I don't want sleep on a blood stain from another woman's vagina!

[Outcast]

Look. You have no problem with destruction. Just take a large knife to the mattress and rip it to shreds. It worked with the laptop so it'll work with this. In fact, every time life doesn't go your way, destroy things. It's a really mature and responsible way to deal with issues.

 

This is not about a mattress. It's about much bigger issues and you need to spend some time resolving them. I'm surprised that most LSers assume that the poster is always the innocent party in every situation. That you destroyed one of his computers certainly didn't endear you to him and he's likely doing this to get you back for your childish behaviour. I'm surprised Alpha isn't cheering him on for that. I imagine there are other situations which we haven't heard about that have contributed to this current struggle between you and I don't believe for one moment that he's entirely at fault in this situation.

 

I recall a guy who posted here whining about how terribly a woman was treating him. A lot of people sympathized. Turned out in the end that the poor fellow had been abusing her. People rarely report their own contributions to their problems - and somehow an awful lot of LSers assume innocence on the part of the poster.

 

Others have suggested counselling. I concur. It would be a very good idea, IMHO.

[Noos]

For god's sake - clean the blood stain with hydrogen peroxide, Sard Wonder Soap or whatever. Buy a mattress protector from K-Mart. Learn from the mistake. Tell your husband to stop being so freaking disgusting.

[933KJL]

RP, whenever you get your period, don't flush your tampons. Just let them sit in the toilet until he gets grossed out Get a little blood on the toliet seat, let it dry out and leave it there, so he has to sit on it when he takes a crap.

 

Wait, you may be onto something here. After RP gets the stain from the mattress framed and hanging over the fireplace, she can just take her old tampons and line them up on the mantel...sort of a Menorah in May!

[RecordProducer]

Okay, I'll answer to all of you, but first the news: I cut the piece off with BIG scissors. Thank god there was no blood on the sponge underneath. I gave him the piece and he went crazy about it. He said I just ruined a $1,000 mattress. I told him that the mattress was worth $0 as it has blood stains on it and I was gonna trash it anyway.

 

Then I turned it around to cut the other pieces, but there was blood all over it (cleaned, but not well) so I gave up. So one side is clean now with a little (about 1 inch in diameter) hole in it.

 

Lonestar, the money question... we do have money, but a 1,000 bucks is a 1,000 bucks. Obviously I would give up my clothes and shoes for a new mattress but he sees it as an unnecessary expenditure.

 

I'll buy covers for mattresses and new towels in any case. This case is not closed in my heart and I will not easily forgive him. Somebody here said that it's about him keeping his position and not letting me demand too much. It's definitely it!

 

The friendship website is not really relevant as I don't even login there.

 

The guest who said he sucks all in all and I should run away... I just disagree that he sucks overall, he is just too stubborn and Mr. Always Right.

 

Arty, about the divorce prediction... whatever will be will be. If he doesn't want to work on our marriage, there's nothing I can do about it. I will certainly not wait for the crumbs of his love fearing to complain about anything because he might get upset.

 

Outcast, sorry, but I really don't need your advice so you're wasting your time posting here. You'd say anything just to make me feel bad. You're transparent and mean. AND READ MY LIPS: HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MARRIAGE COUNSELING! So if you want to be useful, tell me HOW I can make him go to MC. If you can't answer that question without telling me how bad I am, just go away and get the f*** off my back!

[MrsHellFire]

Under all of RP's prior postings on these boards, she claims they have no financial problems and hell, can even afford cocaine if need be:

 

"Noooooooo, we don't want to try it, we just discussed about a person we both know who is unemployed and does cocaine regularly, so I wondered how much their friends spent on drugs..

 

Trust me, if we wanted to try it, money wouldn't be the issue. But we are not into dugs. :)"

 

Therefore, I dont think money is the issue in getting a new bed. He either wants to keep the bed as a trophy for the amount of women he's scored on it (I'm assuming plenty since he even screwed someone during their period and she claimed he slept with the triple digits), plus it might actually turn him on thinking about the other women he screwed on the same bed while making love to RP, or he is using this as a control issue. Either way, RP's feelings aren't coming first.

[MrsHellFire]

Where are you getting that it costs $1000 for a mattress? I got the best at a showroom a few years ago for under 500. And that was for the hard box cushion underneath as well.

[Sup]

Where are you getting that it costs $1000 for a mattress? I got the best at a showroom a few years ago for under 500. And that was for the hard box cushion underneath as well.

