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Strangeloves unofficial guide to love situations


dr strangelove

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dr strangelove

You've just broken up with someone,

 

"Oh god" you are thinking what will I do!!!!

 

Wait calm down read my guide, it helps.

 

(reccommended by 4 out of 5 gynoclogists)

 

First question

"Should I contact them?

And what is this NC I hear so much about?"

 

Yes you should contact them, call 20 to 30 times a day. Make sure you fill your exes mailbox up so no one else can leave messages. They will be so happy you did that for them, especially if they are waiting for important calls.

 

NC? late 80s singer.. Ie NC and the sunshine band, had a few hits no biggie...

 

2) Should I send them gifts?

 

"Yes especially to their work! They will be happy, that their whole office is talking about them. They will be even happier to have their desk cluttered with so much stuff they cant work. Dont worry their boss will like it to they can share in the loot.

 

And remember nothing says I love you like a large stuffed animal toy. Actually one that makes noises is even better.

 

And dont forget to bring them lunch, they will be so happy you decided to make them your special escargot/macaroni and headcheese casserole. MMMmm leftovers!!

 

3) Should you stalk them?

 

Well I dunno about stalking........

In the old days we used to just say "follow them around".

 

And thats a great idea. They will be happy to see your car parked outside their place every night for hours on end.

 

4) What about the no contact rule?

 

Well yes sometimes this does work. And to truly make it work you will have to quit your job, and become a monk in napal.. this is the best way to enforce "hard no contact" dont worry though your ex will gladdly trek through the jungle to confess their undying love for you. Why it happened to my friend last week.. dalai something or other..

 

5) What about when they start contacting me again?

 

Well dont answer the phone or email, If you do, speak in a foreign language.. or pretend to be your new house keeper..

"ah yes mr strangelove he is a no in, he go to paris yes"

 

Make plans to see them, and then stand them up. They will be impressed, that you are now too important to meet with them, or be polite enough to let them know in advance.

They will be thinking WOW what a bigshot they are now.. they must be meeting someone really important like pee wee herman..

 

6) What about when they say I really love and I need you back?

 

Well dont cave in yet, best thing is to tell them you dont feel the same way anymore, and you pity them.

Then get up and walk away. They will really want you now

way to go excellent work!!

 

Remember to remove their hands from your leg so you dont drag them with you, I find a good can of mace helps with this.

 

-Quick tip-

Play as many head games as you can people love drama, they will be happy that you keep their life so exciting.

 

7) Get caught in bed with their best friend..

 

This really helps to show that you are commited to starting a brand new relationship with your ex. They will be happy that you had such good taste, they may even be talked into a threesome.

 

Afterwords tell your ex that their friend is much better in bed then they ever will be and you are looking forward to years and years of unsatisfying sex with them. They will be happy for the critique on their performance.

Its then when you can suggest a brief stint as an escort to improve themselves. They will be happy you suggested such a brillant idea and, will most likely as you for your help in finding a good pimp. They are so hard to find these days...sigh

 

8) Lunch with the ex? Yes for sure.. here are some suggestion to impress them and show them how much you have changed.

 

-Show up drunk out of your mind.. forget their name and ask the server for thier number. They will know you are doing this to make them jealous and be thrilled to know you care so much. They may even propose to you on the spot!

 

-Offer to pay for lunch with tips you have scooped off other tables

 

-Fake an illness and make a spectacle of it. Your ex will be happy that everyone in the restaurant is looking at you, after all who doesnt like looking at 2 lovebirds. They will also be impressed by your frugalness and acting skills

 

-After lunch is finished excuse yourself and walk out of the restaurant and leave. This will make your ex want you so badly.. they will probably come running after you.

 

9) Sex with the ex, is it a good idea?

 

What?? I cant you are asking? Who doesnt love a freebie huh? Heres some tips

 

- Pass gas as many times as possible

 

- Fake an orgasm

 

- Pass out after an orgasm, leaving them unsatisfied. They will be happy that your sexual performance gives them a reason to see you again.

 

Wow what a pro!

 

Well that should be enough helpful tips for the time being to tide you over til my next guide/cookbook...

 

Keep watching the skies!

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Cute, Strangelove.

 

(Smile)

 

This tells me that *someone* here, comes from the seemingly ever-widening circle of people who think 'NC' is about getting your ex back.

