RealityCheck Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... Where are you off too?? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... Where are you off too?? can't say here... may reveal me secret identity... I suspect you'll be established soon. I'll keep an eye out and PM you with dets. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... OH CRAP! Your right! What was I thinking....!!! I might as well asked you.... your name, address and telephone number!! Just a tad hungover today!! *laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... OH CRAP! Your right! What was I thinking....!!! I might as well asked you.... your name, address and telephone number!! Just a tad hungover today!! *laughing* you're so funny!! I think we should have our own super hero costumes... lol... I can see yours as red and black for some reason. I'd probably have mine as puce and fuscia... Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... Definately Red & Blue.... "Wondering Woman"....Wondering WTF is next....*laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I think you guys are being really hard on Zina. She feels betrayed. Lets not forget that alot of women in here also fell for MM who told them everything they wanted to hear. They promised the sun, moon and stars and then took it all back. Trickery or truth it didn't turn out they way we hoped for. Well Zina is going through the same hurt. She thought they were both on the same page,thought their feelings for oneanother were genuine, but decided that ending it was the fair thing. then to turn around and realize he was never sincere .....come on....I can identiy with that kind of hurt and betrayal. I think you should do a little cock blocking and inform the new chick that he's married. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I think you guys are being really hard on Zina. She feels betrayed. Lets not forget that alot of women in here also fell for MM who told them everything they wanted to hear. They promised the sun, moon and stars and then took it all back. Trickery or truth it didn't turn out they way we hoped for. Well Zina is going through the same hurt. She thought they were both on the same page,thought their feelings for oneanother were genuine, but decided that ending it was the fair thing. then to turn around and realize he was never sincere .....come on....I can identiy with that kind of hurt and betrayal. I think you should do a little cock blocking and inform the new chick that he's married. Buta, we all feel betrayed, that's why we're here. We all thought that the MMs were genuine. But there are a lot of us who dealt with our pain without any intention of inflicting pain on others. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 BF.... Hey you don't have to tell us about the MM's vocal crap!!! We've all heard the same sh*t! But you don't see us running and telling the W anytime soon! That's just plain stupidity!! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Zara.... Definately Red & Blue.... "Wondering Woman"....Wondering WTF is next....*laughing* I'm on the floor!!! wondering woman!! lol!! Hey, we seem to post at the same time... what a coinkidink. Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 You know, it might be out of spite, but I think she would do a great service to his wife if she let her know. Especially if he is the master manipulator she says he is. Why should the wife remain unaware and waste away the primer years of her life with a damn loser? I would let her know! Plus put it in writing or come up with some pictures so that she can get everything she can in the divorce. That guy doesn't deserve zilch. But now that I have said that, I also think you should be prepared to tell your husband as well. Chances are he might find out anyways, especially in the direction it is heading. If there are problems in the marriage, you have to talk to him about it and work through it... or just end it all. Do you people actually think it's right for NOBODY to tell the wife, so she can live in miserable fantasy world for ten years without feeling the true love, companionship and intimacy of a real man? I just disagree. I think she would be better off knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 EIE.... I am so for the Wife being told about her husband's affairs! Heck! I would want to know so I could at least have a choice whether to stay or go! However, it is NOT appropriate in anyway, shape or form for it to come from a "scorned" OW. Its milicious and not appropriate. The big issue here is "intent". It is clear that the motive behind telling the W in this case is out of revenge to the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Of course it's out of revenge, but to me that is besides the point. Even a letter etc to send the wife is fine. But just to bring it to her attention. It doesn't have to be a malicious note or anything to that extent. I would like that much respect, that someone offered to put in the time to show me the light. Afterall, her husband isn't giving her any. If it's not from the "scorned ow", who will it be from? NOBODY! Certainly not her selfish husband! There is probably no other way for her to find out. I say DO IT. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 The W should know, and if you must do it, do it factually, unemotionally and anonymously as if you were an outside person to the situation. If you go to her as OW, nothing you say or do will have the effect you want - her rage will be targeted at you and H will take the opportunity to appeal to her need for an ally against you. At least if its anonymous, she can't kill the messenger and will have nowhere to turn her attentions to except her H. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I am with EIE. This has been a topic before and I got bashed for it but I agree the wife should know and Zina should tell her H before MM's W desides to. she should know- from whom or how is not the issue- the point is she needs to know what her husband is up to. But I'm not in the exact same situation- My story on the other hand is a little different. Her Fiance (MM) decided to live a double life and date me and make future plans with me all the while planning a wedding with her. I found out a week before his wedding and was floored!! I continued an emotional affair with him, and struggled with telling her. I finally wrote a letter in hopes she would get it before the wedding. I don't know if she ever got it but I made the attempt. I decided to leave the rest to God. I didn't write the letter because I wanted him but to let her know exactly who she was about to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 You cheated on your husband and now got cheated on your self by a man who is cheating on his wife. Karma is a bitch isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Of course it's out of revenge, but to me that is besides the point. Even a letter etc to send the wife is fine. But just to bring it to her attention. It doesn't have to be a malicious note or anything to that extent. I would like that much respect, that someone offered to put in the time to show me the light. Afterall, her husband isn't giving her any. If it's not from the "scorned ow", who will it be from? NOBODY! Certainly not her selfish husband! There is probably no other way for her to find out. I say DO IT. I have to agree with this. I have said time and again on here... why is it OK for anyone else to tell her (even advocated as THE way to go for any BS whose OP is married) but when it's the OW contemplating it it's "not your place". The motivation doesn't matter if it's done anonymously. How can it possibly be worse for a W to be told by the OW if she doesn't know it was the OW who told? It can't. The effects (positive, negative, whatever) on the W will be the same as if it were an anonymous tip-off from anyone else in the world than the OW. If I were the W, I would WANT to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 You cheated on your husband and now got cheated on your self by a man who is cheating on his wife. Karma is a bitch isn't it? Hope you're ready for the "karma" of someone writing nasty comments on a thread of yours when you're looking for support. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Hope you're ready for the "karma" of someone writing nasty comments on a thread of yours when you're looking for support. People who create their own crap deserve to hear the truth not get sympathy. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 People who create their own crap deserve to hear the truth not get sympathy. And you're the arbiter of who hears 'the truth' (like they didn't already know?) and who gets support? You made a decision to post about "karma" and kick someone who is down. You're not telling anyone anything new. Your post was pointless, other than to kick someone who is down and looking for answers. We're not all perfect... if we were, we wouldn't be human. Some day you're going to have made a big mess in some area of your life and be looking for some kind of help. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 And you're the arbiter of who hears 'the truth' (like they didn't already know?) and who gets support? You made a decision to post about "karma" and kick someone who is down. You're not telling anyone anything new. Your post was pointless, other than to kick someone who is down and looking for answers. We're not all perfect... if we were, we wouldn't be human. Some day you're going to have made a big mess in some area of your life and be looking for some kind of help. When I am in a mess I need somebody to tell that i f***ed up. She f***ed up and now she is getting the fruits of that stupidity. I say take it as a lesson learned. Everybody makes mistakes but if nobody is there to tell us we screwed up and we don;t suffer any hardship from it we just do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Everybody makes mistakes but if nobody is there to tell us we screwed up and we don;t suffer any hardship from it we just do it again. Well I agree with that comment. But... You think that she's not experiencing any hardship? That she doesn't know that she made a mistake? That she's likely to do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Well I agree with that comment. But... You think that she's not experiencing any hardship? That she doesn't know that she made a mistake? That she's likely to do it again? She knows and she should be told that she f***ed up. Her mess is her doing and she needs to clean it up. There is no easy way out of this and don't you find it a little bit ridiculous that a woman cheating on her husband with a married man all of a sudden is now upset to find out she is not the only other woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 She knows and she should be told that she f***ed up. Her mess is her doing and she needs to clean it up. There is no easy way out of this and don't you find it a little bit ridiculous that a woman cheating on her husband with a married man all of a sudden is now upset to find out she is not the only other woman? "She should be told that she f***ed up"... is your opinion. I am sure she already knows that..? Besides, you didn't just say 'you f***ed up'... you said... you f***ed up, it's your fault, and you deserved it. That's pretty judgmental and nasty. But that's how you want to be, it's your choice, I'm sure she's heard worse and felt worse about herself already. My point was that there was no need for your comment... it served no purpose other than negative kicking, however you dress it up. No, I don't find it ridiculous that she's surprised (if she is) that a man who cheated with her can now cheat on her. Not all cheaters are that by nature. It is entirely possible for someone to cheat once, because they fell in love, lust or whatever with a particular other person, and not be someone who would cheat 'for the sake of it' with anyone available. So contrary to what you believe, there is, as far as I can see, no reason to believe that someone who cheats with you will cheat on you. So yes, I can believe it was a surprise, a shock, and quite hurtful, to find that she wasn't special, but just one of his conquests. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 "She should be told that she f***ed up"... is your opinion. I am sure she already knows that..? Besides, you didn't just say 'you f***ed up'... you said... you f***ed up, it's your fault, and you deserved it. That's pretty judgmental and nasty. But that's how you want to be, it's your choice, I'm sure she's heard worse and felt worse about herself already. My point was that there was no need for your comment... it served no purpose other than negative kicking, however you dress it up. No, I don't find it ridiculous that she's surprised (if she is) that a man who cheated with her can now cheat on her. Not all cheaters are that by nature. It is entirely possible for someone to cheat once, because they fell in love, lust or whatever with a particular other person, and not be someone who would cheat 'for the sake of it' with anyone available. So contrary to what you believe, there is, as far as I can see, no reason to believe that someone who cheats with you will cheat on you. So yes, I can believe it was a surprise, a shock, and quite hurtful, to find that she wasn't special, but just one of his conquests. I am not trying to hurt her but now she learned her lesson and since she is a cheater herself she has no grounds to be mad when the shoe is on her foot. Maybe I am jaded and have seen too much but there are some things you should just know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I am not trying to hurt her but now she learned her lesson and since she is a cheater herself she has no grounds to be mad when the shoe is on her foot. Maybe I am jaded and have seen too much but there are some things you should just know. Yes, I believe there are some things you just should know. But... we have to learn all our lessons ourselves, it seems. Just something I've seen since I've been posting here... it doesn't matter how much us OWs and exOWs post about the hurt and devastation of an affair... people will still go into them hoping for the best. It's human nature. Anyway, no hard feelings. Just ... well, I'm sure there are more life lessons in store for all of us just around the corner. Sami D ~ 'horrible warning' Link to post Share on other sites
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