bachelor party

[Guest]

my husband of 6 yrs is invited to a bachelor party..now the guy getting married is supposedly christian..his grandfather is a pastor..but there's supposed to be strippers and what not. i dont want him going bc he's married for one and i was always explicit of how i felt about those things from the very beginning of our 5 yr courtship. what should i do?

[oannamarie]

Is there a reason you are against it? I could see if he got a lap dance but all he would be doing is watching a naked woman dance. Did he agree in the beginning to never do? If so I would remind him of that agreement.

[Guest]

my husband of 6 yrs is invited to a bachelor party..now the guy getting married is supposedly christian..his grandfather is a pastor..but there's supposed to be strippers and what not. i dont want him going bc he's married for one and i was always explicit of how i felt about those things from the very beginning of our 5 yr courtship. what should i do?

 

Oh hon, I know how you feel. Heres the deal. Is the party at an establishment or at a private residense? Asking b/c you have less to worry about if it is at a club, there are rules, and in that case I would be worried if I were the bride to be because the focus is on the bachelor. If it is at a private residense, then, well, you never know what they will get. I, for one, would not allow such a thing because I know what some strippers will do for cash. This does not apply to all, but for most. I dont know what to say other than tell him how you feel, but understand your H will do anything to see a real life naked woman. Its in his DNA.

[Guest]

Is there a reason you are against it? I could see if he got a lap dance but all he would be doing is watching a naked woman dance. Did he agree in the beginning to never do? If so I would remind him of that agreement.

my first husband did it to me. i got divorced bc he also cheated on me. after that i promised myself i'd never allow that in my next relationship. when i first dated my current husband i was explicit about this and he told me he was not into that (we're from the same church). i've reminded him about his promise to never do that.

[chrissy123]

I know for me strippers, stripclubs, and lap dances are a deal breaker to me

whether it is for a bachleor party or not. I do not feel that just because someone is getting married my boyfriend gets a free "cheating" pass, but this is just for me and how I feel.

[srsvfx]

haha, that reminds me when me and my friends threw a bachelor party for my buddy... we could have had sex with the girls if we paid them enough. actually the guy getting married recieved oral sex from two of the stippers at once. he never told his wife. they got married and live happily now (as long as she doesnt find out about that party anyway. He's a really good guy though, very nice to his wife and has never cheated besides that party. )

[littlekitty]

All you can do is state your objection. It's then down to your husband as to whether he heeds that or not. I would imagine he will do his best not to upset you. Although if it's a close friend, I would imagine he'll be upset not to attend.

 

Is there no compromise you could agree to?

 

If he knows your opinion of these things, then this should come as no shock to him!!

[tallbrunettmom]

I think if you told him going into your relationship that you were against it that he should respect that. Explain to him that those parties usually get out if hand and it worries you. Say it nicely and rationally so it doesn't become a you telling him he can't go and him doing the guy thing where he says he's going and that's that...you know what I'm saying...lol.

[catgirl1927]

haha, that reminds me when me and my friends threw a bachelor party for my buddy... we could have had sex with the girls if we paid them enough. actually the guy getting married recieved oral sex from two of the stippers at once. he never told his wife. they got married and live happily now (as long as she doesnt find out about that party anyway. He's a really good guy though, very nice to his wife and has never cheated besides that party. )

 

He's not a good guy. He cheated on his fiance, and now he's lying to her about loving her. And I doubt seriously it was the first time he cheated, and it certainly won't be the last.

 

This makes me sick. What if she had recieved oral sex at her bachelor party? Would you tell the guy to just not worry?

 

Sorry, I don't mean to derail, but what a terrible story. THIS is why women hate bachelor parties. Men think it's not cheating.

[Guest]

He's not a good guy. He cheated on his fiance, and now he's lying to her about loving her. And I doubt seriously it was the first time he cheated, and it certainly won't be the last.

 

This makes me sick. What if she had recieved oral sex at her bachelor party? Would you tell the guy to just not worry?

