I don't want sleep on a blood stain from another woman's vagina!

[sumdude]

Sleep elsewhere until he changes his mind OR research serious professional cleaning options that could remove the stain. At the very least he should spring for that.

[RecordProducer]

It seems like he has some sort of freaky attachment to that bed (and maybe even the blood on it - lol). Maybe lots of memories and good times he can't let go of..

Neah... that's not even the point. Somebody's blood or bed where you had sex doesn't really evoke memories. He loves me, after all. I don't think he cares about the blood (oh,. how silly this sounds! ), he just likes the mattress and doesn't feel like spending extra money on a new mattress.

 

By the way, I asked hi if he would wear my ex-lover's underwear that had a s*** stain on it. At first he said "I don't wear other people's underwear!' and when he figured what he said he changed his story into "I would even lick it!" Well he gave himself away that he just smelled the provocation. But I told him that sleeping on a mattress that has obviously never been cleaned is like wearing his exes' underwear for me.

 

Oh, Jesus, I'll make him suffer for this. i can't really ask my exes to send me their underwear with their s*** stain on them (not that he would put anything on himself even without any stains), but perhaps I can get some friend to give me his shirt and then I could wear it (preferably sweaty) so he can see how intimate this issue is!

 

Sleep elsewhere until he changes his mind OR research serious professional cleaning options that could remove the stain. At the very least he should spring for that.

I was thinking about this myself too. And today he told me: "What about the towels?" That's when I realized that I have been using towels that everybody else has and decided to buy new ones.

 

He bought the mattress 8 years ago. It's time for a new one. He can buy it and make me happy, but he wants to challenge me and make me do some radical things so I will.

[enoughisenough]

E.g. he didn't mind paying $1,000 for my GPS device

 

But you made it sound like money wasn't the problem. It can't be that hard to find a cheap mattress even. I mean, I still don't understand his attachment to this bed. It's almost repulsive that a man would find it alright to sleep in old blood stains. And the way he is trying desperately to keep it even though it bothers you is strange. I mean he calls you crazy and says you need to seek a psych before even considering getting rid of the bloody thing.

Most people like to start brand new anyways with new things sometimes in a new marriage. I don't see what the big deal is with you wanting a new mattress with not so much wear.

 

Somebody's blood or bed where you had sex doesn't really evoke memories.

 

Why not? It did for you. Well at least thoughts of the other past women.

"I hate to sleep on it and I hate to use the towels that other women have used so I will buy new ones as soon as I can. "

 

Sneak it to the dump, if he pulls it out of the garbage and back into the house.. then you know you got a problem LOL

[RecordProducer]

Enough, it's not about memories. I mean really, you're implying that he WANTS to keep the memories of the women he f***ed on that bed. It doesn't make sense. I know he loves me. He just has a problem with seeing things FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.

 

I don't like the stains, he doesn't mind them. I wouldn't mind him wearing my ex-BF's underwear, but I bet HE would.

 

I am not sleeping in that bed for as long as that mattress is there. He can pretend that we can't afford a new one, but I will just sleep on the sofa until he finally gets a new one. And new towels too.

 

He obviously wanted a young and attractive woman (18 years younger). I told him that he deserves a woman who doesn't love him as she would never make any problems like this.

[enoughisenough]

If the bed didn't mean anything to him, he would have gotten rid of it already. He can love you and still want to think of other women. And many men still do. A lot of people like keeping things that they've been with for years for sentimental reasons. Can be a tv, bed, whatever.. It might have nothing to do with who he slept with on there and he could still be attached to it. My bf liked keeping furniture that he's had from his very first apartment. But it never amounted to such an argument when we had to get rid of most of the stuff.

Anyways, what other kind of reason does he have for being so gunho of this damn mattress? It's really silly to argue over such a thing. Any sane guy would get rid of it by now just to save the trouble. It's a disgusting mattress with blood on it- no reason to keep it- yet he still fights over keeping it- isn't it kinda laughable?

It's only a mattress. It's not like throwing out a liver or something.