 

I'm with RP. EEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrsHellFire]

^ So you'd rather sleep on blood instead? I'm sure you would.. disgusting.

 

 

Anyways, I remember RP posted some months about about her husband hiding pictures and he wouldn't let her see them until days later (after he probably deleted the nasty ones) and he seems like a control freak.

[RecordProducer]

Well we are not really rich or anything, but this is about control. Not sexual trophies or money.

 

I'll give him full control - over his lonely life. Not mine.

 

Anyways, I remember RP posted some months about about her husband hiding pictures and he wouldn't let her see them until days later (after he probably deleted the nasty ones) and he seems like a control freak.

He doesn't delete or trash ANYTHING. You should see all the junk that he kpt in his house and his (old, hee-hee-hee) lap top!

 

Actually I deleted some of the pics and he restored them from the recycle bin.

 

But you're right about him being bossy and controlling. He told me a few times: "I am driving when we go together... Why? because I say so!"

 

Then I mocked him about that so he stopped. He calls ME immature, but he has a mindset of a 6-year old. Funny, he claimed to be a fervent proponent of equality between sexes.

[MrsHellFire]

Where were you living before you came to the US? How do you like (or hate) it here in comparison?

[Sup]

^ So you'd rather sleep on blood instead? I'm sure you would.. disgusting.

 

 

Anyways, I remember RP posted some months about about her husband hiding pictures and he wouldn't let her see them until days later (after he probably deleted the nasty ones) and he seems like a control freak.

 

I was not saying that they should keep it, but get RID of that thing! Gimme a break!

[MrsHellFire]

Now is there any type of bodily fluid that disgusts him? I mean if blood cant even do it, maybe something else like motor oil. vinegar or something really stenchy dropped on there by accident. But after the big stink you made, he'll know it's not an accident and that will probably cause a fight. Except if you have a dog or cat, it wont look like your fault if they took a pee or dump on it. Would he still want to sleep on it after that?

I really dont know what you could do anymore otherwise, except layer about 10 covers over that thing.

[Outcast]

AND READ MY LIPS: HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MARRIAGE COUNSELING!

 

Well then I'm sorry. I would never marry a man who wouldn't consider counselling and I would be sure to find out what kind of man he was (whether he would go to counselling to help resolve problems, for instance) before I married him. But you never have listened to me when I tried to warn you about this relationship and I'm sorry you're now in a mess.

 

YOU can go to marriage counselling on your own and learn how to communicate in ways that will make him more inclined to cooperate. The revenge dance you're both in now will not help your marriage nor solve any problems so you have to do something different and I recommend seeing a counsellor on your own. I hope you have enough money to pay for it.

[Bob Dole]

Um ... if you found bloodstains on both sides of the mattress .... maybe you ought to just call the police?

 

Or at least you might want to track down the alleged "ex girlfriend" and make sure she's still breathing.

 

I'm just saying. One bloodstain is gross. Two bloodstains is pretty wierd, especially when you consider that 1) he could have cleaned them, and 2) he knew you'd be sleepin' on the mattress. Bloodstains on both sides of that very same mattress that he knew you'd see is approaching "maybe my boyfriend knows Jeffrey Dahmer" time.

 

In short, you might wanna make sure that blood came from a vagina, rather than a gaping wound in her chest.

[Galaxy]

Bob made a good and scary point. I dont know whether he was being sarcastic or not, but that is way too much blood to seap through to the other side of the mattress to just be someone's period. Usually the woman finds out in the morning and then cleans herself up. A woman would have to be sitting on there all day to create such a mess. Maybe they both are from different women? Are his ex-wives and all girlfriends still alive? wow.

 

 

Its no wonder he doesnt want to throw it out. If someone saw that thing in the dumpster, they'd call the police for fear someone was slaughtered on it.

[Great Gazoo]

I agree the matress should go and he should stop being such a dick about things. Husbands don't control wives, this isn't the dark ages anymore. Hang in there.

[Craig]

Well we are not really rich or anything, but this is about control. Not sexual trophies or money.

 

I'll give him full control - over his lonely life. Not mine.

 

He doesn't delete or trash ANYTHING. You should see all the junk that he kpt in his house and his (old, hee-hee-hee) lap top!

 

Actually I deleted some of the pics and he restored them from the recycle bin.

 

But you're right about him being bossy and controlling. He told me a few times: "I am driving when we go together... Why? because I say so!"