 

Sorry, I don't mean to derail, but what a terrible story. THIS is why women hate bachelor parties. Men think it's not cheating.

 

thank you! receiving oral from some other woman other than the one he's about to marry is cheating however you put it. besides bachelor parties should be for bachelors not married men with two small children.

[sairasworld2000]

If the guy wants to cheat, he doesn't have to use a bachelor party as the excuse. So cut the poor guy some slack, show that you trust him, and spare him the humiliating "p***y-whipped" remarks from his friends. Besides, whatever he sees at that party is probably a lot tamer than what he can get over the internet.

[Citizen Erased]

He's not a good guy. He cheated on his fiance, and now he's lying to her about loving her. And I doubt seriously it was the first time he cheated, and it certainly won't be the last.

 

This makes me sick. What if she had recieved oral sex at her bachelor party? Would you tell the guy to just not worry?

 

Sorry, I don't mean to derail, but what a terrible story. THIS is why women hate bachelor parties. Men think it's not cheating.

 

Ditto. I actually think that the night before you get married is the worse time to cheat. You are about to make a lifetime committment to someone. You dont go and get laid because it will be the 'last' time with someone else. It just makes what you say in front of all your friends and family as huge lie knowing you got a BJ from some thing the night before.

[Lennox]

Your husband is a married man and has no business going to a bachelor party if there's going to be strippers there. This is because you are uncomfortable with it...and for very good reason!

 

There is no compromise in this situation. He either goes with your objection or he honors his marriage vows and respects you and declines to attend. He cannot "halfway" participate in this. He either loves you wholeheartedly and respects your feelings or he doesn't. Tell him that you don't want him to go and ignore any pouts on his part.

 

I thank the poster for the story about the guy that got oral on the night before he got married. It's very sick and it got me angry...but it was the absolute truth! Men think that bachelor parties are a free pass...not only for the guy about to get married, but for those already married. There's a code amongst men that whatever happens at a bachelor party, no one is to tell on anyone else. They think it's ok as long as the guy goes home to his wife afterwards. They think they're watching Lady Marmalade and everything she does to them is ok just as long as they go straight home after. It's all bullcrap and no woman should stand for it if she's uncomfortable with it.

 

*edit to add* If his friends call him p-whipped for respecting your feelings and honoring his marriage...he's got the wrong friends and they are a potential cancer to your relationship.

[Guest]

Is there a reason you are against it? I could see if he got a lap dance but all he would be doing is watching a naked woman dance. Did he agree in the beginning to never do? If so I would remind him of that agreement.

he always knew how i felt and agreed to never do it.

[dreamergirl]

Women have to understand that men are totally different creatures then we are - they like to look at naked women that they don't know and it doesn't have any emotional meaning to them. It's hard for women because, for the most part, we do not like looking at naked men except for our significant other, because we need the emotional connection to the man to derive any pleasure from it.

Also, your husband is trying to honor a social commitment - he is not going to see strippers on his own and I'm sure he would attend the party is there weren't any strippers, so don't blame him. As long as you trust him not to do anything more than look I would just let the issue go. He will resent you and be embarrassed in front of his friends and that will cause more problems down the road. If I've ever felt a little funny about my boyfriend going to a strip club, I actually just ask a lot of questions afterward so I can try to understand men's attraction to those places.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but a man being Christian doesn't mean he doesn't like looking at naked women or is a bad person for doing so. As long as he respects women. I actually like the feeling that (respectful and caring) men think the female body is so beautiful.

[catgirl1927]

If a man cannot miss a social engagement because his friends will call him p-whipped, what's going to happen if they tell him he's p-whipped when he won't get a lap dance? Or get a blow job? Or have sex with her?

 

He will say you can trust him, but he has no reason not to lie. His friends will lie for him. These friends sound like they'll think it's hilarious that you'd fall for it, and will enjoy knowing that you don't know your husband doesn't love you.

 

Now, just going to the party doesn't mean that he's going to cheat. You know him better than strangers on an internet board.