[enoughisenough]

PS

 

It must be pretty awkward to make love in a bed where you can't even move around much in fear of landing on THE BLOOD STAIN! EW!

 

I just hope it isn't that BIG of a blood stain! lol

Just maybe a few tiny specks wouldn't be that bad.

[Lonestar]

Lonestar, I refuse to touch that stain. If it were from me or at least if I knew it was from his ex-wife, I'd gladly clean it up. But I truly doubt that she would leave her own matress bloody. It's probably some guest that he had.

 

(

 

RP, I was only kidding about the Windex. It's a joke from that Big Fat Greek Wedding movie. I'd freak out if I had to sleep on someone else's bloody stained mattress too. It's not going to hurt you, but you definitely don't need to convince me why it upsets you. Tell your H you're getting a new mattress, and that's that. Good luck!

[933KJL]

I wanted to meet up with this friend from NYC (cuz he hasn't taken me to NYC in 3.5 months since I've been here and knows that I've been dreaming about seeing NYC since I was a kid). So finally i told him that I'd go with the kids, he doesn't have to take me, and I'll meet up with this friend I've known for over a year and a half. I also told him that I've never flirted with him or anything like that. He said it was NOT right for me to do it.

 

Boy are the scales of justice imbalanced. I thought that he was all over you because he was flirting and flying to see this girl in Brazil and saw nothing wrong with it. But to have a friend in NYC give you a guided tour is a no no.

 

Hey, I thought you all flew up to New York one weekend! But I know it is not the same as exploring on feet and taking a weekend to do it!

 

As for the mattress--I am NEVER a proponent of withholding sex for getting something accomplished. It never solves anything. But, you do need to stand up for your rights---if you have his Amex card, order a new top of the line matress and have it delivered while he is at work and they will cart the old one away. Get the top of the line so it will be super comfy. Then you will just have to deal with the spending them money issue and the mattress will be a moot point.

 

Maybe before they cart it away, you can cut out a swatch of the old mattress and have it framed and hang it over the fireplace--let him explain that to your houseguests. "Oh, that piece, it si a blood stain from a girl I screwed before I met RP" HA HA

 

But seriously hon (Balmore term) he does seem controlling in any number of ways and I think that counselling (the real stuff not the stuff on here) would do you both good--couples counselling. Go alone if you need to. Remember, you all did not have a long history before getting married--wasn't it less than a year and only seeing each other in person a handful of times? And a good part of it was very rocky.

[JackJack]

JMO, but I think its either he is keeping the mattress to piss you off, or he IS possibly, notice I said POSSIBLY holding on to it for some kind of memorble experiences from it from his past. I know someone else already said something along the same lines as me, and you said thats not what it is. You don't know that for sure. Sure he may love you, but that doesn't mean he wants to let go of something that he feels has meaning to him from his past. That may not even be the case, I'm just saying its possible. You would be amazed at what some people do keep from past relationships. I guess even a blood stained mattress. BTW, cut it open to see if there a couple of million dollars sewn into the mattress. Maybe thats why too.

[Mz. Pixie]

SCREW that RP. I went through this with my husband. He had a whole freaking house when we married that he'd lived in with his ex wife. He told me that I could make whatever changes I wanted to.

 

He was single for a while so he'd had quite a few escapades on that mattress. When we married, I was like "You don't bring your wife to sleep in the same bed that you slept in with your Ho bags" He laughs when I say that.

 

He immediately said if it made me uncomfortable it had to go. And it did. There was no freaking way I was going to do that, and the mattress in question didn't have blood on it.

 

That is beyond gross and he should be ashamed of it.

[Woggle]

After my divorce I got rid of all traces of my ex and that was when I was single and living on my own. If I still had them when she moved in I would get rid of them. That is just gross about the period blood though. I don't know why but I find that very disturbing.

[corwin]

He wants you to sleep on a mattress with blood stains frrom another woman??? And on both sides of the Mattress?? Has he ever heard of Mattress Pads??

 

I think he is showing absolutely no respect for your feelings on this matter... and then to rub his face on the stain only adds insult to injury. My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you have every right to get a new mattress.