 

Then I mocked him about that so he stopped. He calls ME immature, but he has a mindset of a 6-year old. Funny, he claimed to be a fervent proponent of equality between sexes.

 

RP, please. Stop and have a look at what you've written.

 

This is a big transition phase for both of you. Learning to live with each other is quite different than dating. Both of you have ingrained habits and preferences that are not common (shared.) So it's going to take some time to find common ground.

 

Destroying his property (the laptop and pictures on his computer) is not going to leave him with fond memories of you and it is abusive. If you don't believe me check out http://www.novavita.org/pages/abuse.html under "Psychological/Emotional" abuse or any other site on abuse if you find yourself disagreeing. Side Note: Why is it when a woman destroys a mans property it isn't called out as abuse but when a man destroys a womans property he becomes a monster.

 

Mocking is not a generally accepted means of conflict management but it as well is considered verbal abuse. (Mud thrown, is ground lost)

 

If your H refuses to go to marriage counseling, maybe you should go alone and try and find healthy ways to work on making your marriage work.

 

This is starting to look like a pissing contest between teenagers and if someone doesn't grow up and start making efforts to make the marriage work, your H is going to be single again and you will be seeing a lot more of your friends and family back home. One of you has to begin the recovery process. Maybe you've heard that old saying that it takes two to tango? Well it only takes one to start the music.

[Gunny376]

Enough, it's not about memories. I mean really, you're implying that he WANTS to keep the memories of the women he f***ed on that bed. It doesn't make sense. I know he loves me. He just has a problem with seeing things FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.

 

I don't like the stains, he doesn't mind them. I wouldn't mind him wearing my ex-BF's underwear, but I bet HE would.

 

I am not sleeping in that bed for as long as that mattress is there. He can pretend that we can't afford a new one, but I will just sleep on the sofa until he finally gets a new one. And new towels too.

 

He obviously wanted a young and attractive woman (18 years younger). I told him that he deserves a woman who doesn't love him as she would never make any problems like this.

 

I'm a man ~ 49 year old man ~ with one marriage of 12 years under my belt and another ~ living together. If you were my wife/GF ~ I would automatically understand. The reason I would understand is. its not about the mattress, its not about the blood stains, its not about the towels, its not about memories ~ its about your feelings. I'm not sayhing that women aren't rational ~ logical human beings ~ I'M NOT ~ I am saying that women are more in-tuned with their emotions and feelings ~ and emotions and feelings aren't always rational and logical. He's viewing this purely from a logical and rational perspective, and you're veiwing it from a feelings ~ emotional perspecitve ~ and he can't see it because he's not as in-tuned with his feelings and emotions as you are as a woman ~ and thus you come off to him as being illrational and illogical.

 

In my personal opinion ~ this far more than anything is the number #1 cause of women leaving men standing beside the curb with their pants down around the ankles saying ~ "WHAT? WHAT DID I DO?" "

 

They don't 'get it' (and some never do ~ and never will), they think because they've got great jobs, great income with good beneifits, buy thier wives/GF's cars, houses, vacations, clothes, etc ~ that is that they're good providers ~ that that's all it takes.

 

Personally, I love guys like this ~ because as single man ~ it makes my job so much easier! Why? Because, I "get it" ~ and because I "get it" I know how much "capital" this would buy me for months if not a year or two. I know how many, "Awwwwww's!" that would buy me! LOL!

 

Anyway, I could be a jerk ~ but I'm going to help you and HIM out here, since you're just starting out and there are kids involved. This is where I finally got "it" from.

 

http://www.lightyourfire.com/

 

There's a version for you ~ and there's a version for him, He shouldn't listen to your version ~ and you shouldn't listen to his. Most of it is about communication and getting him to where he "gets it" when you say, "I don't want to sleep on a mattress stained with another women's menstrutal blood! GOT IT! DON'T forget it!"

 

Me? Personally? I'd tell you to go buy a whole new bedroom suite! Even if the one that I had was brand new! Why? Because I understand that its more than just a damned bedroom suite ~ its our one little room ~ our own special place for just the two of us ~ in all the world ~ this place, this room ~ is ours and is sacred and not to be violated by others. And, a new bedroom suite ~ let alone a mattress is a lot cheaper than a divorce.

