Feelings for sister-in-law

[block]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I really don’t know where to start. I feel like I am obsessed with my sister-in-law. I hate myself for feeling this way but I just can’t get her out of my mind. I love my wife, I really do, we have a wonderful marriage and I think of her all the time. But I also think of my sister-in-law. I think a lot of “what if” type scenarios, I know, it’s really dysfunctional and I have tried not to let myself think about her, but I can’t help it. I really don’t want this drama in my life, but she is always around so it’s hard to get her out of my head. She and my wife are together quite often, so I see her all the time. When we are all together she is all I can focus on. The worst part is I know she likes me too, we have done stuff in the past plus I can tell by the way we interact there is a spark. This just fuels the fire and kind of justifies my mind wondering around. Believe me, if there was a switch I could flip that would turn these feelings off I would flip it in a second. I don’t want to feel this way about her; I love my family, my life, and my wife. I really need to talk about this but obviously I can’t just talk about with anyone and I can’t just all of a sudden go to consoling. So, I post here and appreciate any feed back. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[oannamarie]

Are you positive she likes you back. Maybe she is just trying to be nice since you are married to her sister. What is it that she has that your wife doesnt. I would talk to her aside from your wife to discuss your feelings. Maybe she can help you.

 

I have a twin sister. Sometimes I feel her husband has feelings for me. I dont see him like that though. If he came and spoke to me about it. I would talk to him without telling her. That way he could put his feelings aside and get back to thinking of her.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The worst part is I know she likes me too, we have done stuff in the past plus I can tell by the way we interact there is a spark.

 

You say you've done stuff in the past? What do you mean by this?

[portableversion]

Go ahead and make a direct pass at her. Then have hot monkey sex in your living room, timed just right so that your wife and kids can see you. Also make sure the husband finds out, so he can come over and kick your ass,preferably in front of your kids. THEN, you can go through a nasty divorce, alienate your wife's family including her sister (blood is thicker than water!) and not only ruin your family, but hers as well! The DRAMA never ends, what fun!

 

OR you can take the BORING, but more SANE option and just wank off everyday thinking of her. This 'obsession' will go away sooner than later.

[block]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]There are a few things that have given me the indication that she has feelings for me:[/sIZE][/FONT]

• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Previous boyfriends have told me she talks about me all the time / compares them to me[/sIZE][/FONT]
  
• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]A few years ago we made-out/ touching type stuff[/sIZE][/FONT]
  
• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She is flirty with me, it’s kind of hard to describe but its there[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She has a few things that my wife does not (that’s not to say my wife does not have things my sister-in-law does not)[/sIZE][/FONT]

• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She is a definite sexual edge/energy that my wife does not[/sIZE][/FONT]
  
• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She is educated and has intellectual interest (that I have as well) that my wife does not[/sIZE][/FONT]
  
• [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Her personality is the type that is up for anything and adventurous, which is different then my wife[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]There are also aspects of her personality that I don’t like and find annoying, so she is defiantly not perfect in my eyes. But, I am drawn to her and she does interest me. I can’t explain these dual feelings I have, I love my wife but can’t stop thinking about my sister-in-law. Believe me I want it to stop more then anyone.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[MiMi78]

I think that you should just completely forgetabout her bc its only going to lead to trouble . Trust me My husband Came out and told me that if he had it to do over again he would have gotten with my sister . That really threw things out the window for me because he more or less said that he had gotten the 2 best because he thought that My sister would not have gone out with him but I found out from her that she had feelings for him to but didnt react on them because he was with me . It not only hurt my marriage but it also hurt the friendship and clsoeness that I had with my sister .We dont even hardly talk anymore but In the end the decission is yours . You are the one that has to make the bed and lay in it !!!

[block]

I agree!!! but what I am asking is HOW do I stop feeling for her??? I want to b/c I know your right, this could not only distory my marriage, but could also distory the partnership my wife and her sister have

[LucreziaBorgia]

I agree!!! but what I am asking is HOW do I stop feeling for her??? I want to b/c I know your right, this could not only distory my marriage, but could also distory the partnership my wife and her sister have

 

You can't stop your feelings, but you can stop enabling the situation that feeds those feelings between you two. You need to make sure you are never alone with the SIL. You need to make sure that your conversations are 100% neutral, if you have to have them at all. If the conversation goes toward anything personal you need to change the subject or simply walk away. You must never, and I mean never have physical contact with her. You have already 'made out' with her so the line was already crossed. You need to make sure that line isn't crossed again, not even with 'innocent' hugs/touches/etc.

 

Your marriage is already in trouble, you just don't realize it yet. Your feelings for the SIL are symptomatic of those troubles. I can think of no better thing to do than to go to marriage counseling with your wife and talk through this before you slip up again with the SIL and end up together again. Your honesty right now is the only way to put a stop to this. Affairs cannot thrive and exist with exposure. By hiding this, you and SIL are enabling it. It might make things hell in the short term, but with the right mediation and work you can begin to put this behind you.

 

As for the relationship with the SIL and your W - it is already flawed if your SIL would make out with you behind her sister's back.

 

Yes, it will hurt your wife deeply - but she needs to know if there is any chance to move past this. Expose the problems, and work on fixing them.

[RecordProducer]

Block, don't even think about telling your wife or anyone in your family about this unless you want to ruin your marriage. This is not so serious so don't make a serious thing out of it.

 

You're not really in pain, you just desire her. Cope with it on your own without breaking anyone's heart.

 

The infatuation will go away sooner or later. I've heard of many cases where people have been into their siblings' spouses or spouses' siblings. It fades out gradually and acting on your feelings always brings a lot of pain. Don't do anything. Get out of the house when she is around if possible. Keep fantasizing about her (you're "allowed" to as no one knows about it).

 

Feelings need to be fed with actions in order to survive. If you don't do anything, they will die. Don't flirt with her, don't even talk to her or smile at her for a while. Say "hi", smile shortly then retrieve saying that you're busy. Don't show the sister that you like her. She is not on your side! She is on her sister's side and if she finds out how you feel about her, she will think you're sleazy. And it's not your fault that you're attracted to her.

[Fun2BMe]

My sister has been happily married to her husband for many years. I used to be at their house visiting constantly and was like part of their family. Late one night my brother in law sent me a sexy text message. I was devestated. From my reaction he explained that it was an accident and intented for his wife (who was in the same house, did not add up.). I felt disguested and my visitations there dropped to about 10% of what they used to be. No way would I ever tell my sister, it would devestate her.

 

You have to stop thinking of her cold turkey. Whenever you think of her tell yourself not to and think of your wife instead.

[IrishRod]

Block, don't even think about telling your wife or anyone in your family about this unless you want to ruin your marriage. This is not so serious so don't make a serious thing out of it.

 

You're not really in pain, you just desire her. Cope with it on your own without breaking anyone's heart.

 

The infatuation will go away sooner or later. I've heard of many cases where people have been into their siblings' spouses or spouses' siblings. It fades out gradually and acting on your feelings always brings a lot of pain. Don't do anything. Get out of the house when she is around if possible. Keep fantasizing about her (you're "allowed" to as no one knows about it).

 

Feelings need to be fed with actions in order to survive. If you don't do anything, they will die. Don't flirt with her, don't even talk to her or smile at her for a while. Say "hi", smile shortly then retrieve saying that you're busy. Don't show the sister that you like her. She is not on your side! She is on her sister's side and if she finds out how you feel about her, she will think you're sleazy. And it's not your fault that you're attracted to her.

 

I agree with RecordProducer. If you need to talk about it do it here no one else needs to know.

 

I do have a question though...You had obviously met her sister before you got married. Did you feel a spard then? If you did then obviously getting married to her sister might not have been the best decision.

[sumdude]

Yep, I agree. You just need to be an adult and not act on your desirous impulses and see them for what they are. Life is full of things you may want but what will you risk to get them? If you really wanted a Ferrari would you steal it? Rob a bank?

[whichwayisup]

LB is right. Don't be alone with her, don't put yourself IN a situation where you can't say no....Don't tempt yourself.

