I want him back but he's with another girl...

[loving_coca-cola]

I recently (a little over a month ago) broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. He's liked me a lot since last year, but I decided to break up with my then-boyfriend to go out with him after I saw him in the beginning of the year. I was always attracted to him, and he seemed like he would treat me better than my then-boyfriend. We're both sophmores in college, and we had been going on and off throughout the last few months of our relationship because we fought a lot. It was always either me or him saying that we would break up, but making up after a day or so. But this time, it was different. He told me he wanted to break up and told me to get out of his room.

 

I called him a while later and he told me he needed space so I agreed. He even sent me an email saying how special we were, how he thought we had so much potential, and didn't want to let me go yet. But an hour later, after talking to one of his older frat brothers, he decided to end it over an ambiguous post on his xanga.

 

I begged and cried (I know... I was stupid) for a week. But after that, I decided to stay away from him. That's when he started popping up in front of me everywhere on campus. He would tell me I looked pretty and stuff. And even if I would leave class without saying anything to him, he would follow me and talk to me about random things. He would even call me, occasionally unblock me on AIM and talk to me, and etc. But every fifth sentence was always "Let's make this clear. I never EVER want to get back with you ever again".

 

Then he comes around one day to tell me that he got a date for his frat formal. She just turned out to be a girl who's also going abroad to the same place as him and me. Even though he'd been unblocking me from AIM for the past three days, he decided to block me again on the night of the formal. And after a month (well it was more like three weeks) after we broke up, I find out he's going out with her. He writes posts like "Every little thing she does is magic. Everything she do just turns me on" on his xanga, and he seems to be head over heels for her. Seems like he was just keeping me around just in case things didn't work out with her.

 

Ever since then, he hasn't contacted me. Neither have I. He still checks my xanga every time I update though. I'm wondering whether he's doing that so that I go check his, which usually ends up in me being upset over a huge picture of him and her together. Is he rubbing it in my face? Because if it was for her, I don't see why he has to put it up publicly when they probably talk on the phone everyday. I'm wondering whether this was a rebound relationship... if it was just that the grass was greener on the other side...

 

I've decided to stay strong and not go to his xanga anymore. I don't want him to know that I'm still stuck on him. I'm also staying somewhere very close to where he lives this summer (no, I'm not stalking him, I'm taking summer courses in a different institution), but I'm trying to keep it a secret from him because I don't want him to think that I'm following him around.

 

Right now, I'm working on being positive and working on my flaws that I came to see through this breakup. For that, I'm thankful. I'm trying to improve myself both inside and out. But the thing is... I want him back. I don't care if it's a couple of months from now, I want him back. He was such an important part of my life, and I want to be the one to make him happy, and I want him to be the one to make me happy. But I do know that in order for a second chance to work (if it ever happens) will have to be initiated by HIM or else it would never work.

 

The new girlfriend is going to be abroad in the same place next year... We're approaching summer break and I have no clue what's going to happen. I'm going to try to take that time for self improvement. But do I have a chance? Were his feelings for me so dead by the time we broke up that he could just happily go on to someone else after a month? He kept on telling me how he missed me and loved me but couldn't get back together with me because there was no way it was going to work out. Please give me some opinions and advice!!

[supersonic]

well i'm in a fairly similar situation, i'm from the UK, at university, and my (ex) girlfriend lives with me. she broke up with me a few weeks ago, for more or less the same reasons as you, but luckily she hasn't found anyone else yet. she gave me mixed signals, like your ex did, one day she'd be really warm, the next she'd be ice cold and just very indifferent to me.

 

i also did what you did at first - "i begged and cried (i know, i was stupid) for a week."

that ended up pushing her further away for a while. since then though, as we have the same group of friends, i've been acting strong, exercising loads (probably too much :-)), and trying to be the me that she loves.

a few days ago she told a mutual friend that she's still in love with me, and i would imagine that a part of your ex feels that way too.

but, she also said she doesn't think it'll work, like your ex did.

 

you need to carry on leaving him alone for a while, in order for the distance to close between you, so he can gradually begin to focus on the good parts about you, rather than all the fights you had etc.

 

i think your plan for the summer is great, try to improve yourself, exercise helps a lot, i personally feel great after i exercise, more confident and happy.

 

whatever you do, when you see him again, don't mention relationships, and that goes for his current relationship, and your past relationship. try to portray happiness, not neediness, as this really isn't attractive and he'll be repelled. the key to having any chance of getting him back is patience and attraction, both physically and emotionally.

 

but don't put your life on hold. i have already started to plan to date other girls, not to make my ex jealous, but to show to myself that other people can find me attractive and to boost my confidence. also, meeting new people is great!

 

i would say that his relationship is a rebound relationship, even at a sub-conscious level. you and him had far more good times than he's had with his new girl, and when the initial attraction fades away, he may gradually come to realise that.

 

anyway, i hope this helps.

[loving_coca-cola]

Thanks supersonic I hope everything's going well with you. Sure sounds like you're doing a really good job being strong!!

 

I've been reading some posts on this site, and some dumpers have been saying that they realized that they made a mistake about dumping their exes after about three or four months into another relationship that they jumped into. I can't help but hope that this is what will happen for him...

 

But until then. I guess all I can do is be strong. That's the only thing that I have control over right now

[Still_In_Love]

I've been reading some posts on this site, and some dumpers have been saying that they realized that they made a mistake about dumping their exes after about three or four months into another relationship that they jumped into. I can't help but hope that this is what will happen for him...

 

He loving_coca-cola, There are many people out there who find out that they made a mistake and then return. There are also many out there who indeed get that 2nd chance and when they do, it fails!

I don't know how you feel, but I knew how I felt when my ex-gf broke up with me and how I hoped she would realize that she made a mistake. I did limited NC at first worried that she might forget me. As the hurt subsided, I enter into strict NC and found that it was the best way for me to heal. Now, 8 months later she has used excuses to contact me twice and ask how I am doing. I am aware that she was going with some other guy and it didn't work and I also know she has gone out to party alot, but a little bird has suggested that she isn't happy and she has found that the grass isn't greener as what she thought. The problem now for her is...I don't want her back, I still love her very much, but the passion is gone! Life's lesson can be tough...mistakes are made...some irreversible! Good luck though!

[budd98]

I had been in a relationship like yours and it never ended well. We dated for 2 years and then she dumped me because she said she didn't know what she wanted. Well, actually she left for another guy. This was over the summer in college that we were broken up. When the fall came, I started hanging out with my friends more and even took a girl on a date. My ex also started coming around and begging for me back. She even got on her hands and knees and kissed my feet. I did take her back a week later and that lasted for another year. It was hell. Knowing she had been with another guy over that summer. Then the summer came again and she broke up with me again. I didn't understand why, but that time I wanted to make sure I didn't go back. After we broke up, I found out she cheated on me in that last year and a bunch of other stuff. Well, to make a long story short, it has been 2 years since then and I am so much happier without that one then I ever was with her. She did want me back again, but I never responded to one thing from her in 2 years, not even her b-day. People like that need time to grow up and I mean years. So what you need to do is just think of how better off you are without him and move on. Don't think of getting him back. I bought a book "how to win your ex back" and it actually helped me get over her. I became stronger, more fun, and learned that I didn't need her to be happy. I should have never gotten back with her the second time because I was so miserable. I felt like we were always hanging by a thin wire. Best of luck to you and by no means let him know you still want to be with him. If he wants you, he will try and you will know that.

[loving_coca-cola]

Thanks Still_In_Love and budd98. I was weak and checked his website again... He had simply written what was going on with his life in point form, along with "miss her like crazy" as his first and last points. I'm sure it's about her.

 

You know, it's funny. After he broke up with me, he asked me who else I knew who was going abroad to the same place as us for next semester. Oddly enough, I had heard from my friend that his now-girlfriend was going so I told him. It was after that that he had his friend to set him up with her for his frat formal, and now they're going out. It's making me wonder if that's the reason why he picked her, and she turned out to be a fun girl, and so decided to be with her.

 

I don't even know if she knows that he just got out of a relationship. Because quite honestly, what girl would feel comfortable getting with someone who's been out of a relationship for only 3 weeks right before summer break? Even if he was complaining about me to her, I don't see how she will be so confident about their relationship.

 

Oh well... all I know is that when we were still going out, he used to tell me that he thought she wasn't that pretty at all, and more on the uglier side (and I'm not being bitter but she's not the most attractive person, though I can't say anything about her personality because I don't know her personally)... I'm so confused. I guess it most likely is a rebound relationship... Now that I think of it, he used to constantly tell me that he needed a new girlfriend right after we had broken up... Sigh.

[dr strangelove]

Awww sucks to be you!!

 

Have a coca cola and you will feel better!

 

Ahhhhhhh refreshing taste...

 

Damn those dumpers eh!

 

You have to love those stalkers as well......

[loving_coca-cola]

I hope you're not implying that I'm a stalker dr_strangelove

[dr strangelove]

Well it doesnt really matter what I think does it now.

 

Thoughts?

 

Im sorry that you still hold feelings for him, and it hurts even more when he is with someone new...

 

I ve been dissapointed in love many times. To the point where I dont have much to keep me around, I hope you find someone that you are crazy about that it works out with.

 

I hope you are still not having problems like in your mid thirties...

 

For now have a coke and some tooth decay.

 

The more or less you look at his website, isnt going to bring him back.

[loving_coca-cola]

That's true dr_strangelove. It really doesn't matter what you think about me. You sound like a really bitter person though. Then again, I'm sure you don't care about what I think.

 

As for looking at his website. I'm quite aware that not looking at it would bring him back. But I'm sure he'll feel like he has more space if I'm not looking at it every time he updates it. For me, it's kind of like the No Contact thing. Looking at it makes it harder for me to move on, so I've decided not to.

[dr strangelove]

Nope I dont really care honey sorry.

 

I will tell you that I prefer Coke to pepsi though. I quite like RC cola. But I cut myself off.

You must drink them do it with a straw, its much easier on your teeth that way.

 

Yes I am bitter, jaded, messed up. If im too be referred as doc or doctor, think more mad scientist...

 

But

 

I have no clue about your guy.

 

I have an ex I broke up with. It was pretty bad at times. And to this day she keeps popping up. I am at the point where I dont see it ever getting fixed and its probably going to end with me leaving the country.

Permanently

 

Perhaps I dont want to see you take things this far. Perhaps I dont want you

to ever feel that pain... even 1% of how I feel.

 

I dont really know what to say to you. Lots of women want someone who is nice to them, the problem is then they push it too far and take advantage.

 

You keep checking his website for something about you.. a glimmer.

 

You might be better up just giving up on men all together.. Do you like women

at all? I hear some of them taste sweet like coca cola..

[Whitt]

Stop being an ass, Dr. Strangelove! Loving Coca Cola - your guy does appear to be having a rebound. Sometimes these realtionships last a long time and sometimes they don't. It seems to me that this guy is needy and weak. Don't worry he will have the hard time in the end. I use to do this - jump from relationship to relationship. I ended up giving a lot longer to bad realtionships than I should have because I was afraid to be alone. Also, when one relationship ended and I was trying to find another one, I would always contact the ex. When this guy does call (he will eventually) give him as little as possible. Only give him short replies to questions, don't put anything on your site that would let him know what you are up to, and don't give him any information he doesn't specifically ask to know or need to know. Start dating, exercise, and find a new hobby - this jerk will eventually call - hopefully you won't care when he does.

[loving_coca-cola]

Thanks Whitt

 

I haven't posted anything on my website, and I also haven't updated my facebook (like the myspace for college students just in case you don't know) for about two weeks. After a week of not updating, I see that my ex visitied both my website and facebook. I wonder if he's doing this to keep my attention because he's scared that he's losing me (not necessarily because he likes me) or because he's starting to miss me and having second thoughts.

 

It also confuses me as to why he still has pictures of us up on his online album. Either he forgot it's there, too lazy to delete it, or there's some reason as to why he's doing it. But I don't see how his girlfriend or his girlfriend's friends would be okay with seeing that. His new girlfriend's best friend has been visiting my website and facebook often these days too... It makes me wonder if anything's up.

[Whitt]

Obviously, you are still being thought about, but I wouldn't read too much into it. It is normal that he is still thinking about you and he is - don't worry. He is having trouble letting go. Be the first one to let go . . . and then see what happens from there. You may find that you don't want him anymore. What kinda jerk goes out and finds a new girlfriend immediately? I desperate one whose afraid to be alone. You want a strong guy, not a weak one!

[reader_123]

i'm in the similiar situation...he's dating another girl...he knew her before we've met and i had that feeling that she wanted him long time ago (he was saying that she's just a friend cause actually she kew about me and she saw me with him)... i hope its just a rebound... i know that he's the guy that likes challenges...and she was not a challenge...she was waiting till we break up... and he didnt have to do anything to get her... i took my time now...i started going to the gym... planning summer etc.... i still think about him, but i also know what mistakes i've done ( i was insecure, clingy, didnt trust him, didnt go out without him etc)...i decided to change it for myself.... i dont want to explain his behavior and say that he was right...but at the end of our relationship it was definitely lost of attraction... and it was his fault and my fault too