agnf666 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Let me give a little past information. My mother left my father when I was very little. Basically abandoned me and my brother with my dad. So, my dad raised us all on his own, with help from relatives from time to time. So, basically I had to help my father take care of my little brother. In which was no problem. Then when I started getting older it got to the point htat I need to do more chores around the house like dishes, laundry, and other random things. Now, I'm 20 and to a breaking point with it all. My father doesn't like any of the guys that I have dated. He is very over protective of me. ASk where I'm going all the time and what time I'm going to be home. Then ask who am I going to be with? Then threatens me with stupid s*** like "Before you can leave this house you have to clean that room or do the dishes"... My aunt just offered me a place to live with here. She told me I wouldn't have to do that stuff, just help out on the little things that she needs me to help with and everything would be fine. So, Now since I love my father to death. I'm afraid of moving out. I don't want to hurt him liek my mother did. So, I don't know what to do. Should I go or stay? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Should I go or stay?I never like to should on people so I won't start with you, LOL. How about talking to your father, being strong, letting him know what you are thinking about doing and why. Remind him that you will always be his little girl BUT you are an adult now and while you appreciate his concern you want your freedom more. What you're going through is very normal and his responses are very normal too. Try, both of you try to step back from the situation a bit and get different perspective on it and come up with a solution that works for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I'm a parent, too. I understand your father wanting to know where you're going and who'll you'll be with, etc. What if something happened and your father had to get ahold of you? What if--God forbid--you were hurt or kidnapped or something and no one knew where to look because you hadn't told them? These are worst-case scenarios, of course. But, better to be safe than sorry. As for the boys you date: Are they decent? Does he have a right to dislike them? Be honest. You could be right, he could just be overprotective. And asking you to do a chore before you go out does seem to be a control tactic. As for moving in with your aunt: What's the catch? Why wouldn't she expect you to do much? How does she feel about your dad's rules and regulations? Link to post Share on other sites
Author agnf666 Posted May 19, 2006 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 I'm a parent, too. I understand your father wanting to know where you're going and who'll you'll be with, etc. What if something happened and your father had to get ahold of you? What if--God forbid--you were hurt or kidnapped or something and no one knew where to look because you hadn't told them? These are worst-case scenarios, of course. But, better to be safe than sorry. As for the boys you date: Are they decent? Does he have a right to dislike them? Be honest. You could be right, he could just be overprotective. And asking you to do a chore before you go out does seem to be a control tactic. As for moving in with your aunt: What's the catch? Why wouldn't she expect you to do much? How does she feel about your dad's rules and regulations? I do understand all of that. I know he should know where I'm at incase of one of those worst case scenarios happen. He needs to realize im not 15 im soon to be 21. I'm going to make bad decisions and he is going to have to get over them. The guys that I have dated have all been very decent guys. Nothing too bad. Actually the one he met was the one that was really the worst guy I have ever dated. He does use little things to control me like chores, and telling me he is going to deflate my tire and stuff like that. At my aunts house she is basically going to let me live there like I was to live alone, I would only have to call her if I was going to be out super late or not come back home. No chores to do before you go out, and basically it would be less stressful if I did live there. She feels that my dad is treating me like a teenager and won't let me grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Does your aunt expect you to pay rent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author agnf666 Posted May 19, 2006 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 She expects me to pay her $30 a week. So, I'm still debating what I want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 You should definitely talk to your father about everything first. Give him a chance to improve his behavior. Just tell him that what he is saying and doing is causing alot of unwanted stress on you. Link to post Share on other sites
simplybrill Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Hello, I'm from a divorced family too. your dad, sounds a lot like my sister, strangely enough...the worst guy I ever dated always comes up in conversation every once in a while, its like she just throws it in there to bring back memories of when I screwed up last-it's like an ego-check thing. I think you should take your aunt up on her offer. $30 a week isnt bad, it's less than living in an apartment on your own. especially if you're in school, you dont need that kind of stress from your dad, and having to take care of your brother, you need space and freedom that comes from living on your own. Good Luck, and feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more about stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I think eventually your aunt may have rules for you to abide by.. generally when we live in someones house we have to follow the rules they lay down.. even if they don't make sense. But in your case I think your Dad is holding onto his daughter because he doesn't want her to grow up and leave.. Maybe a heart to heart talk is in order.. If you have a talk with your Dad maybe you can explain to him that you are growing up and spreading your wings and get him to relax the noose around you But expect to pay rent and still have to do chores.. you can't get around that.. even in your own place. But taking care of your brother is something that should be his responsiblity.. By the way.. I feel for you.. we all go thru a version of what your going thru.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agnf666 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 Well thanks everyone... My dad got wind of me wanting to move out and he decided that he needed to back off on me a little bit. So, I don't mind doing the things I have to do as long as he can try and treat me like an adult and let me do somethings that I want to do. So, I think I am going to stay home for right now. I mean things are ok as of right now. More or less I think it's more of my brother's attitude and annoyance wanting me to move. I guess I will just have to deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
collegegirl23 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Great to hear! So all's well that ends well for now:) Good luck to you and your dad and brother...i wish you all well. Link to post Share on other sites
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