 

You know what goes on at bachelor parties. You can either trust him or you can't.

[Pink_Tulip]

If a man cannot miss a social engagement because his friends will call him p-whipped, what's going to happen if they tell him he's p-whipped when he won't get a lap dance? Or get a blow job? Or have sex with her?

 

He will say you can trust him, but he has no reason not to lie. His friends will lie for him. These friends sound like they'll think it's hilarious that you'd fall for it, and will enjoy knowing that you don't know your husband doesn't love you.

 

Now, just going to the party doesn't mean that he's going to cheat. You know him better than strangers on an internet board.

 

You know what goes on at bachelor parties. You can either trust him or you can't.

 

I totally agree. I don't think I have heard of a bachelor party story with a stripper where SOMEONE didn't get a bj. If you trust your bf or H in that environment, great. But everyone makes bad choices at some point. No strippers for my marriage, that's for sure.

[sairasworld2000]

There is no compromise in this situation. He either goes with your objection or he honors his marriage vows and respects you and declines to attend. He cannot "halfway" participate in this. He either loves you wholeheartedly and respects your feelings or he doesn't.

 

Wow. There certainly is no room for compromise in your relationship! I guess your partner wouldn't be able to watch an X-rated movie or, for that matter, glance at an attractive young man/woman on the street. Well, if that's how you want to treat your partner, that's OK. I hope for your sake there are plenty of "doormats" out there. But for the rest of us who want a fluid, stimulating and adventurous relationship that will last, my advice to the poster is to ask herself honestly why she is uncomfortable. And if her answer is that she does not trust her husband, then I think she has a more pressing issue to resolve than just a stupid and most likely boring, bachelor party. And for Gods sake don't ask him to reconsider relationships he has had with people who he has known for many years longer than he has known you.

[sumdude]

I totally agree. I don't think I have heard of a bachelor party story with a stripper where SOMEONE didn't get a bj.

 

Intersting, I've been to at least 15 and this has never happened. Oh, I've heard the myths but never saw anything of the sort.

[Guest]

Your husband is a married man and has no business going to a bachelor party if there's going to be strippers there. This is because you are uncomfortable with it...and for very good reason!

 

There is no compromise in this situation. He either goes with your objection or he honors his marriage vows and respects you and declines to attend. He cannot "halfway" participate in this. He either loves you wholeheartedly and respects your feelings or he doesn't. Tell him that you don't want him to go and ignore any pouts on his part.

 

I thank the poster for the story about the guy that got oral on the night before he got married. It's very sick and it got me angry...but it was the absolute truth! Men think that bachelor parties are a free pass...not only for the guy about to get married, but for those already married. There's a code amongst men that whatever happens at a bachelor party, no one is to tell on anyone else. They think it's ok as long as the guy goes home to his wife afterwards. They think they're watching Lady Marmalade and everything she does to them is ok just as long as they go straight home after. It's all bullcrap and no woman should stand for it if she's uncomfortable with it.

 

*edit to add* If his friends call him p-whipped for respecting your feelings and honoring his marriage...he's got the wrong friends and they are a potential cancer to your relationship.

 

this is EXACTLY how i feel! thank you!

[Pink_Tulip]

Intersting, I've been to at least 15 and this has never happened. Oh, I've heard the myths but never saw anything of the sort.

 

After my BIL got married, we were sitting around watching the video of his bachelor party. It was all pretty silly, drunk guys acting stupid. Then the stripper came in. I'll reserve comment on her since I don't have a high opinion of strippers and don't want to offend. After a few minutes of her routine, she gets whip cream and puts it on her boobs. BIL licks it off. Then she asks him to remove her G string, which he did with his teeth. The video then abruptly ended. We were told the battery went dead. Uh huh. That is just one example I have, and why there are no strip clubs and bachelor parties with strippers in my marriage.

[Candied-Heart]

If his friends call him p-whipped for respecting your feelings and honoring his marriage...he's got the wrong friends and they are a potential cancer to your relationship.

