Is there something wrong with me?

[Spank'n'Rationality]

Okay, so I am a fairly confidant person concerning my intellect (except around people whom I like, because I get nervous and sound completely inept) and my beliefs, but I have never been confidant about my looks, even though numerous people have told me I am pretty (though I have never asked, because looks mean very little to me, and truthfully I don't care how I look).

 

I relate this to you because I am told constantly that I need to be more confidant and assertave. I always thought I was confidant; I mean, I don't really care how I look, nor do I notice, so when other people tell me I look nice, I just shake my head, or blow it off, and then I get, "You need more self confidance." It's like, I don't think I am horrific looking, but I really don't care; there is more to people than looks, including my own.

 

Anyway, the other thing I get a lot is I need to be more assertaive. I mean, I can be a bitch if I need to be, but I don't like being mean, and I don't feel the need for contraversy if it can be dealt with otherwise. I don't know, maybe I am just being lazy or something, but I don't understand. I mean, I am happy with myself, with my attitude, but other people seem to think I am too nice, or too insecure with myself. I'm really not. I mean, I am nice, I don't like confrontation, but I am fine with myself...I just don't really care how I look, and I get somewhat offended when people complement me on my looks; I mean, there is more to me than my "looks," so that being the only thing people notice kind of pisses me off.

 

So, is the fault in my mentality, or in others perception of me? Just curious...

[dgiirl]

Compliments use to weird me out. I didnt really know how to respond to them and always felt i needed to return a compliment. I often would dismiss other people's compliments and say "Nah, that's not true" or some other way of dismissing it. I started to change my way towards compliments. Instead of refusing people's compliments and making the situation awkward, I now accept them with a simple Thank You. I put myself in other peoples shoes, and the reason why I compliment is so I can feel like I'm doing something nice for another person. When they refuse my compliments, it makes me feel they're rejecting my nice deed. So now I accept other people's compliments. It's a nice gesture to allow someone else to feel good about doing a nice deed

 

As for assertiveness, you dont need to be mean or a bitch. There's a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I read a book last summer titled "The assertive woman". It was very helpful and it gave a lot of examples of the difference between the two. You should check it out!

[catgirl1927]

I never understood compliments, because I always thought people who gave them to me were just making fun of me.

 

But in truth, it's like dgiirl says, a compliment (most of the time) is someone trying to do something nice for you, so the polite thing to do is say thank you and accept it graciously. I believe there is never an excuse to deliberately be mean to someone, and if someone is just making fun with a fake compliment then they are the bad person, I still try to be polite and nice.

 

They're not trying to force you to care about looks or even make you think about your looks. They are trying to say something nice, and looks are an easy thing to compliment someone on. If someone looks like they are having a bad day, a compliment can be a little lift. If nothing else, it probably means that they like you and want you to feel good, and that's nice. Maybe if you think about it like that it won't bug you as much...