Having problems with the weekends

[Kat]

I hope that someone reading this can help me. I am 21 years old, and live with my 35 year old boyfriend. We love one another very much, but we seem to be having some really major problems. Mainly I feel like we are drifting farther and farther apart. I am very scared that he is going to leave me, but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better for the both of us.

 

He has always been the wild and crazy type. He has dated many women, and done some really kinky things. He is a goregous man, and I can't ever seem to get enough of him. I on the other hand, have not dated to much, and want to do some kinky things, but I just don't think I have it in me. I seem to have something in me that keeps me from just going out and having a good time. He has told me time and again in our many arguements, that I am boring, and that I am not exciting. I WANT to be exciting, I WANT to be that woman that total turns him on! I WANT him to not be able to get enough of me. That is the way it was in the beginning. My god, we have everything we could ever want, and yet we are so unhappy. Mainly it is the weekends we have a problem with. He wants to go out and party, and I am just not sure how. I am very shy, and never know what to say to anyone. I want to make him happy, but just don't know what to do.

 

He wants to go to some really wild clubs. The theme and atmosphere of the clubs totally turn me on, but I am just afraid of going for some reason. He wants to go to a strip club together. We did a while ago, and I did enjoy it, but I feel kind of weird about it now. It totally turns me on, I just am a little nervous about what everyone is thinking when I walk into a place like that. He is so frustrated now, that he doesn't even want to do anything with me, because I keep putting him off about it. I want to go, but just don't know how to handle it all.

 

I know that a lot of it is me, and that I have some self-esteem issues to work out, and that I need to find my courage! I just don't know how to work on that, make him happy, and make me happy.

 

If there is anyone out there with any advice for me at all, please respond. I am really getting desperate here. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to keep him either. Thanks in advance for any replys.

[TT]

As a gal who at 18 dated a 30yr old man, can I share an experience with you?

 

I think men who date much younnger girls are avoiding dealing with the more sorted, demanding & confident outlook that women in their 30's might have, cos they're unable to deal with them.

 

Lokk how this guy is leaching your confidence and feeding off your insecurities! Calls you boring? I can't think of anythng more boring than mindless partying used as a substitute for real emotional engagement and caring. He clearly doesn't care for your developing sense of identity at all, and is shoring up his fear of aging and of intimacy.

 

Unless you really love it, a strip joint is no place to take a shy young girlfriend - remember the strip club scene in the movie "the Graduate"? Demeaning, no? As for his wild past, don't necessarily believe it. Older guys love to seem exotic and experienced in someone's eyes - I'm 33, my male friends I've known for years can't pretend with me, so they don't try....but they must be tempted to impress someone more naive.

 

I'm sure someone out there will appreciate your delicacy and thoughtfulness, your reserve. Maybe you have a male friend who is your buddy, a nice guy who you tell your woes to about your exciting older man, who would be much nicer to you in the long run and appreciate you as you deserve. well, that was my solution, I gave the nice pal a chance, we're nearly the same age and we understand each other better...don't waste your 20s on this overgrown adolescent - he sounds abusive to me. YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE MORE WORTHY WHO WILL LOVE YOU.