 

Although, not to defend.. but your friends ARE important in your life and obviously their opinions matter as a result, to men; being labelled 'whipped' is a big ego crusher.

However I do feel that a good friend of both YOU [as the bride to be] and your man, will by default watch out and make sure nothing unnacceptable happens. Not that a friend should have to prevent your fiance from cheating, he either wants to cheat or he wants to stay faithful. None of the excuses of using drugs/drinking/caught up in the moment/ curiosity etc will be tolerated.

 

I'd love to know the real truth to bachelor weekends/parties etc but you hear so many it's hard to guage what's what.

 

I get uncomfortable when my BF attends bachelor parties where strippers are present but I trust him. I do think I will worry a bit when [if] he has his party, because the stripper pay more attention to the bachelor and try to embarass/interact with them more that the other men. That's where the trouble lies..

[Annacabana]

my husband of 6 yrs is invited to a bachelor party..now the guy getting married is supposedly christian..his grandfather is a pastor..but there's supposed to be strippers and what not. i dont want him going bc he's married for one and i was always explicit of how i felt about those things from the very beginning of our 5 yr courtship. what should i do?

 

Since he knew how you felt from the beginning of your relationship, I feel he should opt out on this party. Also if this person is really a christian, then I feel that strippers would not be involved.

 

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed ADULTERY with her in his heart." This is a scripture in bible and I am sure the guys aren't sitting there watching the strippers with pure thoughts.

[Guest]

Since he knew how you felt from the beginning of your relationship, I feel he should opt out on this party. Also if this person is really a christian, then I feel that strippers would not be involved.

 

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed ADULTERY with her in his heart." This is a scripture in bible and I am sure the guys aren't sitting there watching the strippers with pure thoughts.

 

thats how i feel. i mean both my husband the guy getting the bachelor party are christian and are involved in church activities. what kind of behavior is that?

[Lennox]

Wow. There certainly is no room for compromise in your relationship! I guess your partner wouldn't be able to watch an X-rated movie or, for that matter, glance at an attractive young man/woman on the street. Well, if that's how you want to treat your partner, that's OK. I hope for your sake there are plenty of "doormats" out there. But for the rest of us who want a fluid, stimulating and adventurous relationship that will last, my advice to the poster is to ask herself honestly why she is uncomfortable. And if her answer is that she does not trust her husband, then I think she has a more pressing issue to resolve than just a stupid and most likely boring, bachelor party. And for Gods sake don't ask him to reconsider relationships he has had with people who he has known for many years longer than he has known you.

I don't care how long either one of us have known people. I would never keep a friend that would pressure me to do anything that would harm my marriage. I don't need snakey friends like that. I believe my marriage comes first before any other relationships I have in life. If the guy wants to keep that "friend", he should have the backbone to tell that friend to shut up if he tries to interfere in his marriage like that.

 

And no, I don't allow porn in my home. Men don't need porn to survive. This is a condition of having a relationship with me and one that I won't compromise on. Why should I? It makes me uncomfortable and I have enough self esteem to state so. A man doesn't need to be with me if he's so immature that he needs porn. A man like that is more than welcome to move on to the next woman. I have enough imagination and methods of stimulation that no man that is with me should ever feel the "need" for an x rated movie. I'm great in bed and I know it.

 

I noticed that you also question the OP's reasons for being in opposition to her man going to the bachelor party. This is despite the fact that over and over in this thread, the point was made that no good things happen at those parties. You questioning her makes it appear that these men are sitting down having punch and cookies and she's insane for feeling apprehensive about it. She's not insane. She has damn good reason to be concerned. It's situations like my friend here posted about his buddy receiving a bj from a stripper at one THE NIGHT BEFORE HE GOT MARRIED that is a situation that is all too common. In another situation, the camera battery "dies" as things are heating up??? Come on now, don't treat the OP as if she's stupid for being concerned! There is a reason that wives aren't invited to attend, and that is to shroud the event in secrecy. Secret acts behind a spouses back is playing with fire.