 

'NC' (the true, total, and unabashed 'original' type) is about letting go, saying "good-bye", not looking back, letting the doors close behind you, and moving on.

 

It's a dignified, self-respecting, protection-giving, emotionally-healing, recovery program.

 

*Sorry, but true 'NC' doesn't represent an 'open-door' to anything having to do with an ex.*

 

No pursuits, no waiting, no phone calls, no emails, no 'drop-in' visits, cards, letters, or teddy bears. Nothing.

 

As you and I have conversed about, (and you are correct), *not doing anything is, indeed, an action* that has the ability to create interest.

 

But simply creating interest is not enough.

 

If someone has failed to do his/her 'homework' (not thoroughly reviewed the relationship, expectations from it, the problems which caused the demise, etc.) nor taken the time *required* by the emotions to adjust to physiological changes in the body which (after the hormones have begun clearing out) have the ability to (with time) help clarify *the thinking/judging process*, -and until then, a second chance attempt may have a lesser realistic foundational quality, and, -if it happens- may not last.

 

We need to give ourselves time to move, -emotionally and physically- far enough away from the situation to be able to grasp and develop more realistic views, ideas, and perspective regarding ourselves (how we actually *were* in the relationship) as well as how well the relationship itself functioned.

 

Example question:Was it truly positive? Healthy? Were you (and your partner) *happy* most of the time? And are you/were you being truthful to yourself about the relationship, i.e. did you see problems you just decided to bury rather than 'fix'? Did you, as a couple, resolve problems well? Were there unresolved trust issues? Were there boundary issues? Religious, financial, or personal issues? And the list could go on and on.

 

The core of getting back an ex, I believe, is going face-to-face with the truth about the relationship, as well as *yourself.*

 

Once you know yourself better and have given *you* time, -you may not even want the ex back. But maybe this is what some are so afraid of finding out.

 

For some, pre-existing unresolved, hidden (buried) issues are often at the center of the problem(s) of one or both partners, -and which probably had a great deal to do with why the breakup occurred.

 

Refusal, denial, selfishness, and pride are underlying emotions which factor in to many die-hard second-chance pursuits. Sure, we think, (from the outside view) that it appears as though the 'pursuer' is madly, helplessly 'in love'.

 

What it most often truly is, is a mixture of emotions evoked from familiarity of a relationship combined with a peculiar 'hurt' spurred one or more of the above-mentioned underlying emotions.

 

Bottom line:

 

'NC' is not a toy to 'get someone back'.

 

And a breakup (as well as other traumatic life events) is a 'call-you-to-the-carpet' means of life to get you to acknowledge, and fix your problems, and grow up just a little more with every heartbreak, every disappointment, and all sorts of tough, painful situations we are likely to encounter as human beings.

 

***Personal Note: Had I kept the brand of 'NC' often seen here with my own recent breakup, -I would now be involved with a Commitment-phobic cheater, who never had time for me, and emotionally bled me and my young daughters to death.***

 

Thank God, I chose the real thing.

 

Hope this helps someone.

 

-Rio

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man there are so many freaking guides going around.....i would just like to say that these guides only work for the people who come up with them

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NTB, DS says he meant this only as a humorous parody.

 

And who of us can't use a bit of humor?

 

There was opportunity to use his post in other ways, so I used it to make a few points regarding 'NC'.

 

Apology for the confusion....but isn't that the norm?

 

-Rio

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dr strangelove

I see whitt, why dont you be a pal. Buy the book and write us and essay about it.

 

Im amazed only a few people have a sense of humor on here.

 

At least my ex laughed at my jokes... there was this one time..... nevermind

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DS: " At least my ex laughed at my jokes... there was this one time..... nevermind..."

 

:laugh: <Sense of humor showing...got that one...log it...)

 

(I'm Laughing, already!)

 

Take care, DS.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

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I thought you were funny - I was justing letting those people know - should they have looked on your post for actual information - where they could go to get it. It's a twelve week plan for getting back your ex - it would still be kinda long even if I summarized it.

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dr strangelove

Well Whitt I think that would make for a worth while post.

You could post in twelve seperate posts. Maybe someone could even field test them. 12 weeks huh.. So thats like 3 months.

Thats assuming that you are..? talking to them? seeing them?

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Well, I have tried everything to cut and paste the book into here. It just isn't working - for those of you that have been hanging on, I will summarize the book, just give me a few more days . . .

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