climbergirl Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 No. She really won't. And she would never know anyway, I would never hurt her by telling her. It's bad enough she doesn't agree with it, but I'm not goina throw it in her face. thanks for the spelling, I can never get it right. Eventually she will know..........and maybe at this time she has no plans to sleep around, but if you hurt her over and over again, she'll either leave you or sleep with someone else-probably out of spite. (spelling) you're welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 She fulfills me. she must fullfill all your needs if you are talking about having sex with others.. part of a commitment is being faithful to another.. emotionally and physically.. What about the damage that you will cause her.. the hurt.. if you have kids your kids will know.. they will be altered forever.. Think about what you are doing .. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 No. She really won't. And she would never know anyway, I would never hurt her by telling her. It's bad enough she doesn't agree with it, but I'm not goina throw it in her face. This is assuming that whoever you f*** doesn't take it upon herself to let your fiancee know. I have an ex who cheated on my eight times. He never knew this, but three of the girls called me up or took it upon themselves to let me know what he was doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Is this loser for real!? It's guys like you that give the rest of us a bad name! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Another thing you're not getting is that I don't feel this is wrong, so I don't feel I need counseling. It would only be fair to ask her to go to counseling as well and find out why it bothers her and how she can find ways to deal with it. What is right for you, is right. What is right for her, is right. What is right for each of you, is totally wrong for the other. The key is finding out what is right for you both. I think pre-marital couples counseling is an excellent idea. Then you can talk this out as a couple and not as individuals trying to adapt to what each of you feels is wrong for you. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I have an ex who cheated on my eight times. He never knew this, but three of the girls called me up or took it upon themselves to let me know what he was doing. And you stayed with him after the first time? You stayed with him in spite of that first time... long enough for him to do it seven more times? What sort of message does that send to guys like your X? Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Is this loser for real!? It's guys like you that give the rest of us a bad name! True Spiderman... I have met a few men like him in my lifetime. I almost got messed up with one and because of it I gave me more grounds to not trust men. I struggle with trust. I don't trust men. Period. I tend to think they are all out for sex and sex only and they will do whatever they can to get it when they want it and they will hide it and cover up so much so they believe they arent' doing anything wrong. Society has played out that sex is good, sex is fun without pushing to reality of the human soul and its impact it has on ones life when it is abused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I am the only sex to have feelings about this idea. Love is about respect. Respecting yourself first then respecting your fiance. Would you give your house away and make your fiance live in the open elements? Would you give your car away and make your fiance walk in the elements. Just because you want to feel good. Your idea is backwards. It sounds like you are so addicted to sex that your perception of respect is drastically distorted. Well, obviously the subject of sex is coming up because that's the topic. I'm not obsessed at all, it's not like I make plans to go out any screw whatever walks. I just mean when I want to. And no, the fact that you are a woman is not to say that you are the only sex this bothers, it's to say that since you are, chances are it will more likely bother you. I know men think this way also, I sometimes forget men are becoming more and more like women everyday. The house and car and elements, I don't get the analogy or how any of that would make me feel good. My idea is as backwards to you as yours is to me. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 The house and car and elements, I don't get the analogy or how any of that would make me feel good. Your body is tangible. It is physical. she can touch it. As your house, car, etc is also tangible. She wouldn't want you to give away your tangibles to someone else just so you can feel good. She is the one who wants those tangibles with you for herself. They are suppose to be YOURS TOGETHER. Not to give to another person.. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 It was interesting to see everyone's opinions on this. I know a number of men that feel the same way as the OP. Their mothers, sisters, and friends all try to talk to them and teach them about respect and commitment but it falls on deaf ears. They don't believe that there is anything wrong with what they are doing, nor do they believe that they are being selfish, so they don't feel they need help. Unfortunately I think this is a behavior that we are going to have to learn to accept because people won't change unless they want to. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Ok, well, this is an issue about compatibility. You're ideas and her ideas don't mesh, so you'll never be happy with each other in the long run. I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I really think you need to sit and think about what you are saying here. You are soon going to marry a girl who you KNOW you wont be faithful to and who you KNOW will be unhappy and upset that you are 'wetting your dick' in anything that takes your fancy! If you truly love this girl then leave her and let her find the happiness she deserves with a guy who deserves her! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just my 2 cents here. I'm not sure I understand what the point of your post is? You seem rather adament about what it is you want to do. Were you looking to post in hopes that others would tell you "Yeah go for it, sounds like a great plan?" Were you looking for a good arguement on the matter? If this is something you really want to do, then get off the computer, don't worry about what any of us have said, and go find what you're looking for, because I think you will anyway. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Don't be sarcastic. If your really a guy you know there is a big difference between taking my pleasure like a man and being a girl and laying down and taking it because it's my job. That's not cool. TAKING IT BECAUSE IT'S HER JOB??? WTF????? How could any of you other guys miss that comment?? I do not consider it a JOB to take sexual pleasure from sex with my spouse. I consider it a JOY. The issue is not whether or not it bothers you, but how it makes her feel- how it WILL make her feel. She WILL find out. You just can't go getting your dick wet everywhere and it not get back to her. Someone will see you or a partner will tell a friend who tells a friend. Unless you can completely erase everyone's memory there is going to be some talking going on. How do I know? Because I've done it. I got caught too. Most cheaters if not all do eventually. Then you're going to lose this great woman you say you love because of your actions. The fact that you don't get this to me shows something is missing inside you for her. I had a friend like this, actually he was my OM. He thought sex was sex and it wouldn't affect his marriage. Boy, was he wrong. Because he fell in love with me, and even though I wasn't in love with him, it made it really hard for him to want to turn me loose and do the right thing- which was to stay with his family. You say you won't but it can happen. You will eventually come across the one who knocks your socks off in bed and otherwise and won't want to be away from them. You will want to be exclusive sexually with them when it happens. If you really love her and want to be married to her then you're going to have to keep it in your pants for her sake. If she felt the same way it would be different but she doesn't. That is the only key to making an open marriage a success. I have known several couples who have tried it, but it all turned out badly. And, even though you know it will hurt her WHEN she finds out you still feel the need to claim it as your right to do so. You seem to think that makes you enlightened and that we're all sexually repressed and a bunch of prudes. That doesn't make you enlighted- wanting to have sex with other women behind your partners back. It does make you SOMETHING however, and it's pretty clear to me what that is. SELFISH and ARROGANT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 This is assuming that whoever you f*** doesn't take it upon herself to let your fiancee know. I have an ex who cheated on my eight times. He never knew this, but three of the girls called me up or took it upon themselves to let me know what he was doing. Yeah. That's why I don't hide my feelings from her, we talk about it. She just doesn't agree. But she wouldn't exactly be surprised to find out. I say yes, she says no. Regardless, we get married in a few days. I know she'll love me no matter what. I just wish it didn't bother her that I am this way because I don't want to hurt her. But this is just me. The point is that we are getting married and this is how it is. What i do, I do and what she does, she does. I just don't get why people can't think for themselves, why everyone goes by this moral code that was decided before you existed and you think you HAVE to abide by that. That's more I guess what I am asking about. I'm not just being a pig, this truly baffles me. Honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just my 2 cents here. I'm not sure I understand what the point of your post is? You seem rather adament about what it is you want to do. Were you looking to post in hopes that others would tell you "Yeah go for it, sounds like a great plan?" Were you looking for a good arguement on the matter? If this is something you really want to do, then get off the computer, don't worry about what any of us have said, and go find what you're looking for, because I think you will anyway. Jade Even if others told me to go for it, what good would that do? I just wanted some opinions, maybe someone could change my mind, maybe someone could agree with me. I don't know. It just helps to talk it out sometimes with people who have different views. I thought that was the point of this forum and ifit's not I apologize for interrupting. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just looking at the title of this thread 'why can't i get my d*** wet somewhere else?' I'm surprised you've even got a fiance' buddy! Poor deluded girl! Don't kid yourself, you're just not ready to settle down, you've still got oats to sew, if you love this girl so much do the honest thing, and finish it before she gets hurt. If not, she's bound to see you in your true light sooner or later and when a nice guy comes along, you won't see her for dust. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I know she'll love me no matter what. I just wish it didn't bother her that I am this way because I don't want to hurt her. But this is just me. She won't love you no matter what after she gets her fill of that. She'll only tolerate so much and then she'll be gone. No one with any self respect would put up with this from their husband if they didn't want it. And by the way, you should listen to Lucrecia B. She's been in sort of this same position and knows alot about this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 She fulfills me. I want my life with her. I love her. My very first post explains how I feel about this. actually, it doesn't sound like she fulfills you or that you love her completely, but you're doing a very good snow job on yourself because you believe it. Love comes with respect and responsibility. Screwing around on a wife who wants a monogamous relationship isn't very respectful of her, and even if you don't flat out tell her that you're dipping your wick in other hoes, biology will out you when she ends up with an STD that she cannot explain. Unless you plan to falsely accuse her of screwing around on you so you aren't busted for playing hide the salami? frankly, son, it sounds like you want to eat your cake and have it, too. And I suppose that's fine, but if you truly love this person, why would you want to f*** up her chance at a real marriage with a man who understands or appreciates her desire for a monogamous relationship? Because at some point in your marriage, she's going to see you as totally unworthy of her because you couldn't live up to the commitment that marriage calls for. love forgives much, but perpetual stupidity can kill it. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Yeah. That's why I don't hide my feelings from her, we talk about it. She just doesn't agree. But she wouldn't exactly be surprised to find out. I say yes, she says no. Regardless, we get married in a few days. I know she'll love me no matter what. I just wish it didn't bother her that I am this way because I don't want to hurt her. But this is just me. The point is that we are getting married and this is how it is. What i do, I do and what she does, she does. I just don't get why people can't think for themselves, why everyone goes by this moral code that was decided before you existed and you think you HAVE to abide by that. That's more I guess what I am asking about. I'm not just being a pig, this truly baffles me. Honestly. It is apparent to me that your fiance has no self-esteem or value in herself. It possible she feels no other man would want her. I'd bet she was co-dependant also. She will accept whatever you do just so she wont have to be alone and fend for herself. One day she will get enough strength and she will stand up for what her instincts say. She will leave you because of all your infidelity. (Thats if you don't drag home a STD and kill her.) She apparently needs help too. It's not just you. You found a woman who will enable to live your distasteful lifestyle.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Your an idiot...or a troll Trust me when she finds out that you were dipping your noodle elsewhere that she will divorce you.. Hopefully you will have acquired quite a few marital assets by then so she can take you to the cleaners. If you have kids by the time you two divorce you will have affected their lives in a negative manner also.. You are not considering her feelings.. which by default has a most negative effect on your already weak marriage foundation.. You seem intelligent.. but so dumb or is that ignorgance ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Just looking at the title of this thread 'why can't i get my d*** wet somewhere else?' I'm surprised you've even got a fiance' buddy! Well to me, that's what sex without love is, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 I know she'll love me no matter what. I just wish it didn't bother her that I am this way because I don't want to hurt her. But this is just me. Yeah, you're a f*ck wit! You seriously can't be for real...!? The more I'm reading this thread the angrier I'm getting! I really hope my sister does not meet a loser like you, for his sake! I'm signing off now before I stamp on this computer! :mad::mad::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Your an idiot...or a troll Both fit the bill! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalHound Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Your an idiot...or a troll Trust me when she finds out that you were dipping your noodle elsewhere that she will divorce you.. Hopefully you will have acquired quite a few marital assets by then so she can take you to the cleaners. If you have kids by the time you two divorce you will have affected their lives in a negative manner also.. You are not considering her feelings.. which by default has a most negative effect on your already weak marriage foundation.. You seem intelligent.. but so dumb or is that ignorgance ? We have discussed it. She is still marrying me. I have said we don't want kids. No one can say "she will do this, she will do that." You do not know her. I know her, and I cannot say what she will do either. But I can guess at it better. Nothing is ever for certain. And you think I deserve to be treated badly because I think differently than you. Its sort of like well wtf, I can't win, so why not do what I want? Gonna be judged anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts