almostthere Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 My bf and his ex got into an argument yesterday over back child support. my bf was out of a job for a few weeks but worked cash for basically enough money to buy smokes and gas before he found the job he has now. in their divorce papers it states that he is to pay a certain amount of money for child support to help cover the costs of child care. while he was off work he drove the kids to school and back and spent time with them til their mom came to pick them up. everyday...without fail. i know for sure because i was their every morning and every evening. so while he was watching the kids she didnt have to pay anyone for childcare. now she is saying we owe her back support. they didnt go through lawyers or anything they just did the divorce themselves and wrote it out specifically as for childcare. so she is threatening court and i am going to go get a second job to help pay the bills while we pay her $3000. before i do this what are te chances it could work out in our benefit? i am not trying to short her...but i am not sacrificing my family's well being for her to be greedy. we have the kids over for dinner 3 times a week every week and the whole weekend every other weekend. we buy them clothes, shoes and necessities above the amount we already pay. i am a single mom too who doesnt get child support yet (court battles) and i wouldnt want anyone else to go through this. I feel that we should just pay to keep her quiet. if she takes us to court our weekly amount could be raised and I am not sure i want to risk it. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 He's still to pay, regardless if he's out of work or not. However, if it was only written down on paper and not finished by an attorney etc if she wasn't paying for childcare and he could prove on paper that she wasn't then I'm not sure that a court would enforce it? That would be up to an attorney to say. I'm sure you're not meaning to sound bitter but you do. You guys buy them clothes and feed them and such? So does their mom. Child support doesn't cover all the costs for her to raise those kids, don't kid yourself and as a single mom you should know better. When you marry someone with a child from a previous marriage/relationship you have to understand that support will have to be paid first because that was a prior issue to your marriage. I'm not just spouting stuff, I feel that way as I have a stepson. My husband was committed financially first for that son before me. That is why you shouldn't have additional children with that partner if you can't support the first child- because they were always there first. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Let it go to court and have the CS court ordered. You wont have all these little 'issues' come up where you don't know who to turn too. there are set laws in place. Each state has their own rules so you need to contact the child support agency in your county and find out your rights and the laws. I had a agreement with my X regarding chldsupport for about 5 months and he tried to squew things all the time so I make it legal so he couldn't F' with me with excuses playing on my thoughts, feelings, emotions. He can't take advantage of me anymore either. It works out best to have that mediator in the middle most times... Link to post Share on other sites
Author almostthere Posted May 19, 2006 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 Thanks for your replies. I really didnt mean to sound bitter. I have two kids myself and I dont get any child support. I have been working on it though. Just a long process. SInce this post my bf and i sat down and since i handle all the money i explained and showed him I do not have the 4000 just sitting around. we decided to try to ask her to negotiate with us payments that please all of us. I do believe she is entitled to some of it. Its just that we were feeding the children dinner 4 to 5 nights a week (breakfast, lunch and dinner). so her food expenses went down during this time. not to mention she dropped them off to us at 430 am so she could make an extra 10 to 15 hours overtime a week to help offset the added expenses without child support. we were taking care of her oldest son of 17 which my bf is his stepdad. he was living with us so all of his expenses were ours including the use of my car at least twice a day. so to be fair we asked if she could take a $1000 off the bill. on paper this figure is low...but as mean as she has been to me a single mom is a single mom and if it will help the kids out and essentially keep her out of our personal life as nothing more then the childrens' mom...i will do it. so i am going to work part time again as a bartender and pay her off quickly. I hate debt. i have been trying to dig myself out for years and i am almost done til now. However, she did agree to payments of $30 a week extra til it was paid. I thought that was admirable of her to agree to it without a fight. and it doesnt kill us either because i am trying to provide for my two children myself without my exh's child support payments. Seems as though things have a funny way of working out after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 That's good Almost. I'm sure you were just angry when you made the original post. Glad things worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 almostthere: I've dealt with CS issues forever it seems like. What state are you in, and what amount has been agreed to between them? (weekly/monthly)? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Why the heck doesn't your boyfriend get a second job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author almostthere Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 I am in IL. he owes $4050 and they agreed on $30 extra per week. a contract has been written up and is waiting to be signed. i thought that was decent. As long as she signs the contract on it. still waiting on that part. The only reason i am looking into the second job is because I am a licensed bartender and i can make more in two days then he could working part time somewhere. not to mention he is working 45-55 hours a week already. i know i am too but i just think it would be more profitable if i work 2 nights. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I am somewhat going through the same thing, but on different sides. My little girls bio-father quit his job and decided he was going to be a drug dealer to cover up for his mistakes and not have to pay me because it's untraceable. Now me and my 3 year old daughter are living with my soon to be ex-husband (B/c I just found out he's gay) with no money and my job doesn't pay enough for my daughter as well as me, house, etc. I can't really answer this question for you, but from an outsider looking in I think he should still pay regardless of how much time he spends with her because it is the mother that is having the problems not the father. He can just pick up and leave whenever the hell he wants and not have to think twice. The mother has to stay and face the consequences, or in my case the timing mistake that was made and deal with it for the rest of her life. The child is not always the mistake it's the father she chose or didn't chose due to other reasons, or the fact the she did it because "he loved her." The child should not have to do without due to both parents mistake. The child did not ask to be here so both parents should support and be there for the child regardless if they are together or not. No parents should pressure for the money b/c they are greedy, the child should be #1 in their mind and think about the childs, safety, well-being, and support, not their own! Link to post Share on other sites
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