 

OK, so you have feelings for her - if you want your marriage to work and to have your wife and children in your life, you can't allow yourself to 'enjoy' and 'think/fantasize' about your sister-in-law anymore. Just push the thoughts OUT of your mind.

 

Could you imagine the complete betrayal if you two act upon those urges? You and your wife's sister...Wow, talk about the big stab in the back and heart for your poor unsuspecting wife...

 

Part of saying your marriage vows to ONE woman is to live up to them. So, start living up to them. Start being ACTIVE in preventing feelings from going further...Go to one on one counselling if you need to - Just STOP thinking of her. Another thing is, stop worrying/thinking about what your sis-in-law feels for you. It doesn't matter at all...All that will do is feed your ego and want her more...So it's best for you NOT to know her feelings for you.

 

Don't cross that line with her. Don't have conversations about it, nothing. CLOSE the door completely...If you don't, your life will be really screwed up, along with your wife and childrens' lives as well.

[block]

Thank you all for the advice; you don’t know how good it feels to (a) talk about this (b) get feed back and encouragement. I agree with most of the posters, I will limit my contact and do my best to keep my focus off her. I know it would be selfish to hurt my wife over this in order to sooth my guilt.

[whichwayisup]

Keep on venting and talking about it. Sooner or later this stuff WILL sink into your head and you'll see that it's a big mistake pursuing your sis-in-law.

 

Just please, don't go looking for trouble...If by chance your SIL 'talks' to you in a certain way or talks about how she feels - Be strong one and set up boundries so the lines won't get crossed between you two. REFUSE to open that door with her...The price is too high...Both of you have sooooooo much to lose by 'confirming' feelings or even experimenting.

[slinkysu]

I think you like her because she reminds you of you. Similarly, ther are aspects of her personality that drive you up the wall, again because she is so like you. You love your wife, your life and where you are right now - you are drawn to your sister-in-law because she is probably in the same place in her life and seems to be a reflection of you.

 

But she isn't you.

 

Your wife isn't you either, but she seems to be a good balance for you. In a long term relationship this is what matters most. Your wife completes you, her sister reflects you.

 

The infatuation will pass but maybe you should also gently ask your wife if you can do more things together as a couple without family interferance. Gently cut down on her sister's visits by even just one or two days a month to give you some more space. You don't have to say 'i don't want to see her this week' just 'i was hoping it would be just you and me'. As long as you don't cut her out of the picture entirely, i'm sure your wife would be fine with having a few more precious moments with you.

 

Good luck with it all and hope it all turns out for the best.

[musicsaves]

i just want to say that i know exactly how your feeling. i've been married for just a year. i've always thought my husbands brother was really cute but never persued it. even though i was just friends with my now husband, he always had feelings for me and i knew i could never have anything with his brother. now that we're married i've obviously gotten closer w/his brother. the attraction is getting stronger. i love my husband but the brother has things he doesn't. (educated, sweet and considerate, and doesn't smoke pot!) i've never hooked up w/him but always hug each other. i'm sure any other guy would suspect i'm flirting w/him, but i don't think he does!

[block]

Thanks,

It’s good to hear I am not the only person to have these kinds of feelings. I think it’s the hardest thing to understand...I really do love my wife, but for some reason (unknown to me) I can’t help but feel infatuated with her sister. Yet, somehow it does not take away the love I have for my wife. Does that make sense? So, how do you deal with feeling the attraction? Do you feel it takes away from the relationship you have with your husband? What would you do if your bother in-law tried to start something?

[whichwayisup]

Look, you have a crush on your SIL. Leave it at that. Don't discuss it with her, don't cross the lines with her - NOTHING. If she ever makes a pass at you, say NO. And if you feel you can't be alone with her, don't ever put yourself IN a situation where that could happen. She is in your life forever because you're married to her sister.

 

Is she with someone? I can't remember...If she is, or will be dating other men, Be happy for her...And don't "hold on" to those feelings. Pretend she's your baby sister and that way you won't look at her with sexual desire!