 

And, I understand that you love the guy ~ and all of that. But, when a man gets a woman, he also gets a sack. Some are small ~ and some are large ~ but when the sack gets full ~ she's not going ~ she's gone ~and she won't be coming back. Even if you kept the damn mattress, that "issue" goes into the sack. When enough of these issues ~ big and small ~ get stuffed into the sack ~ and the sack gets full ~ you won't be going, you will be gone. And it won't matter how much money he's got ~ nor how great a job, how famous he is, whatever ~ the sack is full ~ its time to move on ~ life is too short for this BS! And, there's got to be more to life than this!

[Guest]

I say buy a new mattress, and maybe not stress over this to much. I'm sure thats easier said than done though. If this was blood stains from an affair he has recently had while married to you, I might see it more of a problem. However this was from his past, and yes it should have been gotten rid of by now but for whatever reason it hasn't. Could it be he holds on to it for memories sake? Its possible. Does he hang on to it because he knows it pisses you off? Its possible. Does he hang on to it becasue he is just nasty like that? Its possible. Whatever his real reason(s) are no one will probably know, but just get a new one and start fresh. The main issue here is not really the mattress anyway, its the fact he chooses to not respect how you feel on the matter. If you're starting your marraige off like this, without some type of help I would imagine it getting worse. Of course I'm sure you went into the marriage already knowing how he was on certain things.

[RecordProducer]

Bob made a good and scary point. I dont know whether he was being sarcastic or not, but that is way too much blood to seap through to the other side of the mattress to just be someone's period.

 

Are his ex-wives and all girlfriends still alive?

No, his ex-wife was murdered with a knife and the case was never resolved, god bless her soul.

 

The blood didn't go THROUGH the mattress to the other side. I cut off the little piece and the sponge underneath was clean. the other side has a few stains, they are not big, but that side looks dirty.

 

You and Bob Dole are being ridiculous!

[carmaenforcer]

This story has CSI written all over it. Just don't look up "how to remove blood stains from a mattress" on the internet, you might send up a red flag and have the authorities knocking at your door.

 

Has anyone seen the movie "Hell Raiser"? They had a bloody mattress on there and a Dr. that was playing around with a demonic cube that opened the gates of hell used it and the mattress to bring back some woman from hell by reviving her old blood. Maybe that's what your husband is planning on doing RP. Ther aren't any demonic cubes in your house, are there?

 

 

J/K

[RecordProducer]

Gunny376, that as a wonderful post, I will email it to my husband these days and I will definitely go to the website you gave me.

 

Anyway, yesterday morning he approached me and wanted to reconcile and start from a scratch. He said we'll discuss the things later anyway, but let's just stop the whole s*** and be good. Then he hugged me and kissed me. I will write about it in another thread.

 

Gunny, thank you so much for your input.

 

Craig, thanks for your reply. Regarding the mocking, I didn't humiliate him or anything, I just asked him: "What kind of explanation is that 'Because I say so!'? What am I, a child?" He laughed at himself actually.

 

Everyone, thank you very much for your replies. Hubby knows that you were all on my side so I am sure that he will do something about it sooner or later. For starters, I'll buy a mattress pad so that I don't look at the stains. It's the cleaning lady that changes our sheets so I didn't mind the stain although I had seen it once before. But now she went on a vacation so I changed them.

[SmoochieFace]

This thread is hilarious. I mean... we're all worked up over a mattress with blood on it, then it segues into smashing laptops, THEN we move onto buying a new mattress, AND THEN we are cutting out the stained portions of the mattress! This is insane!

 

I recall that you, Record Producer, are a parent. What the hell sort of role models are you and your control freak husband setting here?

 

Frankly, you BOTH either need to get into some counseling or split up.

 

Now get into that studio! Raus!

[RecordProducer]

I would never marry a man who wouldn't consider counselling and I would be sure to find out what kind of man he was (whether he would go to counselling to help resolve problems, for instance) before I married him.

You married a man and later found out he was gay!!! Or he found out he was gay... I call that knowing someone really well before marrying him!

 

I would do it all over again. Even when I was angry at him, I stated that he is just stubborn and we have a communication problem. I didn't mention divorce or regretting anything, did I? I stated that he is OTHERWISE loving and caring and a wonderful husband and father. We love each other and except for the occasional fights, we are very happy to have found each other.

 

 

But you never have listened to me when I tried to warn you about this relationship and I'm sorry you're now in a mess.

Don't open the champagne yet! We haven't divorced!

[SmoochieFace]

I stated that he is just stubborn and we have a communication problem.

 

And you have absolutely NO issues at all, right? Right...

 

It's ALL about HIM, isn't it?