 

If I were acting like him, I think my wife might try to cover the other woman's blood stain with some of mine.

[alphamale]

I'd like to see him sleep on my exes' cumm. He says he wouldn't care. Yeah, I believe that...

he probably wouldn't RP...men aren't that emotional about stains.

[Kenyth]

Some guys pick the stupidest things to argue about. In picking your battles, this isn't the one to pick. It's too easily solved.

 

Now, let me be honest. I'm of a practical mindset. IMO, dirt is dirt. It all washes out with the proper cleaning. Disinfectant kills anything dangerous. Being an old stain, at this point the kitchen sink and the trash can are more dangerous biohazards. Also, if it won't come out with vigorous cleaning, it's not likely to go through the sheets onto you.

 

At the same time, I can empathize with someone being grossed out by a bed their partner has slept with someone else on and the visual evidence thereof. It's not necessarily a rational emotion, but it is a valid and understandable one. This is easily solved by buying an new bed, which will happen eventually anyway. A new bed is a good first purchase to make when getting married. A little money here can buy a lot of peace of mind, and peace.

 

Sticking his nose on the stain was just plain being stupid. All he accomplished was grossing you out and associating the perceived "taint" with his face. Not really smart, all things considered.

[JackJack]

I might be wrong, but personally I would think that by him not getting rid of it knowing how you feel on the matter, should speak volumes to you. I understand you wanting to get rid of the mattress. But since it was his to begin with it might be best that he does it. Of course then again if you wait around for him to do it, it might not ever get done. I would imagine that if you got rid of it, then that would possibly add fuel to the fire for him, because you went and got rid of something he was keeping for who knows why. I still say if he is not willing to get rid of it, its possible his reasons go deeper than you think.

[alphamale]

At the same time, I can empathize with someone being grossed out by a bed their partner has slept with someone else on and the visual evidence thereof. It's not necessarily a rational emotion, but it is a valid and understandable one. This is easily solved by buying an new bed, which will happen eventually anyway

maybe KENYTH....but you don't see too many men who ask their new woman to replace her vagina because other men's cocks were in there squirting their semen.

[Kenyth]

maybe KENYTH....but you don't see too many men who ask their new woman to replace her vagina because other men's cocks were in there squirting their semen.

 

Regardless Alpha, this isn't worth fighting like this about. It's a territorial thing. Buy a new bed, professionally clean the old mattress, and set it up in the guest bedroom with a new mattress pad. Viola! Problem solved, woman got to go shopping for a major purchase. Everyones relatively happy.

[alphamale]

Regardless Alpha, this isn't worth fighting like this about. It's a territorial thing. Buy a new bed, professionally clean the old mattress, and set it up in the guest bedroom with a new mattress pad. Viola! Problem solved, woman got to go shopping for a major purchase. Everyones relatively happy.

but what if man asks woman to not wear a watch her ex-b/f gave her a long time ago? what if he ask her to not wear certain dresses that she wore with with ex-hubbie? what if man ask wife to throw out all pictures and videos of her last wedding or ex-b/f?

 

woman would tell man to f*** off in all these cases.... this is double standard.

[a4a]

but what if man asks woman to not wear a watch her ex-b/f gave her a long time ago? what if he ask her to not wear certain dresses that she wore with with ex-hubbie? what if man ask wife to throw out all pictures and videos of her last wedding or ex-b/f?

 

woman would tell man to f*** off in all these cases.... this is double standard.

 

If it was that hurtful I would chuck the watch and burn the pics.... who the hell wants pics of an X laying around anyway. I would tell the man to just buy me a better watch of my choice......... problem solved

[Art_Critic]

Boy are the scales of justice imbalanced. I thought that he was all over you because he was flirting and flying to see this girl in Brazil and saw nothing wrong with it. But to have a friend in NYC give you a guided tour is a no no.

 

Hey, I thought you all flew up to New York one weekend! But I know it is not the same as exploring on feet and taking a weekend to do it!

 

As for the mattress--I am NEVER a proponent of withholding sex for getting something accomplished. It never solves anything. But, you do need to stand up for your rights---if you have his Amex card, order a new top of the line matress and have it delivered while he is at work and they will cart the old one away. Get the top of the line so it will be super comfy. Then you will just have to deal with the spending them money issue and the mattress will be a moot point.

 

But seriously hon (Balmore term) he does seem controlling in any number of ways and I think that counselling (the real stuff not the stuff on here) would do you both good--couples counselling. Go alone if you need to. Remember, you all did not have a long history before getting married--wasn't it less than a year and only seeing each other in person a handful of times? And a good part of it was very rocky.

 

This post by 933 bears repeating.. it is a great post and I feel the same..

[933KJL]

Aww AC you kiss ass so well!

[basscatcher]

When my X moved in he brought with him a comforter set for the bed. I was uncomfortable with it because I asked him if he had it on the bed with his X. He said yes.

I couldn't put it on my bed. I looked at it and couldn't help but think he F* her on it.. It grossed me out.

 

The fact that he bragged so much about his bedroom comforter set, he had such a strong attachement to it, the fact he talked about HER all the time and still harbored feelings for her---tied the comforter to her more for me.

 

I am also that way about watches, shoes, clothes, jewelry etc a man is wearing that an X gave him. Thats if I know he got it from an X.

When I see him wear it frequently I feel like he still has a emotional attachment to her. He is reminded of her because of these trinkets.

 

I believe women do attach a lot of meaning onto things. We view things as symbols and reminders.

 

I have lots of keepsake memorabilia (sp?) in my home from many many people. I don't part easily with trinkets I recieved from someone whom I care deeply for. EX: grandmother, mom, gfs, brother, son, even some Xbfs.

 

Women are selfish and territorial when it comes to their men in general.

We don't want to be reminded of our partners past.

We want the present and new. We want to make our own memories and reminders together. The past is the past. Store the tangibles away.

 

If I ever got married again I would want to replace a lot of stuff over time (due to $$) and pack up my memories for storage (labeled in breif by whom and what reason.)..

I want to start a new life with someone without the memories of our pasts in each others faces each day.

Crazy as it may sound for most men.

 

Women are sentimental creatures.

 

RP--get rid of the matress, sheets and towels, even the pillows if they aren't new. I would when I could.

As for the mattress---I put a bed liner, a egg carton foam type pad and 2 blankets over the mattress under the sheets until I could get a new one. I wanted the barrier between me and the stains. :sick: It's a psychological thing.

 

I feel for you darling..

[basscatcher]

but what if man asks woman to not wear a watch her ex-b/f gave her a long time ago? what if he ask her to not wear certain dresses that she wore with with ex-hubbie? what if man ask wife to throw out all pictures and videos of her last wedding or ex-b/f?

 

woman would tell man to f*** off in all these cases.... this is double standard.

 

IN BOLD---- I have done it....... and regretted it.

Now I pack it up in a box and put it in storage in the garage or in the back of the closet and forget their there. As for clothes I tell the man--lets go shopping and replace them gradually.

 

I would expect the same in return.. He should remove the items and start fresh and new..

[Kenyth]

but what if man asks woman to not wear a watch her ex-b/f gave her a long time ago? what if he ask her to not wear certain dresses that she wore with with ex-hubbie? what if man ask wife to throw out all pictures and videos of her last wedding or ex-b/f?

 

woman would tell man to f*** off in all these cases.... this is double standard.

 

Yes, it is. There are lots of double standards and unfair social injustices between the sexes still. It's unlikely that they're going to be resolved by tomorrow. My take on the matter is to pick important one's to stand your ground on, or you'll be fighting incessantly. Hell, even only on important matters, chances are all too good you'll fight incessantly! Personally, I don't see the mattress as that important, the woman does. Ergo, let her have this one.

[Mz. Pixie]

I still wear jewelry from my exhusband if it goes with my outfit. Not my wedding ring though.

 

I'm the one who saved pictures of my husband's ex. I kept those for his son and they are put away for him. I'd never tear up that kind of stuff.

 

This is a bloody mattress we're talking about. Big difference between that and mementos.