if stuff doesn’t work out with him you need to take care of yourself. You need to take care of yourself if stuff does workout with him, actually. None of that moping in bed stuff. It’s a waste of energy. You’ll feel so much better if you carry on and develop your own interests. You said you model, wouldn’t taking care of yourself with exercise and eating right make you feel better than laying in bed? You said you’re religious, so remember the “golden rule” – treat others the way you would have them treat you. If you take care of yourself and treat others well, then others will notice, including your boyfriend.

 

Best of luck.

[Curmudgeon]

Adding to that, game playing rarely works and someone's feelings usually get hurt. It can also backfire. A relationship should be based upon love, respect, trust and mutuality. If that's not enough to sustain it, it isn't really worth hanging on to.

[CrumblingWalls]

I think that it sounds as if he was really just playing a joke. I do also think that he was doing this to get a reaction out of you and to gain your attention.

It sounds as if you are really caught up into yourself and sometimes over look his feelings to make yourself feel better. I am a very attractive woman, and yes I like it when a guys looks at me but I would never get mad because a guy doesn't look at me or pay the attention to me. The only person you should be worried about paying attention to you is your man! One day, he will get sick of feeling like he is in constant competition with these other guys and bolt. This is just my opinion, but it does sound like he does truely care for you.

[tazmin97]

Thanks for all your opinions, heres part 2 of my dilemma, plz help:

 

The story gets further complicated because Iv been on and off with my bf since this incident and we r still kinda together. But iv been very depressed and as a result took refuge in my friend Joe, the one I mentionned earlier who my bf was always suspicious of and perhaps jealous of since hes recently qualified as a doc and iv always praised him. Now I seriously thought Joe was simply my friend but while I was depresed I started chattin to some of my other mates who kinda told me a secret that Joe likes me in a romantic way. Initially, I thought, hes been my friend for last few years, we know each other well, hes good looking and successful so perhaps this would be the basis of a good relationship and I should just move on with him. I met Joe and we had a lovely meeting. He went back home and he told my friend that hes in love with me. Later he planned with his friend how to propose to me. He didnt know that my friend was telling me all his plans from the beginning. Anyway later that week, he sent me an email, hes not the most romantic type of people, but he poured his heart out in that email saying how beautiful he thinks I am, how hes loved me for ages etc. I didnt feel anything for him but I wanted to move on and thought this is a good catch. So i said yes to him even though I was still madly in love with my bf just unable to forgive him. Now in my culture, families are v.important and Joe cant marry me without his mums permission. His mum just said no. Shes very suspicious and hes told me for years that she can see the future. According to her, I would cause him a lot of grief. So this plan kinda failed miserably. He was upset and woke up at strange times of the night saying how awful he feels that hes losing me, this went on for a while.

 

Anyway that story finished for now. I was back to my most miserable state. At this point, my parents reintrodcued Davie into my life so I would marry him, the guy who didnt seem interested in me initially. We chatted on the phone quite a bit for a few months and then we decided to meet up for 2nd time. We did meet and he seemed to be well-impressed by me this time and he too wanted to marry me now. I just went along with it even though I had no feelings for him whatsoever. I was well confused by my life.

 

Anyway, Davie seemed like a really nice guy, not the best looking. What used to piss me off was that even though he said I was gorgeous etc, he didnt seem to think I was as gorgeous as other guys thought. Anyway I went along with him and decided this was my fate, coming from a traditional asian family, I was limited in how often I could go out etc so its unlikely id meet my dream man while shopping one day. I had to be home by like 6pm most days and mean this. Iv never been clubbing, my parents were seriously against me modelling, I wasnt supposed to interact with any guys other than who theyd introduced. My wedding became fixed and I could see that Davie was really falling for me although I wasnt for him. He wasnt in my league either but Id accepted it. But yet another twist came into my life when my friend Joe the doc came back after hed managed to convince his parents. My parents liked him since he was a doc but circumstances meant that they ended up rejecting him. And Davie is a very rich guy so I thought Ill just keep it going as it is. I then got engaged to Davie. But the fact that he didnt appreciate my looks got me angry eveytime. And i kept thinking u want your husband to think your the best looking thing on this planet, it really bothered me. Eventually I broke off this engagement. The poor guy was well hurt. I could list all the sweet things he did but I wont waste time. I felt sorry for him the next day coz I received this teddy from him by post which he posted few days before i broke the engagement. This was a few days ago. Now my friend Joe the doc is back into the story and still wants to marry me and hes got his hopes up high.

 

Now my dilemma is, nobody feels as good as my bf who i spent 2 years with but after breaking the engagement, I v realised I have some feelings for Davie which I never thought I had. He is v.upset and has been texting my bro. My other problem was that at the engagement, all the people who saw me and davie together thought Im too good for him looks wise. Now this doesnt bother me as much as it bothers my family. Joe seems like the ideal guy, hes good looking, he appreciates how good looking I am, hes a doctor etc. But I feel this strange sadness that Iv let go of Davie. All this time, I used to ignore Davie, avoid him and now all of a sudden Im thinking I have feelings for Davie. Im realy confused, I need some advice, please help!

[baby_nk]

Thanks for your opinions everyone, heres part 2 of my dilemma:

 

The story gets further complicated because Iv been on and off with my bf since this incident and we r still kinda together. But iv been very depressed and as a result took refuge in my friend Joe, the one I mentionned earlier who my bf was always suspicious of and perhaps jealous of since hes recently qualified as a doc and iv always praised him.

 

Now I seriously thought Joe was simply my friend but while I was depresed I started chattin to some of my other mates who kinda told me a secret that Joe likes me in a romantic way. Initially, I thought, hes been my friend for last few years, we know each other well, hes good looking and successful so perhaps this would be the basis of a good relationship and I should just move on with him. I met Joe and we had a lovely meeting. He went back home and he told my friend that hes in love with me. Later he planned with his friend how to propose to me. He didnt know that my friend was telling me all his plans from the beginning. Anyway later that week, he sent me an email, hes not the most romantic type of people, but he poured his heart out in that email saying how beautiful he thinks I am, how hes loved me for ages etc. I didnt feel anything for him but I wanted to move on and thought this is a good catch. So i said yes to him even though I was still madly in love with my bf just unable to forgive him. Now in my culture, families are v.important and Joe cant marry me without his mums permission. His mum just said no. Shes very suspicious and hes told me for years that she can see the future. According to her, I would cause him a lot of grief. So this plan kinda failed miserably. He was upset and woke up at strange times of the night saying how awful he feels that hes losing me, this went on for a while. Anyway that story finished for now. I was back to my most miserable state.

 

At this point, my parents reintrodcued Davie into my life so I would marry him, the guy who didnt seem interested in me initially. We chatted on the phone quite a bit for a few months and then we decided to meet up for 2nd time. We did meet and he seemed to be well-impressed by me this time and he too wanted to marry me now. I just went along with it even though I had no feelings for him whatsoever. I was well confused by my life. Anyway, Davie seemed like a really nice guy, not the best looking. What used to piss me off was that even though he said I was gorgeous etc, he didnt seem to think I was as gorgeous as other guys thought. Anyway I went along with him and decided this was my fate, coming from a traditional asian family, I was limited in how often I could go out etc so its unlikely id meet my dream man while shopping one day. I had to be home by like 6pm most days and mean this. Iv never been clubbing, my parents were seriously against me modelling, I wasnt supposed to interact with any guys other than who theyd introduced.

 

My wedding became fixed and I could see that Davie was really falling for me although I wasnt for him. He wasnt in my league either but Id accepted it. But yet another twist came into my life when my friend Joe the doc came back after hed managed to convince his parents. My parents liked him since he was a doc but circumstances meant that they ended up rejecting him. And Davie is a very rich guy so I thought Ill just keep it going as it is. I then got engaged to Davie. But the fact that he didnt appreciate my looks got me angry eveytime. And i kept thinking u want your husband to think your the best looking thing on this planet, it really bothered me. Eventually I broke off this engagement. The poor guy was well hurt. I could list all the sweet things he did but I wont waste time. I felt sorry for him the next day coz I received this teddy from him by post which he posted few days before i broke the engagement. This was a few days ago. Now my friend Joe the doc is back into the story and still wants to marry me and has got his hopes up high.

 

Now my dilemma is, nobody feels as good as my bf who i spent 2 years with but after breaking the engagement, I v realised I have some feelings for Davie which I never thought I had. He is v.upset and has been texting my bro. My other problem was that at the engagement, all the people who saw me and davie together thought Im too good for him looks wise. Now this doesnt bother me as much as it bothers my family. Joe seems like the ideal guy, hes good looking, he appreciates how good looking I am, hes a doctor etc. But I feel this strange sadness that Iv let go of Davie. All this time, I used to ignore Davie, avoid him and now all of a sudden Im thinking I have feelings for Davie. Im realy confused, I need some advice, please help!

[Walk]

Not that this will make any dent in your out look on life, but...

 

When you can finally get past all the family obligations, your obsession with our looks, and status in life, then you might actually find someone you really love. Until then, you're allowing everything else in your life to dictate your future.

 

I think you need to stop jumping from guy to guy, and work on figuring out what characteristics in a partner are important to you. Not their looks, or money, or status. But who they are inside. All that outward stuff will never be enough, no matter what.

[sumdude]

The day you find you love someone as much or more than you love yourself you should consider marriage. You'll probably need a lot of patience:rolleyes:

[Lennox]

It's threads like these that really make me appreciate the fact that I'm overweight, 40, and was forced to use my brains to get to the place I am now in life.

 

You are so obsessed with looks, I'd suggest you view the movie "Shallow Hal" and think about it and the character that Jason Alexander played.