dgiirl Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I think you can have insecurities in some things and self esteem in others. I have enough self esteem to turn down a guy who just wants to sleep with me, but I'm also insecure that I'll be alone forever. But being alone forever is a better option for me than just hooking up with any guy who doesnt care about me. As for getting rid of your insecurities, you have to examine it and rationalize it. Listen to your internal dialogue and stop saying negative things to yourself. If you are insecure your bf will cheat on you, then follow the fear all the way. What's the worse case scenario if he IS cheating on you? You find out, you get really really pissed for a while, you kick him to the curb, and you move on. His cheating is not a character flaw of yours but HIS. Instead of worrying about all the wrong one MIGHT do to you, worry about how YOU are living your life. As long as you are living it well, then dont worry about the others until it happens. s***ty things happen, you cant prevent that. But you can make the world a better place by doing good. Live your life well. Link to post Share on other sites
Noos Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Yeah, I've wonder that kittenchick. I have enough self-esteem not to get involved in bad situations and to say something like that to a guy, but not enough to think they'd actaully want to be with me in the first place. A lack of trust but a strong enough character or big enough ego to think I deserve better than abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Thanks, B_O. I'll try that. No eating the paste!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 I don't know, KC, but I'm the same way. I generally don't tolerate any kind of disrepectful treatment, I don't let guys be mean to me or cheat or hit or anything like that. I feel I deserve better and if they can't be respectful they can take a hike. But I really think I'm mostly insecure because everyone in my life has always lied to me. EVERYONE. Everyone. And I know you're supposed to give each person a new chance, but I'm having a really tough time with it. It manifests itself in a fear of cheating a lot, but mostly what I'm afraid of is being lied to. I'm less afraid that he'll get a blow job from a stripper than I am that he will look at her and wish he could be with someone more like her, but no he's stuck with me. The bachelor party thing bugs me because men see it as their last chance for good, exciting sex before the misery of marraige. Well, if they feel that way they shouldn't get married. And if that happens, all of his friends will know that he's just lying and using me, and doesn't respect or care about me, and I'm just some dumb bitch who honestly thinks someone could love me. See what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 SO CG your main insecurity lays in you feeling you are undeserving? Oh s*** I used to feel this way...... not any more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 SO CG your main insecurity lays in you feeling you are undeserving? Oh s*** I used to feel this way...... not any more! Not really, but kinda maybe. My insecurity lies in other people thinking I'm undeserving and laughing that I think I am. I think I deserve someone who loves only me, and has sex with only me, and who doesn't view either as a huge sacrifice. Hell, if it's a sacrifice to be with me, don't let the door hit you on the way out. But for god's sake don't cheat on me, I haven't done anything to deserve being humiliated. If I'm that disgusting to someone, I deserve to be told that, not strung along while he fools around with other women he does find attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I really liked your post dgiirl CG - I guess my insecurity is similar to yours...being lied to and being humiliated. I'm still working on it too but like dgiirl said, we have to realize that by worrying we are not going to be able to prevent s***ty things from happening. We just have to build ourselves and grow so that we can handle these things when they do happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catgirl1927 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 I really liked your post dgiirl CG - I guess my insecurity is similar to yours...being lied to and being humiliated. I'm still working on it too but like dgiirl said, we have to realize that by worrying we are not going to be able to prevent s***ty things from happening. We just have to build ourselves and grow so that we can handle these things when they do happen. You're right, and so is dgiirl. If he cheats on me, he will not only burn in hell but he'll lose a great girl in the process. The humiliation is SO HARD. But it won't kill me, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Cg, the anwser is to stop thinking the way you do.Litterally , whenever you beging to berate yourself in your head, stop the thought , replace it with something positive , and after a while your thinking of insecurities will stop .Its simply a form of fading it from existence. Link to post Share on other sites
PuppyDogEyes Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 My insecurity lies in other people thinking I'm undeserving and laughing that I think I am. CG, are we twins or something? That's exactly how I feel. Like you, nearly everyone that I've ever cared about in my life has lied to me, and I have issues with trust to the point that I trust no one and nothing. I'm so scared to give anyone a chance to know me that I just.... walk away, or better yet, avoid them altogether. And the sad thing is that when I do accomplish something of worth to myself, I'm so scared that people will just laugh at me, going, "Oh, well, someone's gotta give you a break since you're so disgusting and all." They seriously need a "crying" icon on here. - pde. Link to post Share on other sites
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