CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Hey, Calhound here, I'm new. I want to know why is it such a big deal to have sex with someone else when you're in a relationship. Not because of love, or committment, or because someone told you it was wrong to screw plural partners. I want to know why else, what it really means to you. My fiance' and I disagree on this. I think that, especially since we are married (or will be) that it shoudl not matter who I have sex with. Obviously, my bond is with her. I love her, she's my queen. But why is it assumd that I can only have her puss and no one elses? I want to be married to her and only her, I won't leave her. My d*** is just skin, so is a woman's puss. I know everyone yells "stds" everytime they can, but come on, how common are they. I don't know anyone with any. And if I was careful, I wouldn't harm my faince'. ANd yes, I am ready to get married, I am not immature. I know my feelings for this woman. So what is the real reason that it is not okay to share sex with someone when you're in love with someone else. The physical part isn't supposed to matter anyway, it's the feelings. I don't want the feelings with someone else. I just want to make my d*** feel good with someone else (not anyone in particular), and I don't get why it's not okay to do that as long you stay emiotoinally faithfull. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 maybe you should be looking into polygamy my friend Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 I don't want to marry several women. I want to marry my finace'. Why is that so hard to belive I could love one woman and get nasty and feel good with another I don't love? Sex without feelings doesn't mean anything. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Actually STDs are really common, but many of them don't show symptoms for up to 6 months, sometimes longer. My exH slept with a chick he met in a bar while we were married, and I had chlamydia for 8 months and didn't know it until I went in for a routine pap smear. I still have no idea if the fact that I had the STD for that long as made me sterile or not. Sex is an expression of intimacy and love between two people, although some people can separate sex and love -- when you choose to make a committment to someone as publicly as marriage, you are basically saying that you are taking the pains to go through that ceremony in order to pledge your sexual and emotional fidelity to that one person. Since you want to have sex with other women, of course it should be OK for your fiancee to sleep with other men. There are relationships like this, it's called "Swinging". As long as you are both consenting adults, then it's ok -- but it's not really fair to say that you should be able to get your dick wet in other vaginas, while she should remain faithful to you. Also there are other STDs that condoms don't protect against. HPV is one, one of the forms of HPV is genital warts. This virus hangs out in hair follicles so condoms don't protect against it, and men are usually carriers. It causes cervical cancer in women. I had to get part of my cervix removed when I was 23 because of this. SO yeah, you actually are endagering your fiancee with extracurricular sexual activities. Although the symptoms aren't overt, you could cause her to become infertile, so you wouldn't be able to have kids. Or, you could give her a virus that causes cancer. That's all I can think of right now,putting all moral judgements aside. I believe that if people want to engage in behaviors, they will, regardless of the risks. So on some level the most important thing is to be aware of the risks. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Hey, Calhound here, I'm new. So what is the real reason that it is not okay to share sex with someone when you're in love with someone else. The physical part isn't supposed to matter anyway, it's the feelings. I don't want the feelings with someone else. I just want to make my d*** feel good with someone else (not anyone in particular), and I don't get why it's not okay to do that as long you stay emiotoinally faithfull. The real reason? Respect for your partner. If your partner is 100% in agreement with your ideas on sexually open relationships, then by all means you both play and stay safe and go for it. If your partner is not 100% in agreement with your ideas on sexually open relationships, then understand that your actions - despite how wrong or right you think they are - will devastate your partner, particularly if your partner feels strongly about monogamy. It will erode her self worth - she will feel that her body isn't good enough for you, and she will not be convinced otherwise. Why is it that way? Because society teaches people that monogamy = security and that monogamy = love and that monogamy is something that you measure your sexual and emotional worth against. Don't expect too many of your partners to vary from this. It is rare to find someone who doesn't equate monogamy with love, security and self worth. People who are in 100% agreement on sexually open relationships can stay emotionally faithful to one another, but they fight biology here. It is very difficult to put mind over matter in terms of the chemical bonding that happens during sex. Some couples can overcome it, others can't. The key word here in all this is couple. Sexual openness is a decision to be made by a couple. There can be no compromise. A couple is either 100% in agreement about it, or the relationship is guaranteed to fail. The question here is... what does your partner feel about your ideas on sexual openness? Have you talked to her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 But women are the emotional ones. Just because she doesn't want to do it shouldn't mean I can't. We don't want children, if that matters, so neither of us see sex as the gateway to life or anything stupid like that. ***she does not enjoy the idea of me getting my d*** wet anywhere else. But I don't know if she is really taking mwe all that seiously when I bring it up. We get married very soon. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just the thought of this thread makes me queezy. Your body is the one part of you that is held in purudence. It is generally kept in modesty. The emotional aspect of someone sharing their body with mine is sacred. It is a gift to your partner. If you give your gift to everyone else then it is no longer special. How would you feel if your wife-to-be wanted another dick in her twat.. She was laying in bed with another man touching her body, kissing her, feeling her breasts, her moaning to the pleasure his manhood gave her. What if he pleased her more then you do? How would that make you feel? Her body is suppose to be a gift to you as yours is to her. If you are sharing it with another or others what makes you special? What giift to you have to gift to each other that no one gets. You can have have feelings for another person; you can't control that. It happens. But you can control your actions... Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I assume you therefore would not care if someone eles's wet dick has fun putting in your girlfriend time and again. Again I assume you would not care if she picked up some guy and screwed him every which way and then came home to you. After all it is just meaningless sex and she really just loves you. So what if you get sloppy seconds from your wife. The fact is that it feels good to her and therefore why should she stop screwing other guys just because she is married to you. I agree that your wife should screw and suck as many men as she wishes. I am sure she will be the special wife that you deserve and you will be the special husband that she deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just the thought of this thread makes me queezy. Her body is suppose to be a gift to you as yours is to her. If you are sharing it with another or others what makes you special? What giift to you have to gift to each other that no one gets. You can have have feelings for another person; you can't control that. It happens. But you can control your actions... Sorry to make you feel queasy, but as you're a women, i think, that's unavoidable. Our gift to each other that no one gets is our LOVE. Why is no one getting that? Just because I squirt my load into another hole means I don't love someone? I know, I know, it does sounds brash, but I said it that way for a reason, because theses notions of "gifts" and "feelings" to me are bullhockey. So it's okay to have feelings for someone else, it's okay to emotionally betray someone in my mind when it comes to to feelings--totally forgiven only because no one finds out. But not having feelings and using another hole is what is seen as wrong? This is a backwards world, I'll tell ya.Thanks all for the input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 I assume you therefore would not care if someone eles's wet dick has fun putting in your girlfriend time and again. Again I assume you would not care if she picked up some guy and screwed him every which way and then came home to you. After all it is just meaningless sex and she really just loves you. So what if you get sloppy seconds from your wife. The fact is that it feels good to her and therefore why should she stop screwing other guys just because she is married to you. I agree that your wife should screw and suck as many men as she wishes. I am sure she will be the special wife that you deserve and you will be the special husband that she deserves. Don't be sarcastic. If your really a guy you know there is a big difference between taking my pleasure like a man and being a girl and laying down and taking it because it's my job. That's not cool. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Its called respect, having morals and values. BTW, women are not the only emotional ones. There are men who have can be emotional, doesn't make them any less of a man. I have a feeling that reguardless of what ppl here say, you're probably going to go do whatever you want anyway. So happy hunting and when your g/f is out here doing the same thing, its probably best not to say a word to her about what she is doing. At least be upfront with her and say, "Hun I love you, but I really want to put my pecker in someone elses hunny hole." Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 But women are the emotional ones. Just because she doesn't want to do it shouldn't mean I can't. We don't want children, if that matters, so neither of us see sex as the gateway to life or anything stupid like that. ***she does not enjoy the idea of me getting my d*** wet anywhere else. But I don't know if she is really taking mwe all that seiously when I bring it up. We get married very soon. Ok, you don't want children. Are you ok with giving her cancer? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I assume you therefore would not care if someone eles's wet dick has fun putting in your girlfriend time and again. Again I assume you would not care if she picked up some guy and screwed him every which way and then came home to you. After all it is just meaningless sex and she really just loves you. So what if you get sloppy seconds from your wife. The fact is that it feels good to her and therefore why should she stop screwing other guys just because she is married to you. I agree that your wife should screw and suck as many men as she wishes. Perfect point... If you are okay with another guy like yourself squirting his load in your wifes hole then I say go for it... your wife has no more rules holding her back than you do.. Just think the next time you go down on her.. you may be sucking on some other guys load.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Its called respect, having morals and values. . So happy hunting and when your g/f is out here doing the same thing, At least be upfront with her and say, "Hun I love you, but I really want to put my pecker in someone elses hunny hole." Whose morals and values? Yours? That'y my point. And my finance' isn't doing the same thing, and I don't have to be upfront now seeing as in my first post i indictaed that she didn't agree with me. This means the subject has been discussed, so no need to be rude to her. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Whose morals and values? Yours? That'y my point. And my finance' isn't doing the same thing, and I don't have to be upfront now seeing as in my first post i indictaed that she didn't agree with me. This means the subject has been discussed, so no need to be rude to her. What about purely out of respect for your fiancee's wishes? Sometimes other people place importance on things that you don't value. But if you love them, you honor that, because you want to make them happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Perfect point... Just think the next time you go down on her.. you may be sucking on some other guys load.. Not. Everyone seems to be missing the fact that she does not agree with this, it's not okay, it sickens her. She loves me, she wants to marry me and only be with me. She woudn't be with me otherwise. She wouldn't bother marrying me if she wanted to be with other people because she doesn't blieve in it. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Our gift to each other that no one gets is our LOVE. Why is no one getting that? Just because I squirt my load into another hole means I don't love someone? I know, I know, it does sounds brash, but I said it that way for a reason, because theses notions of "gifts" and "feelings" to me are bullhockey. I get that you love your girl. I get that having sex with others doesn't affect your love for her. That is pretty clear. The problem is that for your girlfriend love (part of it anyway) = not wanting to have sex with other women. To her, sexual fidelity IS love. That's why she doesn't want you to have sex with other women. Because doing so in her mind means you don't love her. Nothing you say or do is going to change her mind about that, and nothing will convince her that you can love her and still want to have sex with other women. She simply cannot compartmentalize sex the way that you do. What you have to decide is whether or not you can be with someone who cannot and will not see things the way that you do when it comes to this. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Whose morals and values? Yours? That'y my point. And my finance' isn't doing the same thing, and I don't have to be upfront now seeing as in my first post i indictaed that she didn't agree with me. This means the subject has been discussed, so no need to be rude to her. (fiancee)She will if you do. Don't kid yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Not. Everyone seems to be missing the fact that she does not agree with this, it's not okay, it sickens her. She loves me, she wants to marry me and only be with me. She woudn't be with me otherwise. She wouldn't bother marrying me if she wanted to be with other people because she doesn't blieve in it. then if you love her and you know that she isn't okay with it.. go get some counseling to help your thru why you feel the need to be physical with someone other than her... What about her is not fullfilling to you ? or filling your physical need ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 (fiancee)She will if you do. Don't kid yourself. No. She really won't. And she would never know anyway, I would never hurt her by telling her. It's bad enough she doesn't agree with it, but I'm not goina throw it in her face. thanks for the spelling, I can never get it right. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Whose morals and values? Yours? That'y my point. And my finance' isn't doing the same thing, and I don't have to be upfront now seeing as in my first post i indictaed that she didn't agree with me. This means the subject has been discussed, so no need to be rude to her. "No need to be rude to her" Oh but I'm not the one being rude hun. Go for it have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 then if you love her and you know that she isn't okay with it.. go get some counseling to help your thru why you feel the need to be physical with someone other than her... What about her is not fullfilling to you ? or filling your physical need ? Another thing you're not getting is that I don't feel this is wrong, so I don't feel I need counseling. It would only be fair to ask her to go to counseling as well and find out why it bothers her and how she can find ways to deal with it. She fulfills me. I want my life with her. I love her. My very first post explains how I feel about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Not. Everyone seems to be missing the fact that she does not agree with this, it's not okay, it sickens her. Are you telling us that you would marry her under false pretenses and lies ? You would allow her to believe that you are going to be faithful when you have no intention of staying faithful ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 "No need to be rude to her" Oh but I'm not the one being rude hun. Go for it have fun! I wasn't saying you were being rude. I was saying I wouldn't say something like that to her because it's rude. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Sorry to make you feel queasy, but as you're a women, i think, that's unavoidable. I dare think and say that most men would also feel queasy (input what ever word) of this idea. Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I am the only sex to have feelings about this idea. Our gift to each other that no one gets is our LOVE. Why is no one getting that? Just because I squirt my load into another hole means I don't love someone? I know, I know, it does sounds brash, but I said it that way for a reason, because theses notions of "gifts" and "feelings" to me are bullhockey. Love is about respect. Respecting yourself first then respecting your fiance. Would you give your house away and make your fiance live in the open elements? Would you give your car away and make your fiance walk in the elements. Just because you want to feel good. So it's okay to have feelings for someone else, it's okay to emotionally betray someone in my mind when it comes to to feelings--totally forgiven only because no one finds out. But not having feelings and using another hole is what is seen as wrong? We all have feelings for other persons. It's human nature to care about and love people. You can't normally and in a healthy way focus ALL your love on one person.. It's not possible. Loving another person so much you want to spend the rest of your life 'committed' 'devoted' 'vowed too' 'promised too' 'honored too' FORSAKING all others is correct. This is a backwards world, I'll tell ya.Thanks all for the input. Your idea is backwards. You carry an idea that is selfish, self centered, self pleasured with no sacrafice of ones desires. You have a mentality of me, me, me, give me, I take for me, It sounds like you are so addicted to sex that your perception of respect is drastically distorted. Unless, your fiance thinks the same as you then fine go out and plug as many 'holes' as you see fit. Just dont' be surprised if it comes back and hurts you, ruins you, destroys you and don't forget the other women you will be drilling will also feel used, hurt, manipulated. You don't seem to give a damn about anyone but yourself. Your sexual pleasure is your GOD. It is your SOUL. It is your VICE. It is your EVERYTHING.. I feel sorry for your fiance. Hopefully, she will wake up before she marries you. You need some serious counceling dude. Link to post Share